ITT: We're at the office

>ITT: We're at the office

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Johnson, I'm going to need these spreadsheets and this pie chart done by lunchtime ok? Oh, and can you tell Linda the printer is jammed?

Sure Thing Robbinson, i'll have them done by 11:00

Suck my dick

Cathy, have Jamaal replace the bulb in the conference room, if it so much as flickers during my meeting with the Boston branch I'll put that fucking nigger back on welfare.

I need more paperclips and pens. Gimme some post-its too.

Yeah, this is Ted from HR, I will be expecting a letter of resignation oh 3pm today.

Sheeeeeeet Is was making mo on welfare den dis dump! FUCK YOU CRACK! Is quit!

CLICK CLACK X120

He this is Ted from HR. I'll need your letter of resignation on my desk by 3pm sharp. Ya know for saying.... Um, the uh, "N word" in our place of business.

You're all being laid off we're outsourcing your jobs to India. Go be minimum wage officecucks somewhere else.

Shoulda waited till you're fired because then you can take up unemployment too

stop taking my post-it notes mark or im going to beat you to death with my stapler

Hey this is Paul from finance but Kelly has left already and I have NO idea where the bathroom is, I'm about to burst. Can you give me directions?

Sure, I'll be out by three.

Oh, and Ted, one more thing...

Did someone say "put my stapler inside jello"? I think I heard someone say that

...

Make it 10, I have to use them for my presentation to our investors at 12 and I want to have time to place them well I'm the power point.

I paid for your mothers funeral Ted, don't give me that shit! Not today damnit.

Johnathan you fucking hipster knock it off. The 90s are over, get your beepy phones and clackity keyboards the fuck up out of here.

Good thing I wore my bullet proof blazer today and you were too full of yourself to think you'd need more than one bullet.

Now please leave or I will have to call building security.

Hey Phil, check out what I found on Ted from HR's computer. Isn't that your supervisor?

Well, sometimes I just pee in the bush next to the water cooler.

...

>not peeing in the water cooler

While I appreciate your generosity, I swore a code of honor as an HR worker to prosecute all who use the "N word"

...

I'm not a mad man

FUCK THIS I QUIT, AND I'M BURNING THIS PLACE DOWN

>walk past your desk
>crop dust the entire space
>mfw

Everybody had matching towels

Hi there, Tim from HR. I've been watching you over the part year and this was to be expected. The police are here to take you away.

CODE RED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL, BRAZIL IS IN A REAL LIFE PURGE. 120+ DEAD:

fuck off ted you dont even work here anymore

This bitch in the cubicle next to me spends all her time gossiping on the phone. Fucking fire her ass already.

Ted from HR here. I Need a letter of resignation for lewd misconduct.

Which one of you cocksuckers took a dump on my windshield?

I amn the police Tim

Hey Phil, I found another one. Isn't this Kelly from finance?

THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU NORMIES GETS AWAY WITH STEALING MY FUCKING PUDDING CUP *kills everyone in the office*

you think we care

IM THE ONLY ONE HERE THAT DOES ANY DAMN WORK SANCHEZ

A fat woman came into the shoe store...

defiantly not me

Sorry I was late today, boss. I was too busy banging your wife.

Can you hire me? I hate working at businesscorp Incorporated. I want something new.

Which car's yours? The Montana?

youtube.com/watch?v=rgDtgyzVZYk

Hi guys! I'm here to fix the broken printer. Can someone tell me which printer it is.

I will need to see a resume

Well, that is very inappropriate. Ted should be fired immediately. I will just save copies of these videos for um, evidence. Yes.

Id like to see the evidence against me

Why the hell do we need a receptionist? 99% of our inbound calls are directly to our desks. All that bitch does is read Facebook and do Sudoku.

You just need to dlwnload google ultron and it will solve all your issues

sir this is police please give us de evidence. we will take the case from here

Ted the CEO wants to speak to you in his office he didn't sound to pleased.

Good morning. I'm here for the job interview...

can someone tell me where H214 is I have an interview with Mr.Richards at 3

but its a printer.... can anyone tell me where the printer is?

Every printer around here is fucking broken, asshole. We've been calling you for months.

what are you fucking gay?

I literally just saw you pull your pants down and fart. I even saw some poop spurts come out. It's all on camera.

I'm here feom the FBI I will need to condiscate those videos for ahem evidence

...

I wish I had a desk with my back to a wall so I could browse the web.

OH FOR F-

Euuhhh. Someone get [the office manager] to call the plumber. I'll file a purchase order for a new outlet. Get [someone below me] to grab a mop and bucket.

That was your hard drive plugged into my computer. Don't ever try to disrespect me or ruin my name like that again. Also, you're fired for filming out co-workers in the bathroom.

WHO FUCKING TOOK MY RED SWINGLINE STAPLER YOU CUNTS I WILL SHOOTUP THIS PLACE I SWEAR TO GOD.

Only reason she still works here is because she's fucking the boss. I don't even blame him.

Who the hell signed out the keys to the conference room? We reserved it today for an important shareholder meeting! Where the fuck are they?

"......and so you see young man, The Democratic National Commity is a fine place to work don't you agree?"

cum bucket

Is this satisfactory?

You can just turn around and leave, queer boy.

Dear James,

Following up on the ticket regarding the paper jam. I have resolved the issue. Linda was unable to resolve issue. I started working on unit at 13:41 and finished at 13:43. Unit was powered off and powered back on, and it expelled the jammed paper.

With regards, Josh from IT.

Probably just wants to promote me for keeping this ape house in line.

TED YOUR NOT THE GOD YOU WISH TO BE CUNT. YOU WERE FIRED 10 MONTHS AGO WE HAVEN'T PAYED YOU SINCE WHY DO YOU STILL KEEP COMING INTO WORK?

Sir, your badge is not only invalid for entrance past the visitor entrance but it is also 'printed' on a business card of a YouTube content creator.

(Seriously had this shit happen at my store once.)

jesus ted stop being an uptight asshole and have some cp

>I literally just saw you pull your pants down and fart.
Nope
>I even saw some poop spurts come out. It's all on camera.
Lets see it

Dear Jamison,

Please revise previous e-mail. Spelling should be addressed before we put it in to the file we will be sending to corporate. However, addressing your question Ted's status in the company has been set to terminated as of 01/17/2017. We have fixed the glitch in the system where in he received a paycheck as an anomaly.

Sincerely, Huevaros.

Oh, I was just using the conference room to fuck that bitch Kelly from finance.

Why would I have my hard drive engraved with "Property of Ted, Department of HR, Businesscorp Inc."?

You guys dont mind If I heat up my 3 day old tuna and salmon egg salad?

noice thanks bb

Security, please escort this sick fuck out of here.

Hey guys, I'm here and ready to work! (And by work, I mean cry for two hours and then jump out the window so I can stop living this dreadful, lonely routine. The love of my life moved away to persue her career in art and then found a new guy, who I have reason to believe beats her, because I've seen bruising on her face and arms on Instagram. All I've been doing for the past few months is sit here on my computer for hours, just waiting to hear back from her or SOMETHING. ANYTHING. SOMEONE. ANYONE. But alas, no one comes. No one cares. This is the ITT life. It's no life at all.)

nah go head

WHO THE FUCK ATE MY SPEGHETTI???? IT HAD MY NAME ON IT!!!!!

Hey guys that blow we did earlier was actually anthrax from the lab sorry about that you probably should get your affairs in order.

i did.
>*burp*
sorry.

That's fine, I guess. The investors are from Norway so I don't think they'll mind the smell of fish.

Hello Sup Forums Branch! It's a pleasure to be here today, and the chance to meet you all is wonderful. My name is Rod from home office. I'm here to evaluate the performance of the staff here, and to get to know how you all operate here in this branch. There's nothing wrong, and no need for alarm. This visit isn't tied to Ted's actions, or any sort of purchase orders submitted for physically damaged water pipes that had exceeded over 350 thousand for whatever inexplicable reason. Act as you do day to day. This will be an amazing learning experience for the entire company.

Hey, if Ted doesn't want the CP, his loss. I'll have some.

thats why you dont do drugs kids

*shows up 15 minutes late holding a bag of taco bell and reeking of weed*
Woah guys you should've seen the traffic on the way here it was insane! I promise i'll be here on time tommorow.

Because you like little boys, Pee Wee.

Hello. I see you must have missed my introduction. My name is Rod with home office. May I have the name of your manager, sir? Just need to review some things with him.

this is a good joke

I'm here to perform a hostile tske over you all work for me now bitches