I live in a monastery. Don't work. Chill all day doing whatever I want...

I live in a monastery. Don't work. Chill all day doing whatever I want. They have a lovely garden that I sit in on sunny days and watch the other monks tend to the flowers. I sit there with my bottle of coke (topped with rum) and just chillax. I'm clever though because I strategically do a bit of works here and there when everybody is watching, so they think I'm really helpful. But really I am scrounging off them and taking the piss.

It's an amazzzinng building. Truly idyllic. Lovely place to live. All completely free. It's absolutely ridiculous that nobody else does this.

I fuck loads of girls (not in the monastery, too dangerous) but I just wonder out and go to their place (I tell the monks that I'm going for a long walk, as they all believe that I am a real monk too)

I've been here 2 years now. I don't believe there is a better life available.

Best way to 'beat the system' imo.

AMA.

Other urls found in this thread:

amaravati.org/
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Sounds fun. You could contemplate your and anybody else's life too, if you felt like it.

Rolling a spliff right now actually. There is a big field other side of monastery. All I gotta do is wonder on over there... Then some back nice and blazed and talk to some stupid monks. Wash some dishes bla bla.

What type of monestary is it?

It is a Buddhist monastery.

where? i want to go. sounds good cept for the alcohol.

can monks smoke plant?

you are in tibet or nepal, right? how are you interneting?

Dou you have to do any chanting or that type of shit. And what about electronics and shit

No it's a Buddhist monastery here in the UK. You can find them in many countries. It's not just Buddhists monastery's who will let people in (with a little bit of persuasion) many different monasteries will also.

Monks cannot smoke I don't think. I don't smoke around them - I wonder off. They think I am as clean as a whistle.

Yes there is non compulsory chanting (but everybody goes) so I kind of have to (keep my act up) every evening - doesn't last long and it's kind of nice actually, especially when I'm high.
Very energetic and connective, nice to do before bed.

Buddhist monastery
in the UK
hmm
what do you eat? and you understand Buddhism is all about transcending this reality and basically anything goes as long as you achieve that goal... although they prefer to not use drugs if possible. but like anyways
1. i'm pretty sure they know exactly what you are up to, stop thinking to yourself that you are ripping them off or whatever

straight up bring salvia extract or dmt the other monks will be on that for sure.

The food is pretty rubbish imo. They are all strictly veggie. So of course when I am in the monastery I have to join them for meals and eat veggie rubbish. But it's okay because I often sneak nice food in and eat in my room etc.

I am sure they wouldn't be down with me openly smoking an illegal substance on their premises. They may not personally mind - but I am trying to keep my position in the monastery. I want this to be secure, it's such a nice life. So I do everything I can to make sure that they will allow me to stay forever.

>stupid monks
>keeping up my act
literally, if this is real, you have no idea lol. those monks know every move you make

they are keeping you there so they can get good karma and maybe get you to contribute and or join them

as far as i am aware cannabis is considered a sacred plant in Buddhism. Maybe not necessarily smoking it. I think they used to burn stacks of ganja at shrines (in asia) as like gifts to the karma gods or whatever, to ask them for a good harvest the next year and to honor the dead and shit.
so i am pretty sure you could get away with cannabis.

and buddhists are definately down with DMT and mushies. maybe the monks cant touch them though.

Right.
So, there are these two possibilities:
1, You're a very gifted and lucky sociopath. Like, god-tier.
2, The monks know exactly what you're doing. It's not only that they tolerate it, it's that they welcome it, because you DO work to "keep your act up", even if it's not much, but perfectly enough to cover to cost of your water, veggie shit and wifi. Meaning that technically, you ARE a monk, and you're essentially playing yourself for a fool, while not harming anyone, not even yourself. It's all very zen and shit.

Which do you think is more likely?

Bro in the UK? Where? Il come and join you, I'm down for that kind of life, we could rent out a flat somewhere, and set up a grow or something in it while we be Buddhist bros, make some cash too

There's an idea. I have been thinking about setting up some kind of side business to save some cash up because of course I have unlimited amounts of time) and I know that 90% of the cash will be saved because I don't pay for fuck all.

I honestly don't think they know that I am smoking weed or drinking or anything else. They would have no way of knowing at all.

Maybe your right, maybe they are fine with weed and drugs, I've never talked to them about it.

All I can say is that I am trying to secure my future here and being the only guy smoking drugs and engaging in day time drinking doesn't seem very logical to me.

Bro I asked where I'm not even joking, il be there before the end of the year

you know, buddhist monks make a point of caring for the feeble minded

I thought this, OP Thinks he is the only one doing this, UK monastery, everyone smokes pot, everyone's an alcoholic, he is really In a mental facility,

>and being the only guy smoking drugs and engaging in day time drinking doesn't seem very logical to me
Well how the fuck do you know the other monks don't do that shit? Yeah, some of them might be "pure". Most likely there are others like you, and you have no idea. I'd bet most of them are only as "monk" as you are. But as I said, you seem to be carrying your weight, even if just barely, so from that point of view, you are a monk. It all fits together, no matter which perspective you choose.
Fuck, I should be a buddhist teacher at this point.

I don't know you, you might blackmail me or grass me up. It's too risky. I will say this though.

Get on Google and look for the nearest
monastery to you.
Next find something about them which needs working on. Could be their website, social media accounts - or you could just offer them free gardening services or free cooking services - whatever. You just need some kind of 'in'

Email them explaining that you are in fact a practising monk and would love to work on your Karma by doing x for the monastery. Ask them if you could come down for a chat and a little look around. (Even if they don't want what you offering) They will say yes to the chat.

Go down there. Be nice. Repeat your offer in exchange for being able to live in the monastery - if they say no - say let's just trial it, just once - they will say yes.

Afterwards you do that shit for them for a bit (after a few goes or whatever you can start being lazy, they wont care)

Then before you know it your a fully fledged member of the monastery. Bingo.

How does a monastery even work?
Do you have to be reborn under a certain belief system, to whatever they consider as a rebirth?

Also what sort of work do you even do there?
Can I straight up get dipped in some holy water, grab a comfy robe and just spend all day doing errands such as gardening, transcribing books, etc?

Also what sort of things do they allow you to do as a personal goal? What if you wanted to be a monk but make a video game, would they dig that or does it strictly have to be older non-tech stuff?

What veges are you eating? I've read that some monks are gods of fasting, only eating oats or rice sometimes and the rare bit of nutrients.

Also are there any recommended monasteries for anglo folk?

Maybe your right, who knows. I don't need to find out. All I need to do is keep on enjoying this life. The difference between the other monks is that they do all word very hard. Like all day long. Cleaning and stuff - I mean cleaning stuff that is already clean.

straight up mate, get some high strength salvia extract which is legal too) and a pipe.
talk to your friendliest monk about meditation and then just bust out the salvia extract, cram as much as you can in the pipe, toke it, burn it all or as much as you can in one drag and hold the smoke in as long as you can.

What makes you think I have a feeble mind? Do I sense an undercurrent of jealousy? Hmm

I don't but the monks definately do. they think if they take care of people who behave the way you do they will get good karmas.
godspeed OP

They know.
They also aren't going to kick you out even though they know.
Want to know why? Because the only one you're hurting is yourself with what you do, how you act, what you think and feel.
Until then, they watch over their brother who is in need, and let you stay with them until you truly wish to join them.

I am not sure about them all - but certainly my one and most that I have heard of - you only have to declare yourself Buddhist or christian or what have you. I have have any special ceremony or anything.

Work wise it's all about doing you bit, so making sure you clean up after you etc, tending to the garden - washing and cleaning stuff. But like I say you can leave a lot of that stuff to others, providing your smart - they wont realise you actually do the bare minimum.

But yeh if you can get 'in' then you can put on some comfy robes and do whatever the hell you want. I have a playstation in my room.

Providing your working towards leading a better life and living the 'Buddhist way' they don't mind about tech at all, they are quite easy going with what you do in your spare time.

The only thing is they do a lot of communal things which I feel obliged to attend because everybody else does. I am talking meetings, chanting, meditation etc - which is fine sometimes.

We take a day each to cook food. Some of the monks do fast yes but its not compulsory. It's some kind of spiritual cleaning bullshit. When I cook I go shopping buy the cheapest shit I can, and another meal for myself for later.

Are you in the north or south then?

Bro that's not very Buddhist of you, you should trust me,

>be me
>average "monk" at monastery
>my job is to clean, even though most others already keep monastery clean
>I just chill all day, sitting in garden
>fuck, here comes this hardcore monk from his long meditative walk
>if the real monks find out I'm lazy I'm done for
>I don't want to be a NEET
>need to look busy
>better start cleaning this already clean wall
>fuck, just go away, the wall is clean, fuck you
>I don't want to keep doing this, it has no point
>leave pls
>OK, good, fuck that was close
>back to being a "monk"
>hehe

moar

South. Above London.

You don't wonder, you wander.

I just checked out on Google, there only seems to be 3 in the UK? All accept "homeless ones" for a year,I'm might travel to all 3 and see how the life is, good way to kill 3 years,

Op to for opening my eyes to a possibility I never considered, dis gone be so good

Your quite right. Thanks for that. I'll write that down in my notes so I don't make that mistake again. Thank god for people like you.

Thank you *

It's spelled "wander" ffs

There are a lot of smaller ones. Not all on Google.

But yeh, go and see them. Tell them that you homeless or something but that you used to be a 'website technician' or something - say you'll design them a website in exchange for a 'roof over your head' - don't worry about actually building the website, they will forget - and if they don't just say your working on it or something.

>wonder out
>Wonder off
English mother fucker do you speak it?

Buddhist Bro, I've been a monk before and read quite a lot of Buddhist books.
One of the Story tells the Lord Buddha was sick and his chief disciple tending the care of his master, Buddha told him to look for a special type of plant to cure the master's illness and specified a plant called gañjā in Sanskrit therefore after chewing the whole bud but spitted out later, by next morning Buddha came to his feet with Strong consciousness whereas in the transcript it is alright to consume and respecting the plant

Yes, yes. Thank you again for pointing this out. I do 'wonder!' what people gain from pointing out other peoples spelling or grammar mistakes online though. It just seems so pathetic. They definitely don't do it to help or teach, because it's always expressed in such a patronising manor - they must do it because it makes them feel smarter or superior somehow. So some people think so little of themselves that correcting someones spelling on Sup Forums will give them a little boost of self worth. Hmm interesting. Some people eh?

You're basically describing the website workaway. Just get on there, look for a suitable ad, then you get free room and board in exchange for very little work. I lived in a huge house in France for 2 months for free, did some gardening during the day then ate, drank, read, watched TV, smoked etc at night. Was bliss.

"manner" you fucking cretin

That was intentional. I left that little beauty in there for you. I knew it would make you happy. I bet your bouncing around you room now aren't you? Fist bumping yourself. You probably started wanking yourself off when you saw that cheeky little error in my post. I can just picture you staring at the word 'manor' used incorrectly, licking your lips, stroking your cock - just getting ready to put me in my place.

Isn't there should be a comittee that watches over the Monastery?
You can persuade them but conservatively in terms of medicinal use.
Back when I was in my Monastery our Chief Monk was an ancient Medicinal expert and he also uses gãnja to heal certain illness in the case of others.

Yeah I've cum twice already. And what?

Sounds like something I could dig.
I take it Buddhist is less strict on doctrine? I've tried to show interest in Christianity but honestly a lot of Christians seem to be abusive. Not the healthiest folk to be around. I don't need that shit, and if I'm to "do my bit" it needs to be somewhere that doesn't force teamwork upon those who aren't easy around others.

Which faction does this Buddhism is?

Well thats very unbecumming of you

Yes Buddhism is a lot more personal. There is less of a defined structure that must be followed at all times.It's more about personal growth and transformation - which is of course ambiguous - giving you many options for how you wish to live.

I assume you are OP
Which Buddhist faction are you residing in?

Salvias not even that fun. Ayahuasca drank is where it's at

Theravada

Forrest monkey :)

What a coincidence. I was a temporary monk before and my Chief Monk would use gãnja to treat illness of other monks.
How many precepts do they require you to hold? Considering such serenity life you reside and rewarded in this monastery

If i ever find you, i will break this shit you are doing.

See you soon... Brother.

Why?

Is there anything mandatory for you to take such as commandments?

Don't worry, he is a fat troll, keep doing your thang Buddhist bro,

You really think he will come track you down?

Yeah, food and water if I want to survive,

Monasteries run on charitable donations to support those seeking enlightenment, and doing good work in the community, not freeloading twats.
Not many Theravada monasteries 'above London'. Probably this one:
amaravati.org/

Nothing explicitly mandatory. But if I am trying to secure my position which I am then certain things are are good as mandatory. For instance they have chants and meditations most evenings which I feel I must attend. And they hold meeting every now and then which I also attend.

Very rarely they may go out on a trip which are they worst ones because they are fucking boring and they are fucking embarrassing.

Last summer they went to the fucking seaside, I am not joking. I had to get in the bus with them and travel down to the seaside and eat ice cream with some monks it was ridiculous. I am as high as a kite though so it was quite funny in some ways.

You should introduce them gãnja, trust me, the committee wouldn't mind.

i want to hear more about the girls you're fucking, do they know you're a monk? what kind of clothes do you wear? where do you pick them up? do you have a curfew?

They don't consume alcohol but gãnja used as medicine, by the way the seaside activity must be hilariously of an experience, imagine eating ice cream side by side with a monk

Well I go out to clubs and bars on the weekends with my friends, meet some girls there - try to work out is thy have their own place - if they do we go back there, if not I'l take her number and meet up sometime more convenient in future. I don't mention that I am a monk straight up, but it usually comes up because I am very forward when I am asked what I do (my reply: I am a monk) Some girls seem to really dig it you know.

Clothes around the monastery I wear robes. I don't actually have to I don't think - but they are fucking comfy. Nice chilling with them. When I go out I change into normal clothes.

I have a great picture of 7 of us sitting on these benches - all in a line on the beach with ice creams in our hands. They all look really happy and Buddhist like - I look completely fucked.

.you must share this pic. you can censor whatever you want Sup Forumsro

Imo its a unique experience you re living.keep fucking dooeeeneeet.

What kind of side job were u thinking?
Legal?illegal?

Do you have a like a maintenance guy? Are you?

Wish you well bro.

Wow, dude, it shouldn't be an embarrassing experience,

yes!

Not really sure. Nothing too illegal - but I wouldn't be opposed to growing a bit of weed. But you know, at this stage - i have zero bills etc - all money that comes in stays in - so even a little part time job and I could save a fortune. Not that I need to though.

As for maintenance, we try to do all of that. We did have the boiler break a month ago and we got a plumber in for that.

Thanks. Its great fun.

Well not that embarrassing - more like I just really didn't want to go to the damn seaside with some monks. They are alright. Very nice people - but a bit boring. They wind me up a tad - cleaning stuff that is already clean annoys me, and when I just want to chillax and one of them decides to hang about the same room and I feel like I need to get up for a minute and do a bit of polishing.

u rak disaprine

Hahahahha you are possessed, they are doing it on purpose, they know you know you are doing wrong and are just waiting for you to act upon your thoughts,

You know your thoughts, as do they know, there's is nothing you can hide now, don't try and fool yourself, let alone fool them, you know your actions are wrong and karma is stacking up against you now child!!!

lol @ karmic belief.

I second this with all of my might. Literally censor whatever you want, but we need these keks.

Call it karma, or call it those monks are gonna sodomize OP if he doesn't get his shit together soon, shits going down with those triple 6's karma may not be provable, but the power of the gets can not be challenged

How does bills in a Monastery even work?
Is it you just do stuff, they pay you, but they cover the rest for basic living?
What about tax, all that jazz?

I don't want money going elsewhere, I would actually want every fruit of my labor to only go towards the Monastery, and of course anyone that I help as I better the life of others and also myself.

I third this, pls op, this would make Sup Forums great again

Lol

Monks don't get paid

Gonna crack open these in a minute. It's only 12.39pm here, but what the fuck. I'll go and hose the garden for 40 seconds first though of course.

Im just a pissy little nihilist.
used to love the idea of Buddhism.

Now im into hitchens.
Fuck em. Theyre not as harmless a religion as people claim, they could do with more sponges sucking them dry like every other religious group

We don't get paid at all. The monastery is largely funded through charitable donations. And I think has a few private donors or something - I am not quite sure though, I've never really asked.

So there is no bills, tax etc.

forgot pic

I love hitchens too (as long as you mean the late, great Christopher Hitchens.) Very intelligent man, and fucking funny too. - Historically Buddhism has been responsibly for various atrocities your right. But the actual Buddhisms themselves and their way of life (from what I have experienced) they are very happy and peaceful people. Bit boring, but definitely they are enjoying living. Which is great. And I am enjoying sponging off them too. Which is also great

Okay. Wait. You're saying when someone walks into the same room you're occupying, you get up and start rubbing on some random part of the room?

Just a stock image, but pic related. Nice cold pack of Heinekens here.

Yeh you know pretty much, just to show them that I am doing my bit. I mean I am not as obvious as I sound. I don't just suddenly bolt right up and start wiping a wall or something. I see a monk come in and I yawn a bit, then slowly stand up and leave what I was doing - grab a cloth and stand wiping. When he leaves I stop. I also strategically do things by myself and hope that they see me. Like in a minute I am going to go into the garden and start watering a few plants. I pick my jobs well. Only do the easy ones. Plant watering (providing I don't bother watering them all) should only take like 5 minutes.

I've been very fortunate to work with some of them doing a studio recording and i would have to agree with you. Some of the nicest people i have ever met.

Yes old hitch, near and dear to me.
Is it weird a was actually saddened by his death, like more that some family ive had?
Probably some

Pretty sure thats how it works in thailand too.
Looks like a great life. Props to you sir.

No. You're as obvious as you sound. Do you even know how to take care of a garden? There's more to it than just 'watering plants', retard.

Do you have any idea why they look so happy and you look miserable in that photo on ice cream day?

cuz ur a FAGGIT?

>But the actual Buddhisms themselves
>tfw you're a Buddhism

>when you forgot your face

you forgot to correct "you're" too. What's wrong with you faglord

Get a job, Hippie.

Chew on that for a bit. Six of them, happy as clams with ice cream in hand, beaming with joy. You, looking like someone forced you to come along. That's got to tell you something, man.

OP, I live in Luton, right above London.
I know which one you're talking about, and i'll send them this thread.

could be they are also faggoted like you? maybe you should faggot with them for a while?

Got salt bitch?