Im off duty. So I thought what better way to pass the time, Aside from drinking, than to answer your questions

Im off duty. So I thought what better way to pass the time, Aside from drinking, than to answer your questions.

Ask an Imperial Guard Anything.

Other urls found in this thread:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=HzZInvrXRuA
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No one huh? thats disappointing... I guess no one is interested anymore.

Not really. We've already heard all your dumb stories 100 times already.

as you ever met the hero of kvatch?

Why is there a prisoner in this cell

supp

Who picks up guide dog shit?

I just stole something and murdered someone

You have been visited by the autistic pedo NEET of Sup Forums. Autism will come to you unless you comment "pedo" on the linked video. There are no immunities.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=HzZInvrXRuA

No one said you had to be here.
Yes actually. He stabbed a friend of mine to death last week, paid his bounty, then went to the bar. Hes a dick.
I dont handle matters inside the prison. I just arrest the criminals.
By the gods! You're the gray fox! You're wanted for... All kinds of stuff! You're wanted dead and alive! Im choosing dead.

Off duty huh, and here I thought Imperial guards were supposed to be vigilant. I'm joking of course, I'd be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a bellyful of mead...

the empire is falling and theres nothing you can do to stop it cyrodil will be invaded by both morrowind and skyrim

Im not sure. But I dont. I'm not explaining to the captian why my gauntlets are covered in dogshit though.
STOP!

>resist arrest

BY AZURA BY AZURA BY AZURA

Nice try, but I've got the facts.

>No one said you had to be here
moot told me to tell you to fuck off

moot aint got shit anymore pritty sure most of the mods gave up on Sup Forums a while back

Skyrim is so cold. I dont know how anyone can live up there. I spent a week visiting my cousin in Whiterun. I didnt leave the house unless it was neccesary.
Why worry about something I cant change? I'll defend the Imperial city if it happens in my lifetime. I'll probably die in the process too. But its fine.
Then pay with your blood!
By the gods. Its him again... Maybe if i ignore him he'll go away...

who?

What? But he was just... I Could have sworn... I almost had... I think I need to lay off the ale...

Oh really, that reminds of my cousin's who's out fighting dragons, while I'm just sitting here on guard duty, watching the skies.I mean fighting them is great and all but damn dragons could swoop down at any time.

well, Im out

Dragons? Really? I almost died fighting hordes of daedra outside the city and you nords have Dragons? World's gone crazy i say.
I KNEW I SAW YOU!! You arent getting away this time! Shows over Gray fox!

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How does the mug reach your mouth?

Damnit.
It doesnt, I pour it into my mouth from the mug.

spare a coin?

>underestimating meme magic

hows the knee?

Here.
My knees are fine. Why do you ask?

Wrong game retard

SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS

How do you feel about Dark Elves? Also do want to share a glass of Sujamma? It's on the house.

will Katia ever get her stuff back & find her way back home?

why must your confiscate all my stolen goods when i am caught in a 5 gold infraction?

How do you always know which of my items are stolen, when i have more than one of a kind

why do you resist?

I respect the dunmer. I truly do. Being able to live in morrowind, Cultivate it to grow crops is simply amazing. And the telvanni wizards Fascinate me. Being able to live for thousands of years... Imagine that...
And a free glass of sujamma? are you kidding me? Hit me up.
Im not sure. Where did katia lose her things?
Because they are stolen. and its against the law.
I honestly have no idea.
I dont know what your talking about. And Im going to have to ask you to put a shirt on miss.

STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!

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Are you a third era or a fourth era Imperial Guardsman

Battleborn or greymane?

Where the hell are all the wives and girlfriends of the Imperial Guards? Are you all gay?

which city are you stationed?

Well... Now that the oblivion crisis is over... I guess im a Fourth era? Its amusing really. Im from two eras
I dont understand the question.
Well probably at home. Thats where my wife is. Heres a picture. Though im sure a few of my fellow guardsmen might be swinging for the other side... I know marvin the mouth is.
The Imperial City. Talos Plaza district.

wow lucky nice wife and the arguably best station

>Well probably at home. Thats where my wife is

she is unfaithful while you are away tending to your duties.

It took a lot of hard work and a LOT of ass kissing to get out of the arena district. That stupid wood elf drove me crazy. And thank you. My wife is rather beautiful.
No. She couldnt be unfaithful. The reason shes at home instead of at work is because shes pregnant with our child. Otherwise she'd be working in her new enchanting shop she opened.

>She couldnt be unfaithful. The reason shes at home instead of at work is because shes pregnant with our child

or her child could be the spawn of another imperial guardsman. you cant be with her every hour of every day. will you raise the bastard child as your own if it's the seed of another?

Why do the Imperial guardsmen in Cyrodil have plate armor and silver weapons? Yet in Morrowind and Skyrim they have lesser tier armor and weapons? (Also same Dark Elf you shared a drink with here)

Now listen here, We recently got married, We made love all night the night of our wedding, And the next night, and the night after that. After a few days we had a mage test her, and we found out she was pregnant. Now if you have any other questions that DONT have to do with my family you may ask them. Otherwise I suggest you move on before i get nasty.
Im not sure. Im guessing its because the proximity to the imperial palace. Notice how the palace guards have beautifully crafted armor, followed by the Imperial City guards and legionnaires around cyrodiil have our plate armor, and the county town guards have chainmail.

Still you'd think during big military efforts they would send out men in the best armor they could. Also, were where you when the dragon broke?

How does this image make you feel?

>Otherwise I suggest you move on before i get nasty.

hey hey now, calm down. i'm just trying to help a bro out with a potentially embarrassing 'family' situation. the mage could be way off and she could have come to you already pregnant. that wouldn't reflect well on you and could tarnish your standing and effectiveness as an imperial guard in the eyes of the people if you were duped.

if it's true can you take personal vengeance?

It is rather odd that the legion wouldnt send high quality armor and weapons when they were setting up in Vvardenfell.
I assume you are referring to the incident in highrock and hammerfell?

I was just a boy... I cant really remember.

That looks like me. Is that me? I remember doing something like this last week. Though it wasnt an apple. It was medicine for the childs sick mother.

You beat me to it

have you ever met m'aiq the liar?

My wife was a virgin when we got married. And Im done talking about this with you. I suggest you go.

No. I've heard about him though. Seems strange for a khajiit. The cat probably had a bit too much skooma.

what do you say about this? isnt it strange how far abusing of titles has gone?

Why are there no children in cyrodiil

The nords are strange. I dont understand their culture and im fine with it. Im content in cyrodiil

Thats absurd. Of course theres children in cyrodiil. You probably are just so caught up in the cities and landmarks that you dont notice them.

>My wife was a virgin when we got married. And Im done talking about this with you. I suggest you go.

ok, ok, fair enough, i will leave. if you get a chance good sir please tell you wife that ivan says hey, she will know.

My sword said hi to your back, neck, and chest.

When you see sanguine tell him that Antus Sent you. He will know.

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>My sword said hi to your back, neck, and chest.
>When you see sanguine tell him that Antus Sent you. He will know.

promise me one request before i die. promise me your wife will name our child ivan after me and that you will raise it as your own.

That seems terrifying. You need a drink to forget?

I'll get you one.

Funny thing is, My wife's twin sister has been dating a man named Ivan. They look exactly the same.

I hope You enjoy oblivion.

ever taken an arrow to the knee?

Sure plenty. Of course my greaves protected my knees rather well.

Have you been able to take all of Lord vaders black schlong up your ass yet?

What? Who the fuck is Lord Vader?

I dont know any Lord vader. But Ocato has been acting strangely around me after my visit to the imperial palace...

In case you liked the other picture I'll post the rest

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Strange documentations...

I....I know that wench, she worked in a brothel. She required quite a bit of coin for her services....... and well worth every coin she was. Said her soon to be betrothed was an Imperial Guardsman. It is a small world.

Look at me i'm loligagging

SHOULD HAVE PAID THE FINE

You know. I remember one of the guardsmen saying that he needed a new fur rug.

I said we were done talking about my family.
After all, Im drunk, Im angry, And i could use a new pair of fur shoes for this winter. I dont think a cat like you would know where i could GET said fur? Do you.

KEK

Im going to have to ask you to take that to your inn room sir.

Though that was clever.

do you know this guard? if yes do you know what happened to his eyes?

Thats baurus. He was blinded by a spider daedra during the defense of bruma. I know because i was there. I watched it happen.

>attempts to place a bucket on your head

Put. That. Down. NOW

Stand down guardsman, you are drunk and outnumbered. No need for idle threats that will result in you throwing your life away.

What can I do besides serving my sentence?

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Imperial Guard ?

You think I honestly give a single shit? Im an Imperial guard, You kill me due to a drunken threat you have the rest of the legion hunting your furry asses down because i know you cats dont have the coin to cover murder charges.

I might be drunk but im still one of the best swordsman in this city. I fought in the arena for three years before i quit. Half the time i was hammered.

Now I suggest you move on. Because i know you are carrying skooma. All of you cats are.

Pay the fine with either coin or blood.

Scum is everywhere...

Strange armor... Where you from?

sooo... how much is it?

Sire ! From the Death Korp of Krieg, Sire !

Necrophilia? Depends. Is it a first offense?

Never heard of that place before... sounds orcish... or elven... or something.... Whatever. Glad to have you on board boys.

t. Imperial Milk Drinker