How do I kill myself in a comedic way

How do I kill myself in a comedic way.

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In the oven like your grandparents

shoot yourself in the face with a t-shirt cannon

Take AC Slater and Lisa Turtle with you

Eat your own cum that you poisoned.

Jimmy Neutron?

Die in a clown costume.

>suicide
>comedic

That isn't possible you autismo. That's like asking "how can I cry from jerking off" or like "how can I get drunk from peanut butter."

Any way you off yourself is a comedic way look at you faggot ass face

scalp yourself and mail it to your oldest living relitive

I remeber reading a pretty good one about supergluing your hands to your head and than setting up some kind of rig to pop your head off.

End result is your body holding your decaptitated head.

Slip on a banana peel.

Gouge out your eyes and play videogames until you die of blood loss

Dubs of truth

Look like a nerdy version of Wolverine

Yeah
Make a noose with fishing rod wire or piano string instead of rope.

Toil, alone and unloved until you one day die. Like the rest of us.

I have a sex with 2 different girls a week. I am not "like the rest of you". I only started coming here because Sup Forums stopped being good 3 weeks ago faggot.

...

Buy a concealable gun. Pick someone you want to mentally scar for life. Make up a joke about that person. Go to that person with the gun concealed. Start telling the joke, could even be a string of sarcastic notes about said target. Then say "I kid, I joke. Because you are in this world, here's the punchline!" Turn around, put gun in mouth, shower your target with your brains.

I'm sorry, I'm not 14.

>pol started ducking 3 weeks ago
>sleep with multiple girls

you aren't even trying

You die, mission accomplished. You scared your target for life, comedy gold. A 14 year old would do it in an attention getting boo-hoo way.

Hang yourself from a sturdy ceiling fan while "What is Love' is playing on repeat until someone discovers you.

Haha

>Rob a bank in a full clown make-up, shoes, ect.
> Make sure to rent a tiny car, and use it as a get away vehicle
>Purposefully stop, get out of the car with a gun that looks real, but when you pull the trigger it does the "BANG" flag.

Funniest suicide by cop ever.

Kek'd and check'd

you're already a joke pal

Just off yourself, the way you look alone is Punchline as fuck. Erotic asphyxiation webcam would be hilarious, we could see your small as dick which would explain your related posted selfie. But any attempt, gun to head, slit wrist, overdose, hanging; all would be comedic gold.

Choking on cock.

I can'y jerk off unless I'm crying

>Fishing line tied like a noose.
>Line over head, glue hands to head.
>Jump from hight
>Looks like you ripped of your own head

>Save up money
>Buy ticket for the first Mars trip
>Hide near launch platform
>As they start counting down run towards the rocket frantically waving your ticket in the air
>Run directly under the thrusters and get instantly incinerated looking like a moron on live TV in front of more people than have ever watched one single event in history

Roll for this

Have you ever gone fishing before? You can break fishing line with your hands. Gonna need something stronger to decapitate you

The fuck is a t shirt cannon and how can you kill yourself with a tshirt?

Yeah and even with some sort of metal wire you'd never be able to apply enough force to behead yourself

Piano wire

Make a rube Goldberg machine with a couple misleading things like stand on a stool with a noose around your neck but it actually ends with you being shot.

Mostly just some sort of rube Goldberg machine. Remember to live stream

Stanley Steemer your asshole

auto-erotic asphyxiation

I would pay good money to watch that. Best post of 2017.

Leave note that says "Sorry, just hangin' in the bedroom. Come on in!" And be actually hanging from the ceiling in your bedroom. Shit is how I wanna go.

what is this? this scenario is strangely familiar...

Alright, AIDS Wolverine.
1. Get life vest
2. Remove foam inside
3. Replace foam with heavy plate weights
4. Jump in a lake or deep end of a pool
5. Die
6. ???
7. Profit

Livestream you juggling balls while standing/balancing yourself on an inflatable exercise ball, all while hanging from a tree with a noose. Eventually you'll slip off and just be hanging there.

Dress as a super hero with a cape and everything, then jump off a building. Don't forget to leave a note at the top saying " I think I can do it"

DUBS CONFIRMS

beat me to it.

hang self with christmas lights

Jump off a tall building in an astronaut suit and make sure to aim for a car on the way down.

Crying from jerking off is easy if you do it to an ex girlfriend.

There's a green text where a guy says he would like have the coffin from his funeral be empty and his body suddenly falls from the ceiling fan and starts spinning while space jam plays in the background.

Eat gluten

make Pipe-Bombs
go to a marathon
???
walk the dinosaur

That's where you wrong kiddo
For example: some german youtuber had a viral song "Is mir egal" translated "I don't care"
He then gets to make a commercial with his song for the berlin subway company.
A couple of days ago he commited suicide by throwing himself in front of one of the subway cars. It's kind of double ironic because I don't care

underrated

light your beard on fire and wait

nah your just a fag coz nobody cares

You've literally been living under a rock for the past 30 years?

kys and let your dead body lying next to a stillbirth or a dead baby dats funny ;)

Slice your throat while holding a can of frank beans in your left hand while the right slits your throat.

...

you're

Anything as long as you blast Yakkitysacks

Stick your head in an oven, try to kiss a moving train, nail yourself to a cross, hold your breath until its gone, be gay in iran, skinny dip in a flood, drink a Haitian guys blood

it's a nick swardson routine

youtube.com/watch?v=XSfHowDgtlQ

Cheese wire around neck, then some industrial grade bonding shit to stick your hands to the sides of your head, jump off something, get decapitated, looks like you pulled your head off. You're welcome.

kill yourself on a porno after your saved by the bell days

Just try to catch the roadrunner.

...

Just don't kill your self that's even funnier .

stick a broom up your ass and jump off somewhere high

>how can i cry from jerking off"

Easily, be alone and unloved on valentines day. Thats how it works.

Dress up in diving gear. Oxygen tanks and everything. Go to the largest building in your city/town. At the base of the building place a glass of water. Then jump off the building. Laughs will be had.

Make a pair of wings out of wax, fix them to your arms and try to fly to the sun.

Half stick shoved up your ass while sitting on toilet.

Just continue living. I'm laughing hard as fuck right now.

>Pretending Valentine's day is nothing more then corporate pushing


Gg there mate.

Old Fags will remember this: youtube.com/watch?v=Shk8HawnCTs

shove as many vibrators up ur ass as you can till you die

Claiming to be an oldfag to impress anonymous losers why

Place a glass of water on the street near a tall building.
Get a dive suit and aim for the glass.

No, he just meant old. Old fags, not oldfags.

Yes, what this bloke just wrote.

Attach a gun to a helium balloon, then shoot yourself in an open field or something

Slit your wrists as you lower yourself into a cannon, have it fire at a disabled orphanage.
But, be dressed as a clown and have sign around your neck that has, Happy 6th birthday Kevin, on it.

KEK
E
K

Wear a vest with fake explosives and run into your state capital building yelling allah akbar

HELLO I AM NEW GHERE HO IS DIES?

jump from a building wearing a clownsuit, with a suicide note that claims some bullshit jewish conspiracy, and that you had to do this to protect people. also that you already planned to an hero anyways because you couldn't keep on living with the shame of being a filthy cis white male

Option a:
>Stand on a building, make sure theres a crowd paying attention to you
>Right before you jump say "Ive decided otherwise"
>Come down the stairs
>shoot yourself

Option B:
Jump out of a plane over a city, with a superman-suit on

You lack some serious comprehension issues. You don't know how the world works huh? Lets just assume for a sec that in your lil world its nothing more than corporate pushing, but here in the real world, the fact that no one wants to well, go along with it for you was the point, You didn't get that at all.

ok here we go:

>eat a chain
>let one end stay in your mouth
>wait till you shit aout the other end
>get to the top of the eiffel tower
>tack one end there, the other end to the arc of triumph
>use a motor or smt to tighten up the chain
>rip apart your innards
>slowly slide across paris while dying
>???
>profit

encyclopediadramatica.se/suicide

It doesnt matter how you kill yourself, all death is fodder for dark humor

Kill yourself in a religious suicide bombung, maximizing kek

By looking like the dude in that picture and living your life until a natural death in that way

>Hang yourself on a tree at the edge of a cliff >Shoot yourself in the head
>Miss and shoot the rope
>Fall to your death.