ITT we pretend to be Americans

>ITT we pretend to be Americans

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youtube.com/watch?v=8wGbCNDw-m0
youtu.be/cEh-zclVo44
dailywire.com/news/5902/uk-soldier-became-first-transgender-gay-muslim-aaron-bandler
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I just accidently shot my daughter. What's a good snack I can prepare before police arrives?

''YOU'RE NOT WHIIIIITE'
*sharts of rage*'

Waiter, there be sum leaf in mah soup, ah will tip y'all only 25% if y'all keep be'avin like that
What do y'all mean ah can't bring muh M16 to da rest'raunt? AM I BEING DETAINED?

let me tell u about who is white or not even though I'm 1/8th black 1/8th hispanic and 1/512th cherokee (proud of my heritage)

yurop is a stoopid cuntry, islam is taking over, it is totally uninhabitable and i know this because i have seen it on fox news even though i've never been there

if we sell guns at every street corner even to people with a psychiatric diagnosis this will not increase the amount of gun murders, only good people buy guns from the street corner and evil guys will just get them smuggled from somewhere for a hundred times the price because smuggling is illegal and evil guys do everything illegally because they're evil and they probably distribute kinder eggs as well

>lemme tell you who's white!

Sup guys
New here just bought an 02 Silverado 2500 to haul my ATV when im goin hunting an I was wondering if a Cummins 5.9 will bolt into it. Anyone done this before? Where can I find an engine?

And if you wanna call me a faggot dont even reply, im a bowtie fan as much as the next guy but that Cummins power is just unbeatable at the truck pulls.

>be American
>go to fuel car
>forget to tip and applaud car-fueler
>car get shot
>forced to walk 1 km home
>get a heart attack
>can't afford the healthcare
>get shot by doctor

>be American
>most powerful military on the planet
>control most of the planet aside from Russia and China
>each American soldier trained to highest degree possible
>defeated literally every important country on the planet
>singlehandedly kicked Germany's ass TWICE
>singlehandedly kicked Britain's ass in 1776 (International Year of Freedoms)
>best soldiers in human history
>going to kick Russia and China and Iran's ass all at once in two years
>best military tech
>most aircraft carriers
>most lethal nukes
>best trained pilots in the history of aviation
>most effective military hardware known to mankind
>defeated Iraq twice in like two minutes lmao
>could defeat Russia in two weeks
>could defeat China in two days
>could defeat Iran in 30 minutes
>everyone wants to be like us
>we have the most money
>we spend half of our money on the military so people know what's up
>we have great allies like Israel
>can invade any country we want
>300k starting

>American soldier trained to highest degree
>lost at nam
>Spent decade in afghanistan
>Left its soldiers in afghanistan
>Took years to acomplish anything in Iraq
>Still can't take down isis

>Burger education

Burgers are German

And pajeets are white

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>nam defeat was a political reason
>Afghanistan was never made to be winnable
>US created ISIS, they let them ride around big convoys in the desert when they have drones watching them

Suprising thaf only one butt hurt amerilard uptill now

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Jesus what is wrong with that mother

Such a memelord xD

As long as we understand that burgers are German when we give America shit about burgers

Friendly fire is NECESSARY in battle that's why we do it so much. Guess we're just culturally used to shooting our own people a lot MURRICA gee whizz Mister

If gender neutral was ever a thing he/she would be the first one

i wash myself with a rag on a stick

This is how we Americans roll. When. The shit hits the fan this fine tuned American war machine will activate. The pod it is transferred in let's it operate in low power mode, conserving it's energy until it's needed to unleash it's maximum destructive power.

>singlehandedly kicked Germany's ass TWICE.
>most lethal nukes
>each American soldier trained to highest degree possible
>best soldiers in human history
>best trained pilots in the history of aviation
>control most of the planet aside from Russia and China

What the fuck am I reading.
I guess its bait but ill take it anyway.

Burgers are sub human brits mixed with niggers and natives

No kidding, I'm an Army Armetard and that guy made me chuckle. The equipment we train with is laughably outdated and half of us don't know what the fuck we're doing.

*Ameritard

He stares intently at his communication device that is connected directly to emperor Trump. Waiting for his master to give the order.

I voted for Trump because he promise he'll keep out immagrunts and bring back jobs

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That's a ssj nigga

checkd

q-quints?

You're just stating facts at this point. I thought this was supposed to be a satire thread.

>best post

Congrats on your quints my dude. I came here from another board just to congratulate you!
Bravo!

Are we inventing new slang now?

the problem isn't what's wrong with the mother, but who would fuck her and get her pregnant.

This is a satire thread we don't really hate americans

Its already a slang, its been for some time

>Be merican(the best fukin nation on the planet)
>Wake to national anthem
>roll of the bed
>Hit the floor
>*thud*
>Smells bacon through the hardwood floor made 100% in america™
>Rolls down stairs
>*thud* *thud* *thud* *thud*
>Moms cooking bacon
>sit on the table
>Realise its turkey bacon
>*imported from canada*
>Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>Drop kick mom
>"PLEASE FORGIVE ME user THEY WERE ALL OUT OF BACON I SWEAR!"
>"How dare you do this to your little boy"
>Pulls down pants
>This is what you get stupied bitch
>*baaaaaaarrrrppp*
>Watery shit all over moms face
>Mom's screaming and crying
>Rub shit filled ass on mommy
>Mommy passes out
>Chow down on the shit that mom made
>Tears run down my cheeks as I chew on this abomination of imported bacon
>Forgive me forefathers for I have dishonored you by consuming the sustenance manufactured in another nation other than this one
>Go to Sup Forums
>Shitpost on Sup Forums about how immigrants are stealing our jobs

Where? I'm legitimately curious now

Honey get me a couple Big Mac's out of the freezer to watch the game

Everywhere but not America. Just visit Sup Forums

>British documentary
>Here, in the jungles of Bhata-Tuthu, the praying mantis is in search of its prey.
>3 minutes of very clean and uninterrupted footage of the praying mantis following a spider

>American documentary
>Guitar riffs playing in the backround
>YOU PROBABLY WOULDNT WANT ONE OF THESE KILLERS IN YOUR BACK YARD
>Rapid jump cuts of the praying mantis
>THE PRAYING MANTIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE A BUG IN CHURCH, BUT THIS NASTY MOTHER-SUCKER IS NOT TO BE MESSED WITH
>More flashy jump cuts
>THIS LITTLE SPIDER DOESNT KNOW WHATS WAITING FOR HIM, THE FURY OF THE MANTIS IS NOT TO BE UNDERESTIMATED
>More flashy jump cuts
>The mantis strikes
>Strange animal growling and screeching noises are dubbed in as it attacks because silent footage is too boring for americans
>Slow mo replay of the attack in black and white
>AND ITS OVER IN A FLASH
>THAT LITTLE SPIDER
>SHOULD'VE PRAYED
>TO THE MANTIS
>Starwipe to next clip

youtube.com/watch?v=8wGbCNDw-m0

youtu.be/cEh-zclVo44

Can I have my steak well done.

>Steak
>Not deep fried
Shame on you

Yeah... or google. I'm not real big on trying to learn via a chan.

>forced to walk 1 km home

y'all almost had it parder. we don't use them keelo-meeters y'all do. we use good old fashioned miles like any good, christian nation should. god bless.

shart in mart

Hello, I am American. We like to crap own each other. I'm American. I'm pregnant with a baby, but I'm not married. Look at me! I'm Jesus! Would you like me to crap on you, Mr. Bush?Mmm, yummy yummy crap.

Hi, my name is Tyrone White I'm 1/5th German and 1/8th Irish. I spend most of my time on a Cambodian burger flipping website posting frogs and arguing about race. When I grow up I want to save Europa (my homeland). Did I mention I'm white?

> Single handedly beat Britain.

>Revolutionists had higher losses.
>Revolutionists lost 80% of major battles.
>Had assistance from Spain and France.
>French navy blockaded Royal Navy, preventing reinforcements and supplies for the ground forces. (Battle of Chesapeake)

In conclusion: The average education of American history knowledge.

>not american

Hope you enjoy your fantastic life you euroshit stain

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British accent

>best accent in the world

>be American
>soon to be annexed by most powerful country on the planet
>each expendible soldier given a gun and sent to die
>vietnam
>mental gymnastics is the only physical activity i do
>everyone else is a dangerous terrorist
>that's why we hoard bombs and constantly make tanks
>literally in debt
>overestimates combat abilities to cartoon levels
>underestimates how fucked up we are
>still in debt
>have been making useless tanks nonstop for years
>acts tough. is scared of brown people
>proud to be terrorists of earth

Weighing at a nice 150 with no chub whatsoever, (Smooth till you reach the shaft) I have to go against your extreme bias opinion on the United States

burger

You know no one on that fucking island can agree how to speak the queen's cocknobbing language right?

Every forty feet or three and three quarters sideways meters, there's another local accent.

>>singlehandedly kicked Britain's ass in 1776

the french did nothing?

There are only about 50 Americans that aren't fat. I find it very hard to believe that you just happen to be one of them. Pics or bullshit

he looks like a really fat version of me

I can't tell if this is someone pretending or not.

Are you British?

Underrated post

the problem with the US is that there is a MASSIVE disparity between the elite, the middle class, and the working class. so when you say "Americans," do you mean the middle and working class that take pride in something that they basically don't contribute to other than tax money (if that)? they're really annoying sometimes. the elite are the best of the best bar none though, you only need to meet a few ibankers to see the juxtaposition. they're pretty fucking scary

does his shirt seriously say Security?

>distribute kinder eggs as well
e k e

dialect*

Mexican Murican

>Did literally nothing in WW1
>Clean up crew in WW2
>Drew Korea
>Lost Nam
>beat/stalemated 19th century goat shepperds with AKs in Afghanistan
>Beat Iraqs army, didn't succesfully controll the country

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Faggot

I'm from the South and people actually do this...

kek americans are fucking retarded

Amen

>WWI wasn't our problem
>Neither was WWII
>China backed North Korea
>Russia and China backed Nam (France left)
>Israel fucks us
>Israel fucks us, we aren't trying to conquer the Middle East just protect Israel
>Israel fucks us

>Take literally anything too far
>Gay rights?; 1. Gayes are going to hell and shouldn't be in the army, get married, have children, AND SHOULD GET ELECTROTHERAPY. 2. You are born guy you ignorant straight white cis male, LGBTQ++++++++++++++++++++ community needs special rights and we need to celebrate diversity with gay pride marches of lesbians fucking eachother with giant dildos, naked men with leather strappings spanking eachother on the main street while transsexual men can take showers with little girls at the swimming park.

>Government? 1. We need a strong government that protects everyones rights and forces every policy with think is important today on every single member of society, force acceptance, huge wellfair programs and insane taxes. 2. We should have no government at all, and everything should be privatized.

>Military? 1. We need a bigger army even tho it's already bigger than anyone else by such a milestone it would take the collective might of the 15 closest countries to even come near our budget. 2. Disarm the military man, no more war. We shouldn't fight and kill people, no one is evil they are only provoked by our aggressiv attitudes man

4. Economic system? 1. Full on free-market captitalism my friend. 2. Communism man, it's gonna work now.

i ain't trying to rain on the fuck america parade but that's a UK soldier you can even see the pixels where they copied the S over the K.

i'm REALLY starting to think that maybe fundamental islam isn't that backwards... like, they have some weird fucking ideas, but take a step back and compare them to the modern american culture... sometimes i feel like we might be "progressing" a little too fast and that's why they hate the west so much...

butthurt american detected

It seems there always has to pick one extreme of the espectrum, never middle ground

meant

you need to be locked up in gitmo you radicalized piece of shit

Yeah but I think it's more of a psychological thing.

This, sadly isn't American... some shopped it here's the article

dailywire.com/news/5902/uk-soldier-became-first-transgender-gay-muslim-aaron-bandler

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> Anonymous 02/20/17(Mon)12:52:45 No.723047256 ▶
It actually is a UK soldier dumbass

the sad part is i don't even feel like what you said is ironic, it's a real response that i would get lol... actually im in texas so people aren't progressive (as long as they're above 30) but if i said that in denver then ya

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Freedom, freedom, freedom, why are we the only country with freedom?

>and this is your leader

top KEK

god i love freedom. Im going to go gamble now. OH HOT DAMN I CAN'T

I'm just doing my patriotic duty you muslim loving scum

i bet you are a bonified wetback too

80s are gone, wake up charlie