Former HR director of Fortune 500 company. Ask me anything

Former HR director of Fortune 500 company. Ask me anything.

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Is it true that employees don't want raises, that they prefer getting fancier titles and shit?

I've worked for 2 Fortune 50 companies in the last 10 years and find that the HR departments really don't give a shit about the employees anymore. They are all about minimizing expenses by any means possible, instead of being there to help employees. Is that your experience?

What's the scariest, most coldhearted shit you've seen a CEO or boss do?

Yes, titles seem to go far with people. More often than not, we have people titles and they would leave after a year or so and make more money somewhere else with that title.

Yes, this is true. We want a drama free and compliant workforce, but always remember this: HR works for the company. We are not your friends. We are obligated to report or document 90% of what you tell us just in case some weird legal things come up later on.

Can a woman a week after she lost her baby during pregnancy. That was ducking brutal. Karma got him though- the board of directors fired him a couple of weeks after that. He was a massive dick.

how important is it to be freemason?

So is that an open admission that HR exists more to fuck employees over, while avoiding legal penalties, than to actually help them?

John Birch is better. They made the first memes.

Honestly it depends on the company. If one of the higher-ups is a Freemason, you can count on him hiring/promoting other Freemasons within he company. If the higher ups are not Freemasons, then Masonic ties either get overlooked or glanced upon with suspicion. I will say this- they have a rule that they don't fire each other, regardless of how bad the fireable offense was. Therefore if Masons hire each other, they're not going anywhere. That's been my experience , both directly and from stories I've heard from some colleagues.

Not OP, but in the last 6 years I've noticed a shift in priorities in most corporate HR departments. Used to be they were available to help me with payroll, benefits, etc., but lately they act like they couldn't be bothered to help me with anything (if they respond).

Not to fuck with them, but HR works for the company, I.e. The higher ups. They (HR departments) will always stand with the company short of gross misconduct and massive (and I do mean massive) amounts of irrefutable evidence.

It's true. As someone who has done a fair share of hiring to staff my own HR departments, I've noticed that applicants tend to come in two categories- bitter or lazy. I don't know how this shift occurred, but I know it occurred. I wish I could do something about it but it's too late for that.

Do you like hiring people with Ivy League degrees?

Jesus christ that's brutal, glad he got fired

can a ceo or business person in general hire a girl to be a secretary with benefits? a fucktoy secretary? i heard that some ceo's hire escorts as PA's or secretaries but maybe thats just a rumor. sounds a bit risky

>Choosing HR for a career

Kill yourself

No, they tend to be tight asses who don't play well in the sandbox with others, but it's not always up to me. I look for hard workers and people with passion. Some managers and directors though look specifically at schools. My experience is that ivy leaguers tend to whine a lot.

Go get a real job.

Yep. Some CEOs do their own hiring. This is generally a (red) flag to HR that the boss knows this person outside of work. I saw it happen one time where the fucktoy ended up pregnant. Bad scene all around.

I could say the same thing to you, then again, I might be making the decision to hire/not hire you. :)

Were your fired why

They never tell

Left. Got divorced and moved out of state. Got a new job, much more low key, and am enjoying life in a much warmer climate.

W
Did you just grow balls and walk away

Yeah, basically. :)

Pic related?

No, but I've found that threads without pictures tend to go unnoticed, which is why I included the picture.

any weird sex stuff go one between the higher ups?going to sex slave countries or pedo stuff?

OP Should I put my picture on my resume like Europoors do? My field is information technology and my degree is in physics. I am a clean cut white guy so I have often thought it would be a good idea after learning it is commonplace in Europe.

Awesome i hope you enjoy life and get to the good stuff glad you escaped the golden handcuffs

Bullshit.

No but it bothered me tremendously to see a beautiful young blonde on the VP scale banging a significantly older black guy who was only a shift manager. She was married, had a husband who cared for her, and he was in his mid sixties with grandkids. No idea how or why that started, but it was gross to see them together.

On a pedo related note, IT did a sweep of some dudes laptop, found CP and we had that dude in central booking within an hour. That was fucking disturbing to hear.

Also found a dude in IT who had been storing videos of dudes in leather on some old server down in IT. That was "fun" having to explain to his bosses why he was no longer with us.

No. Pictures never help. Never. There is always someone who will dislike your picture for whatever reason, so best to avoid it altogether.

Thanks!

Ok thanks. One other question. When employers check out former employers what exactly are they allowed to ask or what do they ask? Not that I have a bad record or anything, but I have one job I had in my mid 20s that was a bad place and might talk shit. Can you provide an example of what they ask?

Would a person who has been self employed be a red flag because they did not have other corporate employment? Even for entry level work.

LMFAO


Guy sounds badass. Bitches deserve shit like that, my buddy works at the world Bank and he told me that hr has a special budget to settle lawsuits when sluts fuck VPs and then call it sexual harassment.

You ever seen anything like that?

I finished at a state school with a 3.4 GPA in Business admin, concentration in Finance and a minor in Econ.
I played sports outside of school, I started a business club at my University.
I went to a top college prep highschool and was a top performer in Academic Decathlon as well as sports programs and I volunteered at a church.
I had years of work experience since I was 9 years old.
I applied to every major finance firm and didn't even get a call or email back. I managed to get an interview with Morgan Stanley through a family friend and he basically said that despite my accolades, despite being a handsome tall white guy, there was no chance of me getting a job with them simply from not being at an Ivy League.
So given that fact, how true was his statement?
How often do you just ignore kids like me.
I'm actually happy about it because now I'm getting ready for the military to become an officer and truth be told after working some sales jobs and contract work corporate doesn't interest me at all. But still, wtf man. At the very least an email. I have a hard time believing that I was that far down the totem pole of serious consideration.

Do you ask that your employees give you their personal social media and email passwords and then actively monitor and read their private lives?

Stop the government and your isp from monitoring your online activity traineddog.club

Depends on the state. When I used to live in NY, you could ask anything as long as it was related to work or job description, but you could not ask about race, sex, religion etc. In states like Cali, I can't say for sure but I've heard that you can only do title verification (I.e. What title you had while you were with the company) and your dates of employment with that company. Some states though, anything and everything can be asked.

Not OP but I hear this alot with Business majors. I think their are too many grads in that field. The math is easy and there are chicks instead of what you deal with in STEM.

Yes and no. Depends on what skills you have. If you were self employed as a taxi driver, then yeah that's kind of a red flag. But if you were a graphic designer (freelance) then that seems to go over a lot smoother with people.

Ok ya that is what I figured. I have worked places that they don't even call and other places they talk with them for an hour.

I have worked mainly doing IT for small/medium business. I plan to try get a more manager/director position. How can I show that I am ready for a higher responsibility position. Like what would a hiring manager want to see from a guy who hasn't been a manager yet, but has lots of experience?

Yes and it's the real deal. Companies all over the place have "war chests". They know full well that someone somewhere is going to fuck up so they are always ready. It's not always strictly for sexual harassment suits though.

I can understand that. But it seems counterproductive. Clearly based simply off my years of work experience I display discipline. The only reason I didn't have a perfect GPA was because my gf of 6 years who I was shopping rings for left me mid semester junior year to go fuck 40 year olds. I was devastated and then a series of really unfortunate events of friends and family dying happened all within a year of the split. I was even asked by the Morgan Stanley guy why it wasn't hired and he said that given my story it wasn't so bad that I didn't have a GPA over 3.5.
I'm just curious to hear from an HR professional what they think when they see my resume with all that shit.

Honestly I don't really know. There are companies out there that won't hire whites and there are companies that won't hire blacks. But I don't know the specifics of your cases, however if I have to venture a guess, I'd say over qualified.

So generally speaking, a company spends a lot of money in time and benefits training their employees and they want their employees to stay for a while so that they don't have to keep doling out money to pay for training. Overqualified people who take jobs beneath their skill level tend to get bored really quick and leave. That costs the company money. See what I'm saying?

At the place I'm at now, no. At one place , HR did not but IT did. That was strange. A good friend of mine works at a place where they require social media access. She tells me that kind of thing just kills morale.

Well I was trying to get into Financial Analysis. Or possibly broker work.
I was told after I decided to leave finance behind that I could get a low level financial broker position, entry level at Fidelity by a friend of mine. They basically put you in a training program to get your Series 7 and 63. But I decided against it. Finance lost its romance after a couple cubicle jobs that destroyed my spirit.
I find it difficult to believe I was overqualified for entry level positions in finance where they take Ivy league kids.
But still, thanks for the info

Initiative. Basically just start doing the job without being in an official position to do it. They want to see that there's almost no transition or learning curve with you. Act like you are a manager already and they will begin to see you as such. I've seen it happen a hundred times.

I would need to see your resume for specifics.

Also that basically happened at the last company I worked at. I did the job really well, and upper management liked me, but my supervisor actively took an effort to sabotage me. It was contract work and sales. I left after 6 months. (I actually left because my supervisor stole a series of clients from me when I was sick, and they made the process of getting paid for sick days a real hassle)

One thing you "might" have in your favor is if you toss out the term "change of career" during interviews. Tell them that you have all of these transferable skills from your previous employment and that you're looking for new growth opportunities and a change in career. You say something like that, and it tells them that you acknowledge in a good way that you're starting over. That tends to put them at ease.

Sorry to hear that. In most cases (there are exceptions though) you are required to pay sick days if you're not a contract employee. Again there are exceptions and I don't know our specifics. I'm sorry to hear that you got a raw deal though. Sales place tend to be pretty acumny places to work though.

no, they are just likelier to serve the interests of the people that pay them. this is a redpill to tweens but not to anyone with work experience and/or a fucking brain

...

Like I said, we have to document like 90% of what we hear just in case something ever comes of it. If you just go to work remembering HR is not your friend, you will probably be okay.

We have a black guy working with us who is a lazy fuck. He's late, he doesn't show up on "random" days (day after super bowl, march madness, etc.). HR says we can't fire him because he's black. How do I get this fucker fired so we can hire an actually productive team member?

You'd be surprised how often the case is. Especially on the west coast and in the Northeast US, companies tend not to fire minorities if they can help it. Reason being, all the fired employee needs to do is make a claim of discrimination and the courts tend to lean their way.

What I will tell you from experience is this- if you try to get this guy fired, your productivity and morale is going to dip because you'll be so engrossed on trying to remove this guy. You can take your boss out for coffee (in a non-formal capacity/setting) and tell him about lazy coworker. If boss doesn't do anything, either he's weak, his hands are tied or he doesn't believe you. It's best to start looking elsewhere. Trust me, it's better than sticking around and trying to concoct ways of getting lazy coworker fired.

Well... I did talk to the boss about it. He said he's been trying to jettison the guy for years, but HR said we are way under on some minority quota and really can't afford to let him go. I think his actual comment was "short of him raping a coworker he isn't going anywhere." We can work around him for the most part but, that shit's demoralizing and wtf am I doing working my ass off to stay on par with a guy that doesn't show up.

I hear you man, I really do. But that's your sign you need to leave. If the company is happy to kill morale by keeping lazy Leroy around at the expensive of everyone else, then fuck 'em.

Bump

Do you have any interview tips that are not that obvious to some jobseekers?

I've been trying to bang a coworker for almost a year now. She's hot, Russian. Our HR rep keeps saying I to steer clear because I'm her boss. But... I'm not her boss, and oddly I think HR is saying that cause he wants to fuck her and want me out of the way. So, short form - I want to fuck my coworker but need to make sure she knows I have no authority over her first, how?

OP, please return and respond.

It's all about personality. Doesn't matter if you're super-qualified for the job; if you come off like a dipshit or too socially awkward, you're dead in the water. Just be as charming as you can be without being a douchebag. Lastly, don't ever lie in an interview. It's okay to say I don't know or I'm not sure. But if we detect a lie or evasiveness from you, it leaves us with a very bad taste in our mouth. That's almost a guaranteed non-hire.

Who handled your flex benefits?

Just lay it out to her; I'm not your boss, I want to take you out to dinner. But check your employee handbook if you have one, and if not , then check company policy to make sure that there aren't any policies that will get you canned if you pursue her. Russian broads tend to be or at least come off as promiscuous AF around office settings, so just be careful. If you think you're the only one after her, think again.

That is the reason. The title is so they can leverage a better job somewhere else.

At my last job previous to where I am now, we had three people on our HR team that were dedicated to flex. I did not do it.

Yep.
Along those same lines, if your benefits package Is better than most other places, you can get by with paying your employees substantially less. I've seen employees stay with us at a lower salary for the really good medical and dental packages we offered.

No, I hear you, I'm well aware half the office is trying to get her naked. But I'm a C level officer and she digs money and power. She's in marketing and I'm in IT. I know she'd fuck me but I have this feeling it would be for the sake of cashing in on a lawsuit. So what I need to figure out is how to fuck her in way that would make any lawsuits frivolous.

How did you get into HR at first? Did you go to business school or have an MBA degree? Why are you a "former" HR director?

I would strongly advise against this , but I will also say this; for the sake of you remaining employed, if you fuck her, DO NOT do it at work. That adds a whole other layer of complexities . Take it off-campus.

Was working at a small hr company for a summer internship. Have my degree in History but took a permanent job with the company I'd interned with out of school and have been in bed field since.

Former director because I got divorced and moved out of state.

Is this picture OC?

No, saw on Sup Forums earlier