ITT: work stories

ITT: work stories

>be me
>be 19
>work for nursing home in dementia unit
>working in dementia unit brought monotony of a job to a whole new level
>patients said the same things to me every day
>feels like groundhog day every day at work
>normal day looks like this, never missing a beat
>arrive 1430
>sit around for an hour and a half aside from preparing for dinner
>1600 med time
>pass pills to first patient P
>P looks at pills
>Three of them? I'll tale the small one, you take the two big ones
>puts pills in mouth so I don't spend 15 minutes telling him to take them
>Next one is J
>doesnt say a word to me, just looks me in the eye as she takes them
>D just says "the two big ones? damn it"
>R thanks me calls me a sweetheart
>C tells me to fuck off
>N asks what the pill is, I explain its metformin, is for diabetes
>I have diabetes?
>yes
>makes obamas whynot face and makes a "hm" sound, takes pill
>L says "these arent my birth control now, are they?" and laughs
>M asks what pill is, can't tell her is for alzheimers, tells her its for brain function
>oh, then I need that *laughs*
>others I skipped just take them like champs
>dinner time, get everything served sit in office scarfing down my food while I listen to them chatter
>is always norm things they tell each other every day "I was a teacher for 30 years" yadda yadda
>does showers for the day, nothing interesting here except when they waffle stomp shit down the drain
>1900: evening pill time, commence same responses as before
>puts all of them to bed
>sits around until 2300, occasionally directing patients back to bed when the come out in their PJs

The only difference each evening is when they have an episode due to Alzheimer's being more prevalent in the evenings, will greentext those here. They're more interesting.

>M slowly walks up to me, she is tiny with a hunchback
>has a really shaky head
>she is the most far gone one there
>comes close to me, walker pressed against my legs
>looks me in eye
>says "everyone is dying and it's your fault" with a shaky voice
>I say thanks, she walks away

>same patient M
>come out of office one night
>she is fully naked in the living area
>other residents don't notice
>her clothes are neatly folded in dining room on the table
>ask her why shes naked
>"I was hot."
>fair enough

>be me
>lazy as fuck
>no job
>govt sends me $ every month
thanks tax payers!

had a patient that has since passed, interesting because she used to care for alzheimers patients herself

otherwise this isnt related

>directing her to a chair to sit in b/c sometimes they have trouble identifying their body in space
>ask her if she would like to sit there
>You want me to sit on top of the frozen man?
>mfw chair is empty
>just let her sit in another chair with no frozen man in it

>R is missing
>Search for him
>find him in the bathroom that N was currently using
>N sitting on toilet, looking at R which is peeing in the sink
>N just making this distraught face at him
>ask him if he is finished
>says yes and I try to get them out of there, then he yells
>WAIT I NEED TO WASH MY THINGER FIRST
>points to his penis
wat

>points to his penis
You're killing me OP, keep going

>cleaning up M after she has an accident, common with her at least once a night
>dont know why they keep her on laxatives, usually toss them out to no avail
>wiping must have stimulated her poop cutter, she starts shitting
>she is standing just far enough from toilet it would land on floor
>didn't want to clean that up
>cups hands, catches her shit
>just like ice cream dispenser
>she finishes right when I can't hold anymore
>still can't get image of her chewed-gum looking arsehole out of my mind

R we only had for a couple weeks before he passed away, can't remember his name atm.

>used to scream help from his room every night, was terrifying for a few days until it became normal
>one night would not stop screaming, I come in
>hello can you help me get off of this tractor
>he is in bed
>nigga what
>he is trying to get out of bed, thinking is a tractor
>he has hardwood floor and he is really bad at standing
>Tell him to stay in the tractor, get in bed beside him pretending I'm getting in tractor with him
>after 10 mins of him talking about how this is a new tractor and he doesn't know how to work it but he needs to get to his farm, I was out of idea
>20 mins until I left for the night
>just leave
>he screams of help
>come back in
>he's sprawled out on the floor
>fucking damn it

>B is a resident in the alzheimers ward now, but before that she lived central which was the part of the building for normal residents
>B likes wine
>B likes wine A LOT
>one night getting ready to go home
>see a face in the window where the door to enter the ward was it
>it was B, did not know her at the time since I never worked over in central
>mind you central was one hell of a walk from the alz ward
>open door, ask her what she needs
>this woman is fucking shitfaced, can't even talk
>asks me to call a cab for her
>where the fuck is she going at 11pm shitfaced
>ask her if she needs walked back to her room
>has someone come walk her back since I couldn't leave the floor
>later found out she called a cab at 2AM and had them drive around
>?????

>B the wine lover
>By this time B has moved in alz ward
>B is such a heavy drinker wine is actually on her MAR as a medication
>still not enough for B
>B's daughter would come take her shopping, B would sneak wine back in (not allowed in Alz unit, which is why it has to be a 'medication')
>B didnt like her wine regulated, would hide it in her room (like in the bottom of her trash can)
>usually found the wine and gave it to the daughter, one time did not find it
>B asks for her two glasses, and her third 50% water one
>come check on her, she is watching the news
>is flooding really bad
>tells me a story of her friend that tried to drive in the flood and ended up dying
>says "if it's too deep, TURN AROUND, DON'T DROWN."
>says I can stay in her room, she will get some towels for me to cover up in
(she has blankets, guess I'm not good enough for those)
she was with it enough that every time I came into work I would tell her to turn around, don't drown and she would laugh and understand the reference.

if anyone is still listening I'll happily type out more, otherwise I'll come back tomorrow and start up another thread of stories

It's funny enough, but nobody else is around

I'll give you a good one, then I'll call it a night. This next story is so... fucking ridiculous.

your story is shit OP, i have a better one.
bump

>M was a resident in central, where all the normie old folks lived.
>M was fucking tired of life, M was done with that bullshit.
>M was 104, I don't blame her
>she decided it was time to die
>she called a funeral home pretending to be her daughter
>said her mom just died, and the body needs to be picked up
>folks arrive at the nursing home, we're all confused as fuck
>follow into her room, where she is laying with her arms crossed over her in bed
>WAT
>explained we can't take live people to the funeral home
>she says
>I'm dead enough, why can't you just take me
>M died a few months later

>Be me work at Antique shop
>Mature Tard comes to store, he looks normal.
>tard needs money
>Wants to sell sound system 40$
>Doesnt have it with him because its winter and he doesnt have car.
>Boss tells me to go to his place to get it, its on the same street few blocs away
>Go to tard's place with tard
>Shows me the sound system
>MFW Covered with spagetti
>Tell him to clean it before going back to store, Picks a rag on the floor starts cleaning
back to the store
>Boss inspect sound system
>MFW spagetti inside
>Says his friend did it
>Boss facepalm internaly
>Tard spend the next hour poorly cleaning sound system
>tard leaves with 40$
Few weeks later
>Customer brings back sound system says it doesnt work.
Motherfucking tard got away with it.

keep em coming OP these stories are great

**Bump**

>resident named F in alz ward
>F was a fucking pain in the ass
>F thought everyone was stealing from her, in reality she was stealing from everyone else
>is normal during later stages of alz
>F is latino, at one point she had a pillow in her room with a picture of a white family on it
>had no idea whos it was because it was all young people
>anyway
>Every night it took a good hour and a half to get her changed into her PJs, with her crying and screaming that I was stealing her clothes
>after a year or so, got tired of it and would start forcefully taking them from her
>most nights weren't too bad, she would scream until I got her changed and then she would thank me
>one night it was different
>this time I was taking her socks off and I was tard enough to leave her shoes in reach of her
>she was screaming that I was going to rape her and kill her
>takes her piss soaked shoe and smacks the fuck out of my face with it
>for being 96 that cunt was fucking strong
>face smelled like piss all night

>coworker and I bored as fuck one night
>we both decide to sit in Ps room on the couch
>P was in the bathroom
>was middle of the night
>shut off all of the lights in the livingroom
>P comes out a few minutes later
>he looks confused but thats normal all of them always do
>he starts mumbling curse words to himself
>turns on the light
>he makes it almost to his bedroom before noticing we were sitting there
>scared the fuck out of him
>he didn't have a heart attack
>just asks us if we are gonna join him in bed

>N was a 96 y/o lady
>N used to be among the first lady lawyers around
>hard to picture considering she masturbated ALL OF THE TIME
>N didn't give a fuck
>N sitting in living area one night, touching herself
>depends full of shit, she doesn't care
>sounds like someone stirring macaroni
>another woman comes down to the office, her face looking disgusted
>tells me there's a lady out there being inappropriate
>goes out there, I dealt with this a lot
>tired of dealing with it, I yell from across the room
>N, QUIT MASTURBATING
>N quickly pulls her hand out of her pants
>fingers covered in shit

Just to add, N did this everywhere. Even while I was showering her, she would stand up and fiddle with her genitals and it was hard for me to tell if she was cleaning her V or masturbating. After about a minute I always knew my answer.

ty for the storys OP, im 20 now and this is kinda of shitty to think that the end of our lives might end like these stories

We had a resident named D for awhile, she was adorable. She used to sleep with a stuffed bear every night. One time we took them on a field trip to the botanical center. D squatted down next to the plants and proudly exclaimed: "I am one with the plants!"

It is terrifying but at the same time, a lot of them were decently happy 3/4s of the time. We had a lot of laughs. It all depends on the environment, where you end up. I wouldn't want to live like that but if I do I hope there's people there that remember that it's more than just a job because it's caring for people. But it is really easy to just see it as a job and just neglect them for the sake of cutting corners.

I'm training to be a lifeguard currently so hopefully i can save someones life or something like that, but i could never do what you do. You seem like a genuine guy so hats off to you

this is very amusing and a great insight OP, thanks for sharing! :D

More stories?

Lmao i'm dying

Good luck to you, mate! In a nutshell, healthcare is healthcare. We're all there for the same reason, to improve lives or like you, potentially save them.

One day your kind will be removed from this planet. Even before these patients are terminated by the government

I can't recall much more of anything major, but I can talk about some minor things that were silly.
There was this woman C that wore a shower cap to bed every night. One night she must have mistaken her underwear for a showercap, because she emerged from her room in her PJs with underwear on her head. I can try and find a photo.

>Sounds like someone stirring macaroni
I'm dying

Fair play to you user for maintaining these people's dignity and respect.
I've been qualified as a nurse for 20 years now and seen far too many staff that are incapable of working to your standards.

wtf were you guys trying to do ?

It really is unfortunate when I worked with those that weren't good to the folks. I ended up reporting one of them and getting them fired for abandonment. She left the floor while nobody else was there. I knew of other things she had done but I couldn't pin her for them, but that one finally got her.

We were masturbating each other

Found it

We were going to scare him but we didn't want to scream or anything, so we just waited for him to notice us there. That alone scared him. He was the type of resident that would find that funny, he was a really nice guy.

I found the photo, replied to myself instead of you lmfao

You wanted to scare him enough that he'd have a heart attack ?

no, just scare him. That's why we didn't make any noises.

lmao that's pretty surreal haha

Yeah, she was a character. She lived to be 97, seemed like she had a really happy life. I could always tell the kind of lives those folks lived based off of their behaviors. She had a cunt of a daughter, which surprised me considering how sweet C was. All the folks that lived there had a lot of money, and her daughter wanted Cs money and was angry C wasn't dying and instead was sucking up all of the money living there. After 7 years being there they had sunk over 400k into the place. I remember calling her daughter one night after C had a call, and her mom was disappointed that her mom "just had a fall and didn't die."

*fall

>>"I was hot."
>>fair enough
Kek

Idk how anyone could be so mean to their mom. That person raised you and that's how you repay them.

Used to work in a nursing home at night too, I've seen things pretty similar to what you saw user

>F was a pain in the ass, she needed attention every night and called for the nurses at night making excuses for them to come over
>used to call to have us to have us give her the bowl to pee in it
>middle of the night where there was nothing else to do
>after 15 minutes : are you done yet ?
>no
>how about now ?
>yeah I'm done
>take back the bowl, it's empty

Every night.

>be me
>be working at dominos
>love to make myself some wings for lunch
>Muslim fuck of a driver always stealing my wings when he comes in to pick up deliveries
>complain to co-worker
>we get a sinister idea
>be the next day
>make my wings as usual
>except this time put bacon all over them
>cover bacon with sauce for wings
>set the trap
>sure as shit Muslim fuck takes a couple wings
>mfw I made that nigger eat pork for the rest of my days there

>>I'm dead enough, why can't you just take me
>>M died a few months later
Fuuuck me lol

Oh god, those ones. I've also had one, F, that would show me her BM on her toilet paper to let me know she wasn't done wiping. She also wiped really aggressively and one night it flung in my face while I was changing her teds.

this is the best thread of 2017 so far.

>V called me in the middle of the night because she felt like pooping
>okay I'm gonna help you go on the toilet seat, let's stand off your bed with me
>standing up in her diapers
>shit overflowing from her diapers
>did you WANT to go poop or did you ALREADY poop ?
>if I had known she already had it in her diapers I would have wiped her up in the bed considering how huge she is
>she's standing now, unsteady, I'm holding her, it's too late, have to make it to the toilets
>slowly walk to bathroom while leaving a track of shit behind her
>she's about to sit on the toilet seat, I'm taking off the diaper
>shit falls all over the toilet seat
>I'm sweating
>please V stand up a couple more seconds so I can take remove shit from the seat
>I can't !
>sits on it

wait after 7 years they sunk 400k at the place. that's almost 60k a year

shit man is this only because she was in the dementia unit, or because nursing homes are all that fucking expensive?

I have two shorter stories that didn't directly happen to me, but they happened to my boss while I was around. This was in the normie unit of olds.

>went to go follow up with an R
>knocked on the door
>R said "one second"
>boss thought that meant he needed to walk to the door to open in
>boss says "that's okay I'll get it, I have a key"
>boss opens door
>sees into his room where he's balls deep in the units slut
>she just says
>"I'll come back later"
>she leaves and walks awkwardly down the hall
it was hilarious to go back and look at the security footage and see the look on my bosses face when she left the room

not OP but if you want an idea in France it's €1200 per month minimum

lmao how old was R and how old was the unit slut?

It was a really expensive nursing home, mainly all richies lived there. It was built off of a mansion that used to be a b&b. The alz unit def wasn't worth the price, though.
But depending on the level of care would determine how much they spent a month, so like in the normie unit if they wanted their laundry done by us and trash taken out, those would add "points" to their plan and each was like an extra 250 a month on top of rent.

Good post op.

Generally less crazy shit at my work place but a few things, I work in pharmacology research.

>Refer to the mouse room as mouschwitz once in front of an undergrad. A few weeks pass and an undergrad during a presentation calls it mouschwitz in front of 40 people.

>Semi-regularly eat the control rabbits. This requires killing them by hand and not using euthasol.

>Ordered a cocaine suspension for an eye infection / injuring study. Ordered 5 ml, received 50 ml. aliquoted 5 mls out and took the rest home.

>Have tons of liquor around the office and lab. Vodka and such. Department head and some HR/Safety people touring. See alcohol. HR freaks. A few days later Department head tells us to pour it into water bottles, or put it in our desk.

>Made cocktails out of 4 liter jugs of pure ethanol. Undergrads getting so shitfaced they are trying to bang professors.

>I've banged half grad students in the lab. They get so into you being in a position of authority. I assume this will backfire hard from HR at some point.

>Self medicated a few times on antibiotics.

>A friend had a spore syringe for magic mushrooms, so I grew a few jars of them in the lab for a while. Traded them for booze and adderal.

Boss doesn't give a shit, because I publish and get good results.

R was in his 70s if I recall correctly, and slut was upper 60s. She was one of the youngest there. Sex wasn't really uncommon there, a lot of the males had viagra and porno magazines laying around.

Second story involves a man by the name of G in the normie unit.
Kind of strange to greentext this one, so I'll just type it out.

G was a pastor that had a stroke later in life, The stroke must really... fucked him up.

G would meet with my boss every other tuesday and sit down with her to talk about God.

One day he went into explaining how he had a wife for awhile, 20-30 something years.
After he had his stroke, he found God
and THEN he left his wife for a stripper
Then the stripped stopped being a stripper, he stayed with her.

He explained how "this" (he made hand gestures of like twirling on a stripper pole) wasn't okay with god but "this" (he made a hand gesture of a hand job) was just fine, he liked that.

damn user that sounds like a lot of fun

god, that's brutal. I've had issues similar to that, or patients just flat out refusing to stand for a few seconds so I can take care of their business.

Shittiest thing I had happen to me at work was when some guy threw a major fit when we didn't have some weird brick he bought 7 years ago in stock anymore. Working at Lowe's in a small recdneck town was weird at times

>be cracked out meth head
>drive through crack hood looking for a head to rob
>see hood rat hooker on corner
>pull up to see if she's holding with the intention of getting her in car to take her some where to drop her off after I rob her
>talking her up
>ask her how much for a date
>asks me "How do I know you're not a cop?"
>pull dick out and start stroking
>tweaker dick is hard in seconds
>ask her to touch it
>shes stroking me through car window
>almost forget crack
>ask if she's holding
>pulls out a rock from her bra
>holds it in her palm in front of my face
>her other hand is on dick
>slap her crack hand sending rock into the air in my car
>she about rips my dick off when I take off but im good
>step on the gas, grab my dick and almost run her over
>get shot at
>go two blocks over and finish beating off before I smoke crack
>drive home to kids

Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to be any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up, have my watered down Tang and still-frozen pop tart, get in my car with no upholstery, no gas, and six more payments, to fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. 'Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who will never be what he wanted to be, are still out there being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun in my mouth, you pudding of a woman... makes me a winner!

?????????????????????????

Keep going pls

Nah dude just put the gun in your mouth. Stop kidding yourself. Infinite sleep and silence is better than that shit.

i want this job

> Trump Voter Detected

You guys were goyims holy shit

more like my company was, I wasn't even making 10 an hour there

That's even worse. What kind of company would charge an extra 250 for laundry but not even pay their employees 10 an hour

Right? It was a shit company. One time a resident of ours gave us 15000 to renovate a proper break room for us. We had no idea where that money went, but we didn't get a break room.

I will be back tomorrow to post more stories, I'll have them rewritten. It's getting late tonight. G'night user(s)

ahh you got a time or something? cant be browsing Sup Forums all day in case.

>Thought of writing a book about this stuff? I'd buy that shit.

Actually glad i got on b today. Havent been able to say that for about 5 years.

wow rood

Aww

Actaully i did enjoy the time an user smoked a mouse/rat and the time when bowl of eggs. These are good stories please continue nigger

...

Your Ground Hog day isnt so bad.
> be me
>work at Fedex
>same exact job
>same exact shift
>same exact procedure
>every day M-F, i load trailers. That is all i have done in 4 years, thats all I will ever do til I "retire"

nah, gary johnson

Oh GOD NO that is great man.

The real MVP

Did you get to leave on time, or did you have to clean up after farmer dick?

the pooping bandit is shit compared to this

>be me, wage slave circa 2005
>20 and high as shit
>Stroll into work start ringing up on a register
>Running botb registers cause coworker needs to clean up soda spill
>"when the fag on pump 4 comesback, give him his change"
>no problem i say
>Big problems were had
>Fag comes on 10 minutes later
>Hey i need the change for my gas
>See big ass pile of coins on side counter
>Thats change
>start hanging him 50 dollars worth of quarters, dimes, and nickles
>he asked "why you giving me this?"
>Im giving you your change, says the doped up moron
>He doesnt seem too upset to get free money
>Finally after giving him all these coins, he shuffles while making an obnoxious chingaching sound.
>i smile to myself and think about how great of a worker i am
>Coworker comes back
>What happen to all the coins to fill the change machine
>Coins
>Change
>Change machine
>FUCK
>Tell her i just gave it all to the fag on 4
>"what the fuck, why did you do that?"
>"you know not to trust me when im stoned"
>didnt even get fired

I got more, but im high now too, so keep it in mind

"was" :(

>working at blockbusters
>stacking movies, enjoying the overnight
This takes place in vegas mind you
>guy comes in, shifty as fuck
>My dumbass left the stack of movies on the end of the aisle
>"hey buddy, need a movie or something?"
>Dude swipes the stack, trying to get an armful
>attempt to chase him, fall over display for "barbed wire"
>Swearing at how this fucker stole some movies
>Check the log against what i had on the cart
>Nigga made away with 3 copies of "kazaam"

Holy shit thanks OP. I am a house manager at a group home for young adult with disabilities. One client is 11. I am in vegas for vacation and i get a call from my staff saying the house is on fire.

Kid found a lighter and lit a drumset that was donated to us. He said there was a spider and it was curious about the lighter so it started the fire. Fucking 100k in damages.

Post it then, god

kek

Look on the bright side. I worked in a home for people with behaviours. One of them got a lighter, tore the sheets of his bed, piled them against the door and set them on fire. Fucking near burned the house down, building was under repair for 6 weeks and the clients had to be shifted out into other homes.

Reason given: he needed to pee and couldn't get the door open, so he figured burning it down would be a quick way out.

This is more of me being a dick
>me and my friend jay love rerecording over the vhs tapes
>Grab a copy of "jungle2jungle"
>Smuggle that shit home and record a copy of nightmare on elm street over the middle of it
>place that shit back
>Now we wait
It stood there for a long time. So long, we forgot about it
>walk into work one day, kid bawling his eyes out, mother screaming
>Saunter over like a drunken hardy boy, gunna solve this mystery
>stand beside boss as she yells about how Freddy Kruger just popped up in the middle of the movie after the kids went to sleep
>well ma'am that is his M.O.
>she didnt find it nearly as funny as i did

We also loved taping over other shit with hardcore porn

OP, I used to work in a home and it was exactly the same. Weird thing is we specialised in physical disabilities like missing limbs or MS. They were sound of mind but where they couldn't leave the house really they just had the same conversations and stuff. Every day, the same, and some of them were as young as late 30's.

Pretty depressing really.

So essentially, I am a tard wrangler.

>>Lets call this kid Jim
>>Jim has a lot wrong with him
>>when Jim gets mad his voice goes up an octave and you can't understand a fucking thing he says
>>he is pulling out clothes from the dryer
>>soaking wet clothes
>>i say, " hey man, these clothes are wet."
>>next thing i know, this kid was fucking whipping me like I am on a plantation
>>ask him why he did that
>>"DON TELL ME WHA TO DO"
>>"I didn't tell you what to do, I said the clothes were wet.
>>made the same mistake of turning my bakl on him and he full on rage slaps me in the middle of the back.
>>this kid isn't very strong but he is thicc everywhere. Two of my fists is on of his.
>>steals the cleaning keys so we can't get anything cleaned that day as punishment for telling him what to do.

10/10

We have behaviors, worst out of the four homes.

Another time the same Jim boy came in from thanks giving dinner, acting comoletely fucking tanked.

>>runs in saying in his slurred speech, "ohshitohshitohshit"
>>climbs into the sink, saying another client is a stupid pig, shit eating grin on his face
>>not again
>>hops down as we call the Q
>>stands on an end table and starts dancing/slamming his thick ass foot down like thors hammer
>>i know what is gonna happen, and I am letting it happen
>>snaps in fucking half
>>gets up and grabs the phone with the Q on and says he broke the end table because it was a stupid piece of shit

I have hundreds more.

>hundreds more.

Please do tell, I love tard stories