How often do you think about suicide?

How often do you think about suicide?

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Never.

i just watch k-on instead

Whenever I think about it

Inferior method to death by combat, your ancestors will appreciate the spectacle especially if you fight a unforgivable enemy

Something tells me you're lying.

The end is so sad tho

dont it just make ya wanna kys?

Whenever is that?

i have a lot of guns. sometimes i think about how easy it would be. then i remember that suicide by gun is a statistic liberals use to lie about "gun violence" and the thought passes.

I'm telling you, I never think about suicide.

Ever...

Less and less nowadays.

It's not my life that I want to end, it's the situation I'm in. It's a mistake to associate these things, and therefore creating the deadly tunnel vision.

i think the more important question is how often suicide thinks about me? it doesn't call and never writes, therefore it's simply unfair to justify a position in my life for it.

I'm sitting in my room right now trying to build the courage to go through with it but my knife is dull and I'm too much of a fucking pussy to push real hard.

you should try standing, it may respect you well enough to make it easier on you.

but you cant shitpost when youre ded

it's not what yui or azunyan, or even best girl mio would want

What makes you think about suicide in the first place though?

youtube.com/watch?v=5rOiW_xY-kc

Death is still the easiest way out.
Choosing the easy way is what got you where you are now so..

I try not to intentionally shitpost.

wheres the fun in that?

Dude, have you ever tried to cut yourself deep?
I tried once and lemme tell you: IT FUCKEN HURT
I thought I could bear it for the relatively short time it would take for me to bleed to death but damn was I wrong.
Couldn't even get myself to cut that deeply either.

They wouldn't want you to join them in animu-land?
O-oh.. even qt animus hate you..

There's no fun in anything.

want story tiem?

.. so I shouldn't make the same mistake again?

just that it would be easy. i have no desire to kill myself. just the idea that one second youre here and in a fraction of a second later you arent is interesting to me.

Every day. I'd say I have about a year left before the feeling overtakes me and I do it

I don't know if I even want to die, but I want people to care and know I'm serious which is why I choose cutting myself other asphyxiation. I'm still a fucking pussy. I just hate myself. My life is a cruel joke.

I try not to not intentionally shitpost on accident.

Masturbating is fun.
Kinda.

Hokay. I'll listen/read. Can't promise I'll reply tho.

have you looked extra hard?

l'appel du vide

precisely

Only when I see this thread.

every day

Yep. I've been depressed my whole life. Mom died when I was 13 but before (and after) that I was verbally abused by kids at school and verbally and physically abused by my family. I recently fell in love with a girl who makes me happy and she would hug me a lot, say I love you, give me lots of signs and so I finally just asked her about it and she said she just sees me as a good friend. I'm never going to be happy. I want to be desperately but it's not going to happen.

If only the world of k-on was what awaited me in the afterlife

But no. Nothing of this world is pure enough for that

every time I fap to loli.

I fucking hate my self.

Hmmm, well ideally not but if your nature and habits made you choose the easy path all the time it's gonna be hard not constantly thinking about suicide, the ultimate easy path.

Yah, morbidly interesting isn't it.
A relative of mine died half a year ago, he was 67.
A weird thought that all the knowledge, experience and memories he had just disappeared in minutes.
And he knew A LOT, had been through a lot too.
Scary thought.

why not be her friend anyway? you were happy being her friend before.

I'm still friends with her but the thought of her not feeling the same way about me is literally killing me. I know I'm never going to be loved by someone who loves me so what's the point in living?

Every day. I wake up and daily affirm my dark thoughts away. By the time I show up for work, I'm the bright smiling face with a chipper attitude. I then go home, relax the facade, drink myself asleep (more thoughts, more realizations, more depression, irony of booze killing more depression does not elude me), sleep, wash rinse repeat.

Chances are it won't.
This attitude isn't going to make things better, but it probably won't get much worse.
You have a choice. Do it now or try to change your life.
Otherwise you'll be stuck in limbo for a long time still.

Sheesh bud, you don't need to risk your life to get people to take you seriously.
A few heartfelt words can be enough.
No need to permanently damage your body.

when i fancy having a listen to frankie teardrop

because there are more than 6 billion people in the world and you have hardly met any of them.

You never know.

Drawings or real life pics?

Do you believe in "the one"?
If you do you're an idiot.
There are so many people out there, so many people with the capacity to love and so many people who are compatible with you.
All you need to do is find one of them.

But to be honest I don't think you're ready for a relationship really.
It sounds like you'd let your self-esteem and happiness depend on the other person telling you you're a good boy and that's not a very healthy basis.
You need to learn to love yourself first, need to be able to be content with being alone.
Only then are you more or less ready to let another person in.

We'll as stated above it's also about unrequited love. I've always been depressed but ever since I found out how she really feels, I just don't know if I can live. I have an appointment with my therapist on Friday but I don't know if I can make it.

And even then, words don't mean anything. When I told my friend about my suicidal thoughts he just said I sounded like an angsty 13 year old.

I kinda just want to give up. I'm just tired all the time. My life is terrible. I just don't have much energy left. It's nearly time for me to just say "well I tried, it's time to quit"

How can I love myself when I hate myself more than anything else? I hate everything single fucking thing about me. I don't believe in "the one" but I'm also realistic and know that no girl I'm attracted to will probably like me. Plus, this girl is the only person I've met in my life who understands me and has a lot in common with me on a mental level. I just don't see the fucking point in moving forward when I know it's never going to work out for me.

Yeah it's gonna be hard, but once you realize that, it can give you a push to start being a better, happier person, which I believe is the whole goal of our existence.

And also, if you've always chosen the easy way out of things, you can actually feel disgusted by yourself, which can also help in changing. At least it's a part of it for me

shes just one girl. there are, and will be, others. go to the therapist and talk about it.

ive been in the same spot as you, except it was my fiance that said she didnt love me anymore and left me. so i had the taste and then it was gone. life gets better though.

Every fucking day. It peeking affects my everyday actions and i hate everything and everyone. I wish i could just beat their fucking faces in and bite off their noses so they'd shut up for a while.

U got some issues

have you tried working from home?

Yeah I don't even get the taste and I never will. Even if there's another girl like her they won't be attracted to me so there's no fucking point.

having the taste then losing it is worse than not having it at all. i still think about it every day. that was 8 years ago. everyone is attractive to someone. she just hasnt met you yet

What if I don't want to settle? What if I couldn't give two shits about a fulfilling career or money and I just want to be loved? What am I supposed to fucking do then?

Have you tried to figure out why adults cant see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?

Every day. I could so easily step in front of the train on my way to work.

It really helps having people to show your true self to.
To not have to act happy. To just vent your misery to.
Someone who'll just listen or tell you it's going to be okay, or that it indeed all sucks makes a world of difference.
Do you have anyone like that?

Some people are not strong enough to carry even a small portion of someone else's suffering. They don't know how to deal.
I'd say wait at least until you see your therapist and tell him/her about your urges.
I don't know if they'll take you as seriously as you want since you do say that the thought of suicide is more a means of getting attention but no harm in trying just a while longer.
With small steps. I've been where you are now. I can't really look at myself with pride or anything yet but I'm getting there.
I know how you feel and I can tell you that it is possible to get out. It's possible to change how you look at yourself and the world.
It's really a struggle and you're going to want to give up and feel like you've failed for a long time still but it's fucking possible.

I don't know how many people you know, how many new people you meet but if you're anything like me the answer is: not many.
You have no fucking idea of the size of the world. No clue about the diversity of people out there.
You're not being realistic when you say there's nobody out there for you. That's a clear sign of ignorance.
The hard part is meeting someone, opening yourself up enough to show other people what you're really like.
It's hard, I know, but it's possible.
You shouldn't have your hopes ride on one thing.

How long have you felt this way? Do you know if there's a clear cause for how you feel?
What have you tried to get out of the dark hole you're in now?

Five times almost every two months.

Tried to once, but just ended up in the hospital trying eating shitty food.

But if I kill myself and there is no anime wonderland, I would never get to see the cute head pats ever again

Not worth the risk

thats all anyone really wants. its a base desire. you just have to look at the different types of love youre already getting. its not always romantic love. like me, i love you. i wouldnt stay up talking to you at 4:44 in the morning if i didnt.

I found it is far more logical to kill everyone that makes you want to suicide.

Just makes more sense

That's bullshit, you've never met me. I'm self-aware. The only love I receive is from my family and they're part of the reason I'm so fucked. At the end of the day I'm just a stupid, selfish, whiney, annoying, ugly fucking brat who is upset that he can't get what he wants.

I saw a senile old man at work the other day and it made me sad.

Yeah same.
Recently I've felt the "disgust" you mention more often. I wouldn't really call it disgust though, more.. "driven" or "unsatisfied".
It's hard to hold on to and I don't feel it nearly as often as I'd like but I'm glad it's there sometimes.
I haven't felt that in years.

Are you able to hold on to that feeling? Do you know how to generate it?
Really curious because I could use some advice on that. heh.

Sounds like projection tbh fam

I already told you that's not healthy.
You'd be a leech.
A healthy relationship is one where two people who are content with themselves find someone to share their lives with each other.
You'd just be dependent on someone. Very destructive for both yourself and the person you're with.
Read The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. It has a lot of useful insights on this topic.
It helped me realize that I need to work on myself more before I should even start to look for another person.

That's a massive bill for your relatives.
Shocking how much it costs to clean up a body from the tracks.

How did you try to kys?

Maybe you could find someone irl to pat on the head :3
Is rely gud to do
fels nais

Going to bed, but I've gotta say that I appreciate that this is actually a rather supportive thread, night anons. We'll all make it some day

Been working on it, no real luck for several years. Some day though

Yeah, that pisses me off, too.

briefly passed the thought by on my way home tonight.

>tfw I am the reason I want to kms
(´･ω･｀)

Don't get old user. Kill yourself before it's too late!

Sleep tight bb

How do you put yourself out there?

its not bullshit. i dont have to meet you to love you.

>At the end of the day I'm just a stupid, selfish, whiney, annoying, ugly fucking brat who is upset that he can't get what he wants.
youre just hurt.

If you don't have to meet me to love me then I don't have to me anyone else to know I'll never be loved by someone I love.

I may be hurt but I've been trying to fix it for the past five years with no success and I can't take it much longer.

Hey what the hell

Did they remove the wordfilters?

Overdose, guess I didn't overdose enough.

I go to the therapist's like every week starting since the beginning of February. Got better since then, but still thinking about it.

>How long have you felt this way? Do you know if there's a clear cause for how you feel?
What have you tried to get out of the dark hole you're in now?

A long, long time. When I was 12, I watched someone very close to me take their own life. That was also during the time that this person was literally the only person who cared about me. And I've tried near everything. Meds, therapy, hospitalization. Nothing fills the hole she left. Nothing will fix the damage it gave my heart.

Also I've been thinking about admitting myself to mental hospital but I don't know if it's a good idea. I just feel like I really need help and some fucking structure.

have you tried just focusing on you?

just continue going to your therapist. i keep going to mine.

Mostly through Tinder or my job. I'm a cashier, so every now and then a cute girl will come though and I'll chat with her. The main trouble there is how risky it is because A) Very unprofessional to ask a customer out and B) I don't have a good way to make sure they're not underage unless they're trying to buy alcohol. I've only gotten 2 numbers, actually kinda dated one for a little while until she decided she was a lesbian. The other turned out to be married and genuinely just wanted to play pokemon online with me. So not too good

Had a couple of Tinder dates, but not a second one so far. The last one I went on actually went well, but then she decided she didn't have time to seriously date, though we've kept in touch.

Self-pity gets you nowhere.

Acting sad for attention only lasts so long.

Learning to be kind to yourself lasts a lifetime.

Yeah oding often fails.
Do you have a plan to prevent you from sinking deeper in depression?
Things that might help you get out, make you feel better if you notice yourself slipping again?

What could really help in sustaining that feeling is the right kind of environment I think. Being in the right environment, where procrascination and all the things you hate about yourself is not accepted could really help. It is forcing you to change that part of yourself. Of course, you don't have to lose the very basis of yourself, just the things you don't like/hate about yourself. This is for short term I think. Once you feel like you've spent enough time in that environment to maintain this feeling ALONE, then it really is just a matter of not falling back I believe. It's not longer that intense feeling, it just going to be YOU. because you've changed.


Also, very important: forget hype. When you feel like " yeah I'm going to change everything and I'll do everything I've ever wanted.. etc", you just burn out really fast. Change is supposed to be a calm, gradual and long process.

With all this being said, I spend the majority of my time alone, which is kind of like one step forward, 2 step backwards..

But even if you have shitty days, just know that you've at least started going in the right direction. we're talking about months and years here

Hang in there bud.

Me and my dad just had an argument. Called me all sorts of names. Now I'm depressed.

Who was she?
Also I hear EMDR works well for traumas that left a big scar.

It's really brave of you to take those steps.
Being able to put yourself in such a vulnerable position. Really I kind of envy you.
Someone I know tried speeddating, from what it sounds like he had more success with that than tinder.
Maybe you could try that too.

That's all I focus on but I'm a lazy fuck with ADHD and no motivation to do anything

I like seeing my therapist but I only see her like once every two or three weeks. At least at the psych hospital I'd be able to regularly see therapists and psychiatrists and get meds and help.

>Learning to be kind to yourself lasts a lifetime.
this is important.

Just talking with people.

I used to call my self asocial, but only so recently I like talking to people and being open. Hell, recently I went to a bar just to get flat out fill the bottles with my depression. But ended up talking with a cute girl.

Since then, I started going out more and increasingly got less depress and more- well... happy, lmao.

>Do you have anyone like that?
Not anymore. He's a family guy now, got his own shit to deal with. My other friend who I shared with, I quit going to his parties or accepting his invitations unless I didn't work that day. I only have so many play happy credits to use and if I worked, I'm THE downer. But hey, I'm productive. People like me. I have hobbies that I like. My cats are adorable. My home is clean. Bills are payed.

Thanks, I'm still not sure how I did it previously, I could never dream of approaching a girl in the street or anything like that. I think part of it is that since it's my job to talk to people, I just sorta detach. Don't know if I'll do it again though. I'm shit at guessing ages, and it'd be disastrous if I asked out a 16yo or something.

Tinder does get depressing, and I feel like I'd have better luck in real life, but I don't have the balls for that. So I just remind myself that Tinder is a numbers game and thank the gods I moved out of my tiny home town

She was my best friend at the time. Alice was her name. She was my one light. Everyone else at this time was bullying me like crazy. So when she left it really shook everything up.

I've tried EMDR and while it did help a little, it didn't really fix anything. It was more just a band aid.

Ever since she left I have just had a profound lack of energy. Just no motivation. And I'm 21 now. I've been trying to fight this for so long. I jus don't think I'll win.

well on friday talk to your therapist about it. she knows more about it than i do and she can certainly help.

its pretty normie-tier but you can watch funny compilations on youtube. i have adhd as well and they keep my attention because the clips change every few seconds. that will help with your mood for a bit.

What environment did you find was helpful for yourself?
I'll probably get into an environment like the one you describe soon but, indeed, after that I'll be on my own.
Your words are really touching btw, they do me well.

What was the argument about? Why'd he call you names?
Kind of sounds like an asshole tbh.

Wow, impressive. Aren't you afraid of what people think? That's what's often on my mind. That's what usually holds me back.
I'd never dare to go to a bar alone. How do you muster the courage?

And do you have people you regularly have contact with? I think that's very important too.

It is incredibly tiring hiding your true feelings from the world.
Of course, it's not like you have to spill your heart to everyone you meet but wouldn't it be possible to allow yourself to feel like shit and also be able to show it, at least partially?
Things don't have to be okay all the time. You don't have to look happy always.
Everyone suffers, everyone knows what it's like to hurt. I think more people would understand than you think.

I honestly think (I don't have experience with it so I could be dead wrong) that speeddating combines the best of both worlds:
You get to have real contact with people, not like tinder where one message is enough for someone to shun you. I can imagine that gets depressing.
Aaaand you get to think "it's just a numbers game", because you get set up with random people so there's no hard feelings in not getting a match with someone.

Maybe you could get a friend to do it with you.
If you have friends. I don't know if you have friends.
It would help motivate you and you'd have someone to fall back on if afterwards you feel like shit.

Well that's rather tricky in my case, because I have yet to enter that environment, but it's really not easy.

I'm planning on joining a drawing course, but it is also the final semester of university (totally unrelated to any sort of art career), which means crazy deadlines, writing thesis, exams on top of exams etc. So other than being broke and not being able to pay for that drawing course, I don't really have the time for it now, which makes me feel kind of trapped (relating back to the tunnel vision in my first post).

So my task for now is to endure this thing as much as I can without breaking under the pressure, but looking at the fact that I didn't even want to enter this university, and that I hate what I'm studying, really doesn't make it easy lol.

Thanks for the compliment, I really hope that environment will do good for you. I used to think that it's pathetic that I need an environment to change, and that I can't do it alone, but I had to accept that I'm weak for that. I myself have nothing. no discipline, no motivation, only the feeling that I need to change.

I often worry what people think about me. Sometimes I think what to say, then I just stutter and worry that the person I'm talking to thinks I'm a complete idiot. But sometimes I had to FORCE my self into thinking I'm not a complete idiot.

As for the courage, I'm not really sure. I guess the "destiny" cliche? I always wanted some kind of girlfriend to love. When I was in the hospital, I learned that if I stay inside all day. Sitting in my own filth, masturbating alone, I won't get a girl friend, hell just a friend in general. Since then I changed as a person. I've started taking showers, brushing my teeth, organizing my apartment, hell started even selling old anime stuff the other day. I just know that if I want a good life, communicate with others.

I regularly talk with my parents and my old friends (since circa 7th grade).

What does your life look like now?
Job, college, friends, family, living situation, hobbies, relationship,

Yeah, I think you might be right.I should look into that. I do have a friend or two, but I only have one I'd feel comfortable asking to go to something like that, and he's gay, so I don't thnk that'd work out.

But anyway, thanks for talking user, even if we seem to differ on who best girl is (Mio ftw, Yui just has the most relevant reactions). Night user, I appreciate what you're doing here. Have a good life

I'm currently going to college but I can barely keep my head above water. I get around three hours of sleep because of nightmares so it's hard to focus. It's also hard to stay motivated because the degree I'm perusing isn't very profitable. I'm actually thinking of just dropping out and joining the work force though I doubt it will improve my situation much.

I don't have any friends and my family life is... complicated. My big sister and I are close but she's leaving for uni come August and moving out of state. I am not very fond of my parents but we generally tend to stay out of each other's way so it isn't unbearable.

I write and game for hobbies. It seems all I do now is game. It's the only thing I can find energy to do anymore. Like I just feel tired, constantly. I can't remember the last time I ever truly felt motivated to do much of anything.

Anthony is that you,...... YOU FUCKING JEW

A lot

i have to go to bed, K-on guy. if you could help out if he comes back and still wants to talk i would really appreciate it.

I already planned out how to kill myself but im waiting on someone to pay me back so I can buy some weed for the occasion

I think about suiciding other people quite often, nobody knows that I think about it at all.
Everybody thinks I'm perfect.