Sup Forums

Sup Forums,

The girl I'm dating has BPD. She's super loving, loyal, and absolutely willing to do anything that I ask--that last part is paticulalry helpful because she is smart and hard-working. She's gotten two tattoos of us (because she really wanted them), one like 4-5 months in and another 9 months in, and she is absolutely obsessed with wanting to marry me. I told her to go to university and get a degree and she applied, got in, and is maintaining straight As. She says she wants to work hard and get lots of money so we can be rich together.

There are cons, though: she takes a lot of small things (like teasing) as rejection and FREAKS out. She's very explosive if things don't go her way (because of significant abuse), and she is absolutely max paranoid/obsessive about wanting to know everything I'm doing, who I'm talking to, and if I still love her. She can be very violent (although I'm able to calm her within seconds if I tell her that I still love her), and she absolutely is maximum confrontational in public (she's literally threatened to kill a female I know because they wanted to hang out with me to study).

What do you think, Sup Forums? Is she a keeper or a leave-her? I feel like her pros and cons are both ridiculous, so I'm left clueless as to whether or not she's worth it.

She's willing to get treatment but can't afford it at the moment (student debt and all).

never stick your dick in crazy dude

She already got the tats. There's no backing out now.

She will probably an hero if you reject her

OP here,

I fucking made sure (asked her literally a thousand times) if she was getting them FOR HER and not FOR ME and if SHE wanted them. If I leave her, that's on her. She paid with her own money and set the appointments up on her own time.

All that said, I feel guilty if I leave her now...

Also: got any nudes?

you stuck your dick in crazy. you made your bed now lay in it

OP again,

I'm afraid of this, too. Should I feel responsible? She threatens to cut and suicide all the time but she doesn't go through with it. I've literally ignored her for days after she has gave me those threats and she never went through with it. She's a bit too smart for that...I think.

fuck that, the crazy ones do way more stuff. Bad advice.

Op, you might as well stay with one that has an upside because all women are a pain in the ass, and many have no redeeming qualities to offset. She sounds alright to me.

Believe me, tattooing someone on your body is far different from tattooing a name.

If you leave her, she's kinda fucked.

But in all seriousness, I think you're asking the wrong people. Ask your heart, mind, and penis.

BPD is characterized by abandonment. All the ridiculous, illogical shit they do is in some bizarre attempt to make sure you don't leave. BPD is completely treatable, they just gotta do therapy consistently. They also feel emotions way more intensely and without the same kinda safeguards normal people have. Keep in mind that treatment takes around 4 years. You have to be willing to not call her on her shit, even when she's dead to rights wrong, but instead just listen. Read up on it, extensively, and decide for yourself. it's a rollercoaster, though.

no its good advice because she might literally kill you one day

OP here,

I feel closest to your mindset, but do you think I can lay my trust into her staying true to me for the long-term? I've heard BPD settles out in your later years and I don't want to get married to someone that'll later abandon ship--especially because she might have my children. I have no idea if she'd be with me without her BPD, not the best of partners...

Keep her, she depends on you

OP here,

Mind says hell no, I hate emotional people. Penis says hell fucking yes, she's willing to do anything (we have already had crazy as hell sex). Heart says I feel bad for her, she's had it rough...but I have no idea if we are met to be...what do I do with that?

I should mention that she's VERY left-wing and a feminist.

Sounds like my dream girl. If you also feel love for her , genuine love, you have nothing to fear. Talk it out with her, or deal with the minor inconvenience that she wants to know what you do ... always ..

OP here,

I think this is what I need to hear...the part about letting go definitely hits home. She can be an absolute autist when we disagree...logical fallacy galore, like she can't even think critically.

Maybe it can be a learning experience that helps build up my tolerance to ignorant people.

just remember OP. people with bpd are MUCH more likely to cheat. and it's not because she even wants to, but like, they have literally zero impulse control.

OP here,

Can't tell if it's genuine...how do I know? I know I love her, but sometimes I feel like it may just be my penis or my guilt. I want to say that I love her and want to be with her for real, but we disagree on a lot; is it true love if I love her for how much she loves me?

yea my gf has BPD, and we get into the STUPIDEST fights. but once i stopped trying to justify or explain to her why what she's thinking is fucking lunacy, and just asked her why she feels that way, and let her do the talking, the fights went from multiple hourlong ordeals, to being over in 10-20 minutes, and with much less animosity afterward. it's a test of patience. but just let go of dumb shit. one of you has to first, and it's not gonna be her.

I can confirm this as someone with Bpd. We never think. We just do & don't think about the effects.

My ex had BPD. Never again.

BPD are incapable of empathy, let alone love. Just fucking wait until you snap out of this daze and even try to get away from her. Good luck.

I'm male though

That's a classic BPD trick. The tattoos are the same (my BPD ex did both also), to manipulate you, someone who feels empathy, into staying with her. You're lying to yourself and downplaying the negatives because of your emotions. Get away from her ASAP, trust me.

this is dumb. they feel emotions much more intensely. they love more intensely. they feel lust more intensely. they feel jealousy, anger, sadness, everything, with more intensity. the whole goal of DBT is to teach coping mechanisms for invasive thoughts. They do do weird shit to keep you with them, but it's because of their intense fear of abandonment. just cuz you got hurt by a girl with it does it make you an expert.

what you're confusing it for is ASPD.