Stupid stuff you did when you were horny thread?

Stupid stuff you did when you were horny thread?
I'll start:

>be me, 13
>parents are away
>horny as fuck
>trying to think of new ways to masturbate
>remember that some adults use those penis ring sex toys
>try to see if theres anything I can use as a DIY alternative
>regular rubber bands are too big
>look around the room
>have a packet of REALLY tiny braces rubber bands on my desk
>actually fit one around my dick (no idea why I thought this was a good idea)
>it hurts like fuck and I can't get it off
>shit what am I going to do how the fuck am I going to tell my parents
after a few minutes I luckily managed to roll it off without my parents knowing a thing
so what did you guys do in your pubescent years?

i started diddling my cats when i was 15
still do it today

I use to go to my friends house, and had a thing for his mom. I would hang out sometimes until they all left the house if they had to go somewhere or something and play video games. But I use to stick his moms dildo in my ass in her bed and cum into her panties. When I was like 12-14 or so.

Using the clear half spherical submarine lego attachment, i drained my cum into it for consumption. Didnt drink it postcum bc it then became disgusting instead of hot.

god i remember sticking my dick in a normal coke bottle then when i got a bonner it got stuck

that's hot

or sticking a hairbrush up my arse

You are my hero. I was too much of a pussy to try it.

Made chili paste using powdered chili and water, then put on my dick for a fapping session.
Interesting feeling, but after finishing off and not being horny anymore, it was uncomfortable.

I got the shower head stuck in my butt when I was 16, I couldnt get it out for like a hour. Luckily nobody wanted to use the bath at that time.

it is pretty nice, yeah
kitties a qt, especially when they're cumming

...

ever tried ice cubes and chili powder in your ass feels so good both the sensations

gotta kik or anything?

no
i fuck cats, why would i be interested in humans

My ex.

jesus fucking christ
catgirls maybe?

because I like beastiality

When I was 12 I had a chair that I'd fuck. I'd drop some water between the back pillow and seat pillow and pound away. Got bad rug burn one time and that was the end of it.

No. Won't put chili in my ass, but I put a piece of ginger root in my ass.
That was actually quite great.

humans with cat ears/tail are not cats

i tried a carrot

Stuck a clone bottle up my ass one time. Another time I jerked off a friend of mine.

How did you get the ginger root to fit in your ass with your head in there?

(YOU) should try bengay.

I used to fondle my dog's sheathe and sometimes cock when I was 14. Now when I first discovered I like animal fucking, now brace yourself for ultra-autism. I was on youtube in underpants watching animal mating videos and I had like one of those chicken patty things you warm up in the microwave. It was still hot so I shoved it down my underwear and jacked off

How bout pumping air and/or water in your dick or asshole. Also putting minty toothpaste in your ass or rubbing your dick with it feels great.

I once ate a out a girl on her period.
I got sick right afterwards and couyget out of bed for three days. On the third day I threw her blood up

Damn Anons, you all are fucking creative, I've been living inside a bubble all this time

Nah you're just not an idiot

put ice cubes on balls/ shaft while fapping

Used those plastic square to round chopsticks for urethral play.
Hurt like fuck when peeing afterwards.

the blood might have turned thick like coagulated. In your throat or stomach or something

fucking this

That's fucking hot

Indeed, never use the wood chopsticks. I preffer something made of smooth metal. Have a teaspoon with a round and rounded off tip which is perfect, not hurt whatsoever afterwards

>Spit on dick
>Let dog lick dick

I used plastic ones.
You'd have to be a complete fuckup to use those cheap wooden ones.
High quality wooden ones are probably really good for sounding.

A plastic one needs to be driven into your eye

When I was about 12-13 I went through some old toys and found an old"Sock'em Bopper," one of those big inflatable boxing gloves. I used to lotion that thing up and Fuck it daily.

Asked a neighbor if we could have sex in exchange for me mowing her lawn, instead of money. She rejected it was never spoke to me or my family again.

I don't see what would go wrong with this

>came on my face
>sucked my dog off
>got drunk, fucked a burger, and ate it afterwards

I used to take disposable rubber gloves and put coca butter in them, and then i would place them in between the couch cushions. my mom would find them every where and not ask any questions.

Maybe you should have showered and perform oral hygiene pursuit to propositioning her.

How about you grow the fuck up and contribute instead of just throwing random insults?

Feelsbadman. I used to "play" with my bigger stepsister, sadly my stepmom found out, i was 12 and she was 14. Damn, idd fuck her if i could

Triggered.

Newfag detected

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first time I ever jerked off was in 4th grade and I looked at a painting of Venus.

Instead of jerking off normally by grasping dick and stroking, I would hit my dick in a way where it would go in between all 5 of my fingers, and Id just keep hitting it until I came.

I did it so much the first few times I wore my dick raw and finally figured out how to do it the right way.

Strangely enough, years before that while I was in kindergarten I used to eat out, play with, make out, rub on, etc etc the girl that lived next door and her little sister that were same age.

Low quality wannabe troll and samefag. Probably even a newfag.

Was swimming at aunts house when I was 13. Went inside to pee and after I was done I saw my cousins two piece bikini hanging on the shower to dry. I was always horny at this age so I picked up the bottoms and sniffed them and started jerking off. Decided to cum in them dive they were already damp and gonna be washed anyway. Open them up and cum right into the crotch part. Feel way better, half ass run water over them and put back. Ten minutes after I'm back outside my cousin comes out in that bikini cuz she decided to swim some more. Spent all day awkwardly avoiding talking to her cuz she was wearing my cum. Tried this a few more times with her and aunts suits when I found them but they never got worn in front of me again.

>be me, 12
>find moms dildo
>fucking huge.
>try to get to base.
>slips in my ass all the way
>ohfuck.jpeg
>spend 2 hours shitting it out

Fucking grand kek

I did that too, user! Thank god for yard sales!

Go on...

Used microwaved butter as lube and a deodorant can as a dildo when I was around 14.

the ones with the spikes on them?

I fiddled my stick like that too when I first started!

Glad you shared the experience. Was the best feeling in the work when I was 13.

Same here actually, I essentially lost my virginity before I masturbated.

what?

I heard the term "beating off" and tried smacking my dick back and forth before I ever learned I was supposed to stroke it. I figured it out once I was 13

I for whatever reason while taking a shower when I was like 8 decided to jam the (Turned on) shower head right against my ass so the water would spray in.

When I was just around 6 or 7 I used to take my sisters barbies into the shower with me
>have to undress barbie bc it's shower time
>Admire naked plastic body
>mmm nice tits and ass
>tapered waste
>enjoy rubbing her on my dick
>feels good bro
>start to take barbie feet and place in between my foreskin
>lose my shit
Did this every night for some time

When I was a teen I put a glass test tube into my butt. Thank god it didn't break.

Update: this faggot is still 13

That's isn't how you coax the gerbil out, faggot, next time try food

Have never had a wet dream in my life, started masturbating hoping something would happen until eventually I started orgasming, even though I wasn't cumming. Was weird but felt good, also bonus points for not having to clean up afterwards.

I can sort of relate, found mothers dildo, was one of those raving rabbit things, occasionally I'd steal it and try to fuck it without lube, as far as I can remember I somehow managed to fuck it, albeit it being a bit of a messy situation.

>Be me, 11
>House-sitting with grandma since cousin(female) was away
>taking care of grams in morning, fap session at night
>3rd night, decided to use cousins clean lingerie
>mid-way thru sesh, hears "user?!" thru the window
>bitch promised to be home 4TH DAY
>turns off monitor, ejects dvd and stuff panties in my shorts the quickest way possible
>cousin comes in with a questionable look on face
>with dvd turned over, gesture a wiping motion with my shirt to hide/imitate that i wasnt fapping
>metagross.jpg
>mumbles "was cleaning your cds"
>not talked to for 18 years

In preschool I was friends with this girl and she had barbies all over her house, her mom was a bit of a drunk and me and her daughter would run around naked while her mom watched TV and didn't give a shit. The daughter and I would often make the barbies have sex unknowingly and then she would rub the barbies on my dick. Felt great, neither of us had any idea what we were doing.

Blow your head off for the good of humanity.

i legit fucked a jar of jelly and a warm watermelon. What a waste got a sticky dick and got hurt fucking an oven fresh melon.

Also tried to use soap to bate and got some in my urethra

Stuffed a pen up my ass when I was 13. Got it in there fully and it looked just like a shitlog when it came out. Thank god I was in the bathroom when I did it

kek rip pen

You still have no idea whay you are doing.

Yeah man the barbie dolls go in the penis, not on it.

I filled an empty pickle jar with warm water and then tried to have sex with it

Parents weren't home at the time, then another shitlog came out and landed on the rug we had on the bathroom. Plopped my ass on the toilet to get the rest of it out.

Anyone want more of this?

you are fucking retarted

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant called Bridges with my partner and her three kids for her birthday, along with their elderly lady nanny.

I decided to order the jambalaya but I asked the waiter to make mine not spicy (because I'm allergic to pepper). The food arrived quickly and it looked terrific but as soon as I took the first bite I started to cough, then began to choke. To my horror I realized that the jambalaya had pepper in it - a LOT of pepper. The choking got worse and I couldn't breathe but then the nanny came running over yelling

"HELP IS ON THE WAY DEAR!"

She got into position behind me and started to firmly give me the heimlich maneuver. After what felt like forever a piece of shrimp flew out of my throat and suddenly I could breathe again. I turn to thank her for saving my life but I froze when I saw that her "face" was a prosthetic and had peeled off. My date's nanny was a man!

Go for it lmao, Had a similar scenario with my mothers dildo around the same age, cleaned it as best as I could but I've a sly feeling she knew what happened.

At the ripe age of 13, I decided inserting objects into my peiner hole was kinda hot. One day, I did it with a pair of tweezers, grip part first. It was in that moment I realized that my meat was filling in the tiniest gaps in the tweezers' grip area, and ultimately, that I had fucked up.

While pulling it out hurt like a bitch and did not produce any dickersnot, it never bled heavily, it never got infected, and it was never found out.

whAT the fuck? prosthetic face? Her nan was a man? so many questions, pls answer.

I got my dick stuck in the spindle of a 45 record when I was 16.

Accurate

I put reeces chocolate up my ass then shat it out on my hand them ate the warm peanut buttery goo.

I once photoshopped photos of my gf as a dark elf from Skyrim (no nudes but cleavage and underwear) but it wasn't as sexy as I thought it would be. The files were on a memory stick which I ended up leaving in the college library and I was too embarassed about reporting it lost in case whoever found it saw the pics.

the fuck

Alright then. Pic is my reaction when I saw the shit on the rug.
Got the last of the shit out of me then went to the sink to try to clean the pen off. For some reason there was a damn hole in the pen and shit got in it. I just said, "Fuck it," and threw it away. Grabbed some toilet paper and grabbed the shit off the rug and threw it in the toilet.

Then I saw it.

There was a god damn shit stain in the fucking rug.

Love you babe

Oh you

This post made my day, thanks.

Vibrating dildo? Prostate orgasm?

That is absolutely DISGUSTING.

this is how serial killers start out

> in bed
> I have a library bed ( the headboard has cabinets and a small little open space in between )
> bring my legs into the small space with head on pillow
> adjust a bit
> at first can only get balls ( super loose )
> eventually get tip of dick
> blow myself
> felt amazing
Yeah, I'm kinda conflicted about how to feel about it. I didn't and don't have a big dick ( 6.5in ) and at the time I was like 6" 1. (14)

When I was like 6 or 7 I would take baths with my Barbies and Polly Pockets and one day I accidentally sat on one and it touched my clit, so I started rubbing myself against them anytime I took a bath.

Didn't really understand what I was doing at the time but I still felt guilt about it, like I was doing something wrong.

this is true