You find out that this guy has been pooping on your lawn for the last 3 weeks. What do?

You find out that this guy has been pooping on your lawn for the last 3 weeks. What do?

shoot him up the ass

How big are the poops? Is it in the same spot everytime or does he spread them out? How many times a day does he poop on the lawn?

about once a day, in various spots

And they're pretty big poops; the man eats a lot.

leave a roll of toilet paper for him

Spray him with a hose and tell him to knock it off.

Film him doing it a few times then catch him in the act and whoop his ass.

Rub his face in it.

If the cop come knocking show them the video of him shitting on my lawn.

You obviously take your red-blooded-american-owned large firearm of choice and unload a round into his general direction blatantly without consideration for his or others' well-being or property.

what if he pooped while you were wrestling around with him? that would be awkward right? while you were wrestling him, he was slowly pushing a log out.

I would spritz the turds with water multiple times a day to prolong their life.

Obviously you violently assist him as he looked troubled.

Put his poops in my butt and repoop them

get gun shot him in the dick nigga

I'd sit around everyday waiting for him to appear, I'd then just shoot spitballs at him when he pops a squat. Harmless enough to annoy him, fun enough to amuse me, safe enough for him to return each day to continue our game. Or turn the hose on him when I'm pretty fed up with it.

replace spitballs with paintballs and you got my support

when he squats I'll squat right in front of him, making eye contact.
Then we will shit in unison.

Direct him to a plot of land I have set aside for a manure heap.

Along with my own feces, lawn clippings and kitchen refuse, I can create fertile compost for my garden.

Invite him over to share in the bounties of our labor.

let the Mexicans who clean my lawn clean as usual

Um human feces isn't great for compost or fertilizer.

I chose spit balls because I want him to feel my moistened gross lugies on his skin. I want him to feel the damp wads slide down his butt crack as he pinches one out. Paint balls are fun as fuck but I'm concerned they'd hurt too much and spook him away. No homo