I'm married to a witch

I'm married to a witch.

Magic is real, but probably not quite what you'd expect it to be like.
AMA

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Bamp

Does she ride a broom?

Are love spells a thing? How do they work?

No brooms lmao

Although she does have an old Ass broom. I think she just likes the imagery.

How did you meet?

Are you under an spell right now?

youtube.com/watch?v=ua2k52n_Bvw

Can you say the sex is.....MAGICAL

Are you married to a witch?

Was it what you expected?

As far as I know, no.
Although there is an aointment kinda oily stuff that can make you wildly attracted to anyone.
You won't love them, but you'll wanna fuck.

Did she change the size of your willy?

Is your name Darren Stevens?

Yes. It's now a Jilly

Met at a party actually lmao

Yes I am, I have a bad sinus infection that is being healed as we speak.

Ever worry she will turn you into a toad?

I want to say no.
But I think it is bigger.

Think of it as more like a natural enhancement. Anything that could have been there but wasn't due to not being super hard is always on point.
Unless she's being lazy lololol

what example can you give on how it works?

Have you ever fucked your mother?

As a loose practitioner of manifestation and chaos magic, I'd define magic as, "influence over the world by alteration of the self and control of perception." Does this jive with your understanding of the concept?

Does she know this witch?

why haven't you beheaded and burned her in the name of god yet

Does she float in water?

I didn't know until a few months into dating.
I sorta wondered what the massive book and ACTUAL ALTAR was. But I'm not typically a smart man that puts these things together.
She has made me massively stronger though.

interesting. Can you purchase this ointment? Or does it have to be custom made by a witch?

Does she like being called "witch"? Or is there a name they prefer to go by?

How do you know she's a witch? Hmmm

Is she made of wood?

You aren't married to Emma Watson, user.
Hermione was just a character.

You won't see shit floating around my house.
But dust doesn't collect at all. She has all these fucking herbs and shit that she uses for various reasons. Like making ointments and stuff.

how would you define magic to us? is it like magic bolts flying everywhere with flashes and explosions or rather more discreet, changing the inner working of things?

It definitely is more tangible than that my friend.

Does she have a feminine penis?

How does it work? What sort of spells can be done? Immortality? Teleportation? Gold from lead?

Lmao, she can float at will.
No joke.

Hates her worse than I do actually

Are you sure she's a witch I mean you did say your not that smart

I call her a witch mostly because of Monty python.
She calls herself a sorceress.
As far as I know it's in her blood, it you may get lucky if you ask the right people.
I've never met another one.

Magic isn't real

Does she get her magic from herself or from external sources like spirits

Us non-Wiccans call that Tequila.

Much more discreet than Hollywood shit.
But that's not to say that lightning wont strike the same place twice.
Idk that she can SUMMON storms, but I'm fairly certain she can hex something to be struck by lightning. Scary thought tbh.

Literally none of that.
Although I know relatively fuck all.

She does magic and shit.
What would you call her?

She said it's in her blood.

sounds more like a druid??

how is it to fuck a witch? does she casts a spell during sex that makes it kinkier or some shit like that?

It was sorta easier thinking like this.
Keep thinking that.

delusional. a homeopathic nutcase. they do say crazy sex is best sex though. lucky faggot.

what exactly does she practice? wicca? whatever the heckamarino?

I guess so. She has a deep connection to nature.
The incident I was talking about with the lightning was a neighborhood dog that gets into our trash.
She said she was going to hex that dog, shit she says when she's mad you know?
Well a thunderstorm passed a few days later and the dog was struck in a neighbors back yard.

never stick your dick in crazy

Excellent! Please pass along my regards to your wife. I will have to re-evaluate my views on witches. Maybe Glenda the good witch actually exists.

If you think being on Molly and viagra is fun then yes.
I've literally never done either of those, but I'd say it's close.

I need to learn this shit, ASAP; tell me how.

Darling. If this is you, what should I do?

Does she do alot of stuff with lavender

We're both children of Odin, but we go to a Catholic Church to keep up looks.
Her stuff is older than Wicca nonsense.

Ask her if she knows any way for people without magic being in their blood to use magic

Also, does her magic skip a generation

which category(ies) does she fall in? or is my whole life a lie and none of this is true?

From what's I understand you've gotta be born with it m8

Are you at all afraid of her? Like, what if you break up? Is she gonna fuck you up?

Yeah, but it really just smells nice.

how do you know if you have it?

I think it's imperative that you post a picture of your wife...because, I'm beginning to suspect that you're married to Michael Carbonaro.

send me the spell books.
Thats all info u need. Figure out the rest with magic, cunt

I think like you've gotta be born with it, but it's not necessary for it to be hereditary.
She said by the time she was around 12 she just knew.

I would say a combination of a bit of each.
We played d&d together and she thought the separation of the magic user classes was absurd.

Post her nudes

Nah I'm not afraid of her.
She's got me damned near immune to being afraid of magic
That said, I know what she can do and I should be afraid lmao.
Heart attacks aren't always random m8

Na, just this right here leads me to believe that everything she says is complete horseshit. Sounds like she wants to be a special snowflake, OP.

shit nigga I dont want this user to explode

She said that by the time she was Ass twelve she could manipulate nature a little and had dreams where she was being visited by the all father.
Her grandmother told her all about what she is.

But IM tryna explode

I think this bitch putva hex on me like 14 years ago. Havnt seen her in years. How do I break the curse?

you sound retarded OP; like mentally retarded. Not trying to be mean or anything. enjoy farting in bathtubs and laughing your ass off.

I have a witch fetish. Can I fuck her?

Don't you think you'll be in immediate danger of losing a testicle if she knew you were telling people about her on Sup Forums?

...

Magic isn't real.

I've seen things that confirm the existence of magic m8

still not on my lap

I only believe in one magic

Bro just because you hallucinate or choose to believe some dumb shit doesn't mean it's real.

I think there's some shit for that. I'd have to ask tho.

You've seen things that you can only explain as magic. It doesn't mean that it is, in fact, magic.

Kek

Do you need anything special to kill witches?
asking for a friend.

Haha nah, it's chill.

But is she heavier than a duck?

Same guy who asked about u dyin

What's the worst thing you've seen her do to both a human and non human? Was the it lightning doggo?

I realised you said allfather is that like Norse all father or something else?

Good luck with that m8. It's was literally just redone with this design she Picked out.
It's gotta come from you.

I think it's possible you'll suffer a mysterious case of cardiac arrest within 72 hours. Good luck, pal.

How'd you guys meet tho? I know you said at a party but what was it? Maybe she hexxed your ass.

There may be something to that tbh m8
Like massive consciousness and will.

OP here, idk why it seems like it but she HAS been getting a little more agitated with me because I called her out on her bullshit when I tried to get her to cast a spell on my ex and she wouldn't. I even told her that my ex David stretched me out beyond repair. But this still wasn't enough to sway her. I don't know if she really can do magic but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist

It means it doesn't exist. Go back to sitting on your ex-boyfriend's cock.

what a coincidence user, so am i.

Carved a hex on a tree at a party because but the hostess was a bad person. Gave her crazy nightmares and now she's in prison for prostitution without a history of it
I wasn't happy with the outcome but that was before I believed in magic.

YEs.

Shit like tarot and Alchemy real?