Come sit at the Sup Forumsonfire and tell me a story

Come sit at the Sup Forumsonfire and tell me a story
Any kind of story will do..prefer real stories about yourself or someone you know whether it be sad or hilarious

>last night
>sleeping off hangover
>world is being attacked by demons and massive robot creatures
>part of an underground operation to counter the invasion
>dragonball z cast, sexy chicks with guns, weird shapeshifting midget clown demon
>goku and vegeta go to fight flying centipede robot dragon
>stop to eat mexican food instead
>clown demon goes to fight clan of obese bouncing demon giants who shit pellets at bullet speed
>brings army of midget clown demons
>shapeshift into giant wasps and vaporize poo demons with laser blasts
>be me back at base
>mad scientist head ops guy has everyone not fighting locked up in a knife machine to carve jewelry out of their bones
>have to shoot him dead and save everybody

>be me
>half an our ago
>tape your dick to a ruler
>above global average
>imagine the ruler is my even larger penis
>lick the end of the ruler
>jerk the ruler
>jerk it so damn hard
>rip the taped ruler off
>burns immediately like hell
>come anyway

i wish i had dreams like this

...

Can please have some more stories?

You'd like a story?
Here we go

Once there was a man, and on March 21st he turned 53. He'd driven the same Ford to the same Diner with his wife every day for three years since they'd moved to the city, and it was special to him that this diner be their lunch spot, as this was the longest they'd stayed in one place. This man only wanted one thing in life, for people around him to be happy. He did everything he could to make Eliana happy, and she was for all of their marriage. As the man waited one day for the streetlight to change, his wife's soft yet firm fingers in his, his head hit a brick wall as the only thing he saw for the next eternity was the flashing neon diner sign, and the only thing he heard was a roaring monster that snapped and bit at him, and a warmth covering his left arm like a blanket.

He woke up in the hospital a few days later, and lie alone dazed from pain medicine, unaware his mind would soon rot, unaware his wife would not be visiting him.

you just make this up?

yes why

its not that bad...do you write?

that might have been a shite short summary of a book ive written..somaybe but do you write?

There was a lizard in my sink yesterday and it couldnt climb out of the sink. So I grabbed it and threw it out the window and probably a dog ate it

is your name sarah

sort of..i have alot of stories, but they're mostly written in like a note writing format...ive been told to get a ghost writer

I dunno why but I like this nice job user

Nah m8

Once upon a time there was an Ugly Barnacle it was so ugly that everyone died... The end

you should post some id love to read em
what's a ghost rider im slightly retarded

thank you i hope you have a nice day

I can tell one i've posted on r9k
>be 15 year old me
>with friend, my dad, and his dad preparing a trailer for boy scout camping
>parents take over so we decide to walk n talk
>eventually walk by friends pet graveyard and ask about it
>eventually I learn that the first thing buried there was the leg of a deer, his neighbor shot one a while ago and was burying the guts and bones in a nearby forest when his dog ran by and grabbed a one of the deer's legs
>feeling bad he burys it in what soon had become hos pet graveyard
>get a brilliant idea
>hey user, we should try and dig up that deer sleleton and lay it to rest with it's leg
>user agrees
>we run to hos garage, grab shovels, head to the forest and dig for an hour
>eventually we give up and start filling in the holes
>I reach down to throw a root back in the hole when friend starts laughing
>"what?"
>he keeps laughing
>squeeze root with my grip
>water squirts out
>spin it around and see a batter compartment
>friend is still laughing
>a-user thats a fucking dildoe
>I join in the laughing and bursh it off
>eventually we calm down and ponder what to do with it
>decide he needs to be buried
>we head to the graveyard and dig a hole, say some final words then bury him heads up
>decide he needs a gravestone
>run back to garage and ask friend where tools and wood are
>wr make a cross and write "here lie
ls Richard he was always buried in something r.i.p.
>our dads ask what we're doing
>I say I found a mouse in the woods and we're making him a grave
>run back and place cross over the grave
>laugh
>leave

nice dubs and nice story

Thanks

I have more boy scout stories and if intrested I can bring up some more, here is a quick more recent one
>be 17, camping with troop
>rain comes in oh shit.jpg o forgot rain gear
>me and some other punks rush for the mega canvas tent we pitched
>open the flaps when one punk should oh my god user!
>one rushes to cover up with his sleeping bag the other decides to finish
>one fat communist and one ugly faggot we all suspected of being gay are fapping together to a water stained photo
>we all laugh and mock them for years, borh ended up dropping out of college to smoke weed full time

Same week
>we burned the communist's skid mark stained underwear in an explosive candle
>knocked their tent down only to pitch ot agian and have a massive wolf spider fall on someone and the tent fill with rain
>had some faggot thinl he was funny by jumping in a lake, no one laughed

ive heard pretty gay stories from guys i went to school with who were in boy scouts...why the boy scouts so gay?

Holy shit I got two dubs in a row, for that I guess I can share one more scout story

>be me
>12 yo wimp, shy
>be at a scouts cabin
>the most annoying fucking spas keeps barking while we watch some movies
>one fag tells him to the up and go away
>another offers a dog cage if he keeps barking like a little shit
>he actually goes in the cage and keeps barking
>holy fucking shit
>on guy walks up to him and closes the. locks the cage
>tells him to shut up or else (lake is frozen so nothing the throw him in)
>kid keeps barking (not autistic just loved attention and hated us)
>guy takea off his belt and whips the cage, stinging his arm
>he should what the fuck dude what was that for
>leave him in the cage for two hours until we finish watching our movies
>too afraid to let him out or else ima get whooped

>be me again
>got blisters
>hang dick in a glass of cold water

I dont know, probably due to weeks woth nothing but boys alone in the woods, but here is my first gay boyscout encounter

>in sauna with a year younger scout and about 12 strangers all half naked
>total silence
>younger scout decides to break the silence, stating "before I say this I want to let you all know im not gay but..."
>if you were gay and you were having buttsex
>and remember guys im not gay
>but if you were would you or would you not wear a condom
>personally, I would
>and remember im not gay
>but i would because I dont want poop all over my dick
>still total silence
>broken by what the fuck dude as he is forced out the door

Another gay thing involves two fags literally being in a closet and refusing to come out after comparing dick sizes, those two sucking eachother off later, and someone getting fucked in the ass

At least im not gay but I can still tell more not gay stories or less gay

...

...

>banning someone for disliking hypothetical shit on his dick
good kek.
Sounds like a group of naked homophobic dudes in the woods who don't want to be confronted with their homosexuality.

One such was when one fag streaked two times in one camping trip
When someone found a frozen fish and fiddled with it by seeing how many sticks he could get up a fish's ass
When we caught bees for soneone who was deathly alerigic to bees
when some faggot transitioned into some horrible monstronaoty a kid came up saying why are you wearing a dress dude? I know your still (insert male name)
Oh when someone threw woodships from a distance into someones plumber's butt and he flipped out when one made it in

That is a good summary of my boyscout experiences, I learnes a lot about being a faggot and about being a man. Another thing is that the guy who got fucked in the ass was related to me. As for the fate of others in these stories, one is in jain, two live on the streets, one is failing college and im doing ok

...

Oh just rembered a juicy story
>be me
>on shit island
(Year before two people shat in the same spot and we call ot shit island now, pretty cool island in the middle of no where, we built a bench, ropeswing, and firepit on it
>Relaxing by the fire after swimming in the lake with people
>one fucker who dropped outta scouts says he has to take a shit
>goes to the designated hole
>craps
>two people have to go piss aswell
>they laugh at the kids direhea and continue to piss in it
>one wise fucker sneaks back there while we continue to talk and dips a stick in the hole to mix it
>one guy turns and sees
>what the hell are you doing user!
>he runs up with a smirk and a poo stick saying get back sheep like he wanted to herd us
>people freak out, tell him to put it down
>bad move
>kid who said to put it down is jabbed at by poo stick
>he reaches out to "block it" getting his hand covered in the process
>what ensues is only to be described as get it off me by rubbing it one someone else
>decide to abandon island before things get outta hand and take one of the only two boats
>escape but half the island is stranded
>can help anyone so I stay out in the deep watching as the scrabmpe onto one boat
>too many its sinking
>they try to get the water out and barely make it back to the camp
>next day im thrown in the pake for leaving them

>be me
>in kindergarten
>we assembled paper scarecrows with brass tacks at the joints to make their arms move
>coloring the scarecrows
>had an older sister that doodled in notebooks
>saw that she had drawn a ying-yang
>thought it was a cool symbol
>draw it on my scarecrow
>kindergarten teacher sees it
>grabs my arm and yells "that's a ying-yang and it's a sign of buddhism and the DEVIL!!!"
>felt bad man
>jokes on that cunt, ying-yangs are daoist

DESIGNATED

Another shit one

>sign up for white water rafting
>more like row for 2 miles then go on some painful bumps
>eventually reach halfway mark for a break and lunch
>on kid has the runs from extra fiber spaghetti last night
>runs to the woods
>gear a moan
>it sounds like his ass is on fire
>he comes back looking nervous, complaining about pain
>he opens up that he whiped his ass with a leaf and now it burns
>tell him to suck up his bitching as a drop of diarrhea dribbles down his leg
>whisper to him to clean it up
>he gets back in the boat and refuses to tow due to pain when he leans in the seat to row

poo stick tag!!

Also if anyone is wondering I did get my eagle but more or less this is a bump for the thread, it has potential and I just shat a ton of oc in it

first off, girly ass pic related, right?

Anyway

The Tale of Gage

>be me
>be 5 years ago
>8th grade
>Meet perfectly normal seeming kid. we talk for a while before class starts and keep talking a little while after the bell rang.
>history class
>I like history
>Gage talking over teacher but i want to hear what she's saying
>Tell Gage to shut up but the damn kid keeps talking
"so last night my brother spilled his juice and"
>"SHUT UP"
>"we live in an apartment and our landlord..."
>damn kid keeps talking
>At this point i realize something is wrong with this kid
>Make game of taking his papers from his mess of a binder, Ill write about two of the funnier times if someone wants to hear them
>The important encounter
>Sitting in the band room before class talking to some of my friends when all of a sudden Gage whacks me from behind with one of those metal band stands
>Fuckin hurt.
>Turn around and punch the kid
tardscreech.wav
>Gage bawls his eyes out and teach comes in to figure out why gage yelled.
"Mr. user, user HIT ME" - Gage
>whole band room erupts defending me
"user, What happened" -teach
"user HIT ME user HIT ME" - Gage
>It goes back and forth between Gage pitching a fit and teach trying to calm him.
>eventually he quiets down
>I tell the truth to him about what happened
>Gage gets led out of room and i think he got in trouble and i got off scott free

>bosses got arrested for multi million dollar fraud
>I got paid in cash
>had to sit in supreme court as a witness >got an exemption so I couldn't be prosecuted for self-incrimination as a result of giving evidence
>except for perjury
>mfw I lied in court, under oath about how much money I earned despite the exemption

My last year of scouts was pretty boring compared to the rest but I can share the good stories from it quickly

>on a big sailboat
>faggot captian is disinterested
>I start rocking the boat
>get orher to join in
>ask if it has ever been tipped
>captian says on this lake it is almost impossible to tip and the only working sail is the jib
>challenge accepted
>get everyone to try and bring the boat down, even climbing on the sail and pulling
>captian gets excited that our troop is not boring
>we get some drunk boaters to cheer us on
>we get the lifegaurds to measure the angle
>95 degrees
>after much mayhem get it upright

>wildernesses survival
>bring explosive candle
>build a hut out of dry leaves and wood
>leave burning candle in it
>someone screams fire
>false alarm jusy an exploding candle

>walking to our nightly 12:00am shower party
>bring music and weed
>start shouting, yelling fake satanic chants
>see a councler with his family
>One guy gets on the ground and spasses while we chant to make the guy laugh
>other counclers confront us after we leave the adult showers and tell us to calm down

Here's a funny story from a few days ago
>be me, 20 male uk student, 6' 1 foot tall and reasonably fit, never had anyone threaten me before
>walking down the street after visiting local shop to pick up tinnies (UK naming for canned alcoholic cornershop beverages)
>Walking past a kid on a scooter, he couldn't be older than 8
>stops and shouts 'oy you bellend' at me
>I turn around, he's looking me dead in the eye
>he fumbles in his pocket, pulls out a cheap looking zippo lighter
>fiddle with it, then lights it and holds it up to me
>in the deepest voice he can muster, he shouts 'you wanna go, you cunt?'
>I have no idea how to respond, kid is like lower than my belt, no idea why he's trying to fight me
>laugh a little at how weird the situation is, he takes offence
>'mate I'm going to fuckin' murder your whole family'
>moves the lighter closer to my face, but he's so short it's only up to like my chest at this point
>begin walking away, not gonna deal with this kid
>hear him behind me cursing and generally being a lil shit

I'm moving to Germany next summer, I can't fucking wait. Britain is going down the shitter.

I have more tales of shitty UK universities if people want.

I rembered some devilish ones too

>at some playground like ropes course thingy
>swinging
>some fag walks buy
>he thinks of a game, dodge the spit
>we all try to spit him on the monkeys fist swing while we try to spit on him
This ones is more mean
>burn holes in tent
>feel bad
>people notice, adults question me
>see kid burning dady long legs
>blame it on him
>adults belive lil ol user
>turns out the other kid actually did burn holes in the tent trying to killd dady long legs
>he ia punished, user gets off scott free

>fishing with three kids on a canoe
>one has to pee
>drop him off at an island with one tree and some grass
>leave
>dont come back for 30 min as a prank bruh
>on the way back I stand up to taunt and dance on the canoe
>accidentally flip the canoe
>it floods and sinks
>have to drag it up on tha small island and get the water out
>be denounced as a fag

please keep going