Dolores Umbridge was gang raped by Centaurs

Dolores Umbridge was gang raped by Centaurs

>Dolores Umbridge is perhaps the one person in the whole Harry Potter universe who is virtually impossible to like, no matter what angle you choose to piss on her from.
The short-lived headmistress of Hogwarts gets off on torturing children, has an unflinching holier-than-thou attitude and, unless David Yates has something stashed for an extended edition of the films, *SPOILER* she gets away with it. *END SPOILER*

>Well, unless you count the part where she is abducted and gang raped by centaurs in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. And if you think we're just filling in the rape stuff with our filthy imaginations, hang on.

>Near the climax of the book/film, Umbridge is hauled screaming into the Forbidden Forest by a group of centaurs. No one sees what happens next

>What you have to realize is that there's a reason Rowling made sure it was centaurs who snatched Umbridge, rather than any of the countless other dangerous creatures in the forest (like the giant spiders). If you're familiar with the mythology of centaurs, seeing a screaming woman get hauled away by a bunch of them gives you the same feeling you get in Deliverance when Ned Beatty falls into the hands of the hillbillies, or when Bruce Willis and Ving Rhames wind up imprisoned by the same in Pulp Fiction. Centaurs rape human women -- that's what they do, that's a central part of their mythology.

mythology.

>In one legend, centaurs were invited to a wedding feast and attempted to rape the bride. In another, the famous centaur Nessus was killed while trying to rape a woman. That's the point of centaurs as characters -- they have the heads of men and the animal urges of horses.

hot as fuck

>People on the Internet familiar with the mythology were quick to notice this, as were feminist blogs. After all, showing Umbridge getting dragged away by centaurs would be like having Draco Malfoy getting his comeuppance by having him get hauled into the back of a windowless van by a creepy guy with a wispy mustache. We don't need to see what happens next if we know the contextNow, if that had been the last time we saw Umbridge in the series, then you could say, OK, maybe these centaurs are different, maybe they just trampled her to death or stabbed her or tied her to a tree and strapped a bag full of oats to her face. But Umbridge comes back, and comes back suffering from some kind of major trauma that didn't involve any damage to the visible parts of her body. Here's Rowling's depiction of her in the aftermath:

Professor Umbridge was lying in a bed opposite them, gazing up at the ceiling .... Since she had returned to the castle she had not, as far as any of them knew, uttered a single word. Nobody really knew what was wrong with her, either. Her usually neat mousy hair was very untidy and there were still bits of twigs and leaves in it, but otherwise she seemed to be quite unscathed.

'Madam Pomfrey says she's just in shock,' whispered Hermione.

'Sulking, more like,' said Ginny.

'Yeah, she shows signs of life if you do this,' said Ron, and with his tongue he made soft clip-clopping noises. Umbridge sat bolt upright, looking around wildly.
.

>

Hopefully they have a little portal that leads to a centaur universe where there are millions of centaurs so that she could be raped unto infinity.

'Anything wrong, Professor?' called Madam Pomfrey, poking her head around her office door.

'No ... no ...' said Umbridge, sinking back into her pillows. 'No, I must have been dreaming ...'
Hermione and Ginny muffled their laughter in the bedclothes.
To Make It Even Weirder ...

Two characters watch Umbridge getting dragged away -- Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. At least one of those two knows that centaurs are rape machines. (Hint: It's Hermione, the character whose main purpose in the plot is to know absolutely everything.)

Neither of them make an effort to save Umbridge. Potter gets in a witty, James Bond-esque quip as she's being dragged away, and Hermione seems satisfied that mass horse rape is a fitting punishment. We like to think that on the way back to school, Harry asked "So what do you suppose those centaurs are going to do to the professor?" and that Hermione casually described to him how Umbridge would almost certainly be brutally violated by equinely endowed inter-species rapists. And that was the day Harry learned that you do not mess with Hermione Granger.

are the last three movies even good or what, I didn't bother with them

Kind of related, but can magic restore a broken hymen?

Oh My, she got raped something awful. Hopefully some of them stuck it in her pooper. I hate her so much.

Arcane healing is spotty at best.

Of course it can, can't very well unrape you though, once you've been raped. It's like some one having a horrible watery shit in your oatmeal. Sure, a spell makes it all right as rain but you'll never eat out of that bowl, at that table, ever again.

>the centaurs were drunk at the wedding, and were murdered for it, thus they are rapists
>their dad was a rapist, so centaurs are by default rapists
>one of the few actual named centaurs was one of the nicest and smartest creatures in greek existance
>so he was probably a rapist
fuc of m8

They actually are really good. But you should make up your own mind

And in the last book, she was sending Muggle-born wizards to Azkaban for the crime of being Muggle born. Fuck that bitch, she can rot in centaur land.

The thousand yard stare of a woman who knows her centaurs.

There's a spell to erase memories so you could essentially unrape yourself.

>They actually are really good

So this is why you spend so much time in that library.

Yet it still manged to be one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

they are stop being a faggot heres your reply....muh too dark..

What about female centaurs?

dolores umbridge was the hottest character in the harry potter movies
prove me wrong

Based Ron

"No, you go ahead back. I'm going to just enjoy this for a bit."

>mexicunt image
>expects to be taken seriously
Kek

Tell that to her eternally loose anus.

Don't listen to anyone on the board, watch em

what's with that font choice, did you take graphic design classes at the circus?

CENTED

It had to show up sooner or later. Do you have a group of people constantly watching this board for Harry Potter related threads or discussion? Or is it just you? Are you that vigilant in your quest to make this meme dank? I don't really know if I should be impressed or repulsed by the perpetual posting of this poor pasta. Please kill me.

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Oops meant for

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kek

her teeth look insanely yellow

They are god awful trash even worse than 1 and 2

She probably smokes about 20 a day.

She also supposedly got dicked by Prince Harry, which would be hilarious if true

Here we go....fucking contrarians...let them watch it and decide for themselves nobody cares about your opinion when the board is dead

Yea dude, top atmosphere.

Did she get raped by Bane?

If you use the word "contrarian," you're literally an idiot. It's an invented concept by idiots with reddit sensibilities who are too fragile to deal with criticism of mediocre media that has widespread appeal.

It's a troubling manifestation of millennials' mental weakness. Seriously, the only people who would even entertain any "argument" involving the concept of being "contrarian" are weak, lazy idiots who can't deal with criticism substantively.

If it bothers you that much that people criticize mediocre mass-marketed work designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator, like Star Wars, Breaking Bad, pop music, etc., you should find a safe bubble and stay there(Sup Forums). Or kill yourself.