Worst sexual experiences thread. Greentext them

Worst sexual experiences thread. Greentext them.

>met a girl in the woods at night (planned)
>fucked her in the ass bareback
>start smelling rancid shit, hurry up and cum, not looking down
>pull my pants up
>tell her I have to leave
>start to walk back to my house
>it's at night so I can't really see how bad everything is
>get out my phone flashlight
>look at my dick
>smell hits me
>covered in a thick layer of runny, thick, sludge-poo
>almost vomit, lots of dry-heaves that almost got up
>sacrifice my boxers
>wipe off dick
>practically sprint back to my house
>shower and scrub my dick for 20 minutes in the shower
>mfw my boxers are still in the woods somewhere
>never talked to that stupid whore again

I mean really, who tells you to fuck them in the ass when they know they have to shit?

dat en dare loves the doo doo man

Sounds delicious. I would have shoved my face into her fartbox and slurped that gooey shit out of her leaking asshole : ^ )

real mens loves the shit

almost sexes holy shit

She was a guy and you have AIDs

Have you ever just looked at a hippopotamus and went what the f*** is this thing like how did Evolution make this hippos are crazy man!?!,.

bumping

>be me
>19 year old virgin
>failed highschool because my grades were bad
>grades were bad because I was depressed
>depressed because grades were bad
>eventually started adult school
>the teacher was really nice
>since I was depressed I never talked or did work
>came in during office hours and she talked mad shit about me
>sudden motivation to disrespect her by flirting
>she's actually into it
>howthefuckdoesthisworldwork.jpg
>after 5 months of a weekly nightschool course of flirting with her and being casual friends
>exam day
>everyone leaves 1 hour after the 3 hour exam course
>obviously I work to be the last one to leave
>this spanish bitch is still here
>teacher walks up to me
>"I knew you two would be the last to leave"
>has a suggestive grin as I instantly get a boner, now it's just waiting
>I was too nervous to even say anything about it so I just talked about this joke she put on the exam
>"thanks for catching onto that"
>whoops, whatever, now it's just waiting
>this one spanish bitch took FOREVER to get her work done
>I felt this bitch knew exactly what she was doing
>after she leaves there's about half an hour left
>it was literally just an hour of waiting for this bitch to leave
>when she finally leaves I choke that I'm about to lose my virginity
>constantly trying to bring it up so it can happen but my teacher wouldn't stop talking so I kept going with it
>half an hour goes by
>class ends
>it's time to fucking leave
>she's clearly pissed at me
>my face was pure sadness because of how quickly she changed her mood and felt sorry
>ask if I'll ever see her again
>"I'll be back next year"
>are you lying?
>"no, I wouldn't lie to you"
>fake a smile so I at least don't look like a COMPLETE bitch
>"okay, bye"
>she still smiled when she said bye back so I can't tell if she was genuine
>go home eyes bawling because I spent half a year contemplating this shit
I'm on edge if she'll really come back because she has a boyfriend, gotta wait until February 2018 FUCK

>met a other guy in the woods at night (planned)
>tell him to fuck me in the ass bareback
>try not to shit, he hurry up and cums
>he pulls his pants up
>he noticed my dick possible and now he want to escape
>he starts running away back to his home
>it's at night so I can't really see but i got my night vision device with it i track him
>he gets his phone flashlight
>i´m blind, by the light
>smell hits me
>regain vision, see his dick covered in a thick layer of runny, thick, sludge-poo
>almost cum, lots of dry-heaves that almost got up
>he sacrifice his boxers
>i cum again as he wipe off his dickdick
>he sprint back to his house
>mfw he thinks the boxers are still in the woods somewhere
>i never talked to him again
>still i wear his boxers now

genuinely made me kekkle haha now I don't feel so bad about what happened to me

But you should, if you're the beta faggot from

bump. I'd love to hear some stories

>be me
>best friend with benefits
>interested in another guy at the time
>the night before I was due to visit said friend, the guy admitted his feelings for me
>I told him I felt the same
>all was good
>night time at my friends house
>we're 'sleeping' and then we get all close and physical
>kissing touching etc.
>it feels weird but it continues
>starts to fuck me
>I'm wet but it hurt so fucking badly
>I tell him it hurts but I don't want him to stop so I tell him to continue
>just want to get him to cum so it will end
>I pretend to enjoy it til he cums
>immediately as he cums and pulls out I burst into tears
>feelsbadman
>cry and admit to him I'm in love with another guy
>bad time
>probably fucked him up for life
>a few months later I see my GP complaining about ongoing pain since the experience
>find out that experience gave me a vaginal muscular problem
>muscle spasms makes sex painful for me

Basically that stupid experience gave me chronic vaginal problems.

>not reading op post
>not reading post thats got reply
fucking fag le sumer is tehr damn ggoy

Did you have a stroke?

sounds like you are my ex..

everyone look at the jealous envy cunt

Does your name begin with a D or B?

nah :/ thanks for trying

hahahaha

I know they're like water blimps

> be at a party in Burbank
> unzip peñor
> shit on my duck

Yeah D. B. Cooper
guess you are my ex

that why you were a condom when you're buttfucking dumbass :3

>be me, mexican
>living in montreal, canada
>dating this qt girl from new york
>extremely kinky and into bdsm
>one day i brought some handcuffs
>was planning on taking her anal virginity
>i put her handcuffs and was eating her out
>blindly tried to penetrate
>she wasn't that wet, hear a crack
>look down, blood everywhere
>i panic, she panics
>i tore my fucking dick, broke the frenulum
>called the ambulance
>when they arrived bleeding stopped
>went anyways
>doctor just took a look at it, said "it will heal" and left
>no health insurance, so 700 fucking dollars
>had to go back walking to my house, because there were no more buses
>literally walking like 20 miles with a broken dick, feeling weak as fuck
>can't have sex for a month
>girl breaks up with me shortly after


shit fucked me up fam, I still get flashbacks and cringe, that was a year ago

tell us how you pulled it off?

;^)

faggot

Whore

Originally original commentity comment

anonymous catfishing

lmao

Did she have any part in the dick breaking or did you just badly insert it?

Im afraid shit like that will happen to me someday lol

Here's one

>8 months in relationship with another gf
>I was fucking around on her bed while watching Beautiful Mind
>I was fucking her missionary since she couldn't ride a dick or do doggy worth two shits
>Thrusting into her and notice she is completely ignoring me and she is watching the movie
>I keep going just to get a nut
She has seizures and they get triggered by lights and tramatic shit
>Scene where Gladiator almost lets his baby drown comes on
>shit.jpg
>She starts freaking out with me in her and she begins spasming and foaming at the mouth
>I begin to pull out but her pussy tightens up like 10 fold
>Get weirdly turned on and keep thrusting at full boner power
>She is clamped down on my dick with her stupid cunt while her arms spasming in a t rex like manner
>I get ready to cum and pull out and bust a nut on her chest and her neck while she is there foaming at the mouth and spasming
>I then straighten her out and try to get her back to reality cuddling her with cum on her neck and chest
>about 2 to 3 minutes later she is back
>She wonders why there was cum on her chest and on her neck
>Tell her that I pulled out right before I was about to cum to help with the seizure
>She cries in embarrassment that I witnessed her having a seizure during sex
>Rushes off to the shower to clean off

Woman is crazy. I loved her to death but she was the most slutty wild woman I've been with. I tried it again, I put on Heavy Metal the movie and she spasmed out again on my dick but instead of clamping down she loosen up and let out a giant fart.

Good times, married with a kid now.

get

> canada
> no health insurance

pick one

Fucking canadians man. Eh?

>decide try doing two of my daughters at once
>bad time
>too much going on
>can't focus on anything
Would not try again.

aww.

I wish I had a gf with retarded flaws and a cute behaviour to build a life with.

Kek

well she wasn't that wet, but it was partially my fault

she was awesome too, i always think about it, if i would've taken my time then i would probably still be with her and would've take her anal virginity

I though i was invincible so i actually never filled my paperwork to get it, i got it afterwards

Correction, married to another man with a kid.

I broke it off with her. She cheated on me and gave me the clap. I asked her how she got it? She didn't know. I knew it was because her lazy ass sat at home and did nothing while I worked. Well I kept her thinking she was as good as it would get. Well eating at a chinese buffet she was eating some wontons and noticed they had fake crab meat and paused all dramatically and dropped it on the palte and said "Hun! I know how I got the clap!"

I looked at her and said, from sleeping with other men? Then she looked at me dead in the eyes and said "It's the crab meat!!"

I went quiet, drove her home, got my shit out of her place and went home.

Clearly not true. Free health care for all faggot. It wouldn't cost you 2 cents, let alone 700 bucks

Well I was a few beers in and fucked my sleeping ex. Thought it was okay cause she'd been okay with it before but uh, wasn't okay that time. And she told her friends, one of which was a coworker so I can't go back to that work place anymore

you have to go to the fucking place and get it you fucking retard, if you don't apply for it you don't have it

and it's not even free for all in quebec, you have to have a social insurance number too

Fcking kek.

I love seeing women desperatly trying to play the "I hope he blows at Biology" card saying nonsensical shit like that

>>decide try doing two of my daughters at once
>>bad time
>>too much going on
>>can't focus on anything
>Would not try again.
You obviously didn't try hard enough.

cool story, user

>fucked my sleeping ex. Thought it was okay cause she'd been okay with it before

She was your ex. You totally raped her.

something similar happened to me
>Be me.
>Flight attendant
>Go to puerto rico for 2 weeks
>Free Open bar every day at 5, at the hotel
>Drunk asf
>Random girl asks me for cig
>Start convo agree to meet at the elevator at midnight
>Meet
>Go up to my room kissing ect ect
>Start fucking her
>Dick breaks , Frenulum
>Blood everywhere
>She Thought it was her period
>Kept fucking, blood everywhere
>Hotel room looked like a murder had taken place
>Next day walk past my room as they changed the matress and cleaned all the shit.
>no fuck given.

We had been kissing and cuddling still, I didn't know

You see.. your kind needs to die out... it's ok user...

Im sure thats a problem in your head with your nerves. Try it out while high once; i feel like itll stop the spasming.

If i was him I'd jack off about this for the rest of my life. If only he knew how much it hurt...

bareback with stranger in the woods hey. Welcome to HIV

Yeah she was crazy.

Still I miss those tits she has some H cups on her, no ass at all, looks caved in on a side profile.

Still I have many stories. She used to want to be the center of attention. She used to claim people stalked her and she made up an entire story of a black truck following her around campus.

More and more I think about it she might have meant black dick. Still she was the campus whore and was desperate enough to try and make her a housewife.

Tits or gtfo

Number one:
>preparing to go down on dwarf hamplanet (don't ask)
>almost vomit from dat smell of the skipper's catch and piss
>look down and see pea-size bits of toilet paper lodged everywhere in the axe wound
>died a little inside

Number two:
>was married to a roly poly (don't ask)
>she liked being fragged in the bunghole
>would poop all over my dick all the time with no shame
>she would then go poop in the toilet with the door open
>gradually my soul withered away

Number three:
>tried to start family with wife but no luck
>went in for fertility treatment
>doc makes me blow wad into cup at home and deliver to clinic a few times
>wife offers to "help"
>she is on all fours
>ohboy.gif
>look down, see dingleberry the size of a large peanut clinging to her bunghole
>don't have the heart to tell her
>don't know what to do so just try to get it over with
>three-quarters of the way through "self-expression" the nugget falls off and lands on the bed
>i soldier through it, trying to assuage disgust and think about something else
>after all that, mission failed, no babbies

Learn from my mistakes anons.

Sup Forums full of normal people.

>be guys boxers
>guy showers
>smellingood.gif
>pants go on over me
>Dude has a boner
>dark.jpeg
>suddenly brighter
>see pimply dude ass
>balls sagging low
>my dude starts fucking this guy's asshole
>mfw when shit starts splattering on me
>:feelsbadman:
>the shit smell must have turned on my dude because he starts pounding more shit out of this guy's hole
>nuts
>see a bright light
>takes me off
>covered In shit
>shit dude takes me to house
>jerks off into me while sniffing his own socks

>be me
>16 and in first serious relationship with qt gf
>both virgins when we first got together but fuck every time we saw each other (about 4 or 5 days a week)
>fuck literally anywhere we can, my car, virtually every room in both our homes, ect
>6 months of this, relationship is getting stale but still constantly fucking
>says she wants a break from sex, leave condoms at home
>go to her house, changes her mind and says she wants to fuck
>no condoms so she blows me and I eat her out
>says she wants me to try something
>pulls out a brush with a smooth, wide handle
>asks me to fuck her with it
>she is laid out completely naked on her bed while I fuck her with the brush handle
>her mom unexpectedly comes home early, opens her bedroom door and sees us
>readytobekilled.jpg
>mom asks why we are using a brush handle
>have to explain to her mom the entire situation while both of us are completey naked
>her mom brings me one from her dad's supply, tells us to keep it down
>boner is completely ruined and she drys up worse than a desert
>break up 2 weeks later

Fucking kek.

u r dumb

Jesus, and I thought my life sucked.

This

Yeah I've been considering this too, but you know, the legality issue kind of makes that difficult. But next time I'm around any of my weed smoking buddies I might ask them to hook me up and try it out.

Quads, you're a real sadist.

Another one

>I was a virgin
>Fat hambeast I was dating found out
>Want to take my virginity
>I agree
>Slips on a condom
>Start putting it in her
>Get a few thrusts in
>Cum
>Tells me she wants me to go down on her
>ok.png
>get down south
>Smells awful something close to finding a dead mouse in a mousetrap or rotten meat
>Stick my tongue out and lick her flabby pussy lips
>Tastes like I just poured a teaspoon of salt on my tongue from her sweaty stinky vag
>Begin coughing
>She asks whats wrong?
>I try to soldier through and lick again, more salt
>end up coughing
>was sick with a bit of a cold and coughed out a bit of mucus on her pussy
>She says "good idea, I could always use a bit more lube down there"
>I get off the bed, tell her I'm sorry I have to pee
>Run to the bathroom and reconsider my life
>Come back and she is getting dressed
>A bit puzzled I ask why?
>She said it is gross for a guy to want to have sex after just peeing

>live in partystreet downtown
>walking home drunk and stoned af
>really fat and ugly finnish girl grab my arm and start walking along side me
>"hey can you fuck me? Ill let you do anything you want with me"
>nah, need sleep, go home
>"oh come on i live far away"
>im like whatever
>come home she instantly get on knees starting to suck me
>i concentrate to keep erection but glance down at her and get limp
>she keep sucking my limp dick, i tell her to stop nevermind, while i feel more and more immasculated
>start to get frustrated that i cant get hard and blame her in my mind
>keep trying to get hard so i can really fuck her hard
>cant, gives up, kicks her out
>thinking, "i can do anything i want to her", chase after her down the stairs
>tell her to lick my ass and while she lick my asshole i try to fist her
>she gets uncomfortable, me too
>we stop and i lock her out the building before i run back upstairs
Now feel like i abused her and feel bad. Also keep losing erection when having sex cause this episode haunts me

hypocritical bitch. i feel you user

Let me please check em

End your life

>Be me, 17 , virgin
>first gf shes not virgin
>she's alone at her house
>get in there, we watch some adam sandler shit movie in the tv
>laying on the couch, things go on
>we go to her room
>clothes off
>put on condom
>ready to smash
>get it in
>its in
>finally
>balding asian man in his late 40s comes out of nowhere
>shakes my hand and gives me my non virgin certification
>"conglatulations"
>we smile for the camera
>he fucks me
>i nut
good times

>Also keep losing erection when having sex cause this episode haunts me
toppest kek. Godspeed you poor bastard.

>while she lick my asshole i try to fist her
that seems like a nearly impossible position to pull off

Listen to my tale of woe.

>drunk friend passed out in my bed after we were talking
>decide im not going to sleep someplace else
>decided I was not going to go to bed with blueballs either
>start rubbing her pussy through her shorts
>start jacking off
>grope her tits, get a finger inside of her
>cum hard, but shoot up, get cum on my face and some in my mouth
>instinctively jerk had up to wipe off my face
>this wakes her up and she looks at me with my dick out looking exasperated
>she says "what are you doing?"
>I tell her "I just came in your mouth"
>no idea why I said this
>she gives me a real fucked up look, and stumbles to the living room
>calls a friend to pick her up
>never talked to me again

Pay for that wall you smelly greaseback

what part of worst don't you understand?

...

That's fucked up m9. At least you were not...

>choked and gagged by brambles of unkempt and soiled pubic hair that ran all the way up to her bellybutton
>pulling pieces of toilet paper out of your teeth

God what have I done.

serves you right you fucking disgusting hornball

I know, life's been nothing but pain.

my spirit is crushed and I'm not coming back

This isn't sexual faggot

wtf am i reading

get off your high horse you racist piece of shit, i went to canada because i got a scholarship and then i got offered an awesome job, well, because i'm better than most and definitely better than you. i bet you haven't done anything with your life.

i'm glad that orange monkey is fucking up your country, and if the wall is made, you idiots are going to pay for it with your taxes. apuesto a que no sabes otro idioma más que el inglés, típico estadounidense ignorante. continúa sufriendo en la oscuridad, perdedor.

should I have been more descriptive?

she wanted to fuck me in her class room on the last day and I choked, what isn't sexual about that?

adam sandler movie makes it the worsdt

Top KEK

i bet you got triggered because i was fucking an american girl LOL you probably can't even get a girl in your own country, (a cousin doesn't count) let alone from another

The self-shot.

A goddamned classic.

This is why I always aim for my own chest/try to cover my dicks head with something when fapping in unfavorable moments .

>I mean really, who tells you to fuck them in the ass when they know they have to shit?

We all know "she" was a man, you are not fooling anyone.

In the same way that if we were talking about criminal things we've done, you couldn't say "once I wanted to steal a Mars bar and one day I will."

TOP KEK

Once fucked a 2 month pregnant chick who wanted me to cum in her. She said, "It's not like I'm going to get pregnant again."

Long story short, don't stick your dick in crazy.

When you meet a stranger in the woods for sex, just be prepared to get shit on your dick...or murdered. Which ever comes first.

Not really? Imagine 69 position. Also i was like one feet taller than her

In what way possible is stealing comparable with lust?

Kek

You sound like you continuously put yourself into these situations.

>I mean really, who tells you to fuck them in the ass when they know they have to shit?
My ex-wife. I should have ended my life.

Fucking shit, man you're pathetic!

Yes, I was an idiot cuck with feelings of inferiority. But I uncucked myself. Better late than never.

>be me, 14
>boyfriend is 16 year old bisexual
>he's the sweetest boy I've ever met, tells me how much he loves me, brings me flowers, draws me things and sneaks into my room late at night
>he's not a virgin, I am
>I often talk to him about my music teacher, who I absolutely adored at the time, and still do
>show him pictures, he thinks my teacher is cute
>the night comes, he sneaks into my room while my parents are out, catches me by surprise while I'm on the bed
>I'm into it
>he starts kissing my neck and I'm giggling like the child I am
>fast forward, he's inside me and about to cum
>he moans my teacher's name
>looks at me, eyes wide with shock and fear
>"w-wait, I'm sorry--"
>push him off me and run to the bathroom crying
We didn't talk much after that, and a couple years later he actually started dating my teacher.