Hey Sup Forums apparently I made offensive edgy jokes to my friends GF and she wants an apology...

Hey Sup Forums apparently I made offensive edgy jokes to my friends GF and she wants an apology. Im not too good at apologizing so I hope you guys can help.

First 125 posts are what ill say in person and ill film myself doing so.

Darling, a wise man once said...

Tits or gtfo

Anyways, seriously, fucking

Listen here nigger...

I'm OP, and I suck logs of shit out of random men's assholes for money. I make sure to savour the taste before swallowing of course.

should be a priority in this relationship.

Timestamp or gtfo

I'm sorry you feel offended.

>my friends GF
kek, ok.

just give her a nice apologetic pinch on the ass and say sorry. you don't have to mean it, she just has to think you do. simple as.

Now I'm not saying I agree with Hitler, but

eat shit and get bent, niggerlover

But wait a second, I suck nigger cock

im sorry for calling you a cunt in front of everybody, i didnt know it was a secret

I did 9/11

pneomonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanocaniosis-infected antidisestablishmentarianist. I bet you have kexekosioihexekontahexaphobia.

You know how it is, I'm sure you've sucked five niggers in a back alley for heroin before.

i just don't trust blacks

Hitler was unironically right and should be remembered as a hero of the German people

so I buy their sperm off e-bay.

You know how it is

I want to suck a log of shit out of Andy Sixx's asshole

Steamy, creamy, dreamy loaf of shit, slidding down me throat

Oh yeah I got swag. Because everybody needs toucan stubs.

I'm paid by your dad to say all this stuff. He hates your guts because he secretly wants to fuck you up the ass

And you always need to remember, "This is how you eat a Big Mac nigga!"

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

he became the shepherd instead of the vengeance.

just say your joking and you should probably stop spending so much time on Sup Forums with these fucking animals

I would suck a fart out of your asshole and hold it like a bong rip.

The fawn looks at the rainbow drop and blushes with a soft smile at how welcoming he is, he sees the tasty looking soup and nods cutely "That would be lovely thank you OOO.." He peeps adorably, hoping he got his name right as he sits down to make himself comfortable, it was nice and cozy on the cottage away from the cold weather in the open woods

You: *and he was quite hungry after his little journey to the market that morning

Me: The rainbow drop stands up and goes over to the cauldron, stirring it and gives the concoction a taste "AHHHH~ perfect" he sighed out and prepares two bowls of the clear dark geen soup "please, sit~"

You: Micah nods and sits as he looks around "So this is your home?...I've never seen you around these parts OOO." He peeps before being given the soup, he licks his pink lips at the smell and politely begins to sip

Me: "Ohh yes, I've lived here all my live" he indulges in his soup awell smiling as he sees miccah drinking, knowing what this concoctions effects are going to do to this young fawn

You: Micah nods as he sips cutely, nearly drinking most of the soup in one sitting, his tiny tail wiggles "thank you OOO! That soup was amazing, could I have the recipe? My mom would lov..." He fades off a bit, feeling a little dizzy and numb, he shakes his head but that doesn't help "s-sorry..." He peeps, thinking he was just exhausted from today

Me: The soup caused quite a stir up in Young miccahs body, first it would tether him magically to this cottage, so he could never leave it even if you would want too. secondly ith would reverse all the pottytraining he had ever received make him entirely dependent on diapers and making him poot quite often, third it would cause a foofie to grow inbetween his peen and butthole, and fourth and last it would cause him to actually bear fruit, making him capable of becoming pregnant while also allowing his little marbles to produce seed of their own

Yo look sweet tits. I got a little shit faced the other fucking night and overstepped your boundaries. I think it would be better if I ignored your candy ass in fear of reoffending and end this high school drama, you beef curtain queen. If you wanna fuck, hit me up. Just stop being a twat.
Oh yeah, sorry.

Hey there this is Danny Fresh with a fresh pizza tip for you do you wanna know how to receive a free one topping dominos pizza from dominos pizzeria and restaurant well sit down let me tell you step 1 telephone a dominos pizza eatery restaurant and order a large 1 topping pizza and the guy will say what pizza topping would you like and then you say I want my topping to be another steaming hot dominos 1 topping pizza so the guy asks ok what topping would you like on your dominos one topping pizza topping one topping pizza and you respond with a dominos one topping pizza and continue to order dominos one topping pizza top pizzas until you are at a pizza topped with 71 dominos one topping pizzas and then the pizza guy will say wait one moment sir we don't have any pizza boxes that will fit this 71 dominos one topping pizza top pizza so you say hold on and run to home depot and purchase a maytag refrigerator and when it comes time to pay for the maytag refrigerator you offer to pay home depot not with cash but with 70 piping hot dominos one topping pizzas and they of course accept so you buy the fridge and you take it back to dominos pizzeria restaurant and you give the pizza guy the maytag refrigerator box and put the 71 top dominos one topping pizza into it and you pay dominos using a brand new maytag refrigerator which retails for $3,399 US dollars so then you take the maytag refrigerator box filled with a 71 top dominos one topping pizza back to home Depot and you give it to the cashier there as payment for your brand new maytag refrigerator which retails for $3,399 US dollars and when the cashier turns his back to get your receipt you snatch the 71st dominos one topping pizza off the top of your dominos one topping pizza stack and you put it in your pocket and there you have yourself a steaming hot dominos one topping PIZZa

is the poop stationary, or is it floating up? Or is the sky floating down?

You don't matter. You never mattered. You're just another cunt that has so little self esteem you have to poke holes in everything people say to you. You claim to be offended just for that fleeting moment of superiority before you go back to your boring deadend life. You will end up having kids that suck the life out of you all the while telling yourself you love them. But you won't love them. You have no love in your heart. You're just desperately looking for something to fill that gaping hole in your heart left by the neglect of your parents.

The cellar they had been led down was a fully furnished film studio, lights, cameras, and different sceneries everywhere. they had been informed that they had to choose a set, and that escape was impossible. they had been kept in their regular clothing, with one addition, poofy diapers replacing their underwear. before them lay different sets: a bedroom with a queensized bed, a kids room with some not so kidfriendly toys and a changing table, and what looked like the inside of a van with a mattress. judy and tommy where uncertain what to pick
He glanced arund the rooms, the van looked too scary, the bed room reminded him of his parents, the playroom looked the most inviting, he nudged judy and pointed to that room with a small shrug "lets go in there?" he suggested meekly, tugging at the edge of the diaper
She nodded, of all the presented options, the play room looked the most inviting, she even recognized a toy that she had found in sammy's room, her big brother. She gulped and said "we'll take the playroom"
nervously he grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly, unsure what would happen next, but at least this room had some toys, even if some of them looked very scary as the shuffled into the room his eyes were darting about all over the place
The toys in the room consisted of some beads on a string, a weewee made of rubber, a rubber cyclinder that had a hole in the middle, and some other stuff. the changing table was fully equipped with spare diapers in their size, wipes, powder, rash cream, and another large bottle with some goopy stuff. there also was a playcarpet, and an appropriately sized bed including pillow and blanket.
he picked up the beads on a a string "what kind of toy is this judy?" he spun them around his head. his eyes went wide "is that a peepee?" it was much larger than his own, he tore his eyes away from it and looked at judy "what are we doing here judy? im a little scared" he moved over towards the bed and sat on the soft matress

judy had been told the script already, and it was part of the script to keep tommy unknowing till now. they were to strip, fondle each other, and then she had to put her weewee in his foofie. her stiffy was big for her age, and his foofie like so many things on him were underdeveloped. for example he didn't fully become pottytrained until first grade, and he still wet his bed. he still was her best friend though, partially because not many kids liked him, and he was easy to boss around. She began to stutter and than caught herself, speaking in feigned calming voice "we gotta get nakie first"
he looked over at her suspiciously "we do? why judy?" he looked at the floor in front of him and ground his toe in the rug, then he shrugged and started to undress. Soon he was down to just the diaper he had been placed in "this too?" he asked innocently
The cameras had started filming the moment the entered the room. judy went around the room and picked up a blindfold "here put this on, while i get nakie. and why you would take your diaper off, is it already full ?~ " she already began teasing
"NO its not full!" he yelled at he "and you said nakie" he face blushed red he took the blindfold"you dont trust me not to peek?"
"I'll take it off for you when i'm done" judy said mentally already having him bound spread-eagle to the bedposts.

First, what was the edgy comment/s? I'll determine if you even need to appologize or you need to bitch slap your friend's bitch.

Too many women today can't take a joke, and even less women today understand the reality of things. Edgy comments tend to be honest, so I want to hear what happened first before I give advice.

"ok bossy" he giggled at her, placing the blindfold over his eyes he sat back on the edge of the bed wearing just a diaper, thankfully the room was warm but he stil folded his arms over his chest, as if to proctect his modesty
She picked up four pieces of rope, said "lay on your back please" and Swiftly bound him spread-eagle before he could really resist, although he certainly protested
before he realised what was happening he was bound at all four limbs "judy, what are you doing?" fear was laced through his voice as he tugged at the ropes "please untie me"
judy took her time to undress, first her whistle, then the shoes, her top, revealing her completely flat chest, next her socks, her pants which shoe her diapered butt quite nicely, and finally her diaper that she had already dribbled foofiejuice in. Now completely nakie, she let loose a quite musky poot _POOOOOOt~~~~~_ and sat on the bed inbetween tommys widely spread legs, and took his blindfold off.
he coughed a little at the aroma she released, he blinked a little at the bright lights, as his vision returned he noticed judy was completely nude, then his eyes fixed on her weewee, it was almost twice as big as his "whats going on judy? why did you tie me up? what game are we playing?"
"we are gonna play a game i saw sammy play with jenny once" she said as the pressed down on his tummy, compressing his bowels, causing him to poot. her own weewee was still flaccid and for now as big as tommy's.

he tried to hold it back, but her pressure on his stomach caused him to release a loud long poot, the escaping gasses blew all over judy's legs. POOOOOOOOOT, his face blushed bright red "im Sorry judy"
She sniffed it, her weewee twitching a little in excitement at the smell, as she ripped open the tabs on his diaper, revealing a little weewee and a smooth pair of balls, laying atop a tight little virgin foofie. she scooted forward a little and began to rub her weewee against his.
"J..judy? what are you doing?! Mummy said this is bad" he pulled harder on the ropes, trying to escape the bonds, unable to prevent he weewee getting a little hard as she toyed with his tiny boyhood, he looked at her face, a look he had never seen before was all over it
"but thats how sammy and jenny played, are you saying sammy is a Bad boy ?" as she continued frotting, getting them bot more and more stiffy by the second
"if he is doing this he must be a naughty boy, you are being a naughty girl too" he tried to stifle a moan as his weewee became fully stiffy

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —.

judy moaned freely as her weewee went completely stiffy and began to leak clear stickies "ahhnn~" as she processed tommy's answer, she got really mad, and slapped his cheek, leaving a red print of her hand. "Nobody calls me or sammy naughty, mister poopypants-at-the-school-recital. " indeed he had vanished with the teacher that sat between her and him halfway through the recital
"who...who told you?" he held his face, still stinging from the slap he recieved. He looked down at the clearish liquid leaking from her weewee, he never seen anything likt that before
"i smelled it, you really did a number on those undies" she said as she started to peel back his foreskin, revealing his little head, her own foreskin already pulled back by all that frotting.
he blush deepened as she reminded him of that little accident, but he quickly forgot all about that as she took his weewee into her hands and started moving the taut skin about
"There, now your weewee looks like mine, except alot smaller" she said as she pulled back his foreskin fully. it had a faint pee and boy musk to it, but nothing compared to judys clear stickies.
he looked down at their weewees, her was clearly much larger than his, the shame he felt about a girl being bigger than he was palpable, unable to cover the source of his shame he just closed his eyes, he bit his liup as he wished himself out of this situation
judy smirked, now she would put her stiffy up his foofie. She scooted a little backwards and positioned her leaky stiffy weewee right at the entrance of his still completely dry little foofie.

...

user speaking, and I really want Star Butterfly of Star Vs. The Forces of Evil's tight Mewman pussy. I want to fuck her so bad.

Fuck me in boipucci pls bby

War. War never changes.
Since the dawn of human kind, when our ancestors first discovered the killing power of rock and bone, blood has been spilled in the name of everything: from God to justice to simple, psychotic rage.

In the year 2077, after millennia of armed conflict, the destructive nature of man could sustain itself no longer. The world was plunged into an abyss of nuclear fire and radiation.

But it was not, as some had predicted, the end of the world. Instead, the apocalypse was simply the prologue to another bloody chapter of human history. For man had succeeded in destroying the world - but war, war never changes.

In the early days, thousands were spared the horrors of the holocaust by taking refuge in enormous underground shelters, known as vaults. But when they emerged, they had only the hell of the wastes to greet them - all except those in Vault 101. For on that fateful day, when fire rained from the sky, the giant steel door of Vault 101 slid closed... and never reopened. It was here you were born. It is here you will die.

Because, in Vault 101: no one ever enters, and no one ever leaves.

he tried to move away from her, but the ropes held him fast "please dont judy, Mummy said i musnt, please!" he begged, eyes wide with fear as her weewee pressed agasint his virgin foofie
judy took good aim and then pressed forwards with the weight of her whole body, popping his cherry instantaneously, jamming about half of her stiffy in, and letting out a loud, long, quite musky poot due to the effort. _POOOOOOOOOOT~~~~~~~~_ The amount of blood coming as result of tommys destroyed virginity was quite astounding and was exactly the lubricant they needed now.
he screamed in pain as she impaled him on her weewee, the force of her thrust caused him to release his own poot almost at the same time as herown POOOOOOT~~~~ He lay there half in pain, half in pleasure. Unsure how to react his young body just froze

Keep it simple:

It's not a dick - don't take it so hard.

Webster's Dictionary defines Dictionary as:
1: a reference source in print or electronic form containing words usually alphabetically arranged along with information about their forms, pronunciations, functions, etymologies, meanings, and syntactic and idiomatic uses
2: a reference book listing alphabetically terms or names important to a particular subject or activity along with discussion of their meanings and applications
3: a reference book listing alphabetically the words of one language and showing their meanings or translations in another language
4: a computerized list (as of items of data or words) used for reference (as for information retrieval or word processing)

What's up with the babyrape fanfic? Wait, are you actually gonna say that? Wait, are you actually gonna say THAT? You're gonna sound crazy. I'M NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE CRAZY. FUCK THIS SHIT I'M SO DONE WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT I'M GONNA SHOOT UP THE SCHOOL NEXT WEEK

I bet you have a puffy vagina. Is that why you're so angry all the time? Does your vagina look like an explosion happened in a butcher shop and people just left the remains to rot?

Ya fucked it.

I really need you to fart in my mouth....bare assed fart in my wide open mouth.

Intersectional theory is unfalsifiable and entirely based on projective identification.