Secrets thread, volume 3! Let's keep it going, anons...

Secrets thread, volume 3! Let's keep it going, anons. You guys are kjeeping me distracted from existential dread and depression.

i'm back

i've fucked my best friend's wife and got caught twice doing it, i've fucked like 3 of my high school friends moms, i've stolen more shit from my friends and stabbed them in the back than can be imagined. i'm basically just a prick. i married a girl but i dont' love her, she's just pussy to fuck until i find my real love. more later, my fingers are hurting. i'm the scars and fucked up knuckles guy formthe last thread

nigger why'd you marry her? you realize you're gonna get fucked economically at some point

this is my favorite porn. there is nothing hotter for me than tiny little white girls sucking big black nigger dick

I've been shitting in the shower for the past 4 years. Will keep doing so.

I regularly masturbate in my cubicle at work.

I use drugs to... not be bored. I pretend that it's because i'm in pain.

I've beaten someone to near death for $100 before

Every story i tell my friends is made up, if only to keep them from knowing who i actually am.

I've come to hate her. Goddamnit.

Wrong thread m8.

I was at a party when we ran out of rolling papers and beer.

It was getting late but 24 hour petrol station about 30 mins away.

Decided was gonna go for more beer but mate couldn't be arsed to walk with me. His girlfriend however did.

As soon as we crossed the dark park she asked me outright if I wanna fuck.

Trousers down, straight in get pumping, gonna cum, she spins round takes my load in her mouth.

We then notice some random guy is watching us. We high tail it out there.

Get beer get back to party, friend is now passed out. We go in garden for smokes and beers, fuck in the shed till sun rise.

He still don't know.

did you not even read my post? i'll just bail and run. she won't get shit out of me. allimony? hahahaha that's a fucking wet dream. i'm already wanted in 2 states, and have 4 aliases i go under. the best thing she can do is just leave me. i'm not even with her right now, i'm at one of my side girls places

No, I'm in the right thread. I'm the one that wants to be a girl for one day to see how the bitches live. One fucking day.

my moms friend tried to fonger me in the back of my moms friend

Things that didn't happen - the post

see

I really want best job.

Honest question, why are you so proud of being a piece of shit?

why the fuck do you neckbeards always ask for the truth but then claim it never happened? everybody does not live the shit boring mom's basement life that you must have. i swear, i should write a book for all the shit i've done and been through. some people just have a more interesting, or should i say, a more dangerous life than you have.

or are you the guy that was desperately trying to have the last post in that thread last night? so sad.

>i swear, i should write a book for all the shit i've done and been through
good idea, fiction is selling really well atm

i'm not, but this is a secrets thread, right? some people would think james bond's charecter was a piece of shit. 99% of people say hitler was a POS. but you must admit, it would be so much fucking fun to have been them. i'm just that on a smaller scale.

we know you live in your moms basement, stop going on about it. nobody cares.

whatever asshole. maybe next year when you turn 14 you might have some fun. but i kinda doubt it

I'm a lolifag and I'm a female.

Oh, I think someone is a little butthurt and getting defensive.

You ought to try to make your stories a little more credible is all.

>or are you the guy that was desperately trying to have the last post in that thread last night?
Wat? Do you fucking live on here? because I sure as hell wasn't here yesterday. This confirms your story is a fiction as you spend all your time on Sup Forums

nice bra

are you the scar lover? i'm the broken leg guy

>drops attention-grabbing line when thread is dying

sure you are OP

how do you live with yourself?

like daddy play ?

I can believe this. Why'd she do it though

Haha! Really you remember me?!

Hey broken leg user, yeah same scarfag, tend to take a pic?

>OP?

Damn really? I mean I started a thread or two but not this one

Simple, loli is loli, it's a fetish for me

No not really funnily enough I'd rather take a loli, not be a loli

nope, wrong on both counts. i just have so much money and free time i hit this board a little more often than i should. see, my money is already made, so i don't really give a fuck for nothing. so think what you want.

Assuming your post is true, what the fuck are you doing on Sup Forums?

not into loli usually but i am entirely onboard with louise loli

I love to fonger someone

Ok, ok you're going to fucking hate me, but I actually have to go spend time with the bf, so I will be back, keep this thread going for 20-40 mins if not link to a new one or I'll go hunting for a new secrets thread. Sorry for the dick tease it wasn't intentional (well not so much!)

...

>i just have so little money and so much free time i hit this board a little more often than i should
FTFY

So your life lacks a sufficient amount of substance to you, so you betray people who have trust in you, in order to feel something more than the mundane? Some excitement?

Or just selfish as fuck and making excuses with awesome sounding reasons?

Not being a dick, this is just what I got from your words.

>my money is already made,
welfare checks

i'm whats called a "functional alcoholic". i've drank my life away, but i've also been so blessed that every damn thing i do works. i could fall ass backwards into a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose. so, i've got lots of money and free time. i don't work, i have women to do that for me. and i'm really not shitting about that. i haven't hit a lick at a snake in 10 years. so i have a lot of time to do nothing. so, go to Sup Forums just to fuck around

What are you trying to say

i cheat on my military husband a lot and i can't sleep and i'm always depressed and i wanna headbutt a train

>Or just selfish as fuck
you fucking nailed it bud, selfish as fuck. i'm not proud of it, but what the fuck, i can get away with it so why not? they're just people. it's not like every one of them hasn't done something that they deserve this for.

Do it more!

post your kik georgia

Kill yourself

>i wanna headbutt a train
that's got to be the quote of the day. can i use that in my act?

>i cheat on my military husband a lot and i can't sleep and i'm always depressed and i wanna headbutt a train

Inside the life of a dependopotamus.

what do you guys actually think is going to happen if you kik her? its not like any of you will meet up with her, if she's even legit.

tits or gtfo

Tits or gtfo

post yours, i'm not posting my kik in public

i'm not fat

My b/ro! To minds one thought!

>To minds
>To

Holy fuck.. again!!!!

Last night I had sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

Oh, I'm also addicted to heroin and my live in GF, friends, and family have no clue

nudes and saucy conversation

>i'm not posting my kik in public
ok that's fair it's Sup Forums
>post yours
wat

I have invented a new form of shitposting, which I call "post-ironic polymeta shitposting." I am very proud of it. It is basically a Stephen Wright joke, except even more devoid of humor than a Stephen Wright joke.

I expect it to become enormously popular.

You saw it here first.

i have a little white step daughter (yes, she's over 18) that i want to see in the middle of a "compromising situation"

i hope that maybe one day, i'll come across this on one of my internet boards i frequent.....

browsing the porn section

see this

"Tiny little strawberry-blonde girl sucks off a gang of niggers in Throat Gagger scene"

and then the description

"Tiny 5 foot nothing sucks off the biggest, blackest dicks in porn, and eats ALL the cum"

and it's right above a blowbang publicity pic of her down on her knees with her sweet little face surrounded by 10 black cocks right at mouth level, all 10" or more, all within inches of her innocent little lips but all ready for sucking and doing a tonsillectomy on this tiny little white girl. i'm talking a mercilessly hard throat fucking. i mean that mouth is going to be a warm, wet, sloppy home for hard nigger cock for the next two hours of more. a nasty spit and pre cum filled fuck socket for MASSIVE BLACK COCKS.

i want to watch that little fucking whore SWALLOW big black cocks. i mean like mandingo BBC. and i mean a fucking 10 nigger mouth raping. at the first of the scene she would be asked "what are you here to do today?" and her answer would be, "suck a lot of black dick" then she would be asked "how many" and she'd answer "i don't even know how many are here. i guess every black dick here gets a turn in my mouth." when she has a pitch black telephone pole size hard nigger cock in her throat and they ask her if she loves sucking black cock, the only thing i want to hear out of her is "glugg gaahh gagg flughhh". i want to watch her nose touch a 12" nigger dicks stomach. i mean swallow it right down to the fucking nuts!!! and as the box cover said, she's gotta eat ALL THE SPERM!!! load after load i mean. good source of iron style, thick ropes of hot nigger sperm filling her sweet little white mouth and sliding down her tiny little white throat.

seriously, she's a fucking bitch. i hate her

so he's the one who'll get spammed, not me. get it?

I spread mold in public bathrooms by leaving food and other things capable of rotting above the ceiling plates where no one will find it before it's too late.

One time I took down a ceiling plate and pissed all over it and the put it back up. One day later when I returned the whole plate had yellow spots on it.

Sometimes I take thongs and leave them in odd places, usually public bathrooms or busses. I do all this because I find it funny thinking how to person that finds it reacts.

>i'm not proud of it
Then why not change?

>it's not like every one of them hasn't done something that they deserve this for.
What did every one of them do to deserve what you did to them?

And how are you caught fucking his wife twice? How does someone just "catch" their wife fuçking the same guy twice and no one die?

You sick fuck I love you

>One time I took down a ceiling plate
WTF is a ceiling plate? do you mean a tile in a drop ceiling?

lets compromise.
send your kik through to [email protected], and everybody wins

>How does someone just "catch" their wife fuçking the same guy twice and no one die?

if you would be the one to die, you would think twice before acting in the moment. and he was my friend, so he thought i'd learn from it. i also stole his girlfriend after he got divorced from the wife. he stopped bringing women around me after that and blamed me for ruining his life.

I've lost count how many dogs i fucked with

now wait a damn minute. people are worthless scum, but don't fuck with doggos

female?

Did you notice how you focused more on vivid detailed descriptions of the nigger dicks than you did her, user?

>What did every one of them do to deserve what you did to them?
oh and i forgot to answer that question. there is no person on this planet that hasn't done something in there life that they don't deserve to die for. think back on your life. unless you are either god or batman, you have done at least one thing that someone somewhere would like to kill your ass for. nobody is innocent

>he was my friend
Which brings me back to the question, What did every one of them do to deserve what you did to them?

> a mates mate is spilling the beans about this new website startup he's doing.
> good and easy idea,
> be a web dev, so I do it myself secretly.
> after a year I make bit over 50% salary atm from this site
> started working only 40-60% and haven't told anyone.
> have to prepare some other lie why I don't work full time when they finally start to catch on
> thinking about moving to Prague

That's because I want to see her degraded to the maximum, and to me, that is the maximum degradation. So if I'm going to tell this story, it has to be detailed to that extent. That's what I want to see, the little cunt getting throat fucked like that. I fucking hate her.

check the post right above yours, i think we were both typing at the same time

tell me more user

>you have done at least one thing that someone somewhere would like to kill your ass for.
Some people kill over shit like their food order being wrong or someone looking at them "funny" or because "fuck everyone who isn't me". Some people have stupid reasons.

Oh I see now. I think we were.

Why do you hate her that bad?

I spent all my life telling people im white, when in fact both my parents are Chinese. Its an embarrassment to me, and i was nearly afraid people would know something was up when i instantly started pissing when i stepped into the coca cola factory

Here's how I'd like to see this little bitch, just getting railed. Unfortunately, she's never hit on hard times enough to need rent money that bad I guess.

See

well that is true, i won't deny that. but i'm not talking about that shit, that's nigger/gang/trailertrash type shit.

I secretly beat one of the dogs i live with to assert dominance over the other dogs. It works, too.

i hate my ex but id still nail the living fuck out of her till she cums all over my dick. then id make her suck it off cuz fuck that bitch.

>Keep baiting those hook, they keep responding

Truly, for being full of shit you are a masterbait salesman

> Started working less few months ago
> partied a bit to celebrate
> swore I'd be disciplined, go to gym and expand my stolen startup
> instead currently spending most of the time smoking weed, playing CS GO, and sleeping in late
> this makes my 2-3 day work week kinda shitty

I thought I had a friend. He misinterpreted a drunken text I sent him at 3 am while thinking about the fate of my deceased father, basically to the effect of "You're a good guy, God will look after you. Me too" and rushed to my house the following morning believing I might have killed myself. Save for the fact that I'm not even remotely suicidal, he has experienced suicide firsthand and didn't want to see it again.

I can sympathise with this, but I digress. I, who am by no means quick to wake, and borderline deliriously hung over, stumble out of bed as a stranger enters my room, try my best to acclimate, and venture out with him to get some weed. We smoke a few bowls, and it is at this point I realize how completely wrecked I am. I have had less than two hours of sleep, am completely dehydrated, and now high, am on the verge of passing out.

He somewhat angrily derides me for being in such a state, and drops me back at my house, saying "You seem to be in too much agony to hang out." Too tired to think, let alone discuss his feelings toward me, I agree with the sentiment, state that I have to get some sleep, because I feel like absolute death.

I text him the next day, giving props for good looks, and now, two weeks later, haven't heard a peep from him, though I have texted and called several times. I refuse to believe I'm the asshole in this situation. I may drink too much from time to time, and I apologized for causing him such worry, but I think it's rather shitty to just up and cease contact with a friend just because you're bent out of shape over a single night's misstep.

Anyone care to lend their thoughts on the matter?

>I'm not greentexting this. Too tired to do bullshit formatting

Muslim girl I work with told me she has a boyfriend. Her father and brothers would probably kill her for this.

She's been sucking my dick for about a month now to keep the silence

tell me more

Not going into all that, but she tried to destroy the family. She was a pathological liar and a clepto. Not my opinion, a shrink diagnosed her after the court made her go for testing. I told everyone how fucked up she was, nobody wanted to listen. She was the cute little kid and they thought she could do no wrong. Anytime she didn't get her way, she ran to DSS and reported her mom for something or other. It was crazy for years until she turn 16 and ran away with a 25 year old ex-con pedophile. I gave up 10 years of my life and money to try and turn this kid around. She was a terminal fuckup. So now I want to see her punished.

Well I think you're a dick.

well i appriciate the compliment. but seriously my friend. it is really all true. what the fuck would i gain by lying to Sup Forums? i'm just here out of boredom.

Got a few

>I've eaten out my work colleagues 16yo, legal, daughter in my then girlfriends bed

>I fucked a now good friends girlfriend in the back of my car when they were on the rocks

>I wasn't caught for a rape five years ago

>I've fucked my boss multiple times while she's pregnant and her husband is cool with it

>first start doing anal
>didn't have a dildo
>buy a cucumber
>slowly edge into my ass with lube
>feels good
>after a while it doesn't feel that great
>clean it off with water
>eat the end so I could insert the thicker bit

Regret it every day.

I am not sure about this but I keep getting the thoughts of raping and torturing girls before I kill them.
It gets me off

This is one part
The other part being I an slowly turning bisexuals and sometimes I want to become someone's sissy slut

fuck him, nobody asked for his input. find a better friend that doesn't insert his ass in your life then judge you when it doesn't go his way. i've had that before, screw that.

How did you get lots of money?
Inheritance?

in the odd/even fap/sleep thread,
i rolled to sleep, but i fapped instead

One of my many fucked up secrets..
I cross dress and let strangers abuse me.

Anyone want to kik?