I'm starting to genuinely want to kill myself

I'm starting to genuinely want to kill myself.
I can only take so much of this emptiness, of this self loathing, and watching all my friends drift away through my own fault.
I wanted to see some of them tonight and nobody answered, and for a while the answers have been slowly decreasing.
A life of constant self sabotage doesn't feel like much of a life at all, and I'm struggling to find reasons to keep going.
Maybe I can keep up with self harm and hide it like I always have, but that's a short term solution.
I guess I could keep drinking but that's just killing me slowly, I shake all the time now.
I guess I'm hoping for some moralfags to give me an inking of a reason not to mutilate or kill myself.

Nothing then?

Stop being a pussy. Fuck others and just live for you.

Don't kill yourself annon...I'm miserable too!

you know what really helps me? taking lots of designer drugs and rejecting objectivity in favor of subjectivity.

if there is one thing drugs have shown me its that no matter how bad you feel, you can always make yourself feel better.

alcohol is poison and kinda just propagates negative cycles and habits. try to eat healthy, clean, fresh foods and drink lots of water, get out in the sun, maybe look into certain supplements like vitamin D which actually helped improve my mood alot, nootropic drugs like pramiracetam, noopept, etc also help if you find ones that work with your unique chemistry, but yeah man idunno ive always believed that a sick person needs to face their demons to get better, most modern medications and things like alcohol and opiates sort of just mask the problem, there is always a danger of crossing a line you cant go back from but really there is no way to actually fix the root causes of apathy and/or depression without instigating a powerful introspective experience be it through drugs, tantra or other clarity-inducing practices.

for example, i used to be all sorts of fucked up, but after a few good trips and way too much k under my belt my perspective on life has literally done a 180, there were some times where i really felt like i had gone too far but generally if a mindset or drug makes you uncomfortable that means there is something you are neglecting to address within its context and after passing through those hells and coming out cohesive and alive was almost like a second birth.

idunno man, good luck.

You still there faggot? ??

You got a phone? Wanna talk?

If i had the courage i would of done it by now

>A life of constant self sabotage doesn't feel like much of a life at all, and I'm struggling to find reasons to keep going.

Oh yeah, this one right here.

I understand ...I'm here for you friend!...

stop drinking and drugs and see how you feel in 6 months, then stop forever no matter what and suck it up like the rest of us, otherwise you were never alive anyway, just a sponge for the booze and drug companies.

I dont drink or do drugs. I eat healthy, drink plenty of water, exercise. I have no friends (my fault) and i am ugly probably a 4/10. I still want to die

are you employed OP?
do you live alone or with parents
how is health

Ok...well said ...what are you trying to become some kind of savior?

doubles call for a greenstory
why do you feel miserable user?

Shut the fuck up you whiny piece of shit. I'm a sex offender and I'm not even 30. I've gotta live the rest of my life scraping by and i still find the will to carry on. Nut up and drive on.

You know, you sound a lot like me. Everything you said I can 100% relate to in my life right now, aside from the heavy drinking and self-harm. I just smoke a ton of weed and that does it for me. Anyway, I don't cry a whole lot, I'm not super depressed, I just genuinely want to fucking die.

I only want to kill myself when I spend lots of time around other people.

Not being invited anywhere, nobody caring about me, people only talk to me if they have nobody else, etc. In particular these 2 guys are good friends at work, if one is too sick to make it in the one who came in will be my friend for a day or two until the person he wants to spend time around returns, and then I am forgotten again.

Not fitting in with my contemporaries kills me inside because like any human I also suffer when alone, being around them makes me feel more alone than actually being alone. If I'm on my own I can say nobody spoke to me today because I didn't go outside, nobody was nice to me because I spoke to no-one, if I had, they might've. It is pure delusion.

I'm sure one day I will take my own life because of this

kek
greenstory?

Nothing special or funny. My wife said i raped her while I was in the military. I admitted to having mutually drunk sex with her when questioned by the cops and they ran with it. I took a plea deal to avoid facing 85 years in prison (that's the maximum sentence, i wouldn't have gotten that, but it's still scary to hear a lawyer say you *could*) so they put me in jail for 2 weeks, kicked me out of the army and here i am.

yeah sucks
spent the hole summer with a fellow countryman abroad. We shared same Housing and workplace together, spent our free time together, had all kind of fun, went to Parties etc. came back to our country - same city - and he never contacted me again, avoided me in Public etc. Feels shity

Oh its worth mentioning she only made these accusations because we were getting a divorce. Not sure how i left that out. This little box is so small

well that sucks. are you disappointed by women now?

No way. I made my decision to take the plea deal because it's not worth going to jail for 3 to 5 on a bullshit charge when i already admitted to having mutually drunk sex. They jury would've convicted me anyway. The army is so ravenous for sexual assault convictions that i really never stood a chance. Shoulda just lawyered up and i woulda been fine.

I've got a girlfriend and a decent enough job. The point is that life uh uh uh uh finds a way and you drive on whether you like it or not because you're not here for just you. Someone else cares and just because you're too stupid or blind to see it doesn't give you the excuse to take yourself away.

uh i am not OP if you think that

but i am just, well not disapointed in woman, but i dont see myself in a relationship. I tried, i failed, many times. I just try to give my life a point, knowing i wont have a wife, and no Kids. Its not a big Deal now, i enjoy it, but thinking about the Future scares me. Being an old man, with nobody taking care of me, its scary and sad....

I knew you weren't op.

I figure he's either still reading this or hanging from a belt in his room. Regardless, there are very few individuals that will be alone for the rest of their lives. These people are usually mentally fucked in some way. Sociopaths, child predators, gore addicts. If you don't fall into one of those categories, then its going to be fine.

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Just drop some acid once or twice within the same week. Your mindset on life altogether will change.

calling trips for OP to an hero

rollerino killerino