I'm sad

I'm sad.

>Be me
>4 years old
>dad always seemed short tempered and easily angry
>i feel like i do wrong a lot, worry a lot
>mom disciplines me a lot
>meh
>be 6
>dad slaps me hard on the face
>cry for a long time
>he's always been distant
>one day of the week he's usually not home but when he is we feel weird
>have 3 older brothers
>be really close to one of them
>the rest are meh
>oldest one is actually abusive, close to dad
>meh
>be 7
>dad told me he wished wwas a girl in the most uninerested, disappointed face and expression ever
>puts girls underwear and shoes in front of me and leaves
>cannot process that..what am i supposed to feel?..
>feeling depressed actually
>be minding my own business the other day at 7yr old
>dad tells me
>you're such a chore to take care of you're the last of my children and you're such a pain in the ass
>really stuck with me


cont? I kinda just wanna rant about my life growing up and how it is now.

Yes.

NOBODY CARES

Fuck off.

Sure go ahead, it might give you some catharsis.

Fuck this guy OP, spill the beans.

It's all right brah. Just let all that bad shit outta your chest.

>be me
>look at thread
>expect OP to get molested
>no this is just going to be some longwinded story about how he never felt like he belonged

Shut the fuck up, fag. OP clearly needs to get something off his chest.

Want me to kill your dad?

must agree with your father.
you do seem like an annoying little whiny prick.

alright.

cont.
>goes on for a while about how hard it is to take care of me
>dropping lots of hints
>be 8 years old
>no longer the youngest, we now have a sister
>entirely all the focus is shifted to her by both parents
>i only have my older brother who plays with me a lot and comforts me and shit
>but hes also growing, hes 4 years older, hes getting busier with school
>by now I'm always teased for crying by dad
>he really struck the idea that males dont cry in me at such a young age
>hate myself whenever I cry by now
>be 10
>meh, still abusive, though i will not deny he always made sure the family has what it needs
>be 12
>graduating from elementry
>he half assly comes to the party
>gives me a look like "why didnt you study better to be #1"
>always went really hard on me when I did a mistake in studying or something, like im supposed to be an angel who doesnt do wrong
>this continues until year 9, graduating from intermediate school
>he didnt even come to my graduation..
>my brother did though..thank you brother
>by now there are two more children, attention directly at them, but that's fine, I'm 15 by now so I;m old enough to take care of myself yea?
>dad really distant towards family
>99% of the time he's alone
>doesnt even eat dinner or lunch with us anymore

cont..

>thinking we actually give a fuck about ops feelings

cont.

>that one day
>he returns home from a work trip
>tells mom hes gonna divorce her. not even giving her a chance to hear why
>mom calmy opens my brother and i's room
>"your dad is divorcing me"
>my fucking heart shattered
>I'm so fucking pissed
>I'm so damn depressed
>how fucking could he just
>but he did
>he did divorce her, and tried to fuck her over
>she almost got fucked over big time but her borthers stepped in and took legal action to prevent the divorce from fucking her over
>but
>he just tore the family apart
>he doesnt even care about me or my little ssiblings anymore
>i moved with mom and little siblings
>he barely gave us money
>he barely answered
by now im really shaking with anger and sadness so excuse the typos
>until that one day
>he comes
>he owned the entire place just my mom was upstairs apartment he was downstairs apartment
>he acts like its all ok
>but he also tells my little siblings shit like
>your mother hates you and wants to kill you
>he s filling their heads with noonsense to make them hate her
>one day i get hit by a car
>he just blantly texts me "glad youre ok" like he even means it
>just
>shit goes on for a long time, the usual he tries to make siblings hate mom and hates me what not
>be 2014 by now
>one day i just lose it randomy at my room and cry for a long time
>that was also the last time I cried, ever.
>slowly he starts acting like he likes me or is fond of me
>by now my mom has her own place
>but little siblings live here, only go to her on weekends
>so do i, i cant live with her for now
>shes alone for the most part
>I don't cry anymore, instead i turned to self loahing and self torture
>I love hhitting my head on walls or pnching walls or burning myself
>I'm just so fucking sad
>But I don't feel like crying, I feel like hurting myself
>I'm obviously havin mental issues but who cares?


Not dad.

Your dad sounds like a psychopath.

Kinda felt better to vent. I forgot to get into how my life is now.

>I'm about to graduate
>dad acts like he loves me
>and my siblings
>but he does not
>I know he's waiting the moment he can kick me out
>I'm 18 now,
>i want to escape
>but I cannot escape and leave my siblings with him its unsafe
>my poor sibling themselves are flitered at their life
>they thin mom hates them
>they think its fun to live with dad
>theyre clueless
>im clueless
>i just want it to end
>but i cant kill myself, i have to stay for my siblings and my mom
>im only staying strong for my family
>i just want to be normal
>i lack a lot of social experience but im learning it by my own
>im introverted for the most part but im also social and know ow o talk to people and what not
>but some thingss i do may not be so acceptable, and im changing at my own pace
>i just want to live a normal life
>i wont get my childhood back so i just want to hav some fun in my life before work


I'll be okay, I guess.
thank you it really means a lot in this case. I utterly hate venting, it makes me feel weak, in fact, having emotions makes me feel weak, I'm aware my mind is filled with unhealthy thoughts but I'm changing at my own pace. any advice?

He most likely is.

Eldest son but I feel you, young bro
>Youngest bro is adored af while he was a baby
>Grew up pamperred by relatives
>Age 4 - 5, mom and dad just start to abuse him
>Slap his face, punch his hands, lock him in the toilet, cane his ass, etc.
>Don't know why but i join the fun too
>He's 15 now and I can see the effects
Feels bad, wished I could've done something

I forgot to mention, I was also flatly told that I was meant to be aborted :^)


I hope he's gonna be okay. Its good to know that you came to your senses. Talk to him about it, he'll refuse the closure but he needs it.

You don't feel shit user, you're an asshole

You're a stupid asshole. You probably should kill yourself. Your dad was right about you.

My advice would be mindfulness meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy user.
It helped me immensely and even if our issues have different sources, I believe it can help you too.

Yeah we're on good terms now. Dad still hates him, Mom is kinda... ehh.
>talk to him bout it
I think it would be best to keep this fake understanding and not destroy it with some emotional shit

Why all the butthurt? Mommy and daddy didn't love you enough?