What is the best homemade makeshift vagina?

What is the best homemade makeshift vagina?
How do you make it?

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Fuck a grapefruit

I can write you detailed guide, but first you will need female corpse.

kek

just be yourself op

Even a live female works.. Trust me im alpha as fuck, failed school and everyting.

See im alpha i said ting.

>I can write you detailed guide, but first you will need female corpse.

have you tried a raw chicken

lather up a sponge with icy hot. fold it in half and put it in a cup.

fold a glove or 2 up in a small towel then fold the wrist part over the towel and secure with a elastic band you can also tie some string to the fingers and pull it to make it tighter

Kek

You need
>two cleaning sponges
>rubber glove
>lubricant

>sandwich glove between the two sponges
>make sure you the opening end sticks out 5-10cm, depending on the glove
>fold opening backwards over the sponges
>lube up and enjoy

This. I can confirm I have tried this successfully

That shit looks comfy

Banana peel is nice, if a bit cold before you get it warmed up.

A leftover piece of cooked game warmed in hot water was also fun, but that's not something you can get every day. I've wanted to try other types of meat, but it's a waste of meat.

The glove/towel combo is really nice, but buying a stack of rubber gloves each month and permanently keeping one in your room is somewhat obvious.

In my opinion, a nice well-rounded pork tenderloin is ideal.
Start making an X cut into the center all the way through at least 7 inches.
At that point you want to lightly tie around the length of it(like a coil).
Make sure you are using an elastic string, though. If you don't have elastic strings just put individual elastics every 1/2 inch apart or so.
Stack 2 or 3 elastics at the opening.(If you like it tight)
Leave it at room temperature for at least 1 hour or soak it in warm water prior to use.(the tight opening should seal it)
If you do warm it up, though, make sure you don't take too long to get yourself off or else the meat won't be too good to eat afterwards.
Water trapped inside would most likely make it too wet.
If you want lube use cooking oil.
When you are done you remove the string and elastics, rinse the inside very well.(the outside as well but only barely)

Inside, you stuff some spices and seasoning(savory, basil, rosemary, garlic and 1 or 2 tsp of white wine, salt&pepper+a few drops of oil) and cheese(Brie or Camembert,..) with maybe some cranberries if you are feeling fancy.
When you are done stuffing, seal the opening of the tenderloin with a cooking string and work your way up without being too tight (strings dig into meat and makes it bleed = dry)
When the whole tenderloin is sealed and lightly tied(just enough to keep it round)
Let it rest 5~10 mins.
Preheat oven at 400˚F / 205°C.
Heat 1 Tbsp oil over med-high heat in an oven-safe pan.
When hot, sear on all sides for a total of ~6 minutes.
Throw the tenderloin and the pan in the oven and bake uncovered for 13-15 min, turning the tenderloin upside down halfway through baking.
Bake until the center of the pork registers at least 145˚F / 63°C then transfer to a cutting board and let it rest for 5-10 min.(You MAY sprinkle more salt& pepper at that point)
Slice and serve
Tip:
Only probe when you think it's done(otherwise it leaks)
Leave the probe inside while cooling(to plug it)

You guys wanna know how I know OP is a virgin?

Leave Sup Forums forever.

cause Sup Forums is full of virgins?

>Cup slightly longer than your dik
>two brand new dish sponges
>wet and ring them out
>place in cup so the sponges are facing one another
>take a extralarge condom shove tip between the sponges
>once the tip is at the bottom take tge band and go over the sponges and lip of the cup
>ad some kind of lube and have fun

Its disposable, adjustable, concealable when not in use.

this Op, Tingly Slimy Lube.

youtube.com/watch?v=N99Ps4nLBGU&feature=youtu.be&t=721

Son of a whore get off Sup Forums cringy 9gag faggot

mix it with a spoonful of lye, and I swear it feels as good or better than the real thing

...

Really? You didn't ask "How can I get a girl," you asked for assistance masturbating?

Jesus, that's about as beta as a fag can get.

A. Rubber Glove with fingertips cut off, fancier the better.
B. Foam, anything soft and springy, hit the craft shop. Tea towel is bad but desperate times.
C. Tube of some kind, pringles, tennis ball, whatever. Shorten just longer than full penis size.
D. Lube. But if you're buying lube, you might as well just go into the sex shop and buy a real pocket pussy.

Get glove with removed fingertips,wrap in foam, shove in tube, pull orginal glove opening over the tube opening. Stab a hole in the end of the tube for airflow. Apply lube and go ham.

But seriously, just go to a sex shop and buy one.

Let him jerk off how he wants

Maybe you could give him a hand.

Toothpaste in a glove, go to town.

how poor are you, you can get an actual hole to fuck for like 40 bucks.

lmao r u fo real

Elaborating
Don't use shampoo unless you want your Cock feeling like it's trying to break free of a cage of lizard skin for a few days

I found that the hand works better than all those homemade alternatives
just buy a fleshlight or something

Ok, you need a tennis ball tube and some bubble wrap. (big bubbles, small bubbles, doesn't matter but each has a different feel). Roll the bubble wrap up tight like it's a, newspaper and you're going to swat a fly. shove it into the tennis ball tube, make the roll slightly bigger than the tube so it doesn't move around. Make sure the bubble wrap goes all the way to the bottom of the tube and leave a couple inches sticking out of the top so you can fold it over the metal rim of the tube and tape it. You'll need some type of lube of course. And there you have it.

Use the old condom + jar lid trick. I think there's a youtube guide.