Lets have a D&D thread, ill start
>Be Human Slayer
>4e
>Joining party late
>Party finds me in castle dungeon bucknaked tied stomach into wall.
>The reasons of which will only be known to my character and God.
>They pull me down as ask for my help since they didnt have any other strikers.
>Sure.bitmap
>Decide I was tired of begin goody-good and Lawful aligned.
>Try Chaotic
>But good so I don't clash to hard with the party comp.
>My Slayer that has incredibly amounts of grandeur and thinks himself neurotically world famous.
>Kick open doors because handles are for dirty plebs.
>Also, only one in party wearing heavy armor.
>Others players love my character, but characters are pissed at me and want to chain me back up.
>Continuing kicking down doors.
>I have the other players laughing their asses off at my antics.
>Their characters are pissed because I wont let them rest to gain HP/encounters/dailies
>I'm still at full health while the rest of the party doesn't have 10 points combined.
>DM is getting tired of my shit
>"Theres a Steel portcullis in front of you."
>"I kick it down."
>"Its Stee-"
>"I kick it down."
>Nat 20
>"You blow the Portcullis off it's hinges."
>The DM had gave up trying to contain me
Lets have a D&D thread, ill start
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>Be a tiefling
>Group is around lv. 6
>Encounter a medusa and a bunch of snakes, clearly meant as a miniboss battle
>Everyone prepares for battle
>Decide to fuck this noise
>Cast thaumaturgy, making my voice boom unnaturally loud, giving me a situational advantage on intimidation checks
>Yell "Back to the dark depths from which you spawned!"
>Roll intimidation check
>Perfect 20
>Scare off medusa and all the snakes
>Piss off DM
on another session through the same story arc,
>Encounter another miniboss, a giant bat
>Since character is a druid, have bonuses to animal handling
>Cast speak with animals, animal friendship, roll very high persuasion checks.
>Bat miniboss becomes my new pet
>Further piss off DM
Go on
>be in group of 6, game just starting
>2 of the 6 have bags of holding (one is yours truly)
>Approach castle full of knights guarding a dragon's lair (don't ask, mind control shit)
>Have a godly charisma, high intelligence magician (homebrew)
>sneak up on one of these niggas
>the moment he notices me, cast friends as an added assurance of this plan working
>Tell the guy to get in the bag of holding
>happens around 15 times, only actually attacked a guy twice
>entire castle wiped of people.
>couldn't get the guards out because we didn't know their names.
through the whole god damn campaign with around 20 people in a bag of holding that we are literally unable to get out
...
...
Bumping
>be me
>lvl 6 warlock
>party is infiltrating bandit infested church
>we have a party of 5
>counted 22 hostiles, all in one group
>everyone is discussing how to kill these faggots
>brilliantidea.jpg
>cast illusion
>my illusion is a fucking naked dwarf with a massive boner carrying an axe
>gestures rudely at enemies
>roll for effectiveness
>perfect 20
>dwarf leads them into a mineshaft
>party member casts quake
>mine collapses
>MFW a horny dwarf kills an entire camp
...
>Dwarf cleric, on first adventure
>My character's intelligence is 4
>fucking 4
>We are supposed to clear out a castle
>full of orcs and shit
>enter a room, full of strange magical artifacts
>most of us unable to figure out what anything does
>we find a strange cup
>we try to fill it up and notice that it never seems to become full
>cup of holding, cool
>keep on moving through the castle, killing shit
>go into basement and notice a strange hole in the wall
>huge half orc monk in our party punches the wall and breaks it down
>giant hall behind the wall, full of skeletons
>hundreds and hundreds of skeletons
>my character doesn't understand what's going on
>getting mad because clerics don't like undead
>the rest of the party starting to figure out what to do, there's no way we can fight all of them at once
>we notice there is a skeleton guy summoning them all from a portal
>half elf rogue guy decides to start a conversation with him from across the room
>turns out all the skeletons are invading the world, and we took them by surprise, he's quite embarrassed about the whole affair.
>we keep talking as my character gets madder and madder, not having a fucking clue what's going on
>after questioning the skeleton reveals that they ran out of space in the skeleton realm so they need to move into this world
>suddenly we remember the cup of holding
>the half elf rolls to persuade them to climb into the cup of holding
>literally trying to convince a skeleton army to push themselves bone by bone into a cup
>nat 20
>the skeletons are all in agreement that they will invade the inside of our cup of holding instead
>swole half orc monk guy sees me still getting mad
>he decides to pick up and throw me
>nobody tosses a dwarf
>I scream and flail as he passes his strength checks to throw me into the crowd of skeletons
>the skeletons turn on us
>fight ensues
>lasts for hours
>we barely make it out alive
Someone have the wrestler Orc post?
Shit I had it somewhere, let me find it
is it this one?
That is, so fucking good.
A group of friends and I are planning on trying out D&D 5e for the first time this weekend, all are new to table RPGs but very familiar with RPGs and games in general, any tips on how to play, character creation, etc ?
>be me, level 5 female elf, in party of 4,
>after a dungeon went to shitty part of a town
>everyone decides to go to an inn
>everyone talks it out on whos rooming with who (we're cheap)
>i decide to room by myself becasue i was balling in gp
>after paying room cost, i get a complementory drink, i drink it
>i go to sleep
>le me, wakes up with a mouth full of dick, and paralized.
>i get pissed, once the spell wears off i try and chase after the rapists
>i fail, but notice the inn is made of wood.
>i start pouring out my vials of burning oil because fuck this place
>ignite the oils
>run away, jumping over guards (dex check)
>as a leave the shit part i realize all the houses are made of wood.
>fire spreads, 2/3 of this area are engulfed in flames
> i have to escape town (via sewers) and wait for the rest of my party to find me.
>be me, lvl 5 dryad anti-paladin
>group of 3, lvl 3 drow rouge and lvl 5 halfling barbarian
>reaches end of dungeon
>Minotaur
>ohshit.jpg
>barbarian attacks first
>choses to rage
>using tonfas so can attack twice
>lands all 4 hits
>each hit is 1d6 + 4
>gets 6 on each roll
>fucking 40 damage plus the 25 dealt by poison we gave it before fight.
>fucker couldn't even draw his sword before he hit the dirt.
Man, I wish i knew how to play, I only enjoy lurking dnd threads
>be chaotic neutral character in neutral evil party
>just got "project force" psionic power
>decide to test out power "on nearby stable boy's ass"
>16 points of damage to an NPC's ass
>NPC had only 4 HP, so instant death
>was standing in front of his father
>turn to party member and shout "NOW KILL THAT KID'S DAD!"
>minutes later, carving the meat off the bones so bodies will be "harder to identify" when guards catch us red-handed
>me to fellow party members: "ATTACK!"
>fellow party members attack
>About six or seven turns later the town is burning to the ground and all townsfolk and guards slaughtered
>all because I tested out my new psionic power on "some stableboy's ass"
>be a dwarf
>female healer is taking a bath in a Oasis
>decide to sneak up
>me and a human warrior watching from the distance
>hehehehe tiddies
>healer notice us
>i manage to hide but the human get nuked in the head with a staff
>20 DAMAGE
>tfw he rerolled char again
>take gf to first DnD game with friends
>she rolls gnome with stealth skills
>we get ambushed in forest by wolves
>she climbs tree while we all get terrible rolls
>she remembers the hobbit book, rolls to set pine cones on fire and use as projectiles
>rolls 20
>DM is in awe and allows it
>throws them at wolves
>sets forest on fire
>we all burn to death
>Final battle
>have been playing this campaign every fucking Sunday for 2 years
>big conclusion to the storyline
>big war between good and evil
>the armies rage like waves against the sides of a ship during a hurricane
>playing this for 6 hours straight
>oh shit! This session has to be broken into 2!
Session 2:
>We gather once again and everyone who had played all came for this one
>13 people (travelling from out of town, school, taking time off work, etc)
>They confront the main evil deity
>suddenly he transforms into a colossal dragon
>roll_initiative .gif
>Necromancer has the first turn
>”FINGER OF DEATH!”
>Rolls a fucking 20
>”I am not letting this happen unless you roll another 20!”
>Rolls, yet again, a fucking 20
>”Roll one more time!”
>ANOTHER. FUCKING. 20.
>MFW he one shots the fucking dragon
>MFW 13 people made plans to be here
>MFW we played for 10 mins
>slambookshut.mov
>Necro feels bad and says we can pretend it doesn’t happen
>”Roll again…”
>20
>20
I bought him a tshirt that said, “I won D&D”
He literally rolled the most 20s I have ever seen
try this site
>roll20.net
Keep in mind that character creation can take a long time. Especially when doing it for the first time. Start an hour or 2 earlier so you won't have to cut into your playing time.
Take it easy. Have some beers.
Enjoy.
Jesus.
>playing a Minotaur barbarian in a parrty of 3
>dumb ass hell 8 int illiterate normal barbarian stuff
>going through a tomb we find two doors
>one says test of body
>the other says test of mind
>me being an idiot is atleast self aware of my lack of smarts
>runs through the "test of body" door
>end up in a magical desert
>must walk across the desert for 3 days
>sun never set
>also come to find out its basically langolears and if we take to long we will die because the desert is slowly being destroyed
>lots of fort rolls
>gnome cleric passes out and i have to carry him
>half elf ranger passes out i have to carry her too
>get to the end and there is a fountain (with no water)
>theres a note there
>other two party members are still out cold
>i pick up the note to read it
>i look at it for about 30 second and yell "I CANT READ"
>we all laugh are asses off because i cant read how to turn the fountain on.
Kek
This is from Only War. Short but good.
>Krieg Soldier
>Stationed on hellhole moon
>Dark Elders skirmishing us
>FUCK THIS SHIT.jpg
>See Eldar Ravager
>Take out Laspistol, overload
>Ask GM "What will it take to one shot this?"
>GM "Roll a 1 and then get righteous fury"
>Rolls 1
>Get righteous fury
>Chance literally 1-1000
>GM's face when
god tier