Useless Super Powers

Useless Super Powers

I'll start:
>the ability to swim up to 60 mph but only when out of water

>teleportaion but only up to 10ft away

But you have to shove a dildo up your ass

thats' still useful you fucking moron

>Fill pool with liquid that isnt water.
>Break world records

>Make money
>Teleport through locked doors
>Can get in/out of basically everything
>Avoid last second danger

yeah definitely useful man, we need totally obsolete super powers

The ability to predict the future

Are you retarded?

The power to change the color of something but only if nobody see it

Resistance to mosquito bites

To be able to communicate very well and pick up sexy chicks, but only on Sup Forums.

Being able to stop a speeding bullet, but only once, then you just get shot over and over.

Perfect 20-20 hindsight aka Captain Hindsight

You fags need to learn how these threads work. Anyone can take a good superpower and add "but only if..." to the end. The challenge is to come up with a super power that just sucks without adding catches to them.

ability to verbally control ants, but only one at a time

No I'd just change the colors of random shit in my house just for me to look at, idc if nobody else sees, but you could decorate however you want.

the ability to transform into a tree in any open space

ability to cook 3 min egg in just 2 mins and 30 seconds

No dude that's fucking useful. You could go rob a bank and then run behind the building and turn into a tree.

>ability to fly, but only indoors
>can breathe underwater but only in man made bodies of water
>infinite money, can only spend 20 dollars at a time
>can read thoughts, only every third word
>the strength of two men only in one half of your body
>invincible, sense of pain is tripled
>invisible, only while maintaining a constant hum

>Hide from literally anyone

see

I did see it, I'm not interested.

Ability to turn your skin 2 shades darker

DUde THOSE ARE SO FUCKING USEFUL

>Mememaking
>Trolling
>Believing Alternative Facts
>Ambidextrous Masturbation
>Coprophagia

Able to cum in 3 seconds

the ability to not accidentally bite your tongue

Super strength 0.1 secs.

Also the one about strength of 2 men is still useful. You could win bets, break world records, and prob get lots of pussy with it.

Yup, that is a very useful one.

Examples?

The ability to be able to breathe carbon dioxide instead of oxygen. No one knows any differently.

Slow reaction man

Delayed physical response to anything coming at him.
For example, if he gets punched in the face he stays perfectly still for 3 seconds like nothing happened, and then his head jolts back in a delayed reaction.

>the ability to mentally control an army of dodos

Speaking Latin

Yeah. I forgot this place has been overrun with newfags who lack the creativity to make original content. What was I thinking user?

Can self destruct with the force of a small nuclear warhead. really only useful to hold some shit hostage or Aloha Snackbar some place.

Fr, these people can't find useless powers, but it's not that difficult, use your brains.

You are invincible but your unable to inflict any damage.

The ability to communicate with grass.

The ability to talk to goldfish

The ability to turn squirell fur into chipmunk fur

The ability to cum hair.

this thread is a fucking disaster

The ability to blink at superhuman speeds.

The ability to see what your hair looks like in the back. Just an image of the back of your head in your mind.

The ability to open microscopic wormholes into non-existent universes that collapse immediately.

Good one

The ability to make a shitty thread.

the ability to foresee your death, you can't change it

Yeah OP wants unfunny shit and is being too demanding and autistic. I DON'T LIKE THAT ONE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

lol fag he is.

Ability to walk on water but only if it's boiling and you're barefoot

You're trying too hard

>Can teleport 10 seconds back into time.
>Takes 10 seconds for it to cast.
>your 10 second mark starts right when the cast is done.

Ability to plug any usb cable into any device on the first try

I can hear things JUST outside the human range of hearing. But ONLY things just outside the human range of hearing.

Ability to breathe underwater but only if the body of water is less than 1ft deep

The ability to teleport, only at the speed it would take you to walk there normally.
You slowly load into place like dial up Internet

The ability to grow leg hair on demand

Betteryet, the ability to breath underwater but only when you're wearing scuba gear

>Runs out of oxygen in tank
>Still wearing scuba gear

What's the point of staying in water that long, though?

I got a nice giggle from this here.

>mfw I am an ambidextrous masturbator

You could wear it but not use it though

Scuba gear is expensive.

praise the japanese sex lord

the ability to read books faster, only the ones you hate

The ability to cum nails.

> do 25% more radiation damage to Ghouls and Super Mutants

The ability to poop shampoo.

Scuba Steve?

Yeah but if you wear it and not use it you can breathe indefinitely, therefore the power isn't useless

Ability to grow slightly more than average amounts of foreskin

"only the left side of my dick is as hard as two dicks"

Your tears are super glue.

That one is useful for people that are bald lol

The ability to create 1 drop of pure water anywhere in sight once per day.

Perfect 20-20 vision but only with your eyes closed

ability to read people's minds, but only if you ask them permission first

do you have it on a bigger resolution ?

But eventually you'd did in other ways. If you start drowning after a ship wreck or a plane crash, you'd drown before you could put on the scuba gear. You can't use it unless there's something that can make you breathe underwater anyways, and by the time it runs out you'll be bored out of your mind.

The ability to make paper age up to 4x faster.

You could make good money as a magician.

I can predict the past

thats so useful , as if they will believe that u can

The ability to know how many hairs are on any person.

Fly in 0 gravity /thread

The ability to detect cancer cells in dead bodies.

Yeah instead of normal saline solution your eyes produce Super Glue

The ability to make others expel your farts and burps.

You would have control over your direction. Retards /Thread

ability to increase typing speed by 1 wpm for thirty seconds at a time

You can 'swim' in 0 gravity.

Erase 1 atom from existing every minute.

that's not even fucking clever.

you are the anti-joke, fuckwit.

ability to process semen like Red Bull

Having super sight, but only when your eyes are closed

The ability to suck your own dick, but only if you're a eunuch

Ability to grow a unibrow within milliseconds

This one is amazing