Alright Sup Forums

Alright Sup Forums.

My last thread about what made people racist was a grand success.

Now I have a new question.

Inb4 edge

I have a sociopathic attitude and due to some really fucked up child therapy it's damned near impossible for.me to feel emotion other than extreme rage. (They hammered in the idea that I don't need emotions to think twice a week for about 5 years).

I was later diagnosed with schizotypal behavior and type 2 bipolar disorder.

Knowing that my life was always shitty. Mom juggled husband's after my biological dad beat the shit out of her with a motorcycle helmet and burning my infant leg with a cigar.

I remember after we left we walked all night long to a friend of hers house.

She leaned down and told me "you gotta be momma's strong boy and protect me now okay?"

You just don't say that shit to a 4 year old.

Anyway. I spent my entire life juggling homes getting kicked out of places etc etc until my mom had to leave me at my grandparents to live because I tried to kill my sister when I was 14.

I don't know if it was for the best or not but they were incredibly strict, cock locking me all the time, forcing religious shit on me, taking away anything I own if they didn't like the look of it.

There's a lot more shit that happened in-between all that, but I guess my question to you is, what made you what you are?

Why are you cold? Why are you holding up such a harsh unbending wall around yourself?

What made you a cynic?

If y'all got any questions for me I'd be happy to field them.

femanon here, my moms boyfriend stuck things in my vagina when i was 6, thats my first memory and nothing has been in my vagina since, i hate all men i rarely say any words to them, i cant keep a job because of it, it ruins my life. i have a great girlfriend that is helping me through all this but man that made me what i am today, 36 years later

you just are cynic and cold after that ?

faggotry thread

Fuck dude.

I never thought that kind of shit could affect someone for that long.

Differs from person to person it seems.

i can put my bbc on your tight vagina

My mom is addicted to alcohol and she takes psychiatric drug, she never feel well and beat my little brother 8yo.
I'm apathic since 3 years, in this time I get a diagnosis for generic anxiety.
I'm in a logic-pain.

Mostly having basically no friends for my entire childhood. I got interested in natsoc on Sup Forums though and I'll be following some /fit/ advice for further self-improvement. Also, I'll be switching unis so wish me luck on having a social life.

Social.life isn't always necessary. Online interaction is enough for me

PT1. Dad was bipolar and possibly schizo. Inflicted pain as 'pranks' on us. He didn't work either and I lived in the country so unfortunately I was around him a lot. He was investigated for child abuse but they lacked enough hard evidence for time. He lost custody of his oldest son from this though. He gave my mentally handicapped brother from my mom's first marriage ptsd. Slapped and threw us down a lot, occasionally beat my brothers.

Mother was very distant. We have a functional relationship now but for most of my life she was depressed. My grandfather molested her and my aunt. Her first husband beat her. My father pushed her around and always verbally berated her. She protected my older halfbrothers from abuse sometimes but not me (she said she thought I was safe because I was his biological son, but he beat his other son too). She told me when I was 8 that I was a mistake and the reason hernlife was bad. When my dad was cheating on her (online) and she found out I knew (he accidentally sent me an erotic email) she stopped talking to me for like nine months.

Mostly only knew my mom's sons, not my dad's. They ganged up on me a lot when I was little so I would find protection towing the line between them and my dad. As my one brother got older he got mildly violent. Slammed a sharpened key into my leg and drew a bit of blood one day when I refused to do his choirs. Starting sell bud and then moved on to the harder things. He's a heroin addict now and still asks for money and a place to sleep. He hasn't been in jail or prison for a while but he's suicidal. Every one of my friends who dealt I found out bought off him. We have different last names and looks so no one knew.

What started my journey through this graveyard?

Something like the fetus of a dying monster pulsating in my chest, drinking what creativity and joy I had, and making the drive to be motivated non-existent. Why, though, did I have this particular creature in me? Did I have a terrible past, horrid trauma? No.

This mandatory mediocrity selected me for a reason.

I just discovered that I am not a main-character. Not a supporting character, not even a side character. I am a thematic crowd trope. I am merely the shape of a person and not something with an arc or a development theme.

Everyone is rolled a set of skills from their parents, and then gets a roll on prime or terrible genetics. I got everything wrong somehow. A randomly generated Oblivion character that is OK looking but you would never purposefully play as. They're okay enough as an NPC, but their dialogue is non-existent.

I've never experienced anything. I've never risked anything. I merely did what I was told to do, and then when I got freedom, I pissed it all away.

I spent 2 years in high school playing Pokemon Emerald with a Gameshark, giving up math skills, writing skills, social skills, my GPA and my ability to get into any college, so I could perfectly EV train Golem. Perfectly EV train Salamence, and Tyranitar, and so on.

I valued the feeling of accomplishment I got by making "perfect mons", rather than chasing what everyone else was chasing. The common sense things. Chasing money

I continue to let video games dictate my life and my happiness. I don't excel at them, and they don't make me money, yet they are the only thing I can focus on 100%. I can write sleeping schedules, work schedules around them.

If I could devote my 3,000 hours on ARK, my 1,600 hours of Final Fantasy Games, my 1,800 hours on Pokemon, my 700 hours on Borderlands, my 2,600 hours on Skyrim and 1000 hours on Oblivion anywhere else, I would've devoted it to making more friends.

That 10,700 hours should've been spent better.

And you haven't been really in need of it? Ever?

That's what happened when parents throw their kids an Xbox when they're young and tell them to figure it out.

I'm in the same boat.

But my boat hasn't sunk as much as yours.

Sorry buddy

Sometimes.

I have my incredibly close friends that have been with me for the last 12 years but I moved across the country last month due to familial crisis.

I miss them terribly but I'm happy just getting a Facebook message from them.

Idk I wanna hug you, same shit here, but on different games

PT2: (not sure if anyone's even interested)
I remember my childhood was very anxiety-producing. We'd have professional repo men come by occasionally but my dad also owed money to other people; we'd hide in closets for hours when they came by looking for him; he made it out to be a game. My dad would occasionally take money and disappear though so I would be left alone from agea 4-13 for several hours. I remember my mom went some where with my brothers once lived off cereal and poptarts, thinking I was a king. But when she got bavk my dad (like everytime she saw family) would break shit n our house and scream that she was a whore. When driving my dad would get road rage and get out of his car screaming (at women, at people who didn't actually do anything, at people passing him in the left lane, etc). This was almost every other day.

I did have explosive rage issues (still do, but after +10 years its easier) and was terrible at empathy with other people (this I still struggle with. My ex's all think I lacked affection). My dad would beat our dogs and killed our cat and that made me know I knew emotion, but I guess I pushed it down. Crying got you smacked more.

Right before college my dad stole hundreds off me but either blamed my brother or said it was renters fee (again, he had been unemployed my entire life). In college they finally divorced and both parents stopped contacting me because they thought I was pro- the other one. He left angry voicemails, thdeatensd to koll my grandmother, etc etc. I abused a wider range of drugs and alcohol yet still worked and got A's in credit-heavy semesters. Spent holidays at friends' houses. Stayed with my mom one summer of college and she bitched about me living there, but my older brothers were still living with her.

I was also poor and had a speech impediment. My school counselor thought I had a learning disability but it turns out no one had bothered to teach me anything growing up.

>*I remember my mom went somewhere with my brothers for a few days. My dad left for long stretches of time so I lived off cereal and poptarts

>femanon here
>i have a great girlfriend

faggot

I feel that last bit.

I'm 25 and I'm still learning how to do basic day to day shit because no one fucking raised me.

I hear you man, hours of sitting too close to the screen trying to keep the light/sound down to play at night has me all fucked up. The fucking things gave me epilepsy at 18, and now it's at the point where i can't be left alone, all for sake of not randomly having a seizure and dying. i'm 25 now and can't have my own place without a roommate ( absolutely can't stand social contact btw) can't drive, can't work because of the "high risk" status they placed on me, and yet still every morning time to boot up WoW or Overwatch.
I can't tell you how many times I've serious considered not taking my medication for the day and hoping to wake up

My hate towards mainstream trends, music and our new fucked up generation guided me towards a better life

Same age. And it is hard but I've realized there are some good people out there who will help. That was an important lesson I learned, building and maintaining the correct bridges. I try to help out other people when I can just to pass on what generosity I've witnessed

bumping for interest

Op here.

I've grown into someone that doesn't feel basic emotions and can make any and all calls on logic.

This has ousted women I've loved with all my heart, (I couldn't....FEEL the love but I knew in my brain that it was there. That I liked this person way more than I should, that this person is someone I'm not going to find anywhere else) as I come across as callous and unfeeling.

I'm known as someone that is brutally and bluntly honest. Someone that doesn't take feelings into consideration as I simply can't fucking understand them in most situations.

Although I'm gunna be really fucking real here.

The woman I lost 2 years ago. I think it was because we had to have an abortion.

I'm with someone else now and we're happy together and I need her in my life.

But if I had it my way.

I'd go back and slap the shit out of myself for talking her into having that abortion.

The "what if" kills me every week or so whenever I think k about it.

If I had kept the child with her.

God damn it, it might have worked.

Same