I hate my life. Why am I attracted to younger girls (as young as 9 or 10)? I do not want this and do not know why it turns me on. I feel intense guilt every day and I wish I did not have this guilt. Although I have done nothing wrong externally, I have done much wrong internally by having evil, perverted thoughts. I have searched anonymous help. I have only been given three answers.
>suicide
I will hurt my whole family and have them shocked
>see a shrink
I'll be put on a watchlist and get chemically castrated. I will not be able to go to the gym anymore because of my low testosterone caused by the chemical castration. I minus well kill myself instead.
>embrace it
Pedophiles who think my attraction is okay say this bullshit but I know full well that harming kids is wrong. No thanks.
Any options other than the three ones I listed?
I hate my life. Why am I attracted to younger girls (as young as 9 or 10)...
option 4: distract yourself with existential matters; become a monk of some kind and transcend your physical desires
Attraction and acting on your attraction are two different things. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Distract yourself with a larger goal in mind to pursue.
soo close. I've tried doing religious things to stop this. Nofap didn't work either. I am nonexclusive so I can think about the pre-teen one day and the 20 year old (I'm 20) the next. If I do nofap I kind of just fall back into the pit of pedophiliac dispair.
>religious things
lol religion is steeped in pedophilia, that is the worst thing you can do.
>larger goal
I already lift and do schoolwork. That's the only thing that keeps me alive.
You can embrace it without fucking kids, user. Just don't fap to cp its bad for you. Embrace 2d though.
You or the person I replied to told me to become a monk. Monks are people that sacrifice everything for their religion for the sake of achieving enlightenment, whether it be Catholic or Buddhist. I've tried praying but it caused me to not believe in God; pray the pedo away is just as stupid as pray the gay away.
>pic related was my captia
>Embrace 2d though.
I don't like anime girls for some reason. They are kinda weird just like those sex robots they tried to make. I incorporate my lust by reading very immoral short stories.
that captcha is clearly a message from God. obey Him.
I "obey God" even though I want to. I created this thread to find a cure. I never do find a cure though.
*even though I don't want to
I see. Its not immoral though. Its just stories. there's nothing immoral about having sexual feelings about things, nor about wanting sexual fulfillment.
The only "cure" is to lead a healthy life. You said you are nonexclusive. As an exclusive, I think you are a lucky bastard. Go find a nice girl your age that shares some of your values and will keep you company at night. That isn't something all of us can pursue.
>there's nothing immoral about having sexual feelings about things
children aren't things.
>Go find a nice girl your age that shares some of your values and will keep you company at night.
I'll start watching pua videos in that case. My flaw in getting girls is all in my awkward personality.
>Why am I attracted to younger girls (as young as 9 or 10)?
Because neoteny.
>evil, perverted thoughts.
Welp. I WAS gonna try to help you out, but you're a fucking lost cause.
Sex isn't inherently harmful, rape is bad, and there is a difference between inability to consent and the lack of legal authority to consent.
Get your shit together, or just eat a bullet.
I know you won't be but you should be proud of yourself for feeling the way you do about you "situation".
I would highly recommend finding a GOOD "spiritual counselor". It's not a religious thing. The one I see has shown me stuff I never knew existed and I would literally choose my appointments with him over the world. Literally. If you can find someone that delves into the subconscious mind then you're fucking set bro.
user has the right idea. I talked to my councilor about going to a monastery or something to achieve spiritual enlightenment and he basically made the decision for me that that was a good thing to do.
Living a healthy life isn't going to cure this but the rest of what he said is also a good option. If you need convincing about the spiritual councilor thing, my mom had fibromyalgia (nerves are super sensitive) for almost her whole life and as far as I know there's no medical cure or practical treatment. Once she found out she had a severe case of PTSD and dealt with it, the fibro just, fucking, disappeared. Hopefully that's enough incentive.
gl op
>Welp. I WAS gonna try to help you out, but you're a fucking lost cause.
How are my thoughts not evil or perverted?
>Sex isn't inherently harmful, rape is bad, and there is a difference between inability to consent and the lack of legal authority to consent.
Explain further. Children's brains are not developed enough to understand sex or consent.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
You're right, they're sexy little monsters and also the light and joy and hope of this world.
Anyway, do what you need to do. You want an alternative solution from what you've been given in the past? Ill reiterate: live a healthy, happy life. That is what you need to do.
>I know you won't be but you should be proud of yourself for feeling the way you do about you "situation".
why?
>Once she found out she had a severe case of PTSD and dealt with it, the fibro just, fucking, disappeared. Hopefully that's enough incentive.
I'm interested in that spiritual consular stuff after reading that.
OP should NOT feel proud about loathing himself...
>live a healthy, happy life
I already go to the gym every day. What else should I do?
>How are my thoughts not evil or perverted?
Because they are thoughts. An action can be "evil", no doubt, such as actually snatching up a youngun to keep in your sex dungeon, but a thought is just a thought. "Perverted", I really don't give a shit about, to be honest. If you really do care about whether or not your private thoughts fall in line with the acceptable stances on sex in mainstream society, I can't help you.
>Children's brains are not developed enough to understand sex or consent.
First, define "children". Second, explain to me how "children" can't understand consent when "no" is one of the first words they learn. Finally, explain to me how someone can fail to understand something so basic and simple that we have been doing it since the dawn of humanity. It's not like driving a fucking car; that's actually legitimately dangerous.
Get a hobby
relay to us your childhood an anything that might have set you on this path OP.
We will be your therapist.
Now how did this all start OP?
OP, you sound exactly like me. It gets a bit easier as you get older, but not by much. Have you got a discord? Steam? I wanna talk more. So hard to find someone to talk about this with tbh.
I lift as a hobby like I have stated. It actually relates to me not wanting to see a shrink because I would be forced to take anti testosterone meds, and that would really fuck up my hobby.
What I mean't was he should be proud that he acknowledges that, as bad as this sounds, there's something about him that's fucked up and he wants to change it. I have piles of self loathing so I know how it feels.
My childhood was okay. My mom started working long hours when I turned 11. The only sexual abuse that I had was my circumcision as a young infant (I'm American).
could you share your discord, steam, kik, etc? I will make a discord account.
Take lsd and rediscover yourself faggot
Yeah man I don't really have any advice on finding one but I guess I would recommend going down to a mental health center and specifically ask for a "spiritual councilor" and see what they say.
I heard doing drugs increases the chance of raping a child. I believe that considering I would have no control over myself when I'm high.
that's a pretty good start, I need to get into shape myself. Find things that interest you and pushed them. But I think the most important thing for you to do is to stop hating yourself.
I dropped my email for another fag and ill do the same here. We can talk and maybe you will benefit from it or maybe you'll see my way of thinking wont work for you.
[email protected]
I'm going to bed for now though, it is seriously past mybedtime
Ill extend this to any trolls and lurkers too because not getting new mail is dull tbh. You too
My discord is zig#2182
Here is a discord invite
discord.gg
Huh. Someone else with a horsefucker account. Never thought I'd see the day.
>[email protected]
I chuckled. Thanks for making me less depressed than I already am.
>I heard doing drugs increases the chance of raping a child.
Nigga what?
:^)
Registration is open!
cock.li
>The only sexual abuse that I had was my circumcision as a young infant (I'm American).
not asking for that. I'm asking fo ryou to retell or greetext events in your life that may have resulted in this.
Begin by recounting the first time you found yourself attracted to a child.
I did marijuana once
Next thing you know I am at the elementary school being arrested by cops for attempted rape
Fuck my life
I read it on an article on some german website.
spiegel.de
>One answer is not to drink alcohol, not to use drugs and to avoid everything that weakens your inhibitions.
Prove it.
One time, I injected seven marijuanas over a two-hour period, and they found me a week later in a big pile of molested toddlers.
Took a crane to get me out.
op get the fuck in the discord lol
Nigga dont fucking do crazy fucking drugs
Lsd in low amounts will stimulate your whole mind not just the pleasure senses
You will be able to think on a new level and rediscover yourself and yourself better in relation to others
Think of it as a temporary concioisness boost
>Took a crane to get me out.
Killed me man
At a neighbor's house earlier... Kid running around the yard doing cartwheels... Tight pants on, turns around and she's got an ass !!!!... Kids mom says she is 8... MFW I have a boner picturing that ass..
how old did u think she was? 25?
I think you should check out this video. This guy sets the standard in my opinion on how to deal with those compulsions - youtube.com
Honestly his bravery to come out with it publicly despite the shame and knee-jerk "kill yourself pls" reaction that I'm sure he knew he would receive. As for seeing a therapist, you're catastrophizing by saying that you will be chemically castrated. That's not how it works. You might actually grow a lot from working through this with a trained professional. Clinicians who do social work do it to help people like you. They're not out to get you. The only way you could possibly be chemically castrated against your will would be if you raped a minor in a state that allows that as a rehabilitation option.
The closest one is this maybe.
>Be me
>17
>Passionately love 16 year old girl who looks young for her age (small boobs, tight butt, etc)
>sweet, innocent, etc.
>Tells me she cannot date me because she is moving
>Have thoughts about her at night
>Stop watching porn, only think of her
>Deep, unhealthy obsession
>She's also the opposite of my mother, which makes me love her more
>Year later
>suicidal thoughts unrelated to my attraction; feel hopeless because of family split up
>girl i obsessed over looks the same because of neoteny and shit
>I say one last goodbye to her before I never see her again
>that summer
>attraction starts
>go into university
>girls are all sluts
>attraction grows stronger
Here we are today
That is my story that may or may not relate to this. IDK though
No I was just amazed that an 8 year old had an ass like that.
Also, the movie "The Woodsman" with Kevin Bacon was very good and I think media like this helps the public humanize people with your sexual deviancy in a way you don't see often. You might consider working on a project like this in the future. It might be very cathartic for you.
>Stop watching porn
what kind of porn were you watching prior to 17?
>small boobs, tight butt, etc.
>sweet, innocent, etc.
>only think of her
can you describe more why you think of her so much?
How did the relationship for?
stuff like that.
I saw some video and they were doing it to swedish guys who are giving testosterone blockers to non offending pedophiles. That scares me.
youtube.com
I'll check it out.
Did you already had sex with an adult female?
Fuck off, if this post is real:
As a grown man you should know how to control your own biological urge. It is only that - a biological imperative. Don't you have ANYTHING ELSE to think about, don't you have ANY HIGHER MENTAL CAPABILITY? Develop yourself you lazy fucker. SEX is not all there is in this world... You are sad excuse and I don't give a fuck about do you get excited from kids, trannies, homos, or any other fucking shit the bottom line is the same: get a grip and understand as a human being you don't need to think about procreation to be happy. If thinking and doing sex is all in this world western world would be on same level as poorest parts of Africa (it's not racist, just an example). It's up to you to think higher. This same applies to many other people too. Quit crying you faggot.
If you are for real
Another thing to consider is mild regimen of T replacement/HGH/androgenic steroids later in life (after you get out of a mandatory rehabilitation program) if something like that were to happen to you so that you don't have to suffer a loss of muscle mass if something like that did happen to you (God forbid),
are you in Sweden?
no?
then go to a shrink.
It'll pass. Give it a few years. Don't start sharing loli videos. Don't find a community of pedos. Don't act on it. And it'll pass
>what kind of porn were you watching prior to 17?
Normal stuff. I always liked the girls with small boobs but considering all the girls in the videos shot were older than me, I don't see that as a problem.
>can you describe more why you think of her so much?
I thought of her a lot when I was 17. I do not think of her as much now. My obsession was simple due to the fact that I loved her for who she was. She was everything to me at that age. No girl I liked was kind to me prior to her. I remember talking about things with her every day, and her being there for me distracted me from my family turmoil. If it were not for her distracting me, I would have focused on my family turmoil more, and that could have made my life worse. Hell, I may not be here if I was not distracted.
Lifting keeps me alive these days. I feel like I am in full control when I am in the gym. I'd be more worried about my PR's lowering than losing mass.
>I'll be put on a watchlist and get chemically castrated. I will not be able to go to the gym anymore because of my low testosterone caused by the chemical castration. I minus well kill myself instead.
uhm what country do you live in?
as long as you aren't acting on it, who gives a fuck. I think about killing people all the time. but I don't do it. You don't get to choose what your mind does - thoughts go where they will.
It sounds like it really bothers you - so I'd suggest some guided meditation. download some GUIDED meditation tapes - they deal with managing runaway thoughts in tyour head.
>WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
>I CAN'T HANDLE MUH FEELINGS!
>WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
perhaps you would feel more at home @ tumblr
I am currently working on a degree and I lift everyday, trying to get stronger. You say it's that I think about sex too much. No. It's the fact that at any point in my life, I have a much higher chance of harming a child. Even if I focus on other things 99% of the time, that 1% of the time I think of younger girls is thinking of doing extreme harm to an innocent child.
Also to add, you need to learn to ACCEPT YOURSELF, you are what you are and there is no changing that. If you are criminal (just an example), have done some shit in your life - get over it, try to live your life forward instead of DWELLING AND SITTING ON THE THOUGHT ALL THE TIME. That doesn't lead anywhere. Develop yourself and get out, do your best. That's all what anyone can do. Just your best, if you fail so what. This applies to anything in life.
Fuck off and quit being a faggot.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT REAL HARDSHIP IN LIFE MEANS.
>>Fuck off and quit being a faggot.
>non-pedo trying to make pedos look bad
Don't believe the shit you read on the far left. YES, it is fucked to have sex with children, especially pre-pubescent.
I don't know the country you live in, but in the USA seeing a shrink will NOT result in chemical castration. A good shrink will be able to help you through your issues. I personally had many issues until getting hospitalized and finding out it was all from PTSD, AKA, being sexually molested for years by family members, coupled with very rough upbringing.
Get help. Shit like this is terrible, but it is a cycle. As long as you admit this is a problem you aren't beyond saving. People like the Salon pedo are beyond help and justify why it is acceptable.
I haven't used tumblr in over two years, and the tumblr account I made was a troll account. I want a cure to my mental disease, not some feely bullshit.
If you have had sex (with an adult partner), Do it. hire an scort, find someone in a bar or something. You're stuck in the fantasy of having sex with a girl (as i see in the other post, with that 16 yrs old crush). Maybe experiencing actual sex with an adult might take you out of your own mind.
nope. I honestly feel like shit for my attraction
had not*
>getting hospitalized and finding out it was all from PTSD, AKA, being sexually molested for years by family members, coupled with very rough upbringing.
You were brainwashed.
See a shrink, don't take meds you aren't comfortable with, don't touch/get into any situation to touch any young kids.
Go to the gym be mansexy, pick up a 18/19 yr old girl and have her call you daddy or mister or whatever gets you hard.
Use your god damn imagination, embrace your kink without actually crossing a legal/moral line of your society....there are always 3rd world/muslim countries you can go to if you cant.
>>there are always 3rd world/muslim countries you can go to if you cant.
>See a shrink, don't take meds you aren't comfortable with, don't touch/get into any situation to touch any young kids.
I remember reading on psychology site that I'll be put on a list or some shit
>Go to the gym be mansexy, pick up a 18/19 yr old girl and have her call you daddy or mister or whatever gets you hard.
I already go to the gym every day. I'm terrible with girls in all honesty.
>Use your god damn imagination, embrace your kink without actually crossing a legal/moral line of your society.
That is what I am currently doing. I want this attraction to just go away.
>My obsession was simple due to the fact that I loved her for who she was.
so go out into the world and find a chick who has a personality you like, bonus if asian qt3.1415
Yo dude it sounds like you have intrusive thoughts. They can appear as highly immoral thoughts, especially those of a sexual nature. If you don't want it it doesn't seem like regular pedophillia. Google patient rights and confidentiality laws, and see an OCD specialist; as I'm pretty sure those intrusive thoughts fall under the "Pure O" category of OCD. If you're uninterested and appalled by acting on these desires I don't think you'll be watchlisted.
Don't kill yourself, don't see a shrink. Just understand that having sexual relations with children will lead to a complete loss of your freedom (and potentially your life). It's not a sin, but it's disgusting to the majority of human beings. Be smart about this, and masturbate often to control the urges that might sabotage you.
>It's not a sin
doesn't it hurt kids? I think there would be a reason beyond disgust as to why it is illegal.
Sin has a religious context to it, and I don't want to validate any of that nonsense. It is traumatizing to children, however, yes.
Fun fact: a lot of people with IBS tend to have a history of molestation.
What do you want people to say to you? Go and kill yourself? cut off your fuking dick? WHAT?
They already told you what the fuck to do, stop bitching!
>I think there would be a reason beyond disgust as to why it is illegal.
There really isn't, just like there wasn't any real reason beyond disgust for sodomy being illegal, until recently.
It doesn't have to hurt them lol, a lot of kids enjoy sex. Physical abuse and sex are two different things.
As far as I know (which isn't a lot,) most psychologists don't do any external contact unless they believe someones life or safety is in jeopardy. If you downplay actually doing something and overplay your guilt and wanting help you'll probably be fine. But do more research on your own and come to your own conclusion. At the very least you should still go to a shrink and talk about your other life problems. Even just talking about lack of success with girls with a professional will help rebound your confidence and make you feel more at ease with the world.
>thoughts hurt kids
There's plenty of reason as to why child molestation is considered disgusting. It causes trauma, introduces sexuality prematurely (which may lead to different psychological issues in teen-young adult years and beyond), and can cause trust issues, depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies.
Do your research, man.
>masturbate often
>to control the urges
that is how you coerce the urges user, the more i fap to furry porn, the more furry porn is on my mind. Celibacy is the way.
Sure, brainwashed into helping my self-hate. Brainwashed into realizing that an abusive power-dynamic is wrong. Stop justifying being a piece of shit.
I bet this is coming from a 30+ year old pedo that has achieved nothing in his life.
>But do more research on your own and come to your own conclusion.
I've read the wikis and psychology sites. They all say the same bullshit. "There is no cure other than chemical castration and testosterone blockers." I get pissed off at research because there is no end to this dark tunnel.
But I'm a pedo. that means I turn all my thoughts into physical actions uncontrollably.
My thoughts are desires that can lead to actions that can hurt kids. Better?
Every problem you noted is a direct result of coercive situations enabled mostly by the fear of punishment.
Rape is bad, yes. Molestation (unwanted sexual contact) is bad, yes. The big dissonance here is that you somehow think that all sexual situations involving children are coercive or abusive, when they just aren't.
Of course, they're still illegal, so anyone who would provide evidence to that would have to commit a crime to do so. Bit of a Catch-22.
Wheres the loli though
>...that means I turn all my thoughts into physical actions uncontrollably.
Not if you learn some self-control user.
Go on a fast for 1 week without any food at all, only water for a drink.
Do othe practices that reinforce self-control, never fap, keep off Sup Forums for durations of time, etc.
Practicing self-control helps one to resist the urge to act on feelings.
So if you don't trust yourself, go and get looked in. Or find a physical solution.
Driving a car can hurt kids. Are you going to quit driving, too?
What then? Ride a bus? That can hurt kids too...
Ride a bike? That can hurt kids too...
Walk everywhere? Guess what...
But I'm a pedo. I literally have zero self control. I have to rape every child I see, despite how much I claim to hate it.
Still you can talk with a shrink and be nonspecific about that urge that bothers you. Having a non biased professional to talk to can do wonders even if you don't share your darkest secrets. Its totally voluntary and you can leave at any point.
You can also try and redirect the focus of your sexual urges. Something you think is taboo but "more" socially acceptable that still gets you off like homosexuality or BDSM or roleplay for rape or incest situations.
Just seek a psychiatrist OP.