I currently work as security for Carrington, Man United's training ground

I currently work as security for Carrington, Man United's training ground.

I know most of the stories before the press do.

I've lived in Manchester all my life (28 now), done this job for 5 years, ask me anything.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=GwcpFXOsrY8
youtube.com/watch?v=9CTN1OGJn8s
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

What's it like wishing you were at City every day?

How does a Manchester United fan wear their scarf at the match?

Tied.

There aren't very many differences to be honest, the quality of the sides don't make a difference to my job, still getting paid at the end of the month.

Good one user

Which of the Utd players are gay?

How much does the dabbing Leroy Fer tip you?

Any signs Jose will commit suicide before xmas?

Just tell some stories yourself mate. Mou a cocaine addict? Ronaldo gay? Ibra funny?

Who has the biggest penis? Is it Rooney?

I don't know the personal lives of players.

Nothing, the players rarely even look at us.

He seems very depressed every time I see him, I have a view of the training sometimes, he's often getting frustrated, throwing cones and balls around, pointing at players who step out of line. Then he'll go back to his office and Rui Faria will take over.

There's murmurs that Phil Jones never really gets injured and that his long breaks are due to his constant visits to a private rehab. Heard it for players in the past as well.

What about Miky the Aryan? Hows he doing on the training grounds?

Is it true martial has a big nose. L-like the bigness i see in the TV????!

>private rehab
KEK links up with stuff the secret footballer has written about players getting 'injured'

Wonder how much Rui gets paid compared to the Red Carded David Moyes for doing more of the work?

Doubt you know the inside stories but what car does Mata drive?

Is any of the players gay? Not gay in a "faggot" way, but gay in an actually homosexual -i like to penetrate/be penetrated by other men- way?

Did you meet Berbatov?

How much would you pay for a box-to-box Mario Balotelli?

Please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata please be Mata

How does it feel to support a club so shit your only footballing satisfaction derives from the successes and failures of others.

Fiat 500

Just tell us the craziest shit you've heard or seen

How does it feel earning minimum wage despite knowing the club could easily afford to pay you a proper salary?

>the club

A single player could pay a proper salary and not even notice lol

Do you ever see any drama around the players? Is it obvious some players hate eachother or Mourinho?

Do you hang out with Schweini now that he has plenty of time and do you play Risk with him?

are you a Labour voter by any chance?

why, do you feel triggered?

no I just feel it's a funny way to think
>why am I being paid X when theoretically I could be paid 5x?
>because they can just get someone for X to replace you
>oh...

I heard him and Mourinho had an early argument about something, not sure but the situation has gotten better due to boardroom pressure.

Yes

I don't really pay attention to those things, not really on gate duty rota.

I have no idea, always had suspicions of Smalling.

90mil

Players regularly take performance enhancers and the club helps them bypass drug tests.

I'm aiming to be a Security Manager one day which pays pretty well, I'm happy as long as I can afford my lifestyle.

Mourinho gets angry a lot, I've seen some players storm off and roll their eyes, if you ever see someone randomly dropped, they've usually annoyed Mourinho.

I wish, he seems like a chill guy and watching him back in training has been a delight.

how very bourgeois of you

it's just supply and demand m8

how very 18th century liberal theory of you

>S&D is a 18th century theory
come again?

Performance enhancement drugs?
A-Am i being baited? Surely Manure cant be this bad even with the help of drugs!

Babadeboppi ragazzi trequartistsquagliarella tagliatelle liberalissimo

>Players regularly take performance enhancers and the club helps them bypass drug tests.

I don't believe you. How do you get to witness this? Do they invite you pleb to have a look and take pictures while they place the needle?

Well when everyone else is taking them, it sort of balances it out.

Your mum's sucking him off under the desk m9

you don't even know what you're shilling, you capitalist pigswine

>using actual economics to understand pricing structures
>smug-anime-girls.jpg

mott kvatt snall skoldpad flek mlok

I seem to have triggered a budding marxist. How rude of me

Because I know people on the inside of the club and regularly speak with people who work at other clubs as well.

United fan here. I personally am thrilled about the artistic football that is on display at the club at the moment. They sure can draw with the best of them.

Good point. I never thought about it from that angle.

>capitalist pigswine

I bet you were born after East Germany stop existing right?

No, it's just football clubs pay their non-football staff absolute shit

Easy one: Are they even happy when they come into the training ground?
Who is the most unsatisfied of all?

What kind of drugs? Why don't you snitch this to the police or press and become famous/rich?

as I recall several EPL clubs (Chelsea is one) participate in some "living wage" thing where they pay a decent wage. But realistically if you're a security guard or a kit man or something you shouldn't expect a great wage

i bet you were born after bill clinton's presidency so you weren't around for these basic af memes you little shit

How big of a cunt is Mouyes?

>triggered the german

That was easy.

How does it feel to see the sun only 5 times a year?

Guessing he's employed by a private security firm subbing to United?

It wouldn't really achieve anything I bet, every club does it and they're obviously not stupid enough to use drugs that are on a banned list.

probably, I think the whole "living age" thing can still be worked out with bonuses or if the club chip in for the remainder

With that much money on the line I would think that would be a pretty dangerous thing to do

Hurr durr, where's the scandal then? And why the need to bypass drugs tests as you claim when there's only legal stuff involved.

>why the need to bypass drugs

Recreational drugs. Remember when Rio ran away and hid because he did cocaine? Well Rio is one of the most wholesome premier league footballers..

What will you do when the London Man Utd Supporters Club aka ISIS storm the grounds and try to behead everyone?

So you think Roy Keane could have been on cocaine in here? He's definitely psyched up to the max and the game hasn't even begun then...

youtube.com/watch?v=GwcpFXOsrY8

Nah Arsenal United rivalry was just that fucking intense.

Fuck I miss those days

Fuck me too. Scholes, Neville, Keane. My aunt lives in London and has always sent us Beckham trikots back then. I still have them somewhere...

Living wage is like £1.50 more than minimum.

Adds up to a couple thousand more per year if you're working full time, at least.

don't know what to tell ya m8. Some jobs pay shit, it's a fact of life

Hey OP, with Chape being awarded the copa, is there a move within the club to get the European Cup reawared to Man You for 1958 because we all died that year?

Is Zlatan Mourinho's golden boy?

How was life under Van Gaal??

youtube.com/watch?v=9CTN1OGJn8s

How is Rooney doing?

>club helps them bypass drug tests
how is it possible?

Ask Rus-

Oh, nevermind...

ITT: an autist who listens to all of the shit talked on twitter, on this Minorcan But Shucking forum, and on football call in shows and remembers it to pass as someone he's not and lie on the Internet.

Timestamped proof or GTFO fgt

Nice try, buy we don't speak norwegian in Sweden

Which arab dialect is it then? Here in germany it's more syrian.

It's what we call 'Swedish Arabic' - the musulmanians grew to such numbers that they developed a regional arabic - mixed with swedish of course

What made you suspicious of smalling?