Advice Wanted

Advice Wanted
>Be me
>Have a little Cabin at the end of my Garden, 30 meters from my house
>Use it as an office, keep PC gear etc there
>last few nights I have heard people moving around nearby when I have been working late.
>came outside today to find a coat hanger lodged in the window
>Realized they tried and failed to break in
>lying in wait tonight with my dogs in case they come back
>Any advice on how to detain them/tools I should keep with me
>Britbong so no guns available

inb4 fuck you OP
inb4 hurdurr my guns

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leave a note saying 'watch out for the dogs, you left your coathanger btw' The normality of the note will scare them off.

Just lacerate the achilies tendon with one quick swipe of a bucher knife.

Let your dogs eat em up for a bit then pull them off telling the burglar to stay put on the griund or youll let your dogs loose again.

Rear naked choke him the fuck out. Bound his hands before he wakes up.

Net gun. Lol.

Set a pit trap in front of the window. Or bear trap. Ouch. Make sure you cover it.

Pepper spray and wrestle him down.

>>Britbong so no guns available

I think you mean guns not viable. Not "no guns available"

This might work. Maybe set a motion activated camera on the other side of the window with flash.

Actually like this a lot, issue is if they are too thick to read...

Dig some pits, put spikes at the bottom and empty your septic system into the pits.

when he come back
*Teleport Behind Him*
and whisper - Nothing personal, kid

Semantics aside, they aren't an option

he would have to get a license and have a valid reason like farming/hunter. Even then your best bet is an air rifle. Its pretty much guns unavailable.

Hit them with a cricket bat you Brokeback Island cuck

Is the whispering alone sufficient, or do you suggest another course of action after that?

Could make one. Would only need ammo then.

Wheres that info graphic on makeing a land mine of sorts useing a shotgun shell and some small plastic pipe?

Yeah, I can lay my hands on hammers/knives/cudgels but thats about it

Yeah but saying stuff on the internet isnt the same as doing it in real life.

slice him in pieces with your ninja katana

Grab a hammer.
A big fucking hammer.
Even a big fucking stick would do.
Leave a note saying you know what they're trying to do and that there's a camera watching the cabin and they're all on camera trying to break in.

Careful, you may get arrested for having assault dogs.

First thing you should do is take all your valuable shit inside.

and in the time it would take me to build a gun, I may as well just dig punji stick traps in my garden
But I am not a master of Sudoku senpai

This is a bit old fashioned, but you're supposed to wait for them to come and paintball them.

Pepper spray and huge zip ties or club him till he's dead or near unconscious state

Not at all, if he has a sign saying beware of the dogs he cant get in trouble, this is the UK not land of the sued.

Depending on the ammo all you will need is a tube with a handle that you can slide in another type with a sealed end and a nail to hit the firing pin.

This is my worry, the law is pretty harsh on people laying in wait, but I contacted the non-emergency police number and they told me not to worry.

I can muzzle the dogs if need be, they are big enough to still be a threat to intruders.

I have one on the front gate, might move it onto the cabin

having your dogs in the garden isnt laying in wait.

this

contact your drug dealer or a friend someone is bound to be able to get you a gun.

britbong here too but i know someone who sleeps with a loaded 9mm in his bedside table

Sounds reasonable, gonna shift all my tech stuff and clear some space in case shit goes down.

I'm this guy and do britfags have paintball guns or airsoft guns? I figure you guys must, right? They aren't real guns. The norm in my area is to wait for them to come (if they're the type to keep coming back) and then paintball the shit out of them.

Yeah id do that and take photos of it, realistically though if they know you know, ie the note tactic. They will leave you alone. In their eyes you have no idea and everything is fine. The uncertainty of a brief note will make them think your waiting for them/have cameras or even have existing footage of them. Any sane person would desist after that.

>convert to islam
>stone them to death or behead them
>claim benefits

Such a stupid suggestion, one buying an illegal firearm thats untraceable from a gang or arms dealer in the uk is incredibly expensive. Then if you actually use it to stop a criminal, you get done for possession of firearm and probably manslaughter.

This.
Also, if you're looking to tag the burglars, try filling a super soaker with tie dye. My asshole neighbor used to do this when we were kids and it stained the shit out of clothing and skin.

bro seriously go to sports direct and get a baseball bat

sportsdirect.com/wilson-baseball-set-890004?colcode=89000499

my drug dealer has one in his livng room

Hadn't thought of it like that, but fair point.
Probably have some old airsoft guns somewhere, but I would rather stop them for good as opposed to have them return later but pissed off.
I guess, but the aim here is not to get arrested for defending my property. All well and good if I stop the thief, but I don't want to go to prison for possession of a firearm

Four winds shotgun. Make two and fill them with rocksalt shells. Make them carry the first guy you hit off. Aim for the balls.

teleport behind him and sodomize his arse with your 10 inch penis

Just stake out in your car. Call the police when he arrives and keep them on the line and informed until they can get there and nab him. Follow suspect if you must. Do not alert him.

Wait next to the window at odd hours with a big kitchen knife and shove it under the window when he puts his fingers under to pull it up.

are they really gonna to to the police though?

"so i was robbing this guys house and he pulled a gun on me"

by then op has got rid of the gun and hidden it so even if they did come he doesn't have anything in his property

pulling it out should be enough to scare them away anyway right?

cant picture having to actually use it

The suggestions of a child or an idiot.

This is the right answer. The police exist for a reason.
Assuming you've got nothing illegal on the property, try baiting your cabin with some heavy boxes, wait by a window or something and call the police when they show up.

Where in england? Ya know, incase im close by

It bothers me to think they will just move on to someone else, but if it protects my home and my stuff it may be worth it.
Farmer got sent down for murder after he shot burglars a few years ago, even if I don't intend to use a gun, always a risk things could go down badly.
I've got hammers and hunting knives and stuff. does a baseball bat offer any particular benefit over that?

If I've learned anything from service, it's never to point a firearm at another person unless you intend to use it.

Turn all the lights on. Open the curtains. Take off all your clothes.

Stand in front of the windows masturbating. Staring out blankly into the night. Don't make facial expressions or noises. Just slowly, steadily beat your meat, staring out the windows.

They won't come back.

>achilies tendon
That's the way to go user. FUCK. THEM. UP. Go full sociopath on them.

then why get a real gun at all? Get a BB gun. These are all stupid suggestions. The note or some form of fear tactic is the only thing needed. This is going to be a garden variety thief (lol) they dont want to murder anyone or get violent as soon as they know they're compromised they will leave.

>I've got hammers and hunting knives and stuff. does a baseball bat offer any particular benefit over that?
Reach. Aren't there also different laws regarding self defense using knives?

Who are you kidding, Britbong. You're just going to wind up shitting yourself.

do they have guns though
don't blame us for getting yerself killed

Lol ouch.

No theif robbing a suburban garden in the UK is going to be armed with a gun. Most british people go their whole lives without ever seeing a gun outside of a range or a farm.

I'm clean, so the police trawling through my stuff isn't an issue.

I live near Dartmoor.
Exactly, I'm prepared to rough someone up a bit, but I'd prefer not to have a death on my hands.
Reach could be good, but I reckon my dogs will do most of the work. I'm just going to jump in if I get put in danger.

Use surveillance.

Dogs. A big fucking pack of them.

I've got two, mastiff lab cross and a foxhound. I reckon they will do

This shit pisses me off. Guy defends his home/family shooting an intruder and goes to jail. Wtf?

There was guy who broke into a home through a "moon roof" window type of deal. He fell inside the home and broke his leg or somthing and he successfully sued the homeowner for having that window on his roof.

Only in the fucking USA.

Whenever it happens here the homeowner plays the Englishman's home is his castle card, and then the judge fucks him off and sends him down

he fell onto a pile of kitchen knives and sued the old woman that lived there, literally only in murica.

i've got you

Purchase a large machete or the like from a landscaping supply store or something similar. Dress like a burgular and hide somewhere in your yard. Start to walk up after they're at the shed. Tell them that they're "on your turf" and you "don't play well with others", but you won't "do something I'll regret with this machete" if they give you their wallets and get the hell out of there and never cross you again.

where did this thing originate?

might as well just rob his own house.

Idk if these are regulated there in foggy Muslim town, but here in the states our most effective weapon is a board with a nail through it.

Don't let this power fall into the wrong hands.

no idea, i've got a folder of them i've saved over the years.

Dont even need to be as precise as the achilies. Targeting the calf muscle will fuck them up and render them imobile just as well.

I tore my calf muscle exercising once. Hands down the worst and most painful injury ive ever had.

we dont build our houses out of flimsy wood over here though. 2x4s aren't really a thing.

If you have dogs DO NOT use pepper spray.
As for the robbers ls I'd suggest waiting/working inside the cabin until the actual break in - so that you're considered to be acting on self defence
Other than that just fuck their shit up OP

*denzel washington training day meme "my nigga"*

Got me on that too?

this one?

10 points to you for thinking about doge.

Shut the fuck up

Cheers Sup Forumsros,
Update on the home defence
>Moved the Beware of Dog sign, so it can now be read from the cabin window they tried getting in.
>Called in on my neighbour, who has turned her CCTV to face the entrance to my garden.
>Moved most of my expensive stuff into the house, will finish that up later
>Grabbed my hunting knife, and a medium sized hammer and chucked them by the back door. Just in case.
>Not taking my dogs out for their walk, with luck this will make them more energetic and keep them up.
>Moved a woodpile from near my house to the garden gate, just so in the dark it will be really fucking annoying to climb over.

Anything else needed

I was thinking of just napping in the day, and then working late in there so I can be 'surprised' by the intruder

Yep.

wait until they try and break in and just pop up in the window naked and start jerking off. i doubt they will come back after they witness your fury.

Got a GoPro?

No one said tazer? Also i like the bear trap idea.... Yes it was mine :(

They would likely just wait another night to try breaking in. A lot of people will wait weeks between attempts as well.

Sounds good - if you're really going with this I also suggest using the hammer more than the knife, aim for the wrists/groin/kneecaps

Well I guess you're fucked then. Best thing to do now is strip naked and position yourself in the doorway in a way to optimally receive forced anal sex.

Good man.
Try and see if you can update us on how things go later tonight. We are with you.

Fair enough, the knife is going to be a fall back. As in, they pull one on me and I don't want to be straight up shit creek.

If they escalate further than that, unlikely as it is, I'm just going to have to hope my dogs help me out.

They will just run away as soon as they know their caught, this is the UK. No one needs to be cappin

Cheers man, I will post an update tomorrow morning.

With any luck, you hear about what happened from me and not the news ;)

At least we didnt vote the guy from the apprentice as president. (althought saying that alan sugar would be pretty chill)

motion camera or motion light. problem solved.

Just lay low near by and pop out of nowhere with a big "AHHHHHHH ARAHHHHHH!!" with your hands up and scare the shit out of them. Watch them run like hell.

Burn your place down and nobody will be stealing shit from you again.

to be fair, having speakers in the bushes and playing horrifying sounds would genuinely scare people off.

This seems a little defeatist

Improvise an explosive and rig it so if they come into your little toolshed they lose a leg.

isn't it illegal to do anything to them? just leave it open next time.

Fingers crossed OP, keep us posted

Agreed if i was the burgler i'd be like "nope".

The movie silent hill has some good creepy tones in it.

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