Tardigrade

Tardigrade

can nothing kill these monsters?

They die pretty easily from predation

They die in lava

My spirit animal!

Tardigrades were discovered for the first time in 17-fucking-73 by a german motherfucking pastor named Johan Goeze. Scientists officially dubbed these bad motherfuckers "extremophiles" because they can fucking survive in the most extreme shit, you have no idea.

They are born full-grown adults and pretty much never die. They were here before the first fucking humans, they were here before the fucking dinosaurs. They reproduce by having the males just fucking jizz all over the females.

They can survive in almost absolute-zero temperatures, are almost totally indestructible and don't give a motherfuck about anything because nothing can even come close to HOLDING THEIR GODDAMN JOCK.

Don't you ever post a motherfucking TARDIGRADE on this fucking board when you don't even know what it fucking is. It came before you, and it will be around long after you're gone, and you are nothing more than an insignificant speck of dust in its eyes. You're a dead man walking.

You best be fucking grateful they're small enough to fit under your thumbnail because if they were any bigger they'd be fucking your shit up and stealing your girlfriend right now.

Bitch.

Near absolute zero fag

Haha god it's just so obvious how much you hate yourself eh. You're probably 14/15 right? Think you understand the world around you. Think your opinions are the real truth. Your future is written in everything that you write. And you probably think you're so complicated and unique. I can read you like a children's 5 page book. You're a nothing. And I wish anything I could say would change that, but frankly you're just one of the students that needs to fill the ranks at Mcdonalds. It's a hard truth but you need to swallow it quickly. You are not a creator, you are a destroyer. Someone that puts down everyone around themselves until they form a hole where there's only room for you. You lonely, sad fucking pit of pathetic. You will never be anything in this life. You will get up every day wanting to change yourself and be better today. But you'll never escape who you are. A nobody. So enjoy your life, enjoy putting people down, enjoy never amounting to anything. At least I'm doing something with my life, no matter how small you think that is. If doing this kind of shit online is what gets you to sleep at night, then go ahead. But never forget that you will live this life alone, depressed, and believing you are something more than you are. But it's just the opposite. You're a zero.

They are also known as water bears

didn't know there was a Tardigrade Internet Defense Force

what do you know bout sloths

They eat moss.

Now you know!

you're cute

In all honesty, the moss deserves it.

It is just that grazing on moss lazily doesn't really go with the "badass" super monster they being made out to be.

Retardigrade

Haha god it's just so obvious how much you hate yourself eh. You're probably 14/15 right? Think you understand the world around you. Think your opinions are the real truth. Your future is written in everything that you write. And you probably think you're so complicated and unique. I can read you like a children's 5 page book. You're a nothing. And I wish anything I could say would change that, but frankly you're just one of the students that needs to fill the ranks at Mcdonalds. It's a hard truth but you need to swallow it quickly. You are not a creator, you are a destroyer. Someone that puts down everyone around themselves until they form a hole where there's only room for you. You lonely, sad fucking pit of pathetic. You will never be anything in this life. You will get up every day wanting to change yourself and be better today. But you'll never escape who you are. A nobody. So enjoy your life, enjoy putting people down, enjoy never amounting to anything. At least I'm doing something with my life, no matter how small you think that is. If doing this kind of shit online is what gets you to sleep at night, then go ahead. But never forget that you will live this life alone, depressed, and believing you are something more than you are. But it's just the opposite. You're a zero.

Sounds like a james blake song.

can i shove them up my ass?

Well that was something I didn't need to see.

by the millions!