Be me 14 yo

>be me 14 yo
>horny all the time
>jack off to porn everyday
>started fapping off to cousin
>she was 17 qt 3.14
>one day fapped one her face while she was sleeping
>she woke up
>shoved a literal carrot inside my ass
>cried like a bitch

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Dude you got molested
That's curious

Got black out drunk and beat the shit out of my gf when I was 19.

What she say.?
Had a friend do the same to a 9/10 girl

Why the fuck would you just randomly lie about somebody putting a carrot in your ass? There is no way that happened. I cannot think of any plausible thing she could do to pin you down and manage to get to your ass at the same time to where you couldn't do anything.

Laughed hard

Thanks!

i was a skinny bitch then

Fast food worker here. Prepared food with blood covered hands a few times. GF's Period blood. Because fuck you, that's why.

wow,it made me hard

i stole 224 pokemon cards to a friend when i was 6.
He never knew it was me

i also stole mdma with an exgf and put it in a bottle of vodka for everyone
party was lit

>>>
> Anonymous 04/17/17(Mon)17
people like you are why i dont eat fast food

>be me in school
>house party, everyone getting drunk quickly
>had a few beers but didn't want to get wasted
>kept on taking the beers coming my way, only had one sip and poured the rest down the drain.
>still haven't forgiven my self

pushed a deaf girl down some stairs once.

also stolen over a million in items over the years.

>Be me
>like to walk around at night because i dont like walking during the day because people try to talk to me
>got my hoodie up and knife on my hip
>Fed up with life in general
>Decide that I should take it out on some son of a bitch down the street because his dogs are always barking
>seriously fuck this guy
>Walk up to car
>slash tires
>Go home
>never heard anything so I think I am good

>break up with girlfriend
>start facebook live streaming
>drum up a manifesto best I could
>killed this old dude who didn't know what was happening
>start a manhunt
>mfw

i stole a severed hand from the scene of a car wreck

do you still have it?

People like me are why you shouldn't fast food. I can't begin to tell you all the messed up stuff i've seen inside restaurants. Some fast food workers are and caring or w/e, but most of us want you to die the moment you walk through the door. Not all food places ae like that I guess, but I know it's the gamble I take when I buy the ticket.

Masturbated to Bea Arthur when my mom came in and caught me. I without flinching told her to come get some. She was disgusted but I finished like a champ.
She never looked at me the same way again.

That's not evil. That a fuck nice souvenir, and rare to.

>be me
>12
>stole a shit ton of items from a bar that was closed (only worked during summer) with 2 friends
>drank a lot of "almdudler" before i knew what it was
>FeelsGoodMan
>the bar had cameras
>nothing ever happened

i got paranoid and threw it away about a week later..

evil thing was that the hands owner was not dead..it could have probably been sewed back and saved

>be me
>first grade
>had a bathroom in our classroom
>I would piss on the walls every time I had to go
>thought of it as my personal toilet
>no one ever said anything about piss everywhere
>never get caught

I was a weird kid

Murder isnt evil if it is justified.

Agree IF the owner was still alive.
BUT that would make it an even cooler souvenir let's be honest.

>be about 12
>used to live with grandparents
>they had a 2 dogs, a poodle and a lab
>the poodle would sometimes shit and piss in the living room
>get idea
>piss on carpet one day
>they think the dog did it

i shoulda kept it huh?

Can confirm. When I was in my late teens I worked in a few resturuants. If you were a dick or an annoying customer, spitting in your food would be the least of your worries.

>put pepperoni slices in my sweaty butt checks before I put them on your pizza.
>jerk off in your soup if you really pissed me off
>toss your ceasar salad with my sweaty dick.
>use expired food that I was supposed to throw away.
>play hockey sack with the meatballs.

The list goes on. Fuck asshole customers.

i used to pee in the vents of my parents room when i was about 8, also blamed the dog. I still have no idea why i did that

I would. Shit like that is super interesting to me.

Had a dude who considered me his best (and really only) friend. He had this ex that he was still completely obsessed with. They'd broken up 8 years prior, and he considered her his soulmate, he'd get drunk and cry about her all the time, she was basically all he talked about.

He asked me to try to talk to her on Facebook on his behalf, I figured it wouldn't work, but I'd give it a go. I wound up talking to her, we decided to meet up, and we fucked that night. Wound up fucking her for almost two years. I got head from her while I was on the phone with him once.

He never found out. Don't talk to him anymore, but if he did ever find out, he'd probably actually try to kill me.

Wouldn't your ass just feel shitty because of the pepperoni after a couple if hours? Why fuck yourself over like that?

When I was 6 I used a supersoaker to pee on my parents in the morning.
Will never regret it.

In the grand scheme of things it was worth it. I would just go to the bathroom and put some soap on some toilet paper and scrub my asshole for a 10 seconds.

>my personal toilet
>piss on walls
are u dumb

i used to sell heroin and fentanyl. one time me and three guys ran into a guys house over a debt and fucked him up in front of his wife and 4 year old daughter. took their laptop and playstation etc. the kid pissed herself. the four of us split into pairs after we left, me and this guy went to an associates to do some coke, and his girlfriend comes back a couple of hours later crying about how her sister's husband just got the shit kicked out of him in front of her niece and how the kid is traumatized and won't talk to anyone. i laughed inside. i was kind of an asshole back in those days

Go fap there
nerdynaughtykitty.tumblr.com/

i once had a girlfriend who was into self harm. when we broke up she started stalking me and insisted that i left her because i was fucking my friend's girl, which wasn't true. she put it all over facebook that i gave her genital warts. so i sent her a close-up picture of a gash i made on my leg with a knife, so it looked like i'd cut my wrists. she sent back a picture of about 20 huge cuts all over her wrists and she took an overdose that night. when she woke up i got my friend's girlfriend to phone her and say that we actually were sleeping together the whole time, that my friend was cool with it and that she was pregnant but she didn't know who to, so we were both going to be the father lol

You should have pickled it and sent him it back months later

Kinda wierd she didn't recognize you.

did she died?

MDMA and Alcohol do not mix. I wish you and your friends died because you seem like a piece of shit.

>i also stole mdma with an exgf and put it in a bottle of vodka for everyone
>party was lit
kek'd

?? it was the wife's sister not the wife. learn to read.

When I was 14 I was staying at my freinds house for a few days in the summer. The first day I got there his cousin was also staying awhile, she was only 8 so I didn't expect to be around her much we were to old and cool for her. My friends seemed really excited but I couldn't tell about what. We play normally for awhile. Then his mom said her and his dad were going shopping for a few hours and would be back. They asked if they could leave his little cousin with us. He readily accepted which I didn't understand. After his parents left he looked at me and said this is going to be awesome. He rushed upstairs and I followed him. We find her playing in the spare room. He walks up to her and says" ok no ones here lets play the secret game you showed me last night" she smiles and says ok. He then says I want to play to. She smiled more and said ok. To my complete shock he unzipped his jeans and pulled out his dick. His little cousin reached right for it and grabbed it and put it in her mouth. I watched her suck him off and swallow his cum. After he was done he told me it was ok and to go for it. So I did. She walked right up to my exposed dick and sucked it into her mouth. I was soft cuz I was scared shitless(was my first contact sexually with another person) but she quickly changed that. After only a minute or so I felt a strong pulse start in my dick and then felt my balls drain into her mouth. The feeling was way better than when I jacked it. I'm still in a little shock. My friend tells me she showed him this game last night. They call it the secret game and grown ups aren't allowed to know. She then pulled off her panties and pointed at me and giggled. My freinds told me that meant she wanted me to play with her. We got on the floor and I licked her little pussy. We played this game mostly at night for the next three days. I dropped atleast six loads into her mouth in that time.

nah we're actually pretty cool nowadays, we fucked not too long ago

People drink while rolling all the time.

They mix well besides the dehydration

Once I became a hiring manager, I would have all my employees watch the movie "waiting". lol, good times.

>be me
>be 11 or so
>friend showing off Pokemon cards
>shiny hitmonlee
>jealous as fuck
>leaves his cards in desk
>he goes to washroom
>steal hitmonlee
>realized it was gone at recess
He still doesn't know to this day. I see him regularly as well.

>Come get some

Kek

Visited a nursing home that doubled work with people with mental disabilities. Was there to meet a friend. Passed by woman who was a near vegetable, but her shirt was open and her saggy boobs were barely visible. Looked around, closed door. Fapped right on her chest and walked out without anybody knowing it was me.
On the way out I heard screaming by an orderly and I high tailed it out.

I didn't vote in the last election

feisty

So after all these years, what cam out of that? they still fucking or what?

Is wrong but arousing.

you seem like a little bitch

there was this girl who lived at the bottom of a block of flats, she was fuckable and i was wasted but we'd never spoken before. so i took a shit on her doorstep and then knocked on her door, when she answered i told her some arsehole had taken a huge dump outside her flat and she should watch her step if she's going anywhere. i played it like i was appalled that someone would do a thing like that to a pretty girl like her. i got her number and then went to a flat upstairs for a couple of hours while we exchanged text messages and she cleaned up my turd. then i came downstairs and fucked her. she wanted me to stay over, but i made my excuses and left. then later that night i came back downstairs and pissed through her letterbox. haven't seen or spoken to her since, i sometimes wonder if she figured out that it was me, or if she knew all along

Is okay but arousing.

I stole candy from a store by accident when I was 4 or 5.

well nothing turns a girl on more than your shit lingering in her nostrils

>be about 17
>move to a different city
>first day there meet this really shy dude about the same age
>become friends
>he shows me his other friends all rather cool dudes and gals
>apparently one of the girls is his gf
>for some reason i REALLY wanted this girl she wasn't even that good looking 6.8/10
>come up with genius idea going to make him seem like he's the biggest fucker ever
>a proxy and a couple cp pics on his phone later and I am set
>show the pics on his phone to friends and 6.8/10
>they believed it completely his gf dumps him and all his former friends hate his guts
> he stopped coming to school at some point and I hook up with the 6.8/10
>apparently he now got death threats
>he comits suicide after about 2 weeks after I hook up with the 6.8/10
>somehow get this girl to agree to have sex on his grave
>hardest I'd ever come in my life was on his grave
>even now everyone still thinks he was a pedophile

went to his grave not that long ago just for the heck of it it looked like shit so his family probably believed the lie as well

one of my earliest memories is of me grabbing a pack of gun and running as obvious as possible (i was a pretty chubby kid so i was hard not to notice) out of the grocery store, into the parking lot. my mom saw me do it so she chased me and made me take it back in. the manager tried not to laugh at me.

Is that the chocolate river, from Willy Wonka?

kek

>Not knowing of the mythical caramel river.

Probably created the universe.

you asshole

my ISP kept fucking me over, so i made a sign explaining how they fucked me over and placed it on my lawn

it was gone (stolen) the next day

so i picked up some syringes i found on the ground at a local methadone clinic and lined the grabbable parts of the sign with them

it was gone again the next day but my ISP finally called me back

I once heated a cup of tea in the microwave. Milky tea too!

Over $500,000 in retail theft

man-shit is packed full of nutrients and pheromones

You should kill yourself.

You have no idea how much I've done this

>Be 9ish
>Break into own school
>Need to take a dump
>Enter toilets
>Decided to shit next to the toilet because of severe autism
>Scalding.mov
>2 days later school opens
>"Someone took a dump next to the toilet"
Nobody ever knew it was me

that was awesome

I dumped several barrels of hydraulic oil inn to the ocean.

/Thread

>be me
>sign up Club penguin without parents permission

I doubt this is the most evil thing I've done, but I just can't remember what worse I've done than this.
>13
>Out biking with two friends deep in the woods
>I'll call these friends S and D
>Me and S are taking turns carrying tree climbing equipment
>When we told D it was his turn, he told us fuck no
>Me and D were already on poor terms; he had stolen shit from me, was acting awfully pissy
>D was jealous because his family didn't like him very much, whereas me and S were quite liked by our families
>D was acting oh so important and superior to me and S, to the point where we stopped caring at all about him. We were done being treated like shit
>I dump some rope in the back tire of his bike, it becomes deeply tangled in seconds
>He tumbles into the mud, and the handlebars of his bike smash into his balls
>After a moment, he gets up and goes on a verbal tirade about how mad he is
>While he's flipping shit about his bike, S signals to me that It's time to go
>Drop the equipment and haul ass out of there
>It was getting dark, and was a bad area. He was also a beta fuck who couldn't protect his body for shit from sexual abuse (don't ask me how I know that)
>We left him with the climbing equipment for three people and a disabled bike. We knew he was screwed, but didn't care
>We could hear him screaming "WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS?!" from as far as a kilometer away
>We continued on until we were near our homes, where S told me he would retrieve the equipment tomorrow, and parted ways
>The next way, S came by, returned my rope, and told me his experience talking to D after
>It took D over an hour past dark to haul his pathetic ass and the equipment out
>We joked about it, and decided then and there that D could not accompany us in the future
>I only saw D once later, at school lunch alone and looking sad
>After that year, I never saw him again (I went to a different school later)
I'm not in contact with anyone from then, so I don't know what happened to him.
He deserved it, though.

/Thread

I used to hook up with her for awhile but lost contact with them both when I was in my twenties. I had moved to a new state and just lost contact with them( this was well before social media). It's been so long now I wonder what she looks like. As far as them hooking up I have no idea. We only did this together that one time every time I did stuff with her after that we were alone and she was a little older.

>be me
>be fat 12 year old
>eat everything in house

I once catfished someone and told them that I was lying to them after about 3 months, tell me if u want more info

i know right... what an idiot.
< new fag.

Spotted the cuck who doesn't know how to handle his womenz.

Learn to spell nigger
> There is no way that happened. I cannot think of any plausible thing she
There is no way that happened. I carrot think of any plausible thing she*

Fixed it for you, try harder next time.

Ever masturbate with it?
> This is my OLD Sup Forums back again!

Wrong, all murder is the circle of life. Evil was created by man to label things.

That's nothing. I dump pounds of longpig into the ocean. My eyes are way bigger than my stomach and my freezer is only so big. All that wasted meat.

She probably just threatened to tell if he didn't bend over.
Also ive a girl want to put things up my butt. It's super common.

Am I a bad person Sup Forums?
>Went on holiday with a good friend travelling in Asia
>Friend has autism or some shit
>Organised all hotels so I could lie about how much they cost and rip him off
>Always made sure that he overpaid and I underpaid when splitting the bill at restaurants
>Straight up stole over $100 from his wallet in his sleep over the month we were away and told him he was probably pickpocketed

>be me 4
>round some girls house
>parents give us a biscuit
>convince girl that dog shit is chocolate
>she buys it
>dunks it and eats it

mother likes to bring this up to remind me how evil of a child I was.

thanks, gonna watch it now

all that greentext, for nothing

>friend

>rip him off
>he overpaid and I underpaid
>stole over $100 from his wallet

i don't think you know what friendship means, pal

i swung the neighbours cat by its tail over my head and threw it into a pebble-dashed wall

What do you mean by "nothing"?

Well he's a friend in every other sense, I just use him as an unknowing piggy bank when necessary