Embarising story time

Embarising story time

>Fucking hate wiping my ass
>Every time I shit I swear I go through a meter toilet paper before I reach a point that is "well enough"
>Start to get sick of this shit
>Then come to a plan that will change my life
>had a new shower nozle installed by land lord
>can be removed from the wall and has three settings
>1.normal shower settings 2. massarge 3. peel your skin off
>every time I take a shit I use the shower to wipe my ass with setting 3.
>never had such a clean ass in my life
>continue this for the next 6 months
>no longer need toilet paper
>what I have was used for guests
>go out and have a curry dinner with the gf
>wake up next morning with my bowels ready to pop
>go to toilet and drop my chocolate babies at the pool.
>runny and smells like a small animal died
>shower time!
>go to the shower and turn it on
>...
>no water
>call up landlord and ask whats going on
says the local council was doing pipe works and water has been turnt off for the next 6 hours.
>at this point i am almost about to pass out from the smell.
>go to the area I keep the demon paper.
>all gone
>FUCK
>I cant wait 6 hours. I cant tell anyone about my wiping problem out of shame.
>Google nearest public toilet
>see that there is one near my area about 5 minute drive away.
>get old underwear and pull it up
>hop in the car and wind down the windows
>drive to the location.
>Fuck. Line.
>Google next nearest.
>a Mcdonalds
>my lord Ronald hath saved me
>drive to Mcdonalds and B line stright to the toilets
>wipe my ass and use about 4 metres in paper.
>paper is thin so I use double the amount
>wipe until my ass is sore.
>remove the shitty drawers and throw them in the bin
>go to super market and buy toilet paper.

Autism much?

whenever i shit a lot, my ass bleeds from all the wiping, i feel u OP

Ay dont be ashamed i'm pretty sure water is much cleaner anyway. I feel you OP

I posted this last night but I guess I can again

>go see paranormal activity with hot scene girl named audra. First date
>kids behind us constantly talking
>getting mad because autism, more mad that I am too scared to say anything
>kid makes a comment about pig squealing scene, hear him say "that's a ten out of ten in a death core band"
>core music sucks but I hear audra audibly sigh, get even more mad because m'lady.
>starts kicking the back of my chair. Kick. Kick.
>I am visibly shaking with rage
>it finally stops
>KICK
>I no longer can take it, however I can't bring myself to say anything
>because of being pissed about the kicking and being pissed about myself being a coward, I go into some kind of autistic meltdown
>begin rocking back and forth as far as the chair will allow, while loudly grunting and snorting like an angry bull
>face is beet red and pure rage, teeth are clenched while rocking and grunting, breathing so hard saliva is flying out between teeth
>popcorn falls on floor, Pepsi spills on audra
>stop and collect myself, half the theater is literally turned around glaring at me because of how loud I was snorting
>audra is looking at me in shock, I don't think she even realized he was kicking my chair. This came out of nowhere for her
>after the movie is done take a piss, come back out and she is gone
>text her "hey great movie, can't believe I was so scared and freaked out like that!!! Haha" exact words
>call after two days and she'd blocked me through her phone company

Damn. I would've never contacted her after that. Just say something in a nice way with a smile next time

How many bottles of piss lol

I thought I could save it by telling her I was just scared of the movie which wouldn't work anyway because it was during a talking scene with nothing else going on

counted 16 in view,

...

They were probably flicking spunk on your back & dribbling spit down it too,

>limp wrist brit

...

...

a classic

>hanging out with crush friend
>been drinking and watching shit on youtube all night
>asshole starts talking
>NO! Hold it bitch!
>Nope, you got 20 seconds to find the nearest toilet, bitch
>fuck you
>go to bathroom
>toilet literally designed for women
>dick hitting the rim and dipping in toilet water
>"wtf is this"
>comfort position involves a 45 degree angle to the front of the toilet
>dick still touching water and rim
>fuck
>unload living hell into this toilet
>dick in shit water
>mfw
>finally get done
>120 meters of toilet paper
>flush
>SHITTY APARTMENT TOILETS
>gets backed up
>"fuck no!!!"
>Flush 1 more time hope that it goes down cuz too much water
>looks like it's about ot overflow
>NONONONONONONONONO
>no plunger
>"this bitch.."
>Shove hand into shit water and pump on toilet hole
>water still rising
>FUUUUUUCK
Cont?

Why didn't you just use a rag or the underwear to wipe??? You telling me you don't have a bottle of water or something in the fridge to wet some old underwear with? You threw them away anyway at the McDonalds which means it was ultimately a waste of time to go.

This story reeks of shit....the bull kind.

Tell us more my Sup Forumsrother

you thought telling a girl you were scared of a shitty movie would be a good idea?

The only thing wrong in that picture is the fucking Newports seriously.

>it finally goes down
>been pretty drunk whole time
>noise was much louder that I thought I made
>"a-user... are you okay?"
>"uh, I think yeah hold on!"
>arms covered in shit water
>emotional at this point
>bathroom smells like absolute hell
>bum hurts
>arm covered in shit
>try to wash hands on sink
>small apartment sink
>motherfuck this place.
>elbows knock every into toilet
>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
>doorknob wiggles and door opens
>turn around
>still have half shit arms
>her shits in the toilet
>bathroom smells like turd
>my face
>her face
>"I uh.. I gotta go"
>She doesn't know what to say
>"are.. you okay, user?"
>just leave
>covered in shit flakes and smelling like my asshole

OP here. Allow me to explain these points. At this time I lived alone so paying rent, bills and other living expense, I had to cut corners and drink tap water. At time I didn't think of using a rag and was in panic state. and though I did throw the underwear away there was a bin in the Mcdonalds car park which I threw it out in.

I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt as I can't see why anyone would make up such a story. Still think it was a dumb decision. Just dunk some old undies in the toilet tank, wipe your ass, toss in the trash.

You copied this from a thread like this morning. Its good pasta though

You don't have to explain yourself to us we already know you're a shit stain

I said I posted it last night.

MY FUCKING SIDES ARE IN URANUS NOW.

>Be me
>Be middle school degenerate
>Every waking moment of my life is either masturbating or thinking about/planning my next "one-man show"
>Masturbating as per usual
>Finish
>Notice I'm out of Kleenex
>Motherfuck
>Panic state
>Look around
>See empty microwave popcorn bag in trash
>Start ripping off pieces to wipe cum from my hand, dick, leg, etc.
>Remember how I said I was a degenerate?
>Because of butter in popcorn bag and babysauce everywhere, I'm now just one big, slippery, buttercum mess
>Mom walks in
>Act like I wasn't just wiping up my continuation of our species with 3 day-old Pop-Secret
>"Son, what are you doing?"
>Shitshitshit gotta think of something on the fly
>"Oh, you know... licking the butter off of this wrapper
>Proceed to tear off part of bag
>Lick butter off
>My cum is on the other side of the >1mm strip of paper
>It tastes like 50% stale butter, 50% paper, and 1000% pure salt
>Plus the smell of my fresh cum is PUTRID
>Gotta act like I'm not nanometers away from swallowing my own load
>WHY HAVEN'T YOU LEFT YET MOM!?
>"Oh... okay... to each their own"
>Mom finally leaves
>Immediately spit into trashcan
>Never talk about it again, even to myself, until I open up fully on the internet