Describe your job in a way that makes you sound like an asshole. Other people try to guess your job
Easy
>I sit teens down in rooms and spend 3 hours telling them why the suck at standardized tests
Harder
>go into forest
>find which plants are thriving the most
>kill as many of those plants as I can
>sit at home behind PC all the time
>point out other people mistakes
I nitpick other people's work and collaborate with other people to build a bullet proof case against them and their work so they will do it again and hopefully i won't have to nitpick their weak shit again
QA?
unfortunately.
even still im pretty fucken good at it lol
Same Boat bruh.
IT qa, or something else?
>I paint half assed
>don't care about how it looks, "is this the right colour?"
>fuck it
>sell to government
I beat up violent homeless people and help drunk rich people.
>i don't work I just life off my family and government
there, i'm an asshole
ethical hacker
I take poor peoples money and only sometimes give a small fraction of it back.
> easy
A rapist who likes to roleplay as a mentor
> harder
A disease spread by a rapist that fucks plants
> inb4feminist
Sit in an office all day and maintain and fix things written in a different language. Some guy named Ed Snowden worked here.
I yell at running children and grab them when they're struggling to breathe
I wish, software qa
Cop?
Uh, a priest?
Is that you Uncle Gary?
Nope. Guess again. Here's a hint
Close. Funner yet shittier pay, Security.
I don't know how to do people's jobs, but I tell them they're doing it wrong, any time it involves radiation.
Every minutes at my job, I hope to kill someone so i'll have 3 days off.
NSA ?
Manager?
Dad ?
nope. One more guess before I spill it. Last hint
im getting paid to train killing people as effective as possible.
I waste a lot of taxmoney doing nothing for weeks except sport and watching TV.
I love my job
i distract autistics from their hopelessness
cop
airforce
gym coach
lifeguard obviously
/r9k/ mod?
nope but good guess.
Thank you! Someone finally got it so I can bail on this thread
I spend my days smothering the earth with man made love custard previously i was the cunt who gouged your eyes out every time you needed to maintain your first world status
>wear all black
>hang from ceilings
I spend most my day making sure people know they need to pay for Public Transport, while sitting behind a desk listening to music.
how do you live with yourself taxpayer burden?
gim trainer or pedophile
gim teacher
Very comfortably thanks to my Salary, Health Insurance and job security. Very fucking comfortably.
Nope
^this guy got it
No, it's not a security job.
...
>be me
>charge clients $150 an hour to tell them the reason their shower has a leak is because they're too stupid to keep the curtain closed.
>sometimes I cover myself in their shit
scatman?
Nope
Next hint:
>sometimes a client will show me they're work and ask me why it has a leak
>I tell them it's illegal and it looks like shit
>then I fuckin destroy it and tell him to pay up
>if he don't pay up I leave with all the scrap copper and make bank for it
plumber?
Bingo
I work in a call centre.
Pic not related.
plumber aka Mario
Fucking 2/2 faggots
>mfw
>Go to other counties
>Kill anyone who's not me
>Hero.jpg
Muslim?
US military
>I yell at people when they are not doing their job properly
>I also yell at people when they are doing their job properly
>I get paid for doing this
I walk up to strangers and stick a camera in their face and take pictures of them in awkward social settings
>I charge people exuberant prices to watch some shit some rich faggots made
>tell my staff my job is difficult and important so leave them alone on the floor while I sit around and watch YouTube videos
>teach people how to change a highly compressed Xenon lightbulb and tell them it's safe when the reason why I'm trying to get someone else to do it is so I don't fuck up and die
xerox man
I kill many, many small animals and usually pull their organs out afterwards. Sometimes I cut them up while they're still alive. A lot of the organs I preserve so they last forever, some I mash into paste
norman bates?
taxidermist?
No.
A lot of people think my job is one of the noblest you can have
Kys loser
mortician
>sit at home, get on computer
>be naked if I want
>sometimes look at porn, get paid
>sometimes look at YouTube hate videos, get paid
>jack off while working
>never have to talk to anyone
>fuck society
No.
I work in a breast cancer research lab. We study metastasis to the lungs and bone in a mouse model of cancer. When we cull the mice we take the organs to examine if they have metastases. I also perform mastectomy surgeries on the mice to remove tumours and then track their recovery
triggered vegan?
I convince old people to buy metal sheets for thousands of dollars by capitalising on their fears of the outside world and their need for privacy, as well as blowing energy savings out of proportion.
Then I show them the automatic version with a remote control and jack the price up 50% for something that costs exactly the same as the manual hand-crank one.
...Actually no I'm just an asshole.
this might be the only way i ever touch sum titty
nah, the world is full of suckers, user
that's not your fault, and it doesn't make you an asshole to take advantage of that fact
>wearing camo fuck yeah
>shooting guns fuck yeah
>Killing sandniggers because sandniggers
>fuck yeah
>bombing the shit out of foreign people just trying to protect themselves from people trying to steal their oil and shit
>fuck yeah
stolen valor detected
>ask people very invasive and upsetting questions
>point out problems with their health
>often make people cry
>Hur dur stolen valor hur dur
GTFO of here Murican shitstain.
Dutch Marine Corps
Our lab also does similar research with a prostate cancer model after a German research fellow started working with us. So I do get to touch sweet mouse tittys but I also have to touch dirty old mouse prostate and balls. Not cool man
you're my mom
Ded
bouncer.
Ok, dead thread but I'll bite
>I pick up drunk girls at the side of the road, have them get in my truck, give them candy, and get paid
>ib4v&
>legit job, $17~USD per hour
Go, Sup Forums!
>Tell depressed people everything they do wrong in life
>give drugs to junkies
>systematically exploit the rich just by talking with them
>Dutch Marine Corps
fuck you nigger devil
taxi driver
psychiatrist
Not really sure about what you wanna say with
>fuck you nigger devil
But hello user.
doctor?
Veterinary pathologist / DHEC?
>Vetfag reporting in...
you run movie theater?
Uber, but Czeched!
Underrated/10
drill sargent?
I look at people in tight clothing or very little and tell them how to bend their bodies into very compromising positions.
>i contribute nothing to society
>ramen
lyft?
dad?
>Yell at kids who never listen me,
>watch them and be sure they cant do shit
>sometimes get to call their parents
>get yelled by other adults if i dont yell enough at kids
>put stuff on pallet
>Someone else takes stuff off
>Said stuff can be cheap or expensive af
daycare?
Yep