ITT: we come up with useless superpowers

ITT: we come up with useless superpowers.

Using just my mind I can fluff pillows

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getting trips on command

My left kidney has the power of invisibility.

I can become invisible, but only when i'm not being observed

I can fly, but only when gravity stops working.

I am immune to every 7th bullet

I have the power to become apathetic about any task given to me

falling upwards

The power to be invisable when no one is looking...

Shit that was already taken... fuck my life.

Then the power to run faster, but only 1% faster

I can come up with perfect comebacks but only 24 hours from when I can use them.

Fucking all the threes...

I can get high instantly, but only when cops are near by.

The power to fall asleep on command, but only in my own bed

Two dubz in a row... I guess that's already a useless superpower...

I come up with soul crushing comebacks, but only two days after I could have used them

The ability to shit backwards

see

the power to post without having to verify via capcha..

I can get an erection on command

But then I had my dick blown off

Walls become transparent, but only when it is sunny as fuck outside.

Fuck.

The ability to know if my stupid posts have been posted before I post them

Best power ever...


The power to become the weakest thing on earth.

I can get dubs on Sup Forums.

The power to shapeshift, but only into people who look almost exactly like you

the power to write useless super powers

That would be incredibly useful. Once you are unobserved, you become invisible forever since you'll never be observed again.

The mind of a Sup Forums poster?

god tier

Anything I believe in is true, only if it is a proven fact.

More like
>I can never roll dubs on Sup Forums

A much more useless power anyway.

how is that useless? once you become invisible you can't be observed anymore, therefore you stay invisible.

The power to kill anybody without being cought... but I'd still be blamed for the crime.

Kek

youtube.com/watch?v=x-CrNlilZho

I have the power to see 5 sec into the future but with a 5 sec delay.

I think I have this power

The power to stop this guy from getting youtube views

I can be a nigger on command, but once I'm black I can never turn back.

The power to guess anyone's name, as long as it's Greg.

kek

The power to make lesbians fall in love with me, but I have to stay a virgin for it to work

Fuck, honestly that would help more often than not

I have been out reasoned

Is this Bill Nye?

I suck, well played friend

It is impossible for me to stop being sarcastic.

Well you've stopped me from watching it.

The ability to shitpost with my mind but only when I am touching a keyboard

The power to see through solid material... but only if that material is glass

you can bend metal ever so slightly. Your abilities stop at a 90 degree angle

Nigger trips of incredibly

The power to fly, but only 1 foot off the ground

You can observe with thermal cameras or hearing or many other things. "Observation" doesn't just include seeing with the naked eye. If he makes a sound that someone hears, he loses it. If someone bumps into him, or notices his footprints appearing, he loses it.

Still not as useless as originally presented tho.

The ability to make it look like you're running backwards when you're running forwards and vice versa

honestly just kill me

Kek that is literally worse than not having a power. Good luck using phones or computers.

The ability to see though objects bit only if they are made of glass

you can peep on all the churches with their stained glass windows, tee hee

I'd be super fast, but only in small rooms.

>thinking monitors or touch screens have glass anymore

You retarded?
See

>Thinking that screens are only composed of glass

That could be useful and awesome. I'd love to fly over the ocean like that.

I mean just the glass... So I'd see the mechanics of it. So yea, it'd be pretty useless there.
What is the point of that though? I'd see church shit. It's not like anyone's getting naked in the church. Well, if it's catholic maybe, but I'm not interested in little boys.

Not useless. Make youtube videos of freaking out people. Monetize. Profit.

HOLY FUCKING QUADS OF QUADS

The power to fuck any woman breathing as long as she doesn't have a vagina

I have the power to fart scilently every time but my farts always smell like rotting eggs.

>the power to post without having to verify via capcha..
That's called spending $20

Wait, all those people don't go in there for a massive orgy every Sunday? The fuck are they doing in there then?

I can see the future, but am powerless to change it in the smallest degree

So would 1 way glass not work on someone with the power?

Rubber nipples.

The power to cause huge explosions but I can only do it once a day and then I fall over immobile

The power of having $20 but only being able to spend it on Sup Forums

Bruh, but that's the magic power of making 20 dollars vanish into thin air, with little to no reward.
2-5 MAYBE, but... 20=hell nah

Appearantly they sing songs and shit.

I hope not. Then i'd have to change all the mirrors in the women's toilets at my groceries store to avoid being sued

The power to ignite like the human torch But you also feel the fire.

youtube.com/watch?v=H4JtRIECpG0

Kek

This is magumin from konosuba

just need to grease yourself in frog slime and challenge your opponents to hand to hand combat

loli neet

How is that useless?

guess my name

The ability to get a boner on command but I have to have a boner for at least four hours each day or else I'll never have one again

greg

You can breath in space but only if your feet are touching the earth's surface

About their conquests and orgies?

greg

holy shit that's funny

Not Greg here, but I kek'd.

Even if you are a samefag.

I can grow my hair on command, but only 1/32th of an inch daily

The power to create strawpolls over cawfee vs gween tea

Well there is that one video of that Australian chick masturbating in church.
She got into some legal trouble when someone who watched it recognized her.

The ability to have clean poops that never need wiping every time I poop

I think so... I think the orgy days are over though.

Unless youre catholic and under 13

Your cock gets a boner and glows bright blue whenever Geraldo Rivera is near

>thanks for pointing it out, Richard, but we really need to talk about your porn addiction. the lord is crying.

Because I doubt he'd be able to stop... Just falling forever up

The power to make ONE PEN of my choosing never run out of ink... As long as I never lose it

...

the power to make my left testicle slightly larger or slightly smaller