You encounter a Genie (pictured) The Genie offers you a single wish under the following rules...

You encounter a Genie (pictured) The Genie offers you a single wish under the following rules, but WILL try to screw you over in one way or another.

>Under no circumstances can you wish for anything/anyone that would somehow in one or another fashion grant you more wishes. Any such wish will be void. ONE wish.
>The Genie cannot grant a wish that will kill, mind control, emotionally manipulate or resurrect any being in existence that has lived, lives now or ever will live except a wish that pertains you.
>The Wish must be a single sentence with as few connection words as possible (and, or, but, with etc.).
>If the Genie is unfamiliar with the wish's nature, please specify so the Genie may know your intention. This must be done in greentext to be legit. Examples may be superpowers from certain shows that not everyone might have seen or concepts that are not common knowledge.
>No rule can be wished away. Any such wish is void.
>The Genie has already cursed OP as a faggot and killed any dinosaur walking on the floor.

One single wish, the Genie says. One wish the Genie will try to twist, turn, manipulate and/or fuck up by any means possible to make sure you are in as much pain and suffering as possible.

So Sup Forums, how will you phrase you wish to get what you want?

i'll bamp it for ya.
it was sorta funny first time i saw that

I wish you would make my life better ever day by becoming my good wife.

i wish that i could afford 1 pizza right now. i'm hungry af

>i wish to be a Genie with out me haveing to grant wishes or follow the rules of a Genie

Make all non-whites unable to reproduce.

And you would get the small shit pizza that has that one topping you dont like.

The Genie thanks for your contribution.

The Genie becomes a good wife. Sadly, she's only in it for the money and pampers you with the best of foods until you get so fat that you die. She takes your money and leaves.

1 pizza arrives... from Kazakhstan. The delivery boy wants paid for every mile he has traveled plus gas money and tip. The pizza is disgusting.

You are now a Genie that cannot grand wishes. Have fun in the lamp forever.

Non-white creatures can no longer reproduce. Since no human is colored purely white, this includes all off humanity. Polar bears and Samoyeds now rule the earth

...

polar bears have black skin :^)

...

I wish for genies freedom

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and-and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?

You forget the bottle your traped. No rules if someone rubbed your bottle you cant get out it a rule someone rubbing the bottle gets you out of it.

I wish for 115,00 nuclear bombs.
>not using it do destroy us all, keeping them as a collection

as long as i can afford the pizza, i'm good. i like every topping and i can eat food that tastes bad without problem

I wish for absolute adaptation, in which users can quickly adapt to any situation, automatically gaining the necessary attributes to face them. In a fight, they may adapt themselves to resist abilities, replicate and enhance them to surpass their opponents, or spontaneously develop specific countermeasures. They can also analyze and understand any object, person or situation, quickly deducing the best course of action.

Turkey will be a little dry

The Genie notes that you did not specify skin nor hair color.

All genies and wish granting beings now belong to attorneys. The world is fucked. The Genie immediately regrets granting this wish.

The Genie is now free to fuck the world up by hurling colossal-sized horse cock dildos continuously. She hopes you're happy.

You get a non-weird surprise. It's poison.

The Genie hopes you wish for better grammar skills.

I wish for every clock in the world that has the functionality to 'boing' from this moment to inexplicably 'boing' at 42 minutes into every hour (0:42 1:42 etc) along with their usual functionality.

I wish to fuck the genie.

Make me immortal but let me die if I take 100g of xanax.

Granted. Xanax no longer exists.

You now have to pay for a storage area. The government has several eyebrows raised in your direction. Putin has a boner for you.

Rule 3 takes effect. Only the first sentence is accepted.
Everyone in the world now gets this ability except you as you didn't specify the target of the wish.

The Genie concurs. The turkey is very dry.

I wish to be able to stop time on command for a duration of one minute or any amount of time before that, while being able to end and restart the stopped time before the one minute and being able to do this every day.

whats the most cans or alcohol have you done

15 shots

ended up vomiting all over the side of the road

I wish to have changeling powers, aka like the monster from "The Thing"

I wish for dubs.

There. I got my wish, which was to be immortal, without getting fucked.

Mad, Genie?

genie is shit and unfair without any kind of intelligence. kys

I wish I could write the greatest and best song in the world.

You get dubs but they're not at the end of your post number.

Enjoy witnessing the death of the universe and floating alone in an absolute void for all eternity.

The genie always gets the last laugh.

The Genie is unsure as to why, but concurs. Also, every 'boing' will resound at a level of 200 dB. It is very loud

The Genie has no vagina nor anus. The Genie finds the wish more or less impossible to grant.

Xanax now tastes unbelievably good and smells heavenly.

Your wish is granted. You stop along with the time.

You are now hunted by monster hunters. They are not happy.

The Genie nods. Your voice is now dubbed by Ray Romano.

Wrong Genie. You must have met a nice one. This one, not so much.

is genie stupid? that's all i and many others have ever wished for

I want full control of space and time, being able to comprehend what i'm doing and not obeying the laws of physics (for example moving while time is stopped doesn't get me burnt)

The genie has a mouth, doesn't she? It ain't gonna suck itself.

Jokes on you, I can still kill myself using black holes.

The first black hole to evaporate will only start evaporating in a Gogol (10^100 years).

How can you be conscious if your body has its particles ripped apart?

goteeem

You get this.


But nobody believes you exist anymore.

Magic

So SUPERHOT?

I can roll with that

I wish you would kill yourself tbh

Jokes on you, I can still kill myself using black holes.

The first black hole to evaporate will only start evaporating in a Gogol (10^100 years).

How can you be conscious if your body has its particles ripped apart?Can't be magic if there's no energy left (or genies, in this case).

I wish for immortality and to be given godlike powers that are unhurtful/soley beneficial

i don't understand... If i'm in front of someone they don't believe i exist?

It can still be magic because MAGIC.

>and
>/
Ya blew it.

>The Wish must be a single sentence with as few connection words as possible (and, or, but, with etc.).

"I wish..." I started, as the genie eyed me expectantly from her above her lamp. And then I waited.

For 60 billion years we stared into each other's eyes, me pausing to think and the genie keeping me alive in stasis, waiting patiently for my reply. Earths crumbled and formed around us, stars fizzled into darkness and sudden burst into flashes of brilliant light. Entire civilizations rose and fell, species crawled from the primordial ooze and sank back into dust as I paused to think.

Finally I said, "eh, forget it actually"

yup.

They'll interact with you and stuff okay, but the second you leave they are convinced you don't exist. I mean, you can do whatever, but try and claim that you're you and no one will ever believe you.

Every time I pull my hand out of my pocket, my pocket will be filled by a whole $20 bill, in current US currency, with no negative repercussions of this happening.

Actually, I wish I didn't misspell "suddenly"

I wish the genie had a thick mustache.

How can they believe that i don't exist if i proove my existance? Don't i exist if i'm being ovserved, at least in their thoughts? Whay if i bring two people together ( or a whole crowd for that matter) and make them admit they see me?

Oh sexy Genie, I wish that everyone elses wishes are null and void.

>is a single sentence
>only a single preposition

what now, bitch?

I'm okay with that

You immediately become a dickless retard again, because many years ago your mother wished away your numerous birth defects at the cost of sucking 12 black cocks every day.

But at least your mom isn't a huge cum dumpster anymore.

The Genie nods. Your song is so popular you gain an undying fanbase that will love you with such zeal it will make Justin Beiber seem like Rebecca Black.

You no longer obey the laws of physics. Your body disintegrates due to no longer having an atomic bond keeping it together.

You are now a God... whose powers SOLELY exist for the better benefit of the Luxury organic skin care products made by Soley Organics and anyone named Soley.

Slashes are accepted.

You still only live the span of a human life. The Genie enjoys watching your skeleton turn to dust.

There was no "I wish" Attatched, but the Genie agrees. Your pockets are now filled by a whole 20 dollar bill. Your pockets accomodate more space than a single bill can, so the Genie increases it's size to fit the size of the pocket. She hopes you're happy.

The Genie now has a thick mustache. She twirls is maliciously.

I wish for the ability to manipulate causality freely, dictating what in my immediate area has a cause or effect.

>What if i bring two people together and make them admit they see me?

Then they will see a man who they believe to be crazy, claiming he is someone or something which clearly doesn't exist.

No amount of proof you can offer will convince them otherwise because magic.

It says "as few", not "a single".You can use 6 gorillion if that is the fewest possible.

I wish for immortality, to be given godlike powers that are unhurtful, soley beneficial

I control space bitch! Therefore my body too
I win

Uh the genie kept me alive in stasis for 60 billion years. Google "stasis" since you clearly don't understand what words mean

Also, never wished so she can't actually do anything to me. She's the dumbshit that decided to keep me in stasis, she could have just not done that and I would have died from dehydration after like 3 days.

The Genie laughs. Everyone's wish will now be "I wish for null and void". The universe ceases to exist.

The Genie points out the butterfly effect still stands. Whenever you change the outcome of a single moment, it will cause someone to die within the next 5 minutes due to your intervening. They would otherwise have lived.

The Genie agrees with the dense motherfucker, but "As few as possible" is exactly as it stands. Feel free to dick aroudn within the specified rules.

Read Number 3

I wish for Genie to be nice to people, forever.

Meh i can still fuck with people with time stopped, enjoy the worlds greatest wonders and the best experiences, suffer no risks and kill myself leaving the universe at a stop. I'm happy

The genie basically gave me the perfect tool for getting away with murder.

The genie is most generous today, isn't she?

I wish that Genie will have sex with me in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

i wish for the ability to be able to teleport myself to any location that i choose myself, alive.

For procreation, hmm? Tell me, who's gonna raise the magic bastard? Certainly not a bint-in-a-jar, I'll tell ya.

I wish for the genie to immediately die.

I then rape her corpse.

I wish I could get dubs right now.

Since genie lacks a vagina, the only way she can fulfil this is to carve one into you.

It's not specified whether genie has a penis, so IDK if the wish is still possible.

Granted. The teleportation process takes 50 years.

still pretty powerful.

The Genie has no such rule. She asks if this be your wish? To remain in stasis for 60 billion years?

The Genie is now nice. She specifies that "Nice" does not equal "Good".

Pretty much. Though you don't get to decide who dies. Causality does.

As specified above, the Genie does not have reproductive organs. She's merely good looking for sake of distraction.

The Genie agrees. Your clothes however, are not part of "You".

The Genie is an immortal spirit. Should she somehow die, she will disintegrate into a huge explosion. The Genie asks ifg you have seen Aladdin: Return of Jafar

The Genie is generous. You get a lot of dubbed movies and shows.

I wish that the genie would have a nice day

I wish you had infinite wishes.

I wish for the powers of superman, but none of the weaknesses.
>> No weakness to kryptonite or crippling moral dilemmas

I wish for the genie to be human

No more genie trickery for you, hee hee

>but

The genie takes interest in your butt?

I wish for no one to win the Mega Millions jackpot until December 1st 2017, at which point all six numbers on the ticket which I purchased on November 30th 2017 will be drawn as the sole set of winning numbers for the December 1st 2017 jackpot.

It already happened. She kept me alive in stasis for 60 billion years waiting on me to answer. Your reading comprehension is lower than a nigger.

I'm on Zearth now. That's what the Moglodites call this planet. Interestingly they still use English, they could probably give you a lesson on what words mean.

>The Genie notes that you did not specify skin nor hair color.

Polar bear fur is transparent, so those guys are fucked regardless.

You immediately loose your ticket 3 seconds after the draw and never find it again.
(You made this one waaaay too easy)

>I wish the genie would become my soul slave which is really just a normal slave that has to do whatever I say for normal requests, but when I die she dies.

Note: I would maintain an equal standard of living between myself and her through simple requests.

Oh the Genie is already having the best of days. So many people to fuck over~

The Genie wonders if you shouldn't wish to be able to read. Rule #1 is in effect.

IIRC, Superman has never considered his morals to be a weakness, but his greatest strength. You are very compassionate towards others and bound by a rule of honor to protect all life on earth.

The Genie is now human. She calls you a faggot and sews you for costing her her job.

The Genie has a lot of interest in butts. "But" is an accepted combination word.

This information is now public. People are waiting to ambush you on your way to buy the ticket. The Genie advises to bring a bat or a gun.

I wish that all my future children will have an infinite amount of wishes that you will grant whenever they feel like it.

I wish to be transfered to a world full of lush forest and savage tribes where mans laws don't apply, a world were honor and strength determine whose in power.

I ask nothing else of you but to let me take what possession I have on me.

Superman may not consider them a weakness, but his enemies do. Either way, I guess I'm fine with that. Thanks for making me Superman genie! Where's my hot reporter wife?

>This information is now public. People are waiting to ambush you on your way to buy the ticket. The Genie advises to bring a bat or a gun.

Meh, it's going to be public as soon as I claim the money anyway, due to the stupid rules in my state.

And I already own several guns, and could easily hire private security to escort me to claim the ticket, so it's not that big a deal.

I wish to transition as quickly as possible from my current state of being to my intended state of being.
>My current state of being is how I am at any given moment of perception prior to my intended state of being.
>My intended state of being is the equivalent female version of myself.

Problems with that law suit;

A: She was doing her "job" by removing herself from her position
B: Is being a genie even a job, or just being a genie?
C: Last I checked, she doesn't have shit to prove citizenship, so a suit wouldn't be very easy.

Try me, faggot former-genie!

That's good. I'm glad the genie is having a nice day

So no procreational sex. Genie I Wish for You, The Genie, to let me engage in sexual activites with your breasts until i ejaculate my sperm on you.

The genie interprets "As quickly as possible" to mean "as quickly as NATURALLY possible". Your transition may take some time.

>Turn me into a beautiful Japanese swimsuit idol
>Get screwed over by being paid 30% less than men.

She notifies you once you have started that once you stop, your cock will rot and drop off in 3 seconds.