Alright Sup Forums I gotta cut off a finger

Alright Sup Forums I gotta cut off a finger.

I need to cut off a good portion of my pinky finger on my right hand. How do I do it as painlessly and safely as possible?

Here's how I'm planning to go about:

1. Make some form of hand guard. (I'm right handed and will be drunk so I might not be too accurate if I swinging with my left, and I really don't want to have to lose any more fingers then I have to.)

2. Affix hand guard to stump.

3. Get liquored up.

4. Call 911 and tell them I injured myself prepping some firewood. (It might be a bit hard to dial afterward and the call will keep me committed.)

5. Sterilize the hatchet I plan to use.

6. Chop the digit off.

7. Toss hand guard and severed digit over fence. (Don't want them trying to reattach it.)

How's my plan Sup Forums? If you have a better lemme know.

Also, have you lost a finger? If so how bad did it hurt?

Why?

Don't worry about it.

This is retarded.

wtf do you need to lose a finger for

How so?

Don't worry about it.

1. pain meds
2. put hand in ice to numb it
3. cleaver or butcher's knife
4. be fast and decisive

>I need to cut off a good portion of my pinky finger on my right hand. How do I do it as painlessly and safely as possible?
Don't worry about it

you don't tell us, you don't get help

Helpful.

I'm not good at poker, don't worry about it, buddy.

Livestream or video it.

I'll make a webm when I do it.

Post pics

Sure, buddy.

Alright folk revised plan:

1. Make handguard.
2. Get Liquored up
3. Affix handguard to hand.
4. Mark finger with sharpie.
5. Ice finger.
6. Sterilize TOMAHAWK! (it's pretty rad.)
7. Choppy.

I'll give you one weird trick doctors DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW if you just tell us why you have to do this.

Might even take some practice choppies if I'm feeling extra safe.

I'm bad at poker, don't worry about it.

What do you think they're going to track down your posts on Sup Forums or something? Just say why faggot.

Also, it'll help to get some anesthetic and inject some near the knuckle where your pinky starts.

How in the shit do I get local anesthetic? Also I'll only tell you if you get dubs.

You ever play Heavy Rain?

Is nobody gonna check'em?

I did already. Also, you can order it pretty easily. If you're too retarded to find sources just use Lidocaine. You can it for topical use at any drug store. It won't help as much, but it's better than no anesthetic.

It's a sign boy's.

Post pics of tomahawk

It's pretty rad. One sec.

>this fucking faggot

Seriously. Cut it off and go fuck yourself.

Everybody asking why... the answer is "i'm an attention seeking faggot with severe unimaginable autism"

This, OP is a faggot.

Why you gotta be so aggressive bud?

I'm just looking for advice buddy.

you realize you can bite your finger off right

dude that way fucked up.

Just put it in some bolt cutters or tin snips and drop a brick on the handle.

Snipo bingo bango

I fail to see that as an option friendo.

Your best bet is to find a way to get a cleaver resting right where you want it to cut, the bang the top with a rolling pin or mallet.

No swinging a blade like a madman, pretty much guaranteed success with one hardy swing.

OP is a fucking tease. I dont think hes going to do it

what do you mean that isn't an option just stick your finger in your mouth and bite down as hard as you can between the joint

This is some LARPing Yakuza shit, right? What a loser.

Tie a rubber band tightly af around the pinky, to cut off all blood flow. When it starts to tingle from being fugged with you're almost ready to chop. Might as well make the rubber band very close to the chopping area. Also if you're on any sort of pharmaceutical pain killer it will make it much easier as well.

Protip.

You'll have less blood to clean up also. And don't keep the rubber band on for too long, real tight for like 15-20 minutes tops and you should be ready for it.

Can't you just use a pair of scissors to cut it off?

I'm not larping nor am I attention seeking. Just trying to cut off a finger and I don't have a good enough explanation.

Be careful with whatever knife you use as well, fuck scissors, and ideally use a paper cutter. Paper cutters are super precise.

This thread is full of bad ideas and poor thought out suggestions. But without a doubt you have the single stupidest suggestion of all of Sup Forums. That would be a major achievement if you weren't the runniest of turds in a cesspool. Congrats idiot.

Oh shit, a paper cutter would be perfect!

>having a dismemberment fetish
pics or didn't happen

1. Get pair of gloves and cut off pinky finger
2. Go to Antarctica
3. Finger will come off due to frostbite

Thank you kindly. Also stop taking shit so seriously.

whose taking shit seriously? lol, get bent

Excuse me asshole, I was able to cut off my own dick with a pair of scissors, why wouldn't this work for a finger?

Nah man if I'm honest I have lost a portion of the finger previously and it looks fucked. I'd rather it looked like I lost half a finger than have a snake tongue esque split in my finger.

the just bite the thing off, you have more chance of fucking it up by trying to eyeball where to slice it
>do you really want to shatter the rest of your finger with the weight of a blade

you have no idea how easy it is to bite off your finger

>Sup Forums the post.

Do you speak from experience, bud?

Aren't you supposed to cut it with a knife in front of your Oyabun ?
Damn Yakusa are really becoming sissy.

yes

0 proof op is the faggiest fag alive

Fuck off with the yukuza shit. They do it to endure pain and effectively cripple thier ability to fight with a sword. So why would I larping or otherwise want to do it painlessly and safely?

I'm not doing it tonight. I could show you the Tomahawk it's pretty rad, but it doesn't prove much.

If you didn't dishonored your clan, why the hell do you want to cut your finger in the first place ?
Are you legally retarded or something ?

If you're trying to be a Yakuza you have to just bite it off and eat it. Otherwise they'll just laugh at you as a pussy.

Have a torch burning nearby to cauterize the wound so you don't bleed out and don't be surprised if you go into shock and die at any point in the process. Saying that pain can't kill you is total bullshit, about 20% of major wound deaths are from that alone.

Are you too retarded to read through the thread, friendo?

Do I need to make a fuckin sticky? Read the thread, guy!

...

I told ya it was rad.

99% sure this is b8 thread based on Tarantino scene in the movie 4 rooms.

Nice try OP, but you're still a faggot

Nice try? You think I haven't won?

OP's gonna fuck it up

Fucking knew it!

Well part of my plan was to get drunk and cut off a finger so I don't know what you expected.

you're right, OP is always a faggot

If you're trying to join the assassins it's the ring finger you're supposed to cut off.

Nah man.
Call the ambulance, sterilize your tools and such. All that's okay.
Don't use a hatchet. Use bolt cutters positioned at the joint. Also tourniquet.
Maybe put the severed bit in the freezer or something, make a necklace with it or something.

Read through the goddamm thread, buddy.

this is not heavy rain, child.

Thank you it's been awhile since I've gotten advice, mostly I've gotten people who think I'm larping and people pretending to be me.

Oh better idea. Put your severed finger in a bottle of strong liquor. Keep switching it from bottle to bottle as you empty them. Use it like the worm in tequila, but way more bad ass.

Tie a string around your finger and a door knob. slam the door. It will come right off, no pain!

>thinking the finger biting advice wasn't advice
have fun

That's tits.

squishing it slowly with a bolt cutter is definitely better than chopping fast with a hatchet.
and it definitely hurts less.

Nigger am I supposed to take that as actual advice?

yes I am

Really? That seems like it would be worse.

You've never used bolt cutters have you.
Get them into position and one good whack to the handle and it's over. Hatchet has a high miss chance, hit the bone and you have to swing again, but your in pain and losing blood so you have an even higher miss chance.

Right, that makes sense. I have more thinking to do.

nigger you don't even know about the basic principles of physics, why do you think anons want you to use a bolt cutter on the joint itself

i hope you do this with a hatchet instead because you're being a double nigger

Haha although my goal should have been proof enough that I need to think some more, eh?

didn't get the irony, huh?

you have a shit hatchet if it doesn't cut a pinky bone
try some out of the kitchen, sharp as fuck, works for chicken, pork and cow, works for humans too.

also, squishing it causes bones to splinter and whatnot, the hatchet goes through in a nice cut.
where i live bolt cutters have a pretty blunt edge, with like 45° angle, it works for forcing metal into two parts, but not meat and bones.

fucking do it pussy

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize not biting my finger on the advice of some user had anything to do with my understanding of physics.

Yeah, use bolt cutters or a tree trimmer like in the pic attached. These guys can cut through thick branches like butter, I don't see why it won't cut off your finger

The fuck? Nah I like my fingers thanks.
Also "double nigger" does that fact that I know who my dad is reduce that to single nigger? I'm legitimately curious.

So does the tomahawk but the tomahawk has the distinct advantage of being rad as fuck.

That's why you position them at the joint.

numb it by cutting off circulation first
itll piss soo much blood tho

You make a compelling argument.

double niggers

>asking how to cut off a finger
>asking how to cut off a finger safely
>not knowing how fingers work
>not knowing how joints work
>not knowing how force works
>not knowing how pressure works
>implying not knowing about physics enough isn't preventing the successful severing of a finger
>reading about tying off the finger
>thinking about swinging a hatchet drunkenly and getting a bullseye
>implying severing one chunk of matter from another chunk using force doesn't have anything to do with physics

Everyone ITT

And with that I take my rest. Goodbye everyone, it was awful.

I'll see your double nigger and raise you.
Triple Nigger and Half a Spic.

Thanks for the info, friendo!

checktttt