What the fuck is wrong with me

What the fuck is wrong with me.

I have super bad anxiety and depression. at this point i cant even leave the house i get panic attacks from just walking down the drive way.

but recently its got so much worse, ive been hearing foot steps and in the dark seeing outlines of people (i tried to talk at first, but now i try and ignore them) i get the feeling like im going to be stabbed or hurt and constantly turn around to check whats behind me. when its dark it worse, i find myself huddled under blankets crying in fear.

I find myself crying, being really sad and contemplating suicide for no real reason.

The anxiety and depression ruined me, but being at home, doing nothing and having foods i like was bearable, but i cant escape the sounds and shapes its so fucking scary.

The figures in the dark are like shadows, they are like a different shade of dark and kind of blurry, they move, but never make any sound, they normally walk over to me then float away.

what the fuck is wrong with me, what the fuck do i do

KYS Pussy

add: going to the doctor isnt really and option, i had quite a bad experience with my one a few years back, i tried to explain my anxiety and he passed it off has low self confidence and got me to do a bunch of random shit, like study "something i enjoyed" online, despite me telling him i lost all intest in everything, and everything i did was just to waste time. I get full on panic attacks from just walking to the gate, going to a doctor, i dont think i could ever do it

Ive attempted, i cant even do that. im useless

>ive been hearing foot steps and in the dark seeing outlines of people
elaborate please

Smoke an entire carton of cigarettes in one sitting. it make it feel all good.

I will be in bed, or at my computer and i will just hear someone walking outside my door, or "sense" someone their. When ever i try to listen closely they slowly fade away. this is during all hours of the day, just random. Sometimes its other stuff like my phone ringing or an alarm. but when ever i get up, or turn around to check it stops.

Outlines of people: i cant really explain it, this only happens when its dark, its like a dark grey, almost black outline. it also "feels" like someone there.

the first time it happened i was at a friends house, with a bunch of other friends in the same room and i was on one of the top bunks, so i thought it was just someone getting up to get a drink or something, i quietly said "hey" and they just stood there, so i rolled back over and i felt like they were coming over, so i looked back and it was like an outline of a head, peaking up no face and the outline was barely recognizable so i said hey again, i thought it was a joke, i lent over to touch who ever it was and it wasnt like my hand went thought, it was like they moved back, but i didnt see them move back. at this point i was scared and contemplated waking the others up, but i didnt, i stared at it for a bit, and it seemed to be staring back, but not making any sound at, it would move around a very little bit, like get closer or move away, but i never saw it move. then it kind of "ascended", it just went up, but it wasnt in any form, it kinda turned into sand, and the sand went over me and though the roof.

now i try and ignore them, not look or interact but i feel fear, and its hard.

also we did drink that night, but it was only a little (i had like 2 beers)

looking back the way i described how it moved back is bad.

i was staring at it the entire time, it was like my hand should of touched it, but it didnt. it was like my hand went through it, but it didnt. i cant explain it.

I started crying, no noise just tears, immense fear even though i was in a room full of mates.

every time i explain it and read it, it doesnt sound scary, but it was and still is.

1. Quit drinking and stop smoking weed.
2. Vitamin D3 and B12 are your friends.
3. Make an appointment to see a therapist. Get into a clinic that has a psychiatrist (they can prescribe meds).
4. Work with psychiatrist to get your meds dialed in. Make sure your follow ups are no more than a month apart until you or the psychiatrist are comfortable where the meds are at.
5. Don't expect to get benzos.

How old are you, OP? You might becoming schizophrenic. It opens up around early 20's - late teens for males.

Schizophrenia hit me at 19 and it started with paranoia and hallucinations. Anxiety I've always had.

I dont drink, unless its social which is never now days due to anxiety (i literally havent left the house in almost 3 months now, not even the front door)

I take multivitamins, i dont know if they have d3 and b12, but its just a general mens multivite.

I dont have meds for anything, i could see my gp about it, but i cant explain stuff at all, is it okay to write down my issues and give a piece of paper to the doc ?

what the fuck are benzos

You should definitely see a psychiatrist and don't do anything to make it worse.

18, 19 in November.

I used to feel like I was losing it, sometimes kinda like that, but then I started eating tons of raw fermented food and it's going away

Are you by any chance losing weight or close to or below underweight?

It could very well be schizophrenia. Talk to a psychiatrist and hang in there..

All you may need is a good benzo, which is an anxiety pill like xanax, to calm you down and make the symptoms lessen.. Don't go unchecked though. Go see a doctor and tell him everything.

what makes it worse?

i feel like if i wasnt to a psych (if i could even get myself there) then i would be locked up, or all my shit would be put on some record and it would close so many doors.

Ive also been told that i might be bipolar, from a friend with bpd.

going outside is daunting, going to someone i dont know, to confess things i wouldnt tell most of my closest friends i just dont know

My weight changes a lot.

im overweight though, sometimes i will eat like 10 full course meals a day and other times i wont eat for 4 days. try to eat a bit in those 4 days i just feel full, and sick if i eat more. i dont know if thats related or not but meh.

Drugs, excess caffeine, alcohol, anything unhealthy basically.

>if i could even get myself there
I understand all that, but your going to have to force yourself to get checked if you don't get any better. That's no way to live your life. With or without the label your friends will eventually find out somethings wrong with you if you stay locked in your house all day everyday. It also takes 6 months for them to put a diagnosis on you for schizophrenia so you won't have any label right away. Just man up and go see a doctor to figure it out. I know how you feel about isolation, I haven't left my house hardly at all this entire year.

I don't think they will lock you up either if you are coherent, and not a harm to yourself or others, but I could be wrong.

Yea i know i need to.

Also 6 months, why so long i dont understand.

Im provably a danger to myself. Im suicidal but havnt attempted yet, also i picked a method and place and have thought though it thoroughly.

As far as danger to others i dont think i would intentaly hurt anyone

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aight aight listen up faggots,
to put it simpliy
YOU SMOKE THE DEVILS LETTUCE TO REMOVE SUCH ANXIETY

Drawbacks? Not legal everywhere.

What country you from? If UK they won't section you based on what you've said but I sincerely recommed you get the help you need and comply with a psych. Most Western countries won't lock you up unless it's extreme, and even then they can only hold you 72 hours before review.

You're having symptoms of extreme anxiety bordering on psychosis, get your arse to a GP and I promise you they can make you better. Anxiolytics and anti-psychotics work

Good luck, stay strong OP

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