ylyl thread, OC edition, I'll start this off with a pre-written greentext, just wait for the end, it's worth it.
This is a tinder story.
>be at work, browsing tinder >match with chubby mid 30's cunt with kids, going through a divorce >asks me my weight, send her a shirtless pic >sends me address of her hotel, asks me how long til I can be there >I'm at work, it's midnight, tell her i can be there when I get off at 6 AM >she says thats not fast enough >I tell her in the next 30 minutes >i immediately go on break >drive to hotel, let me friends on discord know that I'm meeting tinder whore to uncuck myself >they tell me not to go, i could get raped >some egg me on >I pull up, she tells me her room number >the way shes talking makes me suspicious >i decide fuck it, I'm going in, do it for the meme.
>I'm in the hotel lobby >ask the man at the front desk a question >"Where is room 143? Is it in this building?" >He looks at me blankly before answering >"Yes." >a long pause, felt like minutes, probably only seconds >"Well where is it?" >"What's your name?" >"user." >he typed my name into his computer >It's not showing up with any rooms >"Your name isn't in here. Do you know the name of the person you're meeting here?" >"no... I'll just have them come get me." >pull out phone and predetermined that if this lady was real, she would be a landwhale. >decide that when I see her, I would yell "DAMN YOU A FAT BITCH" and run >I text her to come get me >about 3 minutes later the whole building starts to shake >as she waddles to the front desk, the glass windows start to crack >she can see that I'm nervous >"First time?" >fuck man, play it cool. >"nah."
Carson Baker
cont.
>she walks me to her room >I enter the room, scared it's a set up and I'm about to be raped by a nigger >She locks the door behind us after we enter. >"Can I check the closets and room?" >"Hehe, go ahead, I understand." >check the bathroom and closet, it's all empty >she sits on one side of couch, the other side pops up >I sit on the high end to bring it back down >she starts to talk to me >"So you're on break right now?" >"Yeah." >"So you're in a hurry?" >"Not really." >"You like older women?" >Of course not you dumb cunt, you just happen to have a vagina and you're easy "Yeah." >"Lots of younger boys like older women." >she goes on about all the young men she has fucked ever since her husband initiated the divorce >The clock is ticking, I'm already late getting back to work from break >I make the first move >I climb this mountain of a woman to reach her lips and we start making out >she fucking straddles me >lungs losing out on air >getting weaker and weaker, I move this to the bed >I suck on her titties >I pull down her panties and start licking her pussy >tastes a bit like stale piss >shes obviously drunk, moaning a ton as a result >eventually I pull my cock out and climb mt Everest again >push my noodle into one of her caves >so loose, feel like an explorer >proceed to pump for about a minute >cum immediately cause I imagine I'm pumping someone thinner and hotter >keep humping cause I like to service m'ladys >she moans for me to go slower >proceed for about 3 more minutes, have to stifle my laughter >I had my mic on my phone enabled in the discord server the whole time >about 15 friends/strangers are listening to me pump a landwhale >phone is literally buzzing nonstop from notifications >shove face in landwhales tits so she doesn't see me laughing
Easton Mitchell
cont.
>after a few more minutes, remember I have work >I get off her, she slips under blankets, expecting me to cuddle >women always want to fucking cuddle after fucking >i just put on my clothes >I grab my phone that's still buzzing off the hook >I unsilence it and say >"Can you guys hear me?" >a girl says "Yeah?" >everybody else is shooshing one another >I look the landwhale dead in the eyes with the phone in front of my mouth, she can hear every single word >I continue to stare her in the eyes and say >"You know what they call me? They call me the minute man" >the entire discord voice chat bursts out in laughter >She's got this confused look on her face >I turn around, unlock the door, and sprint outta there >It's raining once I get outside >I have been rebirthed by God himself >Thank you mother nature >She texts me a few minutes later calling me an asshole >She tells me she's got herpes >I tell her I've already got em >She texts back "Do you really?" >She's clearly worried, I called her out on her bluff with my own bluff >dumb bitches gonna be bitches >mfw the whole thing was recorded >mfw I have the link to the recording >mfw I always go back every few weeks to listen to it all over again.
lost fucking instantly, what the fuck is that shit
Jacob Bailey
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Asher Kelly
...
Jaxson Smith
...
Blake Sullivan
lol
Landon Ortiz
Kys fur fag
Jaxon Foster
...
Kevin Butler
Put me in the Screencap
12/10, today OP was not a fagot, but a legend
David Green
>THEY CALL ME THE MINUTE MAN >Runs away at mach speed
James Anderson
>minute man
Caleb Myers
...
Isaac Price
...
Joseph Scott
it's cool that it happened, but how is this funny? It's closer to cringe than anything else
Liam Gutierrez
Thank you OP.
Haven't had this much fun in a thread for a while.
Nathan Butler
...
Sebastian Murphy
Legendary.
Eli Cruz
Yes my child, destroy that whale pussy
Nathan Wood
...
Logan Powell
Did I hear minute man?
Jackson Morales
This was great.
Carter Harris
fucking LOST
Nicholas Ross
fuck. i can't breath.
Parker Richardson
Shit, your lucky that you can even meet up with older women on tinder. I swear when I go on there they are all my age and when I change the age range there is practically no one over 30
Ryder Gray
LOL
WHAT IS WITH THIS MEME
Brayden Brooks
Inb4 drawn Jabba The Hut
Benjamin Davis
...
John Hall
Lost Well done OP
Dominic Gomez
>Minute Man History is born. 13/10
Jace Parker
>says its for a meme >actually desperate enough to fuck and eat out a landwhale for "a meme" >desperate enough to lie to yourself to think lowering yourself to this level is ok MFW Good to know that there are still actual, genuine retards on this planet of ours.
Tyler Allen
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Dominic Lee
Some people just cant see the good things in life
Nathaniel Bell
...
Hunter Reyes
You will be remembered by generations OP
Bentley Moore
>doing anything sexual with a landwhale >doing it for a meme >"the good things in life" Man, you must be fucking retarded.
Brody Lopez
...
Isaiah Roberts
i fuckin keked
Benjamin Bell
what city is this in? asking for a friend obviously
Carter Baker
HO LEE SHIIIIIT!
Kevin Collins
I have witnessed the Minute Man, I can't wait to see this screencap and send my sides into deep space. 11/10
Aaron Powell
I have witnessed the Minute Man, I can't wait to see this screen cap and send my sides into deep space again holy shit. 11/10
anyone else find this not funny? just some young dumbass who went to a hookup and made a fool of himself. at least that woman was honest and just wanted to fuck, like adults do, for whatever reason, and she got a shaggy-sounding highschooler with a discord app on his phone...it was sad more than anything else.
