Sup Forums, just found out my wife is 2 months preggers

Sup Forums, just found out my wife is 2 months preggers.
I'm gonna go for it, and I'm gonna do this right.

Looking for advice on how to not fuck this up.

think about your dad and grandpa.

good stuff you remember = do
bad stuff you remember = don't

I know it sounds dumb and yes I have no children yet but that's my plan for when I have children one day.

k, what else

An hero

Trust your instinct, stay calm, trust the kid when it will come. We as a race are not as stupid as we believe.

Push wife down stairs

Life = unruined

Don't hang out here. You're a bad person if you hang out here

And yes, i have a 4 year old daughter

Punch directly in the abdomen.
Don't hit the kidneys.

Good on you for not wanting to fuck that up.

Thats awesome! My girl is about one month pregnant! She is going for ultra tomorrow and we will know more! Congrats!
Pic related, our test

As a neglected child, please don't just spend money on your child and asume he/she is okay. Actually spend quality time with them. Make sure they have happy memories with you instead of memories of you just being a bank. If (by chance) they have something like anxiety or depression, know the signs and talk to them about it. These are the things I wish my parents *note dad* had done. Don't make the same mistake. Good luck.

So the trick here is to find a staircase that is long enough for a good fall, but not so steep as to be fatal or worse paralyzing. Concrete steps are a Nono. I prefer wood, just a bit of give but they should still do the job nicely. Now let's talk about the push, a lot of guys will say to just go for it and shove with everything you've got, because you don't want to have to do this twice, but I prefer a more nuanced approach, it better that they bounce off as many steps on the way down as possible to both dissipate the fall energy and to maximize the chance of a useful impact. If they fly all the way to the notion without touching a step, you're wasting dozens of potential impacts.

First of all, slip her the plan b pill somehow. That should get things started. Tell wifey that you two are about to have some different sexy fun to make things a bit spicey. ;)
1) Tie her up. ;)
2)Punch her belly repeatedly.
3) ????
4) win-win
If for some odd reason L.E.A. gets involved and sends the party van...3 years in the big house is much better than 21 years of exhausting slave labor to the ball and chain of some unappreciating expensive little leech.

Don't buy and obsessively read 10,000 parenting books while panicking non-stop. People massively over-think this shit. You'll end up with loads of conflicting advice from the parenting 'experts' who write these things, when really what you mainly need is some basic practical advice. What'll happen to her during pregnancy, what to look out for when she's close to term, some info on how babies tend to act in the first weeks and months of their life. You don't The Some Dickhead Method of parenting, as sold for a large amount of money.

Don't over-medicalise her pregnancy. Obviously if things feel weird for her or things change unexpectedly, you'll need a doctor. Otherwise you probably won't.

When she's in hospital having given birth, you may find the midwife (or midwives) to be total fucking bitches who try to order her around in terms of how she acts with her baby. They made my wife cry several times, and I've heard the same from other people many, many times. Don't be afraid to tell them to shut up and leave her alone. New mothers are very fragile emotionally so she might not be able to do that herself.

Establish a routine with the baby. It'll make it much easier to deal with at first. Babies love that shit. And stay calm. It's tiring but it's not actually that hard. It's hard when you've got two of the little fuckers and they're both mobile, but you're a very long way away from that, if indeed you ever do get to that point.

Step one: find a stair case away from your house that she uses frequently

>Some of you guys actually trying to give good advice.

Man oh man, this is some of the worst homogay faggo shit I've seen on here in a while.

My son is 2 n half

Its like havin a pet that learns to talk. Its amazing.

>preggers

Kill yourself. The child will be better off.

Spank. please for the love of God, spank.

Don't let your child have any social media 'life', teach the little bastard how to talk to people and behave.
Always be there for the kid, try to make time if you don't have much.
Prepare by reading some books on the birth process because it helps to know what happens in the last few months of her pregnancy, some not all.

If your kid becomes a feminist you fucked up, you are a bad father, and you need to start over again by killing the kid and lobotomizing your wife.
I can't stress that last one enough.

Groom your child and then molest them.

IF ANY OF YOU SEXY COKE LOVERS WANNA KNOW HOW TO STRENGTHEN YOUR COCAINE AND MAKE IT LAST LONGER, SIMPLY ADD PURE CAFFEINE POWDER TO YOUR COCAINE. IT TURNS IT INTO SUPER COCAINE. 0.2g CAFFEINE INTO 1g COCAINE

share also

Don't forget what it's like being young and dumb

Raise them as nudist and post pics on Sup Forums

Congrats OP, you'll have plenty of time to learn how to raise a child, right now you have to learn how to raise your pregnant wife.

Her mind may be fragile, but her body isn't. Encourage her to excercise and eat good food. She can get real emotional so be there for her. Don't freak out if she bleeds within the first few months, it can be normal. We've been told to not worry if it isn't more than a heavy period amount. This can save you lots of stress and bills. Speaking of which, pile up cash as high as you can, not because a baby is expensive, but because a pregnant woman will sleep better knowing there is tons of money in the bank account.

Lastly, watch the ultrasounds. Some say it harms the developing baby. When they do these stupid scans they are always looking for problems, and they will find them and want to retest and freak you out. Fact is, these things aren't crystal balls, and nobody knows how big or small your baby should be, or when it'll come. Did you know they used to x-ray pregnancies in the past? They thought it was the greatest thing back then. Some doctors have published about not telling the mother about any findings since the undue stress does more harm.

This process has been going on for tens of thousands of years. Let your instincts kick in and make it an enjoyable one.