ITT we are aboard the USS Enterprise

ITT we are aboard the USS Enterprise

Captain Janeway to crew; prepare yourself for a slipstream jump to the alpha quadrant

PLEASE STATE THE NATURE OF THE MEDICAL EMERGENCY.

no

breaker breaker come in earth, this is rocketship 27, aliens fucked over the carbonator in engine number four im gonna try to refuckulate it and land on juniper and hopefully they got some space weed, over

But that would be illogical, Captain.

Captain, the holodeck is covered in jizz again.

Acting Ensign Crusher, reporting for duty!
Sir!
(erm)
Ma'am!

Then why did you activate me?

Hey Doc...I've been walking around with a pair of tribble down the front of my pants for the past few days and I think I'm beginning to develop a rash, could I get you to have a look please?

Stand at ease before you sprain something. Also, don't assume my gender.

Oh for the love of--

It's been a YEAR, Ensign. Why do you still have those things?

Doktorr I got my ween0r trapped in neellixxes poo pipe again. No homo tho pls don't judge me.

I can't help myself Doc...I've been stashing these guys away in the vents all these months...I may have a problem

m8....

And I'm about to fix it.

In my Ready Room.

Now.

...

Dammit you green blooded Vulcan! This is going to hurt you more than its going to hurt me!

Are you feeling all right, Kes?

...

actually loled

Doc. I think I really fucked up this time. It wasn't anything like eating groceries.

NO! DON'T RUIN THIS FOR US!!

As you say Captain...after you...meow!

I swear Mr. Kim, if it isn't alien-STDs it's whatever...*this* is with you.

This is why you toss them out before they turn 10. Insta-granny.

...

Hello doc sorry for activating you, I just wanted to let you know that you were the best character on voyager. You were the only character that showed genuine development over the seven years you worked there and were portrayed by great skill by Robert Picardo who made the medical tier character in Star Trek (typically the least interesting) actually worth noticing. Now deactivate yourself you fucking nigger before I put a sharpie in your pooper.

Tribble time is sexy time

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH TWO AIRLOCKS TO GET TO A FUCKING BATHROOM ON THIS SHIP???

Boy I sure love existing as totally separate and complete person. I sure hope nothing bad happens to me...

Seconded. Also, before you deactivate, doctor, I fucked Seven of Nine and, well, my dick is cut up pretty badly. I just didn't think...

because space reasons

CAPTAIN, THEY'RE IN THE ENGINES. SHE CANT TAKE MUCH MORE!!!

Kek moar

...

Well, alright then. But, I should remind you that I'm a soft-light hologram without my mobile emitter, so you can't put a sharpie in there.

Just embrace them...tribbles are love....

You know damn well why we started doing that. Fucking Klingons, even their smell of their shit wants to kill you.

I hope for your sake, she consented.

Ensign, you used the wrong hole.

Transfuse the dilithium trans-stator through the subspace quantum nexus relay.

Damn it Rick, how the fuck did we get here?

Consent is irrelevant.

Doc, it's been more than 4 hours.

klingons are niggers. faggot

What are you friggin idiots doing in my sea thread?!

>Consent is irrelevant
>not RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
YOU HAD ONE JOB, user.

Doc look, my security detail is being detached to the planet below and well, you know how that goes for guys like me...is there anyway I can get you to find me incompetent for duty, just for a short while??

...

excuse me number 1 I need to take a number 2

Oh my.

Uh, uh *burp* I don't know morty, we must have jumped into another universe morty, I just gotta find the main power source and power my portal gun morty.

hey baby, lemme see ur exhaust manifold

...

So, this is kind of embarrassing, but when the transporter picked me up I was, um, well lets just say I'm fused to a goat's ass. Is this an easy fix? I'm on duty in 15 minutes.

Don't tell me how to fix my eng...by George that did it!!!

Yeah that's hilarious and all but it hardly helps my situation...c'mon man I don't wanna die!!

Open hailing frequencies

Hey Doc, you got and condoms? I really want Tuvoks Big Black Cock in me but he probably got AIDS from all the KFC he's been eating on the bridge lately so don't want to risk him repolarising my anus with his space semen.

Bet it smells like death.

...

Captain, I'm receiving a strange frequency from the planet below.

nyuk nyuk nyuk

Go put on a red shirt, you're going on an SUV away mission.

I heard over the air chatter that some negress plans to kiss some white male. we cannot let this happen. warp 7

Doctor, I've got to confess! That time your holo emitters went off line last Christmas was my fault. I was watching 7 take a shit in the bogs and I came all over your holo emitters. I tried to wipe them down but it was too thick and gloopy.

Also, did you ever feel 7 up when you were doing your medicines to her? And has she sent you any nudes on snapchat?

...

...

Romulan war bird decloaking off the starbird bow shields at 12 percent arm torpedoes. I dont know commander direct a inverted tackeon pulse at their warp core.

...

fuck if I know, I'm a cat

...

All hands rave alert, prepare to raise shields and drop the bass.

I thought since the holodeck program started with CP is was one of your detective stories...

...

Q!, not this again. come out where I can see you

thanks for the thread gents...needed these lulz

...

I identify as a non-binary speciesfluid cardassiankin lesbian and demand that you use the proper pronoun which is spelled with letters, numbers, poop emoji, and a ball of lint.

Did you just assume my species designation?

pseudopod or gtfo

The Federation would be a completely socialist system. No money, no wages, just socialism. They did many many episodes promoting free health care, racial equality, open borders to refugees and immigrants, and many other social issues that conservatives don't like.

Just wanted to point that out for you greedy conservacucks.

I'm sorry I'm the only person so far to get that reference. That guy was a gibberish genius.

damn right

they also had risa

>The turbo lift opens onto the bridge.

...

wtf don't you knock?

Captain! We may have a problem.

I am looking for Ensign Sarah Connor.

I found her in John connors butt.

I'd like to have a word with you Mr. Kahn, if you'd be so kind as to hear my request.

Seriously?
Role-playing, again?

My, my.
This won't do.

Ricky, thats not real space words

Captain, errrr ummmm uhhh ummm uh errrr uhhh ummm uhhhhhhh uhhhhhhh. Okie doke.

...

hay guise what'd I miss?

You mad kid?

...guise?

>mfw I'm the singer for the theme

It's been a long road

Gettin from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally here

And I will see my dreams come alive at night
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna change my mind

(Chorus)
'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
No one's going to bend nor break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart