ITT: Jokes you didn't get as a kid

ITT: Jokes you didn't get as a kid.

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youtube.com/watch?v=83WIDuukR0Q
youtube.com/watch?v=VFevH5vP32s
youtube.com/watch?v=V14PfDDwxlE
youtu.be/f3B3C5hR1lk
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

I still don't get the green penis line.

Is it like Pea-ness? That's a bit of a stretch for a penis joke. Still makes me laugh though.

wait, that's terrible

youtube.com/watch?v=83WIDuukR0Q

that whole movie was one long "your not old enough to get that yet" joke

...

That whole movie was 12 year old me waiting for a scene I could fap to.

Ah the trials of pre internet masturbation.

why didnt you just fast forward it?

lol true

>12 yo
>fap
What the

I love brazilian's kid shows.

Are you being serious?

not the video rental part. they're all Mel Brooks movies. Didn't know that as a kid.

Becuase I didn't have it on tape. It was playing on Comedy Central. I did record that scene though.

>he didn't fap as a 12 year old
What the?

I started at 10, dude.

i started masturbating on my 9th birthday. I remember because it was when Pee-Wee Herman was arrested for jerking off in an adult theater and I was watching the news with my family, in a hotel room while on a trip to an amusement park to celebrate, when they reported it.

I turned to my parents and asked them, "what's masturbating?", and they explained it to me with the most embarrassed looks on their faces.. then I almost immediately excused myself to the bathroom to "take a shower".

Jerking off was really confusing at first because every time I wanked my legs would spasm all over the place, and I never orgasmed.

Eventually, while at home locked in my bedroom, I figured out how to shove a wiggle writer pen (a pen with a motor in it that made it wiggle around so you would draw a bunch of circles) and a tiny massager my mom had naively given me and my dad as christmas stocking-stuffers, down my tighty-whities while i laid on the bed humping a pillow and finally reach orgasm.. but nothing ever came out for years.

When I finally had a tiny drop show up, I was so fucking proud. I still remember how it tasted. Salty and sweet.

MUAAAAH THE FRENCH

When Ross goes to knock on his lesbian ex-wife's door in the evening. She opens and he asks if he disturbed them. She says no in a sarcastic way and picks something from her teeth.

...

Late bloomer?

Not the guy you're replying to but I had my first fap when I was a couple of months away from turning 16. I have a bulldyke SJW friend and she says I am asexual. I'm not a virgin, though. Should I be concerned?

> I have a SJW friend
>Should I be concerned?

Yes.

I say a bunch of horrible shit around her and she doesn't mind. She still thinks I'm "problematic" but lets me get away with it because she sees some kind of Kierkegaardian innocence in me, I don't know. Other than politics we have a lot in common. Once you stop caring about that stuff you'll find it's easy to think anybody can be decent and a friend.

wait, ops image isnt that?

Take my advice.
Corrective rape.
Now.
Nip this problem in the bud before she goes full SJW.

It's a parody of that from the cartoon The Critic.

Orson Welles was not a cartoon in real life.

i started when i was 6

No, Google Orson Welles frozen peas rant

There's actually two double entendres there. Green penis and Cuntry goodness

No, but I'm pretty sure in the cartoon he also did a cheap wine ad.

Nice, another Friends one is there's an episode where they talk about girth. My dad started laughing and when I asked what it meant he said you don't want to know. Fuck you, dad.

Fish Sticks

it's pretty common to start before finishing 6th grade.
I remember I started in 5th grade after finding out about it through sexual education.
At first nothing happened so I thought I couldn't do it.
Then I tried another time and got an orgasm.
It was awhile longer before I ejaculated for the first time.

This

Even as a kid I thought it was waaaaayyyy too fucking stupid obvious for a Mel Brooks joke

Like, was that literally it? "LOL we're in a movie fuck da fourth wall guyz LOL" or am I missing some reference or something?

>btw I'm a gril XD

fuck off

I started when I was 4

>too fucking stupid obvious for a Mel Brooks joke

How many Mel Brooks movies have you seen?

They're full of stupid, obvious, 4th wall breaking jokes. That's part of his whole schtick.

Yeah I realised how retarded that sounded after I posted it, but I mean to go as far as to have the movie's VHS onboard the ship and watch it in-film just seemed a little too far and hamfisted, even for him.

I'm pretty sure the joke OP didn't get was who tf Orson Welles was, or why him struggling through a commercial was anything to care about. It's a reference to a classic pre-internet underground video youtube.com/watch?v=VFevH5vP32s

Wrong commercial.
youtube.com/watch?v=V14PfDDwxlE

i started at 8. i only used two fingers

Really? If there's one scene from Spaceballs that genuinely makes me laugh and feel good afterwards, it's that the one. The characters literally consult the already-packaged video of of the movie to determine what they should do next. It's a completely unique take on breaking the fourth wall, happening almost accidentally, and Rick Moranis absolutely kills it.

>laid on the bed humping a pillow and finally reach orgasm.. but nothing ever came out for years.
>When I finally had a tiny drop show up, I was so fucking proud. I still remember how it tasted. Salty and sweet.

whoa, are you me

Which are even better when you're dead

There's that, but this is the one I was talking about youtu.be/f3B3C5hR1lk

oh yeah

lol

When will then be now?

Soon.

when i first had my "tiny drop" it hurt
been doing it since i was six, no clue why, probably had seen an older brother do it or something
anyway one day i didnt stop when it felt really good i just kept going and eventually spray and sudden red hot ache
still no clue what that shit was about

THE PEAS OF ROSEBUD HAVE ALWAYS BEEN KNOWN FOR THEIR GREEEN PENIS!!!

That happened to me when I was first experimenting with different kinds of lube.

Don't use shampoo. Jesus Christ.

This is just awful, I quit! Just a handful for the road. Oh what luck, there's a French fry stuck in my beard!

i wasnt, i was going dry
maybe i was just going to hard and hurt something
i did once use handsoap and forgot to wash it off afterwards
didnt wash off later on and i thought skin was shriveling up, hurt to get hard and was embarrassing as shit

>cums for the first time
>immediately eats it

feels good not knowing the taste of cum

My uncle started it when I was 3

too much info man

Fucking great joke. Remeber hearing about it as a kid and being like "wtf?"