Why are you depressed Sup Forums? tell me your story

Why are you depressed Sup Forums? tell me your story

I doubt anyone will care
but I decided to write down my story since i have no one in real life to talk to

>be me 14
>my mum and dad split up because my dad was an abusive cunt and my mum wasn't much better
>try to kill myself for the first time when I was midway through high school
>end up in a psych ward where I met who I thought would be the love of my life
>her name was Kayla
>we connected on a level that no one since her has been able to match
>we date for 9 months but her parents begin moving away & she needs somewhere to stay
>Im still in high school couldn't offer her somewhere to stay
>she cheats and moves in with someone else before she breaks up with me over text
>fast forward a year I'm in between houses my mother lives alone but my dad decides to remarry
>enter my step-mum who is just as crazy and abusive as him.
>she has 4 kids none of which enjoy being in the home
>mum kicks me out in the last year of high school
>no choice but to move in with my dad if I wanted an education
>fast forward 3 months
>I get a knock at the door probably 3 or 4 in the morning
>its Kayla she tells me her boyfriend kicked her out and she needs somewhere to stay
>I refuse I couldn't just let her walk back into my life
>she kills herself that night. no note no warning
>im devastated I couldn't believe what had happened and what I had done

cont

>I go to her funeral and say my goodbyes and finish my last year in high school
>try to tell myself life goes on and everything will get better but I know deep down it won't
>the abuse at home continues getting worse and worse as each day goes by
>I begin to become close with my step siblings knowing we need to stick together
>I become especially close with one of my step-sisters because she had grown up with mental health problems and I could relate
>weeks go past and the abuse escalates verbally and physically and I end up calling the police
>I get child services involved to try and help the kids get away from the abuse
>one night when I was at work my dad beat my sister to a pulp and she ran away
>I came home and my siblings told me what happened
>I searched for her for hours and desperately trying to call her
>but it was too late
>she had jumped off a small bridge and died on impact
>my dad and step mum are now in jail 25-life on a manslaughter charge
>im living with my mum who doesn't want me
>I see them in my dreams and in the faces of the people around me
>I still visit their graves and leave flowers hoping in some way that makes up for not being good enough
>for not being there when they needed me and letting two people who I loved die
>ill probably an hero one day and when I do I hope I'm reunited with them
>even if I'm not anything is better then this suffering

Now op I feel even more like a cunt because I have no reason except anxiety and looks. I'm a decent athlete but hate when people call me that. Just a lack of motivation I guess?

don't feel like a cunt, no reason to everyone deals with stuff in their own way

My story is short and common
20yo
I'm fat
Even if I'm smart and rich I'm kinda anti-social
Had a few girlfriends, never had sex with a girl

my suggestion is to try going to bars with friends on the weekend and just try to make some girls who are friends for a base then ask them if they know anyone whos single, easy way to get a girl

i need the sweet pain of heartbreak
we all die alone

Thanks for trying, but all of my friends prefer to smoke weed in woods instead of drinking in bar.
I could go alone, once I did and met a girl who was wanted by police.
But yea, maybe you're right, I'll think about it

indeed we do but we can try and enjoy ourselves as much as we can before we go,
you should at least try it man what have you got to lose?

Holy shit op...

>indeed we do but we can try and enjoy ourselves as much as we can before we go

i do that

i dont know if its even depression, even if it runs in the family

i just want peace inside

I'm not depressed, but for a few years I believed to be, for petty shit. Basically the whole stupid "hey I'm a virgin and I'm old and my skin is sandpaperish and the people around me wouldn't be there if I didn't help em".

Then I met genuinely depressed people and it's so hard for them it's almost contagious. It's as if they have a cancer that you cannot cure. That makes me not any less fucking sad.

that's pretty fucked OP

>reuinited with them
kek

You don't always need reasons to develop depression and anxiety. It's an illness that can strike anyone. There is also a major genetic component

>head injury
>vision/memory loss
>ptsd
>confusion, can't trust vision or memory anymore
>xanax sucks but take it for sleep
>smoke green during day, do kk
>opiates once in a while for fun
>spend most time in dark room playing vidya, too bright outside
>waiting to die

Maybe not depressed, but things could be better. However I understand I am very lucky and there a LOT of people out there who have it far worse off than I do.

Also, PTSD and short term memory fucking suck. It is worse than it sounds, is more disruptive than my vision loss, no shit.

Short term memory loss is a real bitch. Makes me look/feel stupid sometimes cause I forget wtf is going on. Reality bends, it shifts I sorta just have to go along with it.

yeah i fucking hate myself and my life but what are you gonna do
it'll come with time but you have to work at it everyday
I'm sorry man I hope things work out for you
yeah I know I wake up from a nightmare to a bigger nightmare.
hey I don't know what comes after death but I'd do anything to see them again
yeah I understand that I've been in a mental health ward before and I know it can happen to anyone and its sad

>it'll come with time but you have to work at it everyday
i know m8, ive been doing this for 15+ years now

thanks for the words though

what caused the head injury? did this also cause the ptsd?

A chemical imbalance. Easy.

Don't an hero.

I'm sorry to hear that Sup Forumsro
I'm glad your keeping yourself busy though
do you work or anything?
sorry man im not the best at giving advice
serotonin?

>what caused the head injury?
stroke, second one I've had, at age 38. First stroke I had at 21 ish but there was no permenent damage.

PTSD because change occured overnight. Woke up at 2 am puking my guts up, passed out, woke up again with my RL interface all fucked up. Was so confused about what was happening it took me two days to get to the ER.They lumped me in with head injury cases from car wrecks and soldiers with head injurys.

I used to scoff at at stuff like "social anxiety" or anxiety in general. I take that all back. If a person legit suffers from anxiety or depression, it sucks. Xanax works great for sleep and panic, but is SUPER BORING. Flattens me out to the point of suicidal boredom. Especially since I cannot do a whole lot cause I cannot see great.

Pot is better. I can enjoy things again, I can live in the moment again. Sure I need the xanie to sleep and maybe for emergencies but that shit is dangerous. Benzos ruin lives.

>do anything
I think you know what you should do.

>I'm sorry to hear that Sup Forumsro
I'm glad your keeping yourself busy though
do you work or anything?
thanks bro. No I am disabled now. Worked my whole life till this happened. Taken out of the game immediatley.

I do a lot audiobooks though, and can handle some vidya, and have friends around me. The best way I handle my shit is
>I don't have to do anything

The govt. says so. I'm fucked up, will stroke again, likely soon. It's all about safety. I don't put myself in any sort of position where anyone can get hurt cause I cannot see well or because I get confused sometimes.

The point of my life now is to enjoy it however I can until it ends. Which honestly, has not been too bad. As shitty as all this has been, the last two years ish have been spent doing what I want to do. with the people I want to do it with.

Life is short my friends. Don't take it, or your facilities for granted. It is cliche, but it's cliche because it's true.

tfw someone uses your favorite reaction image

Sorry to tell you this, but now you've actually got the responsibility of living the lives they couldn't live.
That's how it works

I met my soulmate when we were 13 and she lives in the town nex door but I still can't find her......

An hero?
i see, im sorry user but i hope things get better, is there any chance you can go back to work?
didn't understand that sorry user

there's plenty of women out there user don't go chasing down the one that got away

il tell you right now mayn
>im devastated I couldn't believe what had happened and what I had done
>what i had done
you didn't do shit, fuck her for even showing up after she cheated on you
besides you did the right thing anyways, trust me i know

love of your life when you're 14 ?
damn man, there will be others...

an hero to be with them ?
their aint nothing after this. you an hero, the abusers win. again.

best thing to do is move out, move on, move up. find someone or something else to care about. dont wake up in the morning thinking about the past. fuck the past.
the only one that can make a better future for you is you.

there*

>i see, im sorry user but i hope things get better, is there any chance you can go back to work?

real unlikely. at least no job that I could support myself with. I used to work as a marketer for a distribution co. No way could I do that now...

I'm not really interested or worried about it. I've been paying into ssi my entire life, this is what it's for. inb4
>hur dur youre taking your grandmas ssi
No, I've been paying into it, it's mine, that's what the system is set up for. I have a few years before I become a "monetary drain". Maybe at that point I will finally end it.

Until then, no, I don't work. I cannot. It would be unsafe for me and others around me. At least there is no job that I would be able to support myself with that I could handle. Sure theres a lot of
>show up and stack hangers
type work for people with disabilites, but that's just to get them out of the house. My disability came later in life. I've done all that. I feel no need to "get out". I ok right where I am.

Strokes ALWAYS get better, in that the person "gets used" to the function loss. But no, it's brain damage. That stuff doesn't really fix itself. Not worried about it though. Have gotten better at using my vision, also, not making any long term plans cause prolly won't be around a whole lot longer.

It's k. This is just MY scenario. There are billions of us experiencing life, we all get it, in the end. As I mentioned there are tons of people out there who have it far worse off then I do, and I know it. I kept my good looks, still get laid once in a while, and have some things to look forward to, so its cool. And I have a great family. Many people don't. I am thankful for what I have.

understand that 100% understand that but she died because I was selfish
we we're in hospital together i havent felt the same level of connection with anyone since and it really sucks, im not killing myself to be with them, i know i need to move out but im 19 I can't support myself at the moment...i don't wake up in the morning thinking about the past but when it alone i cant help it