Feels thread? ):

Feels thread? ):

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To add to that, I just had a conversation with Adonis the other night.

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TBH, he will probably come on in a few.

Its great to see you user, how have things been since we last spoke?
-Adonis

Well, it's a pleasure to see you again, Adonis. Things have actually gotten quite a bit better since Thursday. Dug up some old records Friday and started listening to them again, specifically Hotel California by the Eagles. I started to realize that Sup Forums is a lot like Hotel California in which we can really never leave. The memories from this place become a part of us and hopefully make us stronger. How are things with you?

-Ulysses

Well Ulysses, things have been going. Im sort of caught up with family matters as of this week, but i have been sticking around in every thread i saw in case you'd show up. In a lot of ways it is comparable to hotel California. But i would describe it more as a dessert island civilization. You could live on the desert island, but once you go back to society that desert island is still there, what happened to you will always nag at the back of your head, ugring you to return or perhaps making you want to forget. But that's the wonderful thing about individuals, our experiences define us, not our collective history.
Beyond that, i hope you continue to do a better even if only by a little.

-Adonis

I'm sorry, it somehow auto corrected "situation" to "civilization"

>be me
>fuck greentext

I haven't been to Sup Forums for a while, don't actually have a reason why. My life hasn't been bad as lately, but sometimes. Sometimes it brings me to my knees. Especially when I'm drunk.
Usually I can think all the negative emotions away.
"Everything will be fine, you are doing good getting your shit together"
I actually believe myself. I am not doing too bad. But why am I feeling like shit whenever I let my guard down the slighthest? It's like I fight myself, one half of me telling, convincing, myself that I am a decent human being. The other half wants to remind me of the exact opposite.
When I can't fight the "bad half", because I am drunk or too tired from work/university, I break down.
To be honest, I am tired of fighthing with myself at all. It's just so consuming.
Do you guys have a fight of yourself going on like mine? How do you handle it?

Glad to hear, I hope you continue to do better. Anything you'd like to talk about that's nagging at you? Figured you helped me and I could return the favor.

No, i'm personally doing just fine right now. Just sort of mulling over various ideas, and going through weird and unusual Wikipedia articles. Did you know that we once determined if a storm would form by using leeches?

Anyway, i'm just sort of here i'm actually writing a response to the guy above you right now, anyway its amazing talking to you again.

-Adonis

Hm. Didn't know that. Did you know that Betamax, the VHS rival of the 80s, is still being used in professional grade studios due to its excellent ability to store audio?
Also, glad to hear from you too, it's sometimes lonely out here.

- Ulysses

Saw your relationship in the screenshot above. Great to hear you two are doing fine/better.
I'm curious to find out if Adonis can give me any advice.
You seem like a nice and wise fella.

For a while I fought myself over going through a world that never viewed me as a full human. I spent my fair share of time living as hedonistically as possible just trying to get through everything. You break down, you stop for a minute. then one week later it all comes back. You could attempt to become a true sociopath, but that's not the option anyone really wants to take. I actually went through spells of feeling really bad, to going numb. the black and white nature of the world I went through is one of the main ways I think of my teenage years even until today. oddly enough it was a piece of philosophy I live by that I always fall back on now. "Life is a series of challenges, its how we decide to overcome and learn from these challenges, that we can truly attain the happiness all of us strive for", what im saying is, we are only here because we are stumped in the series of problems life throws at us, perhaps what we should be doing is learning from the feels of other anons, and gaining traction from the anonymous support that is ever present within these threads. Ive posted this word for word a number of times, because its the one thing that I read whenever I feel like im going back to the hot and cold of my formative years. I hope that helped user.

-Adonis

>be me.
>be 22
>be mid/late 2007
>go out for drink with dad.
>meet girl in bar. Great looking, quiet/innocent look to her, there with her parents too.
>talk to her
>hit it off
>make plans to meet up with her later in week and get to know her.
>lets call her 'C'
>hit it off more, get together.
>While quirky, and seemingly jelous of everything else in my life, I see no real red flags at first.
Cont?

I would be happy too, if you have a story, or just need some advice on anything i'm all ears.

-Adonis

cont

I have this same fight. I've simply put up with it for the past 11 years.
I just work around the breakdowns because I know how to predict them.
Though it does suck ass having to do so.

Mine feels strange indeed
As often time be - seizure
Epileptic me

Epileptic me
I have few words for thee, Sup Forums
What wrings thoughts from me?

bump

okays, will do

>over the next few months she manipulates things so that I am isolated from my family. I don't notice at first because the sex is great and penis is happy.
>Starts talking about Kids.
>instant nope.jpg.
>Have argument over it that turns into blazing row.
>tell her to calm down as she's borderline hysterical at this point.
>hear a thud and the room spins. before I know it Im on the floor with her stood over me yelling at me that she wants kids and that If I don't give her some She'll tell everyone including the police that I raped her.
>wtf.jpg
>say no again.
>she lets it go.
>next day same thing happens.
>eventually give in because Scared.
>2010. Fully isolated from friends and family. Can't even have a phone call with them without her wanting to know what's said.
>april 2010, after "marrying her", we have our first child.

cont

Why do you keep coming? Are you really that sad or something?

Ok, I'll take a shot.
I used to be like you, constantly fighting my inner fears about not being good enough. It was at times like these I remembered a quote from Marcus Aurelius, "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." This quote quelled the storm inside me momentarily and allowed me to think rationally. The issue with emotions is that they cloud our ability to analyze what's really happening in our lives and makes us instead cry while surrounded by vomit and whiskey bottles at 3 in the morning. Ask yourself, "What's my purpose?" or "Why do I feel like this?" The goal here is to figure out how to silence your insecurities. Everyone has their talents, their abilities. Everyone was put on this earth for a reason and they will become content once they find a driving passion. Passion is what heals the soul. Find something you love and do it. The only way out is through.

I am that guy from above. Just wanted to bump the thread and not let it die.
My believe was confirmed with your words. You truely are a wise man.
I guess from time to time you just need to here that you are not alone with your demons and others have faced them, too. Thank you for that.
For me, they aren't really "breakdowns". It's just something itching in the back of my head. A nagging voice that get's its share in the front when I am the weakest, when I am tired or my concious is subdued somehow.
The best thing I found helping myself fighthing the negative emotions/strengthening the positive ones is music. Everyone has a song that makes them feel powerful, great and strong. Try pushing yourself with that help to highs when you actually are feeling low. Works for me, sometimes at least.

He comes to help other people.
Me? I come because I want to see the good in people, make them what they can become.

-Ulysses

Time ago I knew an Adonis.
I spoke to him but never saw
His face would always smile and never tell me a single thing about his own labor
His toil I knew he struggled
He would tell me everything though
And I asked Aphrodite to through him on the boar
For basically; I was an asshole

Epileptic

I'm not particularly sad anymore, I come back because I view it as a service to the bros who helped me. If i'm doing better now, then I believe its my job to help as many anons as I can. is that a little cliched, probably. but I take pride knowing i make even a small difference, because if i didn't then how would I justify myself to those that spent time helping me.

-Adonis

You are welcome. In truth i am at a loss for words for how to respond. The demons we face, are definitely different. But we each achieved the same route of help, each of us went to the same place, and converged together. We may never meet user, or maybe we live a street away, but regardless we all share a bond here. Thats why I will spend my time helping you and others, even if everyone turns their back on you, or everything feels like its gone to shit. I would like you to remember user, I am in your corner I haven't given up on you, and your fight isn't unacknowledged.

-Adonis

>random beatings continue about everything and anything.
>2011 we have twin girls.
>one memorable beating involved the use of a pen, I have 18 or so scars up my right arm from the attack. Only on my arm because I used that to protect myself and my 3 week old daughter that im holding and attempting to bottle feed.
>Im working full time. She's at home with them.
>over next two years things get worse.
>calling me at work constantly.
>telling me that i'm a useless lazy fuck who does nothing
>still wants more kids
>constantly accuses me of cheating, Further cuts off my family.
>2012 She throws a cordless telephone at me from 2m away. It hits off the back of my head and flies across the room with enough force to hit the far wall (6 m from me) and break.
>leave.jpg
>stay with family. Tell them everything. Call police.
>she's convicted of battery and given a conditional discharge. I foolishly go back.
>mfw she still wants more kids.
>mfw two weeks after she starts the beatings again.
>afraid to do anything because She tells me that she will make things a 'living hell' if I do.
>2013 the building depression hits home. I have time off work because Im getting random thoughts of ways to kill myself in an office building. MFW the amount of ways you can do it in an office.
2013: our 4th child is born. Another boy.

I am trying my very best to get through. That's why I am doing not too bad lately, as said above.
I believe I have a rough idea of who I want to be and what my principles are, and now I want to bring in quote, too:
"The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world." And I am working hard to be that man. Be that man who can make the difference, at least for the ones I deeply care for. The biggest fear I face now is that I won't make it.
One slip up and I won't be there for my other, who raised me alone, my best friend without whom I wouldn't be alive anymore (I guess, because shit would have gotten me down by now) or some lover who might come in the future into my life.
Everything I achieve I think to myself "well that's how it should be", not allowing myself some kind of joy.
I am very harsh to myself while also being a lazy fuck 50% of the time. Sounds like a bad combination and it certainly feels like one. Yet, I have bettered myself.
As I type, I remember another quote: "Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor."
Maybe I am just on the right track but it just gets harder and harder?
I never had the feeling I had done anything meaningful or right in my life but the pain I am going through is the indication for being on the right way?
That would be a fine way of looking at it, what do you guys think?

To think it cliche devalues it. What you do holds value beyond what you may understand. I may observe you and watch, but an ear to listen or a mouth to speak is sometimes what people need. If you have the empathy you seem to, you are doing the work of God. The aberrant brain has spoken.

Solomon said: "There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God."

Take pride in the things you do.

Well, given enough perspective anywhere is lonely.

Well, id say exercise humility, but don't forget the things you've done. That being said, i don't believe in a god, but if that's whats helping you through whatever it may be, then hold it dearly.

that's David not Adonis

I am aware, but the rest of the artworks that exist look a little odd.

-Adonis

>2014 jan-feb. I finally have a breakdown, I had been back at work. Got a phone call from her. the next thing I know I'm sat in my car. Don't remember how I got there. face is wet from tears.
>MFW boss says I started yelling at the phone and walked out. Boss really worried.
>go home as it's friday
>get home. great.
>have argument. Can't remember what about. They all seem to meld together into one after a while.
>Leave.jpg. Walk around to garage to get car.
>mfw she's stood there. Staring at me.
>Looks me dead in the eye with a stare that terrifies me to think of.
>starts shouting for help as if I'm the one attack ing her. with no change in her facial expression.
>scared me gives in. Frogmarched back to the house.
>sunday night. while she spends time out with her parents. Kids are asleep.
>go upstairs.
>take mouthfull of bleach
>spit it out. Instant regret that shit tastes nasty.
>spend rest of evening staring at the off tv downstairs.
>next day. Call my dad after work. Tell him I can't do this any more and that I need his help.
>leave for good. Still help with kid transport.
>have no feelings of attachment to them.
>tell the now heavily involved social services that. (mistake, but it was true)
>Social take her to court to take the kids into care.
>they say no to me having them because attempted suicide/above admission of (at the time) not being able to feel anything for them.
>They say no to my parents because Dad's ptsd. (He's a Veteran)
> report says that she can't parent for shit.
> Asked how I want to play court case.
> Only choice I could make. What's best for them? I can't give them the life they deserve. She deffinately cant. So I back the Social's position.
>court case goes through.
>kids taken into care.
>wont see them again until 18 years old.

These are the words of Solomon, a man, not God:
"A good name is better than precious ointment,
and the day of death than the day of birth.
It is better to go to the house of mourning
than to go to the house of feasting,
for this is the end of all mankind,
and the living will lay it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
for by sadness of face the heart is made glad."

I am the aberrant brain.

You wouldn't believe how much it calms me, knowing that someone is on my side. That's a feeling a lacked much over the past and even if people tried to give me that feeling, I always felt' they were obligated to do so. Like family and friends. Hearing this from someone anonymously over the internet, from someone who has no need to, feels just great.
Your goals of helping others are humble and righteous and I will do my best to be so, too.
Good night and may you help others as much as you helped me.

/b how does one reduce the pain of being in love with someone who doesn't love you back?
>date girl for 2 years
>dumps me
>be still deeply in love
>find out I was left for a fat autist
the guy literally has a breakdown twice every week and she says that she can confide her depression better with him even though they've fought twice and they haven't even been dating for a month

Well, to quote Solomon strikes me as a devout thing to do. Just to clarify, im not conflating Solomon with god.

-Adonis (ran out of pictures at this point)

>fwd to now.
>no contact with her at all, very thought of it makes me very anxious.
>ptsd. If someone talks down to me, I react badly (freakouts. Anger, shouting etc)
>social anxiety.
>miss the kids. Can't do anything about it because Adoption is still what is best for them. No matter how I feel about it now.
>No job
>live with sister.

Goodnight user, I intend to do just that. One day, I hope our paths meet again. It was lovely talking to you user, no rather friend.

-Adonis (I dont have anymore pictures BTW)

Also I'll greentext whole story, I just lurked and got hurt and I really need advice. Suicidal thoughts aren't constant but they are progressively getting worse

Damn, I don't really know what to say, I mean, I'm glad the bitch got what she deserved. But man, that's fucked up.

I hope things get better from here on now user, the figurative cancer in your life is gone, so I guess you can view it as a new start.

I believe that I am very devout. I do in fact have epilepsy. I do not just believe religion. I feel religion. He words Solomon spoke that people forget are the words I hold most dear "All is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?"

it is the perfect reason, for me, not to kill myself. I realized that 4 years ago. I have held it close ever since. God has rocked my mind and brain and soul. I have seen the world anew. I have a completely differently operating brain. The same memories, the same me, but now I process differently. I see things more intensely. I now am better versed in listening to God.

To clarify for myself; anticonvulsants. Heavy doses. No marijuana involved: 7.5 grams of anticonvulsants. Not milligrams.

thanks user.

Don't know where to start if I'm honest. been out of work now for three years, no real qualifications above secondary level. near constant thoughts of either just dissapearing or ending things.

don't really know what to do.

bump

Why do we want to die today, anons?

my group therapy is Sup Forums. just throwing that out there.

Someone please post the Elle story. I can't remember if it was Elle or something similar.

You still have a chance to be happy, man. You just have to find it, sure it's gonna be fucking hard with all the mental damage you have taken, but the fact that you survived that much emotional and physical torment, just proves you are not a weak individual.

You are stronger than you know, dude. Plus you gotta start somewhere I guess.


Whatever you decide to do, I wish you nothing but the best! Cheers user.

ballad of ela???

thanks user. And thanks for listening.

Ella. Yeah, please user.

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fuck these threads
they make me cry like a bitch...

did the op ever found her again???

user, Sup Forums a corner of the internet most describe as home to degenerates, is actually something quite special, even though we're all described as bunch of complete assholes we're at the least a group of /bros together.

-Adonis

bump

bump

Are you still here?