Tell me your funniest shart/shit your pants stories, Sup Forums. Whether it be about you or someone else

Tell me your funniest shart/shit your pants stories, Sup Forums. Whether it be about you or someone else

Who took the picture

fake grils dont poo

who took the fucking pictureWTF?

>searched shart on google
this is what i got

>panties
>man hands
>?photog?
>WTF????

shart stories* my bad

Their underwear is also backwards

the chick who shit herself
the hands of the guy who just got done fucking her ass while sitting on the toilet are in the picture

thoose are womans hands they're just a little fat, the pants buttons on the left so it's a girl

>be in 3rd grade
>have to poop really bad during recess
>just the day before kid had to use bathroom
>every one had to leave recess early because there was only one teacher supervising
>every kid was pissed at him the whole day
>don't want to be that kid
>go by the fence far away and poop in my hand and throw it over the fence

I ate a big pizza and next day I had water-poop,I ran to the bath and took the shit,more liquid than solid, I had to hold the door with my feed cause' it wasn't any lock and then..there were no paper so..I took out my shoe and I wiped my ass with my sock.. and I throw it there(it was more or less clean,I were lucky it were so liquid,cleaning it were like just drying it.

...

also me
>be 4th grade
>have to go to bathroom
>same kind of situation where I need to go but I don't want to inconvenience people, don't remember the exact reason why
>end up asking to go way too late
>poop my pants on the way to the bathroom
>flush underwear
>it actually flushed the entire underwear
>walk around with no underwear all day

when timers for cameras really come in handy

GF came so hard she shit on me.. Wouldn't answer phone calls or texts for a week. Thinkin' we were split I fucked some asian chick that weekend.

(OP) Nigga i walk around without underwear all the time

>Be in first grade
>On a really cool field trip
>We go to a park to play
>I have to shit but I was too scared to go by myself
>Start doing other stuff to get my mind off of it
>While I'm playing I start to feel it push out
>I go into panic and run away from everybody
>I went behind a tree and threw the shit out of my pants

also me
>start habit of fingering my butt
>it causes me to have less control over my bowels
>shit my pants a lot
>play with my shit
>rub shit on stuff
>sniff and eat my anal mucus
>jerk off with anal mucus

yeah it devolved from kinda funny into degeneracy pretty fucking quick. Also I am using my neighbors wifi so hopefully no one there sees these (you)s since they would be on the same IP

>shits pants to avoid inconveniencing others

wholesome

Damn bro

>7th grade, have piano class that lasts an hour and 15 minutes every day.
>the teacher was a fucking asshole, which makes it even more unbearable
>he doesn't even let kids use the bathroom
>one day wake up with explosive diarrhea
>down atleast half a bottle of pepto bismol and I go on my merry way to school
>things go well at first, then boom,2nd period, time for piano class
>I walk in and immediately my stomach starts to churn
>think to myself "I could walk out and go to the bathroom right now, but I'll be late.."
>me, afraid of authority, sits my bag down and sits at my assigned piano bench
>there's no talking in piano class, everyone has headphones plugged into their keyboards so atleast the other kids can't hear the demonic noises my gut is making
>20 minutes into class, I'm sweating fucking bullets
>I'm not even playing the piano anymore, if I move any of my muscles my asshole will explode
>I muster up the energy to stand and walk towards the teacher, clenching my asshole with all my might
>"c...can I please go to the bathroom"
>"No. You either go before class or after."
>"b.....but it's an emergency"
>"No it's not. Go back to your piano."
>extremeanger.jpg
>how could he not let me go to the bathroom? I told him it was an emergency. that's like, the golden key to using the bathroom during class
>am now sweating bullets of both anger and anal tension
>my muscles are shaking more than a Haitian earthquake
>as soon as I lower my knees and my ass touches the bench I feel an ungodly sensation between my cheeks
>I was 12 years old and I shat myself in public
>I continue shitting for atleast a minute longer
>there's no way no one isn't smelling this, the kids around me start to make odd faces and take their headphones off to quietly mingle as to what this horrid stench could be
>my rage has subsided and turned into fear now
>I begin playing the piano as hard as possible so that their discussions can't continue
con't

It was my friends birthday party, we were 12. We were at mini putt and I ended up shitting my pants, was too embarrassed to say anything so I ended up having to do the entire course with a dump in my pants since I shit myself like 5 minutes after we got our clubs and golf balls. Don't think anybody suspected anything though. Pic unrelated.

ill contribute,
>be 3rd grade
>Be late going to school
>didnt get to use restroom at home
>Held in whole day in school
>think its disgusting using public toilets
>schools over and head home
>the closer i get to home the more difficult it gets to hold
>house just around the corner
>stop and squeezed butt cheeks
> fart to relieve some pressure.
>hear footsteps behind me.
>its a girl from my class.
>hfw
>i look forward knowing full well she heard me farting and making a pose.
>still farting as i try to walk away.
>feel wetness
>just pray to god she wont say anything.
>at my door step
>really hard to hold in
>fumble my keys trying to open door
>shitting myself in the process.
>ran to the restroom
>unloaded what was left.
>threw pants and underwear away that day.
>go to school next day actively avoiding her and her friends.

>be me
>work 12 hour shifts at night
>steal and drink 3 bottles of wine from work.
>sulfites fuck my bowels up
>go for drunken piss at urinal
>feel slow but undenieable push at my anus as liquid shit and gas buffer switch positions
>start to piss, anus explodes out a shit volcano
>all over in a conical shape, 3 feet behind me on bathroom floor
>drunkenly mop shit up, gagging, trying to get deniability before manager checks up on me
>mfw I walked around with a noticeable shit stain on my pants for the rest of my shift.

kek worst nightmare

>Be me 4th grade
>riding bike back home from school
>Rushing to watch new episode of dbz, fuck yeah
>Had to fart
>igavethatfarttoomuchtrust.png
>I shat myself but there's no time to waste BDZ!

con't
>"this is fine. I'm doing fine."
>"user, stop playing the piano so hard."
>everyone looks at me, my face visibly dripping with sweat and red, who knows if there was a visible stain on my light washed denim pants
>the other kids put their headphones back in and continue playing their pianos, still occasionally making stank faces
>I sit there for nearly another hour in my own shit diaper playing the piano
>the bell rings, class is over
>I glare at the teacher as I waddle out the door
>continue waddling down the hall and into the bathroom, where I stayed the remainder of the day
>no one noticed it was I who created that horrid stench that day, but I still hold onto the hatred I have for that teacher

>be me
>4 or something
>in the playground at mcdonald's
>start farting for a really long time
>go home and pull down pants to piss
>i had shit myself at mcdonald's and didnt realize
>mfw

also me, last one. could go on for a while but I want to go to bed.

>don't have a real job
>work once a week with my dad's co-worker/friend for grocery money
>not much so I lived off out of date bargain basement junk food for a couple weeks so I could have quantity over quality
>walk to my step mothers house for something, like 4 mile walk
>walk back
>mile left to go and have to poop out of nowhere
>no where to stop
>end up shitting my pants with smelly diarhea that is burning the fuck out of my thighs
>still have a mile to walk with shit all over me
>have to stop and let some poop out that is caked under my knee
>gets on my socks and shoes
>all because I pretty much only ate out of date habenero slim jims for 3 days

forgot image

kek

Genuinely happened to me, sat in class in an exam, no one ever had a shit at high school for some reason, people would laugh if they ever saw someone in the toilet stall and throw wet paper towels in, to save myself embarrassment I decided to hold it, looking back I have no idea why I let it get so bad, got to the end of the class, went to the teacher to get my behaviour report card signed, he gave me such a glowing reference for that lesson, wrote I was quiet didn't disrupt the class wasn't making jokes etc. only because I was trying not to shit myself all lesson, I was sweating like fuck, I walk out of the room and start going upstairs to the toilets because I couldn't hold it, the motion of walking upstairs made me shit, I went light headed, I was dizzy, sweating even harder, walking down the corridor felt like slow motion, like something you see in movies, an older girl looked at me, I and asked if I was ok, loads of people were staring at me, I must've been white as a sheet, all their voices were muffled in my head and ignore everyone as I stumbled towards the toilet, I got to the bathroom and ripped my underwear off so I didn't have to get undressed in case someone came in and me saw under the stalls with my shoes off and pants on the floor, I flushed the underwear down the toilet and stayed in there all lesson, went outside for dinner time and thought everything was fine but when we went back in for the last lesson everyone said I smelt like dog shit, like literally some girl sat next to me said she had to move, I told everyone Id been playing football at dinner and must've got dog shit on me and everyone avoided me all lesson, fucked me up, gave me anxiety about needing the toilet at school, anxiety made my stomach worse, ended up having loads of time off and seeing counsellors

Oh man that's terrible. Same shit at my school. I'd always go to the nurses office if i needed to shit.

what a cuck. nothing says being the big bad boss like not letting one of your 12 year old students use the restroom

...

>walking home drunk from party at like 1am
>gut hurts
>think i just need to fart
>fart
>feel something wet and warm in my pants
>oop that was not a fart
>stop farting immediately
>walk swiftly into this carpark i'm next to
>hide in between two cars and take massive sloppy shit
>fml right now
>need to clean clothes before i get home
>walk to the nearest public bathroom likke 10 mins away
>it's locked
>hide in some bushes and use leaves to clean my jeans as best i can
>just leave my underwear there
>tie my jersey around my waist to hide the stain as best i can
>spend the next half hour walking home feeling super awkward as cars drive past
>get to my building
>oh god i hope i can get to my apartment without coming across anyone
>walking down hall
>someone's door opens
>some guy comes out and walks towards me
>we pass
>he says nothing but there is no way he did not smell the shit permeating the air
>get home
>have shower
>bed

>on the couch high af laying on top of my now ex girlfriend
>fart with a thunderous clap
>we laugh
>fart once more but no air, pure liquid shit. Just about the amount of one squeeze from a ketchup bottle. Same sound as a matter of fact.
>get up in a pale sweaty panic into the bathroom.
>have to shower, shit down my leg, all over pants.
>exit shower in a brisk jog holding my shitty pants far away from my face.
>jog passed horridied girlfriend.
>no eye contact.
>throw pants in outside trash.
>for some reason think making a joke would lighten the situation
>"had to throw away those pants. They were pretty shitty anyways."
>pic related mfw she wasnt laughing

>be me
>One month ago
>Driving home at fucking 6AM
>On highway, less than 2 miles from home
>Fucking. Accident.
>Traffic stopped, gnarly wreck
>Liquid pestilent shit not agreeing with clenched anus
>Starts to seep out
>Fuck me
>Fight my way to the fucking exit ramp
>The turd that was plugging the torrent makes it out
>Fuck fuck fuck
>Almost home, just one more stop sign
>Step out of vehicle
>Shit self a bit more
>Get to bathroom, remove underwear
>Little plug turd is falls out
>Sit down, shit for a while, burning pain as it comes out
>Wipe, wipe, it ain't working
>Straight into the shower
>After shower, inspect toilet
>Shit on the seat, the bowl, the ground
>Throw out underwear
>Furiously clean toilet
>15 minutes later, another round of diarrhea
>More shit on the seat

I got fired when I couldn't clean the shit out of the seat of the company car. Was caked in deep from sitting in it

OH MY

If only you were a narcissist with a scat fetish, feeling it seeping out while you were in public, you would've become horny as fuck, enjoyed letting it come out and had to pull of somewhere for a wank

>be 8ish
>walking home from school
>urge to shit hits hard
>try to make it home
>two houses away I can't hold it anymore
>take shit in neighbor's carport
>go home
>wipe ass & change underwear
>go out and play
>neighbor comes over to me
ohshitsheknkows.jpg
>"user, I need to talk to you."
>walks me over to poile of shit
>"Your dog pooped here. I need you to clean it up."
holyshitshedoesntknow.jpg
>look at it
>look at her
>"That isn't dog poop. I'm not picking it up."
>neighbor flips her shit
>tel her it looks like human shit and she should look to her wild do anything don't give a shit kids for the culprits
>neighbor flips her shit even more
>mom gets home
>sees neighbor screaming at me
>comes to see what's going on
>neighbor says I refuse to clean up my dog's shit
>mom looks at shit
>looks at neighbor
>"That's from a person. Stop trying to get my son to clean up after your kids."
>neighbor flips her shit even more
>mom and I go home
thingsworkedoutbetterthanexpected.jpg

did she end it because of that?

>be 3rd grade
>10 mins before lunch break. Class has to recite prayer before leaving.
>5mins in a horrible stench of the devil bombarded the classroom
>jesuscries.png
>cant fucking concentrate. Must. Cover. Nose.
>whole class is distressed except for one kid. He just stood still making a weird face.
>class dismissed. Thank god.
>traintobusan.gif
>everyone left in a hurry except for this one kid.
>he walked like a duck and as soon as he got out of the room TWO FUCKING LOGS fell out of his pants.
He obviously wasnt wearing underwear.
>he walked away as if nothing happened.

is this Whiplash 2 ?

>in kindergarten
>have to shit
>shit my pants
>go to bathroom
20 minutes later
>teacher comes in
>asks if im ok
i don't remember the rest but my 60something year old kindergarten teacher wiped my ass for me

fecking lol m9 thanks I needed that laugh

>In 3rd grade
>Ate some hot cheetos during lunch and is now time to play
>O fuck tummy feel bad
>Go to restroom but unable to get in
>Starts sharting inside undies
>After lunch run to other restrooms
>Try to clean up the mess i made
>Still smell like shart
>Rest of day had smelly smell everywhere and people wondering what it is
>Get home and undies complete red shart
>Take shower and throw that shit away in the dumpster

bump

>go to tech school
>school arranges roommates for students new to the city
>get a Texan
>drinks constantly
>parents come to see how I'm settling in
>ask roomie to party at someone else's place for the weekend
>he agrees
>pick up parents at the airport
>parents want to see my apartment before going to dinner
>sure, why not, the Texan won't be there
>show parents apartment
>dad asks to use the bathroom
>tell him which door it is
>he struggles to open the door
>finally opens it a few inches
>calls over to me
>"user, I think your room mate needs some help."
>look in bathroom
>user is passed out
>wedged against the door
>butt ass naked
>covered head to toe in shit
>every surface of the bathroom is covered in shit
>take a pic
>write note
>"You can come out when you clean up your mess."
>put it in bathroom
>close the door
>grab some rope
>tie the shut
>"It's taken care of, dad. Lets go eat."
>after dinner parents go to their motel
>I go home
>hear nothing at bathroom
>open door
>roomie still passed out
>tie door shut again
>go to sleep
>wake up in the middle of the night
>roomie is screaming and banging on the door
>"Let me out of here you asshole!"
>"Is the bathroom clean?"
>"No! It's covered in shit! Let me out now!"
>roomie yells for a while then gets to work cleaning up his shit
to be continued

>next Monday
>roomie goes to school student rep
>complains that I locked him in the bathroom
>they call me in
>I explain what happened
>show them pic
>several people throw up
>get new roomie

God damn my coworkers (two twins) always seam to shit them selves. They both have incidents a few times a year each. Lol They keep spare underwear just in case.

I was a raging alcoholic. I used to drink all the time and constantly have the shits because of it. on the way to work i ounce pulled over and ran out of my car on the high way and sprayed shit all over the underpass. people saw. it was funny because i was laughing while i i did it. i took my sock off and used that to clean up and got in my car and left

...

pics or it didnt happen

post image for ultimate lulz

I've been on a water fast for over 5 days now and I sharted today. I clenched immediately, walked to the toilet, sat down, and it sounded like I was fucking peeing.

why would you do that?

kinda wish I still had it
but this was 8 years ago
I only took the pic as evidence
and deleted it after the Texan moved out

Anyone that sharts should be executed for being a moron. If you feel a fart coming and push it out along with shit you are a fucking retard. There is a distinct feeling when you feel the shit that close to your hole, everyone should know this feeling.

If you held in shit all day and couldn't get to restroom I am not talking to you, just the other neck bearded taco bell eating faggots

i thought the same thing until it happened to me one day
it'll happen to you as well one day user
you can keep your smug contempt for now. just know that you're going to feel very stupid when that day comes

>be 12 years old
>camping with my grandparents
>all of a sudden have to poop
>can't poop in grandparents camper
>the nearest toilet is probably 50 yards away
> can't ride my bike to bathroom
> have to waddle with container of wipes in my hand
> shit my pants on the way
> finally get to toilet and pull down pants
> shit everywhere spend about 45 minutes on toilet
> when finished take underware and throw it into near by fire pit

meant for

>6th or 7th grade
>furious diarrhoea all day
>gym class rolls around
>o geez rick
>start running laps slower than usual to avoid provoking a torrential stream of shit
>10 minutes in, not so bad
>getting a little more confident
>decide to start picking up the pace
>shit tirade seconds after making this decision
>beeline to the bathroom
>underwear unsalvageable
>toss em in the trash and go on with my day as if nothing happened

>Told nephew I had a present for him
>Tried to fart
>Shart
>Jokes on me

>be armyfag
>volunteer for paratrooper training
>gotta do a 2 mile run the first day
>a few paces behind a female lieutenant most of hte run
>about to finish
>start gaining on her
>wonder why she's slowing down
>suddenly she starts spraying shit all over the track
>have to do longer runs every day
>that lt shits herself every run
she did end up graduating though

I'll contribute
>be me (40yo)
>going fishing with the boys all day long
>eat a nice big breakfast, have some cottage cheese (big mistake as I'm lactose intolerant)
>what the hell what's the worst that could happen? I'll have to shit in a few hours or so, no big deal
>get down to the river
>put on my brand new expensive waders
>fish for about an hour, starting to get those familiar cramps.
>God dam it, fuck it I'll hold it a little longer
>a little more time passes, I realize my poo baby is coming and my water is about the break.
>I scramble over to my truck where I keep my toilet paper (always gotta be prepared)
>make my way into the woods, walking uphill
>my asshole is leaking at this point aka my water is breaking
>In a slight panic I get my waders& pants down to my ankles
>a chili/ pudding like substance (that doesn't resemble my normal liquid shits) pours out of my ass and Piramids up on the ground.
>I feel instant relief
>I wipe my ass about 15 times
>I pull my waders back up
>as I'm walking down the hill I realize I still smell shit.
>I check my waders and find nothing.
>I get back in the water and my buddies notice something brown on the shoulder straps of my waders.
>I instantly realize I had somehow shit on my wader straps.
>it turns out the straps were laying on the ground just before I shit.
> I get out of the water, remove my waders, put them in a trash bag along with my shit covered shirt, sit in a lawn chair and drink beer the rest of the afternoon. My buddies and I all had a good laugh. All in all it wasn't a bad day.

Pic related

I drank alot of some cheap ass red wine and got sick. While i was throwing up in the toilet i felt a shit coming so i dropped my pants just in time to fart/spray the counter. I turned around to inspect the damage and was still streaming black liquid wine shit on the shower curtains.

The smell make me need to puke again so i turned back around and shit/puke some more and painted part of the wall and the door.

I wiped that black gold up with tissues and it left grey stains on everything it touched. That bathroom still has a weird smell.

Redneck detected. That's what you get for eating cottage cheese, disgusting

i laughed harder than i should have

Fuck I love cottage cheese, I'm kind of a redneck, up here in the northwest it's pretty common for people to fish, even some hipsters get into it here.

cottage cheese with pineapple master race

>be me at 16
>meet qt3.14 for our first date
>we're shooting the shit
>at an old abandoned high school
>suddenly get the urge to shit
>"let's go downtown anonette"
>almost at the plaza
>i tell her i gotta piss
>she points out a dumpster
>"i can hold it haha"
>sliding4homeplate.jpg
>make it into the restaurant
>the fucking bathroom door is locked
>ask for bathroom key
>nigger takes forever
>mfw when the shit hits my ankles soon as I unlock the door

Anyone who takes time out of their daily life to type out qt3.14 instead of just saying they were fucking hot, or fine ass bitch, etc... should be blugened with a ballpeen hammer until they stop kicking. you sound like a damn fool when you say it like that!
>> ITT : people with loose assholes!

you're my qt3.14