Stupidest shit youve done while horny?

Stupidest shit youve done while horny?

bought those porn videos that are $1 than realise after i nutted that they make you pay $30 after the $1 free trial expires. long process to cancel them

>1$
>free trial
Do you have autism user?

Sucked off my older brother. He was 63, I was 59.
>feelsgoodman.jpg

faggot.


now tell the story.

Not much of a story. I live alone, nice place.
He's married, shitty relationship, holy roller wife, won't put out.
Came over one night, we killed a fifth of Jack, go horny, started talking about shit,
>"You ever been with a guy?"
>"Yeah, you?"
>"Hell, yeah!"
>"Want a blow job?"
>Sure! You?"
letsdothis.avi

cheated on my gf

i was having sex with my ex and i accidentally moaned my best friends name now shes convinced im gay but i was actually thinking about my homie because he was the one that told me about the sex move i tried on her i swear

How fucking old are you?
Post pic plox

I'm 62. And I'm not about to post my pic.
>Unless my face is blurred...

Timestamp Please user

How did you find Sup Forums, what about this place makes a old timer want to post?

paid for porn

Well, I didn't just take that outdoor pic, obviously, so this'll have to do...
Been a Sup Forumstard since near the beginning, just something to do occasionally to kill time, keeps me young. (It's true, you're only as old as you feel.)

loneliness

same reason he blew his brother

you are literally an old fag

Fucking hell, how you doing dude? How's life treating you?

I nominate the old man for most pathetic Sup Forumstard

lmao this old guy is awesome

thank you user 10/10

Well, better off than ol' Bill, so far!
I would agree if I was on here all the fucking time, but not the case, I do have a life, unlike most of you pathetic 12 year olds.
Thanks, user...

>#733847172
Fucking newfag

Oldbro witnessed
Even if you did suck your brother off

>pathetic 12 year olds
>sucks his brothers dick
>browses Sup Forums at fucking 60 years old

Underrated post

Fucked a warm toaster strudel

If you could tell your 12 year old self one thing what would it be?

lolwut? How did him putting the post number he was responding to make him a newfag? You one of his 12 year olds he mentioned?

Just popped in to witness an actual oldfag
Sup you old faggot?

brace yourself for a life of loneliness and pathetic choices

I mean, at 60 years old I find it great that he's still on Sup Forums..
I'm 21 and all my grandparent do is watch tv... Dosent even know how a keyboard works..smh

That's deep. It makes me want to give up now, and I'm only 20 years through this shit hole

stop sucking virtual dick user its just sad

The hashtag part, lurk more you newfag

>Stupidest shit youve done while horny?
Impregnated crazy

see

Well, you can't really tell a 12yo anything that they'll listen to, but if I could impress on younger people one or two important things, I guess it would be 1.) get ALL the education you can. Even if it's not in an area you want to work in, serious, high-wage employers put a lot of weight on the fact that you had the discipline to stick with your education until you got at leas a BS if not a masters, and
2) PUT AWAY EVERY CENT YOU CAN TOWARDS RETIREMENT!!!! Fortunately, I learned that one from my dad, so now I can enjoy life without having to worry.

holy motherfucking hell youre way too old to be on here

Well I haven't got anything to worry about when it comes to education, I have a shit ton of qualifications, just beginning to find work. Thanks for the wise words oldfag

Oh wise Grandpa-san, teach me the key to happiness ;_;

suck your brothers cock

Hi dad

I'm fucked then cuz I got no brothers kek :'(

Yeah, well, it's only a hashtag to you punk kids... in the real world, it's called a "number sign."
Nah, have been married 35+years, 3 great kids, 6 awesome grandkids, had a great career doing what I loved, now enjoying the fruits of my labors, just pop in here once in a while to have a chuckle at the wacky shit you kids get up to.
NEVER too old for anything, unless you give up and convince yourself you're too old. Just spend the day on the river in my kayak, tomorrow off to camp out in the national forest for a few days, sitting still in front of a monitor too much is what's gonna make you old.Learn to appreciate what you have, instead of always struggling to acquire more. Express gratitude to the Universe daily.

when i was 14 i microwaved a cantaloupe for a really long time

didn't realize the center was gonna be hot as fuck, burnt my dick on some fruit

wise words


wise words from a man that had oral sex with his brother

smfh. White people.

nah he just don't give a shit

fucking savage gramps

When I was 16 and had no self-awareness I used to compulsively draw cartoonish furries with erections no matter where I was. Notebooks in class, paper placemats restaurants, activity papers in the psych ward, just out in the open where anyone could've seen it.

of course he doesnt hes gonna die soon anyways

Incest isn't a problem for you because you've never met your family Jamal.

Maximum overkek

I am thankful for everything I have now, even if it at times it isn't much. The universe hmmm, were you ever religious, or what are your thoughts on religion if I may inquire?

Hello r/Sup Forums
Reeeeeeee

atleast im not 60 years old

Get HSV-2. Had it for 2 years and haven't had an outbreak. I smoke weed though almost daily too. I read online that it can slow down or inhibit the virus but that could also be bullshit. Either way I was a dumbass when I did it and I dont even get laid hardly ever (before obviously) now been sketchin cuz I'm not going to give it to anyone lol

What a world ma dudes

tried paint as lube.

I was like 9 and a horny little imp of a kid. Didn't know how shit worked.

Red paint if anyone's wondering. It felt fine for like 5 seconds but quickly started solidifying on my dick so I hopped into the shower.

I ALSO tried Ben Gay/Icy Hot- again, because I was a retarded kid and didn't know how shit worked.

It wasn't as hellish as people say it's going to be. Not on my dick anyway. I didn't rub it all over my balls, which is probably a good thing.

Happened 12 years ago, feels like yesterday.

>Be 13
>working on beef farm
>fixed fences, fed steers, put them out to roam, come back to farm.
>owner leaves to take his wife to dinner, I'm alone with just me, calf, and one of the breeding cows
>crack a beer, think about two nights ago, first time fingering a qt in town behind the hardware store
>13 year old pecker instantly throbbing
>on my 3rd beer, staring at calf nursing from cow
>idea.png
>"I bet that cow pussy feels a lot like girl pussy"
>toss beer, jump into pen with cow and calf
>cow skittish because calf is in pen
>reach out to stroke cow puss
>cow kicks me right in the hip, I spin and go down
>jump up with fury in my eyes
>run out of pen, grab rope and bucket, rope calf and drag it to adjoining pen
>sit, seethe, and wait for cow to get distracted and stick its head into feeder
>furiously stroking cock while staring at cow
>as soon as it heads to the feeder, I vault into pen and set bucket behind it
>climb onto bucket, grab tail to the side, start massaging p00snay
>cow allows me to do this after a few attempts
>ram my benis into cow pussy, pump and cum in seconds
>best nut of my teen life

Got better in my technique and fucked the cows many times after, this cow was my favorite. Slut even did anal.

Been there homie.

Dunno, maybe, but I've sure as hell enjoyed the ride. And for the record, my old man is still alive and kickin' at 92. How many people my age do you know who still get phone calls from their dad to discuss some new technique he's picked up in Photoshop? We built our first computers together back in the early 80's, and have been balls-to-the -wall techies ever since.
I was raised by a VERY holy-roller type mother, but once I was able to think for myself, I realized what a waste of time it was to pretend to believe in yet another mythology. There may be some force/power/guide at work in the universe, but certainly no Thundermuffin God.

>fucked myself with a mason jar
>decided to film it
>went terribly

I thought this would've just been a regular cow fucking story.

have you ever told your father about your sexual episode with your older brother?

about how you took his old withered cock and slowly drew on it knowing that was your brothers johnson youre brushing your teeth with

>slut even did anal

All of my keks

iseewhatyoudidthar.gif

have you sucked your old man off too?

did it borked?

I ducked a subway once then ate it.

Nah, sex in general is not something I've ever had much convo about with the old man.
And as for your assumption about "old withered cock", it was actually a rather nice specimen. And that's another thing that comes with youth and matures over time... you become aware of how absolutely foolish it is to get hung up on labels like gay, fag, lez, etc., etc... as an old song from my generation (correctly) states "If it feels good, do it!" As long as whatever is happening is between consenting adults, it's all good!

> middleschool
> jogging for PE class
> girl in front of me has a nice ass
> get boner
> girl jogging me behind notices
> grabs my hand and takes me behind school
> i dont know what the fuck is happening
> she asks if i want her to help me
> thankyougod.gif
> cant even speak so i nod
> she tells me to take it out
> so nervous i lose my erection
> tell "1 sec"
> start whacking it behind a door to get it hard
> erection achieved
> feelsgood
> i cant stop
> cum right there

thats when things got bad

> afraid she'll notice so i put it back in my pants
> tell her ill be right back and go around school
> in a panic I decide to make a run for it
> walking back to where the class is jogging when PE teacher sees me
> flips her shit. says she's going to call my parents for skipping
> i start crying
> class comes over to see what's going on
> then the girl comes out from behind school
> teacher is speechless
> i panic again and say the girl made me do it
> girl gets mad. starts shouting about what happened for everyone to hear
> whole class laughs at me
> parents are called
> i get suspended

i asked my mom to change schools so i wouldn't have to go back
now im 19 and prob a virgin for life
i fucked up the best day of my life

Forgot to mention the dumb part. This was before 13 year old me even considered condoms, and cows aren't exactly know for their vaginal hygiene (seeing as their asshole is directly above...) Got UTI, doctor had to tell my mom, they were very interested in finding out how a 13 year old boy got a UTI (uncommon in males and almost always happens to them from sex). Had to piss like every 20 mins for like a week, and it came out like fire. Later found out that one of the older hands figured out what had happened, but we teamed up to fuck the cows together (no homo) so it was cool.

youre an incredibly old homo that blew his brother off

Borked hard m8

>so it was cool

You threw me for another loop. I pray someone finds you one day to write comedy sketches. idk if you're serious, but this shit is hilarious.

>slut even did anal

You fucking champion

>12 years old
>thinking your opinion matters to anybody
>mfw

Dude I'm about to start in the IT industry any tips?

blow your brother off

Put yogurt on my dick to get a cat to lock it.

said the lonely 60 year old Sup Forumstard

I'm serious, not sure what the funny part is. Pretty common around where I grew up, just one of those things that stays between the farm hands. Owners pay thousands for a couple ounces of prime breeding bull semen, so they don't take kindly to us mongoloids filling up their breeders with our tainted seed.

hot

did it lock it good?

The stupid part is you didn't have to waste good yogurt in order to achieve this.

fark

You and your cat are into some kinky shit.

lmfao

Psych ward what

1.) Subscribe to (and read) all the tech blogs/sites/journals you can and stay ahead of your co-workers on the latest trends/developments
2.) Always try to do a little more than is expected of you. "Good enough" might keep you employed, but going the extra mile will get you promoted.
3.) Keep a close eye on work/life balance. It's great to enjoy your work, but don't let it consume you 24/7, have hobbies/interests that are totally opposite to what you do professionally. It recharges your batteries!

Yeah, turns out he was fucking the cows too, so he hit me up with some tips (use condoms) and we would help each other get the cows into the harness we use to hold them in one place in the cattle run. Easier cuZ they can't run away or kick, so they get hornier quicker when you rub them.

>have hobbies/interests that are totally opposite to what you do professionally.

like blowing brothers cock

Lonely? You must have missed the part about my marriage, kids and grandkids. It's rare that I get an occasional evening like this to kick back alone and fuck with you idjits!

Hey thanks man, big confidence boost. And yeah I make music on the side so that will take my mind off of any stress hopefully. So any other things about life in general? Thoughts on drugs? Sex? Rock?

>slut even did anal

Wew lad

Best thing ive read in a while
Thanks for the laugh mate

well we were glad to have you

you fucking pathetic piece of decrepit faggot dick sucker fuck

So tell us what the civil war was like dude

>not sure what the funny part is.
You fucked a cow and got a UTI, that was pretty funny. Maybe not to you.
Also, "we teamed up to fuck the cows" is the funniest/saddest sentence I've ever read.

Not sure what the funny part is, but you are welcome.

Btw, for any sexually frustrated rural/farm kids reading this, use condoms, fatter cows have better pussy, and if you get the chance to fuck a sheep, take it. And keep in mind, you're gonna get shit on at least once, but pussy ain't free, so just get some wet wipes.