Sorry, sir. This theatre has a strict 'no singles' policy

>Sorry, sir. This theatre has a strict 'no singles' policy

YO WHERE MUH NIGGA TYRONE AT I DONT WANNA TALM TO UR CRACKA ASS

'no singles' only exists at gun ranges

saged

I guess you're gonna have to be my date then ;)

No singles here, m7

This is unacceptable. Please, at least let me say hello to Robert at the concession stand.

...

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

I'M GOING HOME TO GET MY GUN AND THEN I'M GONNA SHOOT UP THE PLACE STARTING WITH YOU GINGER FAGGOT

Then what you doing here homo?

you aren't funny

shut yo mouth twink boy, my nigga Tyrel aint lettin yo gay ass ride him later tonite unless yo bitch ass gives me some mo'fuckin tickets

Is that your way of asking me out, faggot?

Wait wtf?! What happened to Tyrone? I need him to tell my wife I have the check so I can sniff her feet. Please go get him.

And yet you're about to give me three tickets
Come on Jules get your shit together

ARE YOU A FUCKING BOY OR GIRL???!

>Sorry for the mix up user, he just started out here. What can I get for you?

Best post. Had quite the giggle.

this is just fucking weird

Hey! your not the usual guy

Hey robert

Jules is the guardian of the gateway between worlds, and he alone holds the key to unlock the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Jules!

Ah finally, a man suited for the job.
We'll start with some shoe polish.

OH HEY, TYRONE!
Listen, I need you to take this to my wife, please. Can you please ask her why she didn't call me about the...foot treatment this week? B-but make it sound like you're asking and not you for me.

you can say that again

Is blackey Robert or Tyrone? I am confused.

He seems like he'd be a based concessions sales operative though. Rarely ever making mistakes.

>Says you, you ginger faggot. I bet you browse r9k on a daily basis because your still pissy you got rejected by Katherine to go to the prom and left you to go with someone else all those years ago, pussy faggot.

>I've got your popcorn all ready for you sir. That'll be $26.83 plus tip. We only accept cash and American Express.

did you think this was funny when you typed it out?

wow user that was really funny

i want to fuc kher butt

I think our Jules is the kind of guy to prefer Kevin over Katherine.

wtf i hate jules now

Do some theaters really not sell single tickets? And the tickets assigned seats?

I live in the south, things are different here.

no singles, you say?

fear not my friend.

>be britbong
>go to local Eyesies-Schmowsies Wow!Factor Kinotorium to watch latest Hugh Grant romcom
>have to go through security first
>x-ray picks up on the home-made ravioli I stashed in my government-issued banana pack
>"Pardon me sir, there's an unauthorized consummable item in your bagging area. I'll have to confiscate it"
>mfw homemade ravioli is confiscated, along with butterknife I keep for self-defence
>No food now, have to buy overpriced Eyesies-Schmowsies Wow!Factor authorized official branded food at the kiosk
>settle for Queen's Milk, I have to buy the straw separately otherwise I can't drink it out of the sheepskin pouch
>also get Scottish oysters and clams
>"that'll be £193.63 sir"
>mfw
>go to Phase 2 kiosk 200 yards away to buy tickets
>"sorry sir, that film is rated PG-12, could I see some ID?"
>I'm 45
>take out ID
>the ID is approved
>CO19 firearms officers retreat back behind the velvet curtains
>walk 300 yards to Wow!Factor Screen Room 71-B*
>get inside my viewing pod
>oysters and clams spill all over the floor of my pod
>scrape seafood off the floor and put them in my banana bag
>movie about to start
>but first, a message from Queen
>"Hellooo peons, I am your queen, Elizabeth II. Enjoy your Wow!Factor viewing experience, sponsored and approved by Her Majesty's Royal Customs"
>sit through 30 minutes of Slurp-Slurp Royal Vinegar ads
>movie finally starts
>Hugh Grant says witty things for 2 bong-hours
>film ends, leave
>pretty good day overall, didn't get mugged by Pakistanis
>take tube back home
>forget to mind the gap
>fall into the gap
>mfw

quality absurdist humor

very nice

best one i've seen in awhile, good job user

what the fuck is wrong with her stomach

What's wrong with it?

He didn't work so good.