So Sup Forums, i already fucked up the relations with all my family in this weekend

so Sup Forums, i already fucked up the relations with all my family in this weekend

>friday night
>ask my sister to lend me 100$ for this weekend because my salary comes next week
>go out with friends
>drink before go to the club for spare some money
>drink inside the club with some random chicks
>get drunk as fuck
>go back to home
>need take a shit really bad
>concentrate on not making noise
>go to the toilet
>pull my pants down and sit down
>hear my sister screaming "user WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU FUCKIN CRAZY?"
>fall down on the floor
>realise that i'm not in the toilet but i'm in my sisters room
>realise that i was trying to shit on my sister who slept in bed
>go back to my room without saying any word
>next day, try all day to apologize with my sister
>fortunately my parents didn't discover anything
>ask my mother to lend me 100$ for this saturday because my salary comes next week
>go out with friends to only look the champions league
>REAL MADRID WOOOOOOOOOON!!!! let's party!!!
>start drinking
>get drunk as fuck
>go back to home
>need to piss
>this time I try to reason before doing anything
>go to the toilet
>open my jeans zipper
>pull my dick off
>start piss
>after a few seconds i hear "Uncle but what are you doing?"
>my 8 years old nephew is next to me
>realise that i am in my parents' lounge
>realise that i was pissing on the couch of my parents
>go back to my room without saying any word
>next day my father wake me up and say "Come downstairs now! we all have to talk about your drugs addiction!"

How can I explain to my parents that I do not use any drugs?

Tell them ur an alcoholic not a drug addict

> Alcohol is not a drug

Go downstairs, climb on the table, piss on everyone, yell "fuck you all" and walk away

They do not believe I was just drunk

tell them you are a woman traped in a man body but you were so embarrased to dissapoint then thats why you started using drugs like bears

Why are you such a piece of shit?

The fuck is wrong with you?

i was only drunk as fuck!
It's the first time I do something like that! and i hope the last time!

i am so sorry about that but i can't belive i am the only one of us able to do stuff like this! come on guys!!!!

Hey if that's your mom is hot.

Even trips dont redeem

You mean the second time.

what kind of faggot lightweight gets that retarded just from drinking? off yourself you bootleg mexican.

>How can I explain to my parents that I do not use any drugs?
It's probably easier to tell them you were on a lot of drugs. I can't understand how you could be thinking lucidly enough to try and find a bathroom, but not enough to understand what is and isn't a bathroom in your own house... A lot of people manage that while actually on lots of drugs and not even in familiar surroundings...

Explain to them you handle your alchol like a teenage girl. They will understand, but be rightfully ashamed.

get drunk before you talk to them

I do not really know how all this could happen. I just know that the couch is out in the garden to dry up and that my family will have to watch tv on the table chairs.

Wtf learn where the toilet is instead of ruining all the furniture, it's not hard

Tell them something horrible happened recently so you have been drinking more than usual. You don't plan on making it a habit though and apologize a lot for being such a fuck up. Get huge sympathy points

This.

Even to the point of being nearly black out drunk, ive made it to the toilet. Even woke up sitting on it before.

OP is either stupid faggot that thinks made up stories of shitting on his sister and pissing on couches will garner him attention, or he's literally the stupidest nigger to grace this website in a yewr for being unable to walk into a restroom and recongize he's on the toilet.

Better idea OP, instead of figuring out what to say to your parents just fucking kys you useless brain dead cocksucker.

This.

It's incredibly easy to realize you are not in a bathroom. I have taken a mass array of drugs and never once been confused on whether a couch is a toilet or not.

tell them you're retarded and that if they judge you, they're racist niggers

>I do not really know how all this could happen


>need to go to bathroom
>fail at geometry of house
>turn on light switch
>fail to use eyes
>lift toilet seat
>fail to use sense of touch to recognize no toilet
>proceed to relieve self
>failure to recognize sound of piss hitting couch and not toilet

You had three senses and the prior knowledge of the location of your own bathroom fail you OP. I'd be seeing a doctor or something tbh.

Also, don't ever do drugs. You wouldn't survive.