No feels thread?

No feels thread?

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Can you handle a story full of depression and lonlyness?

Yes. Faggot.

K gimme 1 sec

Have to be carefull to not have my frienda staring at my screen while writing

>be me
>depression at is finest
>full programm. Even had times when i think about ending it all
>meat this girl
>she has problems too
>but it is fine. Get comfy wirt her
>bestfriends after a while
>finaly someone who understands me and still likes me with the knowlege of my deepest darkest sides
>she realy is my bestfriend. I am super happy

>fast forward some months
>i had to go to anpther place cause of work
>keep in contact (u know. Skype whatsapp, letters, all the shit)

>then she gets downphase. She cant handle it and doesnt want to live anymore.
>know this from earlier. So i am pretty cill about it
>but this time everything is different


Cont?

yes

No. That shit is fake, and even if its true that shit is boring. Let me guess she kills herself? Fuck off faggot.

Ok. Sry for grammar. Btw

>so she cant handle it.
>she wont get her smile back
>over weeks
>i realy start to get umcomfy
>it is serious

>so i go back to hometown for a weekend to see after her
>the worst weekend in my whole lifw
>she tells me everything

There happend some things in these days i will always remember. Thibgs i cant even talk about with my therapiest. Just 1 thing to give you a picture.

Cutting arms can realy sound like sandpaper when its done fast. Till today i cant handly this sounds. I alwys stop breathing when i hear it

> so weekend went by
>next days and weeks went by
>she gets stable again

>1 month before christmas
>calls me “hey user. Good news. I kinda have a girlfriend now“ (shes bi)
>i smile. Realy happy for her

>another 2 months pass
>im in hometown
>shes at my place with her girlfirend
>thats when everything changed

>us 3 on the balkony smoking

She is still alive ;) its even worse

please continue

>so. Us 3
> me and friend finss first. Go back inside into my room
>her friend rushes into bathroom

>we just sit next to eachother on couch. Not even touching or kuddling like we used to do sometimes
>friend walks in. Sees me in the eyes. ~the what the fuck are you 2 doing~
>in this moment i realized shes with this girl. Not with me. Why not with me?
>day endet i had to go back to new city
>the fuck are those feelings? Am i realy feeling something for my best friend?
>fuck no. This cant be true
> im deep in love with my best friend. Pls god make this end.

Fast forward again to february

>shes not with the girl anymore
>after the breakup it got worse again for her
>at the same time my own depression gets worse
>weeks go by and she gets better. (Today shes even fine)

Ohhh please continue friend.

Wow, wonder what is your darker side fag. Maybe the rekt folder on the computer papa bought you for your 15th birthday ?

>same time it gets worse. My mental condition is so bad i even get physical problems because of no sleep and real eating
>decide to go into therapy (should have done years before)

>problem: she just startet to feel better and is scared to get pulled down by my demons.
>even i fear that i could hurt her
>i realy have those downs where i totaly loose controll over my self

Fast forward again. Getting into therapy takes some time here. U walk from doc to doc

So...

>march. Have my day to start therapy.
>dindt tell her about my feelings yet
>seeing forward to therapy
>BUT it got complicatet with her since out demons start to trigger us

>1 day we realy get angry on each other about some bulshit
>she screams stuff at me. I do to her
>then she sent this mesage: “.....user u dont even respect me....“
>its breaking my heart. At this moment i coulndt lie to myself anymore
>„ i love you. You know i only want the best for you. Dont you dare to say that i wouldnt respect you“

>well i fucked up right?
>the next day we talk
>she doesnt want me to get hurt
>she doesnt feel the same
>our realationship is dammaged but well, since its out we can be more open again

well... some parts just aren't compatible, friend.

So. I fast forward again since nothing to much important happens in the meantime. (Im just waiting for therapy)

>end of march.
>we are good again
>“user i met someone“
>long story short. She has a new boyfriend.
>she told me 1 week before therapy startet
>heart breaks again

>now this happens:

>im in my first week of therapy
>friday
>comming home. A friend calls “want to cone to the lake?“
>sure why not
>get there
>and she is also there. With her new boyfriend

Well remember.at this point im at the end of first week. My head is evrywhere but not able to handle this

>heart feel like it just geta shredderd
>get super drunk
>i want them to hate me. Like i hate myself at this point

2nd week
>well you have to talk to her about feeling hurt user

I have feels because we never do shit about stuff like this anymore.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr5qzV-8Zkc

>yesterday we met
>her plan: meeting me. And sending her boyfriend home
>i begged her to not bring him
>i begg not to see him
>get out of the tram
>see them both on the other side of the road.
>start crying cause pain is to much
>see him leaving. (They may have spottet me)
>make my way over to her
>super awkward
>bit after a while we start to talk
>about us. About therapy. About our friends. Her boyfriend
>she dindt realize how much i was hurt
(Btw at this point i am hiding my love feelings since i told her its ok for me. We have other problems to deal with at the moment)
>well odcourse she knows. Since i tell her its hard for me to see her bf.

Long term short. We solfed many problems between us. She thinks its ok now since when we both work on this realationship we can rescue our friendship

>i even agree on getting in touch with her bf since it seems to be serious and its important for her
>would do anything to make her happy
>dead inside since yesterday
>she says she needs me since i am the only1 to fully understand her.

Now im sitting here. Typing. Realizing how fucked i am
I have done so much for her. And she for me. I would die. I would even kill for her.
But i will never be more then the best friend. The 1 who always is there and in his way is even more important for her then her realtionships

But i ll suffer. I ll suffer for her.


Believe the story or not. Its the truth. I love her even when she is hurting me so much that i could die.

Going to see her and her bf in the next days to drink coffe togehter. You know playing along with him .....for her

been there done that. It's gonna hurt, but you'll come for more.

Believe my story or not. Your choise. I dont care. But thx for reading anons

Just answer this question:
Do you want to be a part of her life?