ITT: We write Seinfeld

ITT: We write Seinfeld

>Random Woman: I didn't know you were a dabbler
>George: Oh yeah, big dabbler. HUGE dabbler. My father was a dabbler, his father was a dabbler -- it runs in the family.

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youtube.com/watch?v=WxvpYXdYZ9c
youtube.com/watch?v=3B9PAIMvce8
twitter.com/AnonBabble

jeri get ipad

kramer joins isis

newman gets lost and ends up at a furry convention

Elaine tinder

kramer catfishes himself

now THIS i would watch

elaine is such a harlet

Kramer: Niggers... I tell you, they are bad for the country. Bad, bad, BAD! Gyddy-up.

I'm sick of all these fuckin' niggers, jerry!

>It's a Kramer gets quads episode

yyyyyyyyyYEAAH

youtube.com/watch?v=WxvpYXdYZ9c

Seinfeld is trying his new laptop.

Seinfeld: Lets see.....Sup Forums....oh! great a film board!

3 HOURS LATER

Kramer comes through the door.

Kramer: hhhhhh ey buddy!

Seinfeld looks like shit, wrapped with a blanket.

Seinfeld: Oh hey didnt see you there.....im trying to talk about movies...but all they want to talk about is that Batman movie scene.

Kramer: What did I tell you!?!? forums like that are run by BIG production companies, let me see that scene, oh ok the one with the plane...

5 HOURS LATER

Seinfeld and Kramer laughin like madmen...George comes in.

George: Jerry? Ive been calling you for 3 hours! I kept the Uber driving waiting for over 25 minutes!!!! 25 minutes!!! You know how painful it was to listen a grown man talking about "mee-mees" or whatever they are called?!?

Seinfeld: Painful???

George: YES!!!

Kramer: Its ok, you are a big guy....

Seinfeld and Kramer look at each other almost busrting with laughter.

George: Did I had a stroke? Jerry what the hell is going on? Have you even bathe?

Seinfeld: Not in my flight plan.

Kramer laughs while spilling crumbs all over the coffee table.

George: Oh I see, its those damn meems! Let me see whats SOO FUNNYYY to make me waste 25 minutes of my already depressing life!!!

6 HOURS LATER

all 3 sitting around the laptop shitposting.

George: Pleb? What the hell did I do?!?! IS IT A CRIME TO ENJOY SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION??!?!

Kramer: It is pretty plebby to be quite honest senpai.

George: senpai? what? oh so now im not "cool" with you "kino" afficionados? Jerry tell him! Tell him I have good taste!

Jerry looks around.

Jerry: Dont be such a hothead...

The three of them stare at each other for 5 seconds...then they start to laugh maniacly.

Elaine walks in with a tennis racket.

Elaine: Boys! today is golf day! Awww....you are not coming arent you?

George: Sorry toots, this Marvel cuck just cornered himself and im about to throw him right in the trashcan baby!

Kramer invents an app that will run Uber out of business.
Passes on one hundred million dollars for free Ubers anywhere across America

>KRAMER BURST though door wearing maple leaf emblazoned Hockey Jumper
>Audience hoots and hollers for uncomfortably long amount of time
>Jerry: "Uber to Montreal?"
>Kramer: "Oh you better believe it buddy. Hey George!"
>Kramer TOSSES a novelty sized bottle of maple syrup at George, who cowers as it THUDS on the table
>Kramer: "That's real the real hoser stuff" (tongue click)
>Jerry is suspicious: "Are you sure that's maple syrup?"
>George clasps the bottle defensivley: "Sure it is, why wouldn't it be."
>Kramer: "Oh you better not ask questions buddy. Now, I got to go see Bob Sacamano about some...Syrup." Kramer swivels out of the door

>No I'm not a racist, I'm a racial realist, Jerry. Did you know that blacks commit more than 50% of violent crime while being only 12% of the population? It really makes you think, Jerry. Let me tell you, this whole "taking the red pill" is a movement, baby! I'm a whole new man ever since I started browsing Sup Forums... I'm eating better, I'm sleeping more... I even read something that said my mother will die in her sleep tonight if I didn't reply. Can you imagine? I can only hope. (snorts and laughs)

George: George is getting triggered!

Elaine falls for a Trump supporter
>Elaine: "Do you think I can turn him?"
>Jerry: "you can't turn a Trump supporter, it's like... going from Android to Apple"
>Elaine: "But he's so good looking..."
>Kramer: "You know who I'm voting for?"
>Jerry (crosses arms): "Oh this will be good. You haven't voted since '92"
>Kramer: "Perot was robbed! It's all a Soros conspiracy, that's why I'm voting for Putin"
>Elaine: "You can't vote for Putin, he's a dictator. He's homophobic"
>Jerry: "He's not a candidate"
>Elaine (sotto): "yeah, and that... but he's a dictator Kramer!"

>I even read something that said my mother will die in her sleep tonight if I didn't reply. Can you imagine? I can only hope. (snorts and laughs)
Kek. Nailed the Georgespeak.

here's your kek

kek

>A U T I S M
AND A LOT OF IT

>Kramer enters
>"HEEEEYYYYYY"
>*applause*

Jerry: I dunno George. That meme you posted feels a little "forbidden".

George: What? A little dark humor never hurt anyone.

[Elaine walks in]

Elaine: Jerry did you see that meme George posted?

Jerry: I was just talking to him about it.

George: Oh come on guys. It got four likes.

Jerry: I don't think four likes is enough to justify, George.

[Kramer bursts in]

Kramer: Hey George! "Dank" meme friend! Ferguson. Edgy. I like it.

>It's Kramer and Newman get hoverboards episode

>Its a Jerry has a Poor Mudslime Refuge ISIS sandnigger moves into his apartment by force episode
It practically writes itself

>POPCORN

>George walks out of a movie with his date and sets his empty bucket on the counter while talking to her
>George figures out you get a free refill of popcorn is you buy a large
>He tells Kramer who then goes to the theater and goes intoa showing asking people if they are done with their popcorn and takes their bucket

MEANWHILE
>Jerry goes to a drive in because the regular theaters are packed
>He and his date begin to watch the movie as she pulls out a messing bowl of saran-wrapped spaghetti in his car
>Jerry makes faces at her repeatedly as she gets grease all over his car

CUT TO GEORGE AND KRAMER

>George and Kramer have begun a scheme to get free refills which George uses to bride woman to dates
>Kramer walks out with many buckets into Georges car who begins to show signs of paranoia that the theater is becoming wise to his scam

CUT TO JERRY

>Jerry begins to confront his date about her messy habits and refers to her eating habits as "a starving pig"
>Woman gets irritated at Jerry and throws the spaghetti at Jerrys face now defeating to purpose of bringing it up

BACK TO GEORGE AND KRAMER

>Kramer is asking for buckets as usual while George and his date are watching the movie with free popcorn
>George begins to sweat and become fidgety thinking the ushers are coming to take him out of the theater
>He begins to act more erratic alerting his date to the situation and people begin shushing him
>The shushing makes him act out at the people around him
>The ushers come to remove him for being a disturbance (not the popcorn theft that they have no idea about)
>George looks at the screen as the ushers ask him to leave
>George claps like Charles Foster Kane and gives a long speech about his intelligence and how he pulled the wool over everyone's eyes
>George is slowly creeping towards the exit, and then bolts, freezing the frame as the ushers try and chase him

CREDITS
youtube.com/watch?v=3B9PAIMvce8

>George gets labeled as a racist for stiffing a coincidentally black waiter because he only tips in cash and didn't go to the ATM beforehand
>Jerry gets invited to do a show in the Apollo and bombs hard and spends the whole episode trying to figure out what black people find funny so he can redeem himself
>Elaine tries to get James Jones's autograph for her Football obsessed nephew while he's in town, but keeps running into the other James Joneses from other sports instead
>Kramer dates a black girl to get insight on the plight of the black american only to realize she's an islander that recently immigrated and she is putting on an accent to blend in. He somehow gets the reputation as an honorary black man in Harlem

I have a good Curb episode.

> Larry and wife get invited to go somewhere with Ron Howard and his wife.
> For whatever reason there's only one bathroom so they all have to share
> Larry takes a shower and realizes he's forgotten his toiletries bag and it's all the way back in the room and nowhere near where he's showering.
> Larry sees Howard's wife's toiletries bag and goes into it.
> Portable soap dish
> Opens it.
> A few bright red pubes on the soap.
> Larry mugs for the camera, reacting to the red pubes etc
> Eventually he cleans them off and finishes his shower using the soap
> Larry and wife go to bed that night. She goes down on him. Pulls up a long, red pube.
> She thinks he fucked Ron Howard's wife.
> Larry tells her about the soap.
> She still doesn't really believe him, but says OK
> Next day, Larry's wife tells Ron, Ron tells his wife
> It becomes a whole big thing, everyone gets embarrassed, everyone yells at Larry, etc etc etc
> Ron's wife wants to leave, but Larry apologizes and they convince her to stay
> Last day of trip
> Larry goes to bathroom right after Ron's wife.
> Goes to use toilet
> Red pubes on over toilet seat
> Larry mugs for camera, picks up pubes with some toilet paper.
> Larry holding pubes in his hand when door opens
> It's Ron Howard's wife and Larry's wife
> Dun-dun-dun-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-da-da-da-da

Jerry gets paranoid about his girlfriend’s past when her iPhone automatically connects to the wi-fi at Newman’s apartment.

>Police confiscate Kramer's laptop, which is actually Newman's but Kramer had borrowed it, and find lotsa CP on it
>Elaine gets cancer and asks Jerry to stop doing his cancer bit, which Jerry doesn't want to give up cuz it always kills
>George does stuff also

She sure is

good job

>The ushers come to remove him for being a disturbance (not the popcorn theft that they have no idea about)
>George looks at the screen as the ushers ask him to leave
>George claps like Charles Foster Kane and gives a long speech about his intelligence and how he pulled the wool over everyone's eyes
>George is slowly creeping towards the exit, and then bolts, freezing the frame as the ushers try and chase him
That's gold.

(George and Jerry are hanging out at the diner)
>George: "....So I was walking home from work and I saw Kramer on a date with a fat girl"
>Jerry: "So what?"
>George: "So, Kramer could do so much better. Thats what"
>Elaine walks in: "Hey, what are you talking about?"
>Jerry: "Kramer's dating a fat girl"
>Elaine: "You shouldn't shame someone just because of their weight!"
>Jerry: "But its just so funny, right George?"
>George looks uncomfortable for a second
>Kramer enters
>George: "Look! Its the chubby chaser himself"
>Kramer: "Hey now, Kate's not fat, she's THICC."
>Jerry: " 'THICC'? "
>Kramer: "Yeah, us high testosterone men like THICC"
>Jerry rolls his eyes or something

>Random CIA: I didn't know you were a big guy
>George: Oh yeah, big guy. HUGE guy. My father was a big guy, his father was a big guy-- it runs in the family.

>George: She's a trap Jerry!
>Elaine: So? You're bald!

hey its me, jerry seinfeld. im here kramer, whats up.
hello jerry, me kramer, am very good. i love the fresh air today.
thank you kramer. i, jerry, wonder how george costanza is doing.
hey its me, geroge costanza, im very good thank you. how about you jerry seinfeld.
im very good george costanza. remember to be careful around boys, you can get raped.
thanks jerry seinfeld, me, geroge costanza, built my family their first computer in the sixth grade.
ok george costanza, time for me, kramer, to take off. bye everyone
bye kramer
bye kramer