What's the most convincing text I can send to my boss to let him know I'm "sick"

What's the most convincing text I can send to my boss to let him know I'm "sick".

imagine having a white hot slab of meat sliding into your rectum, filling you up from the bottom, a penis so big around that its girth presses out into your insides so hard that you can feel the contour of every throbbing vein. It's so enormous you can't help but grip it like you're hanging on for your very life. There are giant strong hands squeezing on your hips that almost wrap all the way around, like when you were held as a baby, kneading you. Behind you low grunts from lungs four times as big as yours, belonging to a powerful protective loving man, needing you. Soft sweaty hair against your behind as the penis gently, at first, pushes your organs out of its way. Your heart beats in your throat, as if the penis is pushing it all the way up there. Your skin seems to burn hotter and hotter as the pushes into you get faster. Eventually there's an even greater swelling inside you, so much that you think you're going to burst open, moaning somewhere, and then the penis shrinks, slides out of you, and you're left feeling empty but tingling all over with a warm spot in your center. Later there is a sadness because you know that you're growing so fast that you'll never be filled up quite as much as you just have been. But you can't wait for the next time.

Diarrhea. Can't leave the house. Boss can't prove you don't have it.

Probably just let him know you're not available 24 hours ahead of time instead of lying about being sick

i ate a bad steak and have gastro

9 eh

Diarrhea Diarrhea, there's so much Diarrhea. My go to excuse.

Must suck to have to lie to your boss in order to take the day off. He must really be a hardass.

call your boss, cough a lot, sneeze at least once. Speak like you're miserable. If an employee texted me that they were sick I'd respond with 'Looking forward to seeing the note from your doctor when you get back'

diarrhea is the most unquestionable excuse ever
it's what I use when i need to get out of work
hang your head off the side of the bed if you do make a call, it will make you sound more congested

If u have good record of attendance and show up to work on time,

Just call ur boss and just take deep breaths and say that u r puking or diarrhea, and forgive ur boss that u can not make it into work . Then the next day u work act like u have a stomach ache.

Did that a couple times and my boss didn't know that I spent the day just hanging out with my friend and got stoned.

...

My lamp broke and so my thermometer didn't reach 37 C.

Are you just wanting to play hooky or what? Why miss work you unreliable ungrateful little shit?

>mfw I actually used to do this
>mfw it actually started happening for real
>mfw I found out I have Chrons.

Now my boss just lets me make my own hours.

When i used to work in a call center one of me mates actually had diarrhea but they still asked for prescription to justify it, idk if he has played that card before but it seems outrageous to ask a certified prescription just for diarrhea

My asshole has become the great Mount Vesuvius. The diarrhea will eclipse Pompeii from the world for the next thousand years. Herculeum will vanish beneath my feces. I am the great god Vulcan. Live long and prosper.

This, it even builds a better relationship with your b0ss

>mfw as a kid i'd put a shirt on a thermostat for like 5 minutes, wrap it around my head then "have a fever"

I'm on /b fapping to greentext about my mom


>pretty sick

I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU I CARRIED AN M16 AND YOU

That asshole and pussy looks so pristine i could eat caviar on it

Tell him it burns when you pee and need to go to the health department to get checked out