State worst crimes you've committed

State worst crimes you've committed

driving drunk; nothing happened but i hate myself

statatory rape

i turned 18 on a monday
she turned 18 the next week tuesday
i'm a sick fuck

i steal the free pens from banks

i rob banks and get away with it lol

I've never committed a crime in my life

>free
>steal

many frauds and stealing from convenience/department stores

When I was a minor I paid another minor to flash me.

Pic unrelated.

Not to one up you or anything, but i steal the pens that are chained to the counter.

Truly, i rob banks and get away with it.

I smoked a cigarette inside a concert venue.

Bullshit, are you telling me you don't go 90 mph on highways?

Jack of all crimes, master of none.

I carry lock-picks in public,
grafitti,
shoplift,
trespass,
masturbate in public,
don't declare all taxable income.

Theft/Shoplifting
Breaking and Entry
Trespassing

But, that's when I was young and dumb never was I caught. I look back and wonder how I was never arrested or caught for the shit I did.

Ahahah Nice one FBI you wont get me

Once, I was at a red light at an intersection that said "No turn on red", but I turned anyway.

Aggravated trafficking of a controlled substance

I ran away from the cops successfully. I was speeding and already knew it was reckless, turned onto a back-road and was gone. could see the cops lights passing from the main road through the trees

Prison is a bad place for sick people like u

I run an underground cartel of club penguin accounts for children don't ask for parental permission first

I drive the speed limit or below. I like it when tailgaters get pissed off. xD

I also don't speed anymore because heat, if I get pulled over I'm done

I'm a vigilante that's been merking criminals in the City of Chicago as a Punisher copycat. Their screams as they plead for their lives doesn't affect me anymore.

driving high and drunk alot
assault
breaking and entering
rape
drug smuggeling for personnel use only tho
buying alcohol for minors
theft here and there
driving on suspended license for a year
sold some weed a few years back
grafitti
vandalism
illegal streetracing
verbal assault of a Police officer

and i illegally downloaded a DVD once

i burnt down an old warehouse once so i guess the worst thing ive done is arson

>deffinitely not a cop

Burglary, grand theft auto, forgery , etc
Did 30 months in Kansas State Penitentiary
Wasn't that bad. You have your good days and bad days.
You'll still have some laughs and you can get in shape.

>Edgy

that pic is a cosplay of a game called "Everlasting Summer" a free visual novel on steam. you should try it

>don't declare all taxable income.
Get in line, pal

Stole 5 yo panties cuz thought i wuz pedo. turns out i'm not. returned panties.

Pretty much everything short of murder

I did that thing to that guy that one time. I know he will remember it until you know when.

Drove 95 in a 55 for about 5 miles, turned onto a secondary road and drove about 60 in a 30 for about another 5 miles.

It wasn't technically illegal because I was responding to a structure fire, but I was in my personal vehicle and it felt weird to be going so much faster than everybody else.

I was pulled over while 'driving' an unregistered electric scooter.
I say driving, but really I mean walking, because it was dead

A friend and I beat the shit outta and peed and pooped on homeless junkies on two occasions.

in 1998 I downloaded an mp3 illegally

that's about it

I opened a bank.

>their screams as they plead for their lives doesnt affect me anymore.
>look like this

How old were you both? Care to Greentext?

lol yeah sure

I cut the tag off a mattress that I had not bought.

...

NO ADVERTISING

go back to drawing your free body diagrams faggot

I keyed a dude's car after he almost hit me on my bike. He was parked right in front of a coffee shop, and caught me in the act as he came out with his coffee, which he threw at me as I rode away.

He caught up to me after a brief chase, and the cops showed up. I told them the truth, and he lied and claimed he "dropped" his coffee. I showed the cops how it would have had to splash four feet off the ground to hit me in the back where it did.

I got off, I think because the guy lied about the coffee, and the cops could tell he was a massive douche, complaining about how he had just bought this brand new sports car. Boo fucking hoo. Don't drive like a moron, and apologize to people when you almost kill them.

Greentext por favor?

I have committed two crimes in my life: First one was when I was younger. I felt up a chick who was a client at where I worked. She never complained and we did end up having sex, but she was just cold the entire time, like she wasn't really there. Second one was I was drunk near Kabul and flipped my company 5-ton.

Public masturbation
over 9000 times

I once fucked a woman in the missionary position for purposes other than procreation

...

Questioning a woman.
I know. I'm a monster.

LimeWire or Sharebear?

Ive never seeded a torrent after downloading it

You do know nobody believes you right?

I did the same, it involved people having sex with animals.

Audiogalaxy, I think

I go to the bank to make deposits.

>"Good morning, Mr. Banks"
>"Good morning, Sarah."

Sign my check, "Robert A. Banks"

>Truly, I'm Rob Banks and I get away with it.

This one time
You won't believe it
I mean none of you will believe it
Like, understandably so but still
Guys I know I goofed but seriously
This isn't clickbait or nothin, it happened
Okay here I go
I'll come clean
This one time
And when I say one time, I mean only once
Like I'd never do it again or anything
But this one time
I...
I was disrespectful towards a woman

Wait. Wtf Is that bulge?

There's a bounty out for you right now. Pretty fucking hefty. 50k for turning you in.

Dude, I would take it that the chick was willing if she didn't say no-no 'No', no crime. Plus you probably just suck at fucking faggot.

Do you guys think she has smelly boy cheese under her balls

You know.

Is it a crime to smell my daughter's dirty panties?

Did you came on them?

where was this job at?

>be me
>15
>summer vacation, me and my friend go hiking in the woods one day find old quarry
>me an friend explore quarry for a while
>eventually break into boarded up warehouse
>after snooping around in there, we find at least 100 porn mags, vintage stuff
>me and friend look at them for a bit, then we get bored
>we remember we saw a gasoline canister, we decide to burn them just cause
>the fire got out of hand, me and him ran out and watched it burn
>found it in the newspaper later that week
>never caught for it

Leener's Mortuary, why?

...

Not unless you get caught.

I'd lick it clean.

Not technically....

As a life-long Chicagoan, I wish you weren't lying.

Wtf do you mean, you're done? Done because you have faithfully continued to follow the speed limits from day one? Dude just asked if you went 90 in the highways! "Yes I go speed limit or below..."

How old is she?

breaking and entering an abandoned warehouse then accidentally burning it down.

>lying on the internet

I love her dirty panties I cum so hard thinking about her taking bbc.

No, is Juden!

This.
I have lived in Chicago myself and there are at least a dozen copycat Punishers here. My friend Raeshondalawn got shot down a few months ago.

She's 12

Did you ever bring it up casually in conversation to see what reactions you get? How did you feel during, after and present day? Did you get erect?

What are you implying?

Get a radar detector. I've sped on every road in sport mode in my acura for the past year, revving like the Inital D weeb whore I am. Not pulled over, not once.

Already got busted going twice the limit, I mean I'm done if I get caught again because insurance and stuff in the car.

he must be black

>masturbate in public,

Care to elaborate on that?

public indecency. i masturbated on a school bus.

Doses she have a bush? Do you bathe with her? Do you cuddle on the couch with her? What do they smell like?

Oh, hey FBI. A bit early for you tonight isn't it?

I strangled my ex during sex. Although she didn't die, I kinda wished she had. She did pass out though. I came.

>did i ever bring it up in conversation
no, wouldve got my ass whooped by my parents
>how did i feel
powerful
>did i get erect
no

I go and play games on Disney.com without my parent permission. I'm 68 years old

kek I'm actually very jewish

Stabbing a stranger at night just because I felt like it

by chance are you a nigger?

I became a registered sex offender because I got a boner when my neice sat on my lap.

well, I beat my meat when I'm outside of my home....Jesus, user.

Agreed, My radar/ lidar detector has paid for itself several times over. The is nothing more empowering to coast past a cop you detected a quarter mile away and give him a nod as you pass by.

I shot a man in Reno