*blocks your path*

*blocks your path*

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=bH9Gup92-1I
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

No thank you

south park sucks

Give them this and run off

youtube.com/watch?v=bH9Gup92-1I

I keep a copy of the Book of Mormon on my phone, and say I'm a lil too busy to talk but I'm trying. Works every god damn time.

command my secret service, composed of dozens of elite snipers, to devise a plan that would definitely kill them.

*gay user* Grab the cute one's shoulder and say "You look like you work out? Did you play football in High School?"

all mormon's are repressed gays though

Those are probably not bad guys. Usually offer to help with shit for free.

Bunch of murderous corrupt fucks in the past though.

honestly, mission life sucks. It's legitimately a mercy for them to do your chores or yardwork for you

Explain to me why this religion is fucked?

Never took them up on it. Seems like a shitty thing to do after telling them to fuck off.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints

"i prefer not to spend the prime of my sexual years in the company of men.

if you'll excuse me, i'm off to suck a tranny's dick. "

~Blah blah blah he was a pro-phet bum bum bum bum bum~

ahh mormons. the white gardeners.

Im a hospice nurse, I was out smoking one day when I was working day shift and had a pair of these guys come up to me. They asked me what kind of place I worked at and I told them.

They asked if i ever thought of the afterlife and I said not really.

Then they told me basically that if i didn't believe in their religion that I was going to hell.

>implying trannies are men

*jihads your path*

They will do your yard work? Not here in southern California

Sounds like most religious

I was one of these guys. ama

why do i want to punch the guy on the left?

why does god need you as a spokesman

Did lonely women just keep you around to make conversations or temp you?

he didn't. But they teach us that a Prophet calls us to go out and that its a commandment that the faithful preach the word.

if you talk to them, they will ask to see if there's anything they can do for you. Take them up on that.

what made you leave

Yes about 6/10 of our teaching appointments were to single older women. Usually they were 60+ so they didn't tempt us.

I say, "Get out of my way, cult boys!"

Its a cultural right of passage that lasts for the men (boys 18-25) 2 years and for the girls (19+) a year and a half. I completed my two years, came home, and realized its all bullshit a few months later.

ahh so you follow a prophet and not god; you're deflecting the larger issue at hand.

They used to. years ago. Not anymore though. Not since maybe 15 years.

I grew up in a mormon household. While I am no longer mormon, i am very grateful to have grown up surrounded by mormons. While there are many who are too optimistic and fake, there were also many who were just genuinely very nice and happy people. I dont wanna toot my own horn, but i feel like growing up mormon is the reason why i value hard work and kindness as much as i do.

...

Yeah exactly. A prophet that is said that God talks directly to him and he tells the people of Earth what God says. And right now Hes telling the prophet that gay people are evil

how old are you now boyo?

"Learn about true satanism u stupid god ass suckers"

*Pull out my dick.*

Id whisper in their ear if they've ever tried butt stuff while jerking off one and fisting the other

welcome to the fold. religion for a lot of people is a convienience in present day; a cultural center.

the old shit of providing an explination for the way things are have so many holes in it, it's vacuousness is only comparable to joseph smith's knowledge and practice of accounting and egyptian hyroglifs.

20. why?

You're too young to understand the jokes.

They look like they are still in high school

>and realized its all bullshit a few months later.

Care to expand on that?

i'm a mormon... there's alot of gays here guys

Invite in for coffee and chat, chain them up in Rape Dungeon. I'll have the cunts on their knees crying out to Jesus to save them.

kek

> be german
> grow up in france
> get annoyed by jehovahs witness most sundays
> move to german for studying
> witnesses knock on my door
> hi, we had your name on our list in france and wanted to make sure you're feeling welcome in germany.
> proceeds to imply for the next half hour, that I must be lonely and sad, since all my friends are french and germans suck
They basically acted like drug pushers. Fucking witness even showed up a second time after I moved within the city, trying to pull the same lonely lost guy routine.

also, don't masturbate. god's plan is awesome, all of it, jsut don't touch the thing god designed you to touch, because reasons and so fourth.

sl tribune just posted some article of some such stating that rate of membershp increase is on a downward trend, comparable as far back as ~1930's.
www sltrib.com/home/4776326-155/mormon-growth-slowing-dramatically-in-us

but then again, that's not subject to just lds faith; across the board religious activity appears to be a downward trend.

i would guess that printing press's (and therefore literacy) relationship to the bible and the fragmentation christiandom away from the vatican could be analogous to the internuts (and widespread dissimination of porn) and teh general migration away from religion at large.

Hello 911! These Mormons are sexually harassing me!!!

cus its nice knowing that people are abandoning religion earlier than ever

I can spare some time for Jesus, what's he up to now?

repost because forgot to tag the thread I was replying to...

as an ex-mormon, I can assure you mormons don't believe in a hell. They believe in 3 heavens. The most awful of people are going to the bottom heaven which is said that you'd kill yourself to get to if you saw it. There is a temporary things called "spirit prison" that you go to if you're bad, but only until the final judgement at which point you get sorted into one of the three heavens.

The one exception is what Mormon's call "outer darkness" which almost no one on this earth is eligible for. You must have a perfect knowledge of christ, yet deny it anyway. So if like you saw an angle manifest in front of you telling you the mormon church is true, and you're like "nah, I'd rather hang with satan"

god says not to masturbate. If that rule applied to me I would be in hell right now.

yeah the definition of outer darkness/sons of perdition seem to change; the whole "doctrine and covenents" thing is awefully convenient.

"god didn't reveal truth earlier cause we werent ready"

yeah, kinda convienent in a lot of instances. when suddenly the populace at large become strongly in favor of treating a large segment of population right, suddenly god thinks it's okay (and even then it takes "god" some time to come around).

mind you, i'm not knocking someone who happens to be mormon per sae; it's more about the institution at large.

now, why did a mod delete that post?

Ask them about Kolob. Trust me, it's entertaining.

Re write it. Mods are weak.

They didn't, it was my post that I deleted because I forgot to include the comment I was replying to:

get on my knees and worship the elder on the rights cock

Things just didn't feel right to me, then I decided to look at the church objectively, like I did the rest of the world. I didn't give it any kind of logical immunity and I just realized that there is absolutely no way that it can be true as it claims.

the whole idea of hell via bible is isolating you out of heaven/gods prescence, et cetera.

so its more of a relabling;
"it's not hell, it's outer darkness"

did some super brief reading on bible concept of hell, found this wiki article.

jist is,
"need to sacrifice our kids to god, lets do it in this arbitrary city"
"geez this city sucks, so much child killing, wouldn't visit again"
"if you're a dick you're going to go to that child killing city"
tada!

en wikipedia.org/wiki/Gehenna

ahh okay appears i jumped to a conclusion. then again a self deleted post is a rare site.

5...4...3...2...1...

Pull out my pipe and start smoking weed until they go away

...

...

yeah but unless you get into 1st tier of the celestial kingdom

YOU AINT' GETTING NO DICK BOI

I offer both of them blowjobs for free

Former Mormon Missionary here who recently left the church. AMA

How do they get money if they're always on there bikes riding somewhere

rape and kill them

>kek

excuse me my good sirs! but you blocking my way to the brothel!

>Bunch of murderous corrupt fucks in the past though.
And probably in the future at some point.
Abrahamic religion is a breeding ground for genocidal murder.
>The Jews used to murder the fuck outta people in the BC until people killed them the fuck back.

>Catholics engaged in a lot of ethnic cleansing until the protestants did it better

>Now that the Protestants are having trouble doing that whole mass murder in the name of god thing, Muslims are doing it.

Literally every Abrahamic religion tries to kill everyone who isn't exactly like them. Its only a matter of time before the Mormons start shooting up mosques and schools and shit. Its just based on how long the cult has been around.

Where did You serve?

Hey camfag

hello there

Do you have a thread tonight or are you just Sup Forumsrowsing?

Tell elder dickyballs and elder mathiastwat I don't donate to any organizations, say they dont want money just want to come by and keep chatting with me. Next week knock on the door, playing vidya so I ignore it.

browsing i dont feel like making a thread 2night

K

Did you ask them to never bother you again?

Hello gentlemen.
Have you accepted Jesus as your personal lord and savior?

Yeah, but I was polite. I guess that was the problem. My gf apparently got pretty pissed they showed up the second time.
Been quite ever since.

Tennessee

You a brother or sister?

Why'd you leave?

I ride pass these faggots on my bicycle. I actually thought they were brokefags who worked for the Geek Squad at Best Buy and couldn't afford a car.

Open my beer and shake it onto them. "Begone soulless boring tools! The power of party compels you."

Cuck

> Abrahamic religions kill people
> Doesn't mention Islam

I don't mind Mormons. They do actual charitable work. Which is more than most people in this thread.

1) I don't want to wear magic underwear
2) I don't want to cover myself in oil and get molested
3) I don't want to pay for membership
4) Joseph Smith was friends with a well known Gold counterfeiter
5) All of the "witnesses" later converted back to their original religion and therefore rejected mormonism.
6) Science has debunked the whole "ancient american Israelites" already.

>Now fuck off

oh shi-

Pretty sure if you can understand the language they are speaking you can understand South Park jokes.
It's not exactly highbrow comedy

>they will ask to see if there's anything they can do for you.

Ok...

...

Wow you disproved a religion.

As amazing feats go, that's up there with a lifting a pencil.