Can Sup Forums be emotional and give relationship advice? I don't know where to turn, and I'd like to see as many perspectives as possible.
Broke up with girlfriend cause I didn't feel "in love", but I have the strongest feeling of "I love her", which isn't the same. Is there a way to regain this "in love with her" feeling?
Pic entierly unrelated.
Did you ever feel "in love" with her? What do you think happened to change that? Did her behavior change? Did you guys ever actually spend real time together (I mean just hanging out and actually engaging in conversation or participating in an activity other than gaming or texting)? Why do you think you feel differently?
Also, I get what you're saying. A lot of relationships lose that fire, but if you have a real relationship with open lines of communication, you realize that you have something beyond sex.
Sometimes the fire dies out and you realize that it was nothing but the fire itself. You sweep up the ashes and move on.
I don't know how to help, user. I've decided it's probable that I will just marry for the sale of getting a family going, and that I won't ever have that love.
That being said...
Think of all the time you spent with her, and whether any of it was new and exciting. Anything that was new and exciting... Will no longer be new and exciting if you do it with a new girl.
you're not in love, you're in need. you're just needy and probably have low self esteem and low sense of self worth, so you dont actually like her but you like the feeling of someone wanting/loving you. its not healthy and you gotta fix yourself, try a therapist or something.
love is a lot different than that sinking feeling in your stomach, thats just fear of losing someone or being alone
and not wanting to be alone is a lot different than loving someone
probably your parents didnt love you and now you gotta compensate
We were very different, even from the start, so the "fire" was lots of sex in the beginning. But our relationship turned into less sex and more "love". Lasted for three years.
Also when you say "beyond sex", is the implication that you have more than the "fire" from sex, or that you'll do well in the relationship though that the sex gets bad, and less frequent?
Entierly incorrect in the aspects of self esteem and self worth, however, yes, I do like the feeling of someone wanting/loving me. Even though this relationship might've ended, I'm far from alone, but yes, I am afraid of losing her entierly. I'm aware that I'm not only breaking up with a relationship, but with a person too, and this person is in many ways beyond perfect. This is where I'm so doubtful to my decision. I know she's far too good, but I still don't feel "in love".
Why would you accept not finding love? To the "exicting" part, I'll have to lure on that one for a while, most likely only with myself.
>Also when you say "beyond sex", is the implication that you have more than the "fire" from sex, or that you'll do well in the relationship though that the sex gets bad, and less frequent?
Both, actually. But in a healthy relationship, unless there is some sort of physical issue, although sex may become less frequent, it should never be "bad".
you fucked up.
What's your view on attraction? Can a person be "the one" and still lose my love because of physical attraction?
In what sense, exactly?
Want what you don't have
Don't want what you do have.
It's called being a child.
Grow the fuck up you sack of shit.
nice bike man
you fall out of love when the relationship grows stagnant. at this point there is probably no way to get that back aside from giving yourselves the space to grow and change. i imagine you probably can't do that while you are in a relationship because you worry that if either / both of you change, you won't love each other anymore. either that or you both feel averse to changing because if you feels you change, the other won't love you any more. at your age, the only way forward is time away from each other.
sorry but it's true. honestly once you hit 25 and you're 3 long-term relationships deep you will get a more objective perspective on relationships, but you have to discover that yourself
Cheers mate, not quite there yet.
Maybe, maybe not. I don't reckon it is that way.
By "losing your love because of physical attraction" do you mean that their appearance / hygiene / whatever has changed? I think it's possible, at least to me. If I were in love with / in a relationship with someone and she got fat and quit showering, I think there would be a period of time where I would stick with it for a while, hoping for them to return to who they were before.
But eventually I think I might give up on the relationship and lose respect for them.
If you're asking if you lose interest because they get older and you're just not into them anymore, I would argue that you weren't that into them to begin with.
Appearence, taking care of herself. It's not age related, I'm very young. I've felt that - "hoping for them to return to who they were before", and the "giving up" part. I wonder if me giving up on this aspect also made me give up on the other aspects of our relationship. I've pulled that analogy many times, but I'm not sure, and I hope not.
Mate, you don't love her. You like her.
Love comes with hearbreak, and sweat, and staying up and holding her at 2 AM after you're both sick. It comes with pain, and anguish, and not knowing if you're going to make it, and then making it anyway. Love - capital 'L' Love, the Real Shit - takes fucking TIME.
You liked her. You weren't sure it was right. You moved on.
It can happen. But have you spoken to her about it? I know it's a touchy subject (and no one wants to criticize a woman's appearance) but you need to communicate how you feel to her.
I do love her, with all of my heart, but I'm not in love with her. But yes, that doesnt qualify to your description of "love". Maybe you're right with the end paragraph, in the bigger sense.
Course I have, couple of times. Big part of why I reached the "give up" part. She wouldn't give it a fair chance to change for me, and I saw that as egoistic, but I know it wasn't because she didn't want to change, it was simply because of comfort.
The last time we spoke about it, day after the break up, she said she would've proved it to me, and done anything for me, but she didn't prove it during the relationship. How could I trust her this time?
thing is you love her with all of your heart as you know it, but you haven;t even discovered most of your heart yet. how old are you?
Early 20s
break out on your own, your life has started now.
you need to discover yourselves.
if you're really in love you should be able to come back to it when you've grown.
>How could I trust her this time?
You can't. You were still in a relationship, she knew that you weren't happy, but she took it for granted that you would stay put. Same shit would happen if you got back together.
A friend of mine put it nicely when my ex wanted to get back together two months after our divorce.
If you have a carton of spoiled milk in the fridge, it's still going to be spoiled after a month. It's time to get another carton.
Loyalty and Love are 2 different things.
Thanks mate
I feel this way too, I don't think I could believe in that even though she wants it to work. Though I don't like the spoiled milk analogy, since it cannot go good again, despite all the effort in the world. A girl on the other hand could better herself and fix the shit, but I don't know if I believe that the "fixing" of herself would last longer than the discomfort, if she would go back to her "old", not so "take care of herself"-self, once she felt confident in the relationship again.
Men, women, we don't change unless we believe and understand that we have to change - for good. Anyone can clean up or quit drinking for a few months. It takes commitment to make it a lifestyle.
And you don't believe that it could become her lifestyle? Thats the thing about working out, eating healthy, going to the gym and improving. Anyone who's been helped through it and shown what is on the other side of the "effort" stays within the healthy scale. They see all the positives, all the benefits, and refuses to go back to the "old saggy thing" that they used to be. But with this said, I'm not sure she's even give it the proper try.
I change mine every few years. Sometimes you just get bored...My advice? Buy a new Motorcycle. You have outgrown her.
Who could possibly outgrow a S1000RR?
It's possible there could be underlying issues, like undiagnosed depression. I couldn't say without knowing her, and even then I'm not a therapist.
You sound like stupid piece of shit so you should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks mate, most helpful one so far.